Looking for other professor mamas - Page 18

[kaybee]

Amy - kerc is right, I had baby #2 while a "post-doc". Actually, I didn't have a standard research post-doc. The position I was in paid only 50% time, and I was basically running a graduate program and teaching. I also wrote a lot of grants and managed to bump myself up to 75-100% time from my own funding. That's where I was when ds2 was born this spring.

Honestly, it was the perfect position to have with a new baby except for the 150 mile commute (I mostly telecommuted except for teaching days). I was able to just move my office home and work from there for much of the spring while ds2 was teeny. This probably would not have been possible if I didn't already know the people I was working for - they knew I was fine working independently, from home, PT, etc. I've found people can be amazingly flexible sometimes, esp. if they really want to work with you.

[Girlprof]

Namaste mom, ack, that is a tricky situation. You certainly don't want to whiz off your dept head with tenure only a year away. It's probably not a good idea to try to change the university policy at this point either - save that one for after tenure. I'm still in shock that there's no policy, just too grim. My only remaining ideas are a) suck up to dept head in some way that he begins to think it's his idea to either get you more time off or that you should get in touch with a hopefully more friendly dean. Not sure how to go about this though. or b) what about an offer of doubling up teaching during the summer or a later semester? Sorry you're dealing with this. It sounds like a ridiculous situation.

Even our relatively decent parental leave policy plays out in a totally gendered way - with the guys who have stay-at-home wives basically getting a free course reduction out of the deal.

Sarah

[rock_dr]

meeting advice

ok, going to a meeting (AGU) with my baby and DH as part-time nanny seemed like a good idea when I submitted the abstract last summer... now I'm not so sure.

mostly I'm freaking out about logistics - like wrestling everything on to public transport (do we need to bring a stroller? some travel system (which we do not currently own) to deal with the carseat? do we need the carseat just in case we end up in a taxi??), finding time to pump at the meeting, UGH.

but besides asking for general meeting-survival tips, I also wanted to ask:

does anyone have experience with childcare at meetings, or this one specifically (kiddiecorp)? would you leave your 6 month old with them for a few hours at a time (they've only got 1 room so I can't imagine it will be very quiet)? in your experience do you have to pre-register or is it reasonable to think we'd be able to drop in for a few hours at a time? I called but they really didn't know much at this point...

ugh. I'm sure it's not so bad but we're looking at 3 weeks of travel between thanksgiving and christmas, and the stress is building. someone talk me down please!

[namaste_mom]

Sarah - yeah it pretty much sucks and now I'm resigned to teaching next semester. I decided NOT to teach my grad level course as not that many students really need it but to teach a 101 course that I have taught 5 times before and have it down pretty good. So, minimal prep and organization. Without a policy in place, it seems like a free-for-all depending on if your department is family friendly or not. What really sucks is that we will get a new department head within the next year or two and I expect that it will be a lady that would be so much easier to deal with than the current male department head.

CJ - breathe.....you can do it. I went to AGU when my girl was 9 months old. It was my choice not to take a car seat and thus, I didn't take a travel system stroller. Hannah sat in the airplane on my lap; DH came along as the nanny. I brought a small umbrella stroller. I did not bring a pack-and-play for her to sleep in because the hotel provided one for $5 more a day. From the airport, I took a bus about two miles to the subway station and traveled into the city by subway (BART) so that I didn't feel guilty for traveling in a taxi or minivan without a carseat (also, it is much cheaper to use BART). With two of us; it was not really a problem to carry everything. After I got off of the airplane, I put Hannah in a sling and didn't take her out until we got to the hotel. As far as logistics, I had Jeff meet me at the meeting a certain times during the day so I could bf; thus, I didn't have to carry a pump with me at the meeting. At 6 months, you could probably carry your girl in a sling while looking at posters. DH took the trolley in the daytime and went down to the wharf. He carried her in a sling too...they went to parks, museums, etc...
So, I say no car seat but maybe a small stroller (or not) and definitely a sling.

I have never used the daycare at the meetings so I can't help you out there.
Hope that helps, d.

[Geofizz]

I've used the AGU daycare. They're actually really good. They'll walk the kids around and if you bring them in a stroller, give them stroller rides to sleep. My DD spent a few days there at 15 months, and it's the same women every year (she's now 5). Go back and read some of my old threads: DD didn't take to group care very well at all (long, slow adjustment at age 2.5), but these women saw that she was unhappy and did what they could for her. Apparently she climbed into her stroller at one point and refused to participate in *anything* so they wheeled the stroller around so she could see and let her be.

They're up on the top floor of the conference, so it's actually not that loud. They're along the side of the building, so an entire wall of the room is windows looking out on the city. They have a simple, but neat arrangement. Given the circumstances, it's about as good as you can expect.

Get your DH a guest badge to allow him to come into the conference (guest badges are free, he just as to swear he's not a geologist). Arrange meeting times and places. I recommend the chairs along the back hall of the floor with just talks (floor 3?). It's quiet back there with little foot traffic and few distractions for nursing.

You can pump at the nurse's station. I haven't pumped since the move to Moscone West, but I don't think the nurse's station has moved: it's in the tunnels west of Moscone South.

I think AGU is really family friendly. There are a lot of babies around, and a lot of tolerance for them.

We need an MDC meet up!

And GAH! I have a Friday afternoon poster :

[Girlprof]

Originally Posted by namaste_mom

CJ - breathe.....you can do it. I went to AGU when my girl was 9 months old. It was my choice not to take a car seat and thus, I didn't take a travel system stroller. Hannah sat in the airplane on my lap; DH came along as the nanny. I brought a small umbrella stroller. I did not bring a pack-and-play for her to sleep in because the hotel provided one for $5 more a day. From the airport, I took a bus about two miles to the subway station and traveled into the city by subway (BART) so that I didn't feel guilty for traveling in a taxi or minivan without a carseat (also, it is much cheaper to use BART). With two of us; it was not really a problem to carry everything. After I got off of the airplane, I put Hannah in a sling and didn't take her out until we got to the hotel. As far as logistics, I had Jeff meet me at the meeting a certain times during the day so I could bf; thus, I didn't have to carry a pump with me at the meeting. At 6 months, you could probably carry your girl in a sling while looking at posters. DH took the trolley in the daytime and went down to the wharf. He carried her in a sling too...they went to parks, museums, etc...
So, I say no car seat but maybe a small stroller (or not) and definitely a sling.

I have never used the daycare at the meetings so I can't help you out there.
Hope that helps, d.

D, that just pretty much blows. Crossing my fingers that you get tenure and can whack some sense into folks over there. At least you've got a halfway reasonable plan now.

CJ, I could have written almost all of the above, except I'm not a geologist so it was a different conference. We used public transportation (this was in Chicago) and therefore didn't need a car seat. We did bring a stroller - great for walking around cities and my son was huge so way too big for a sling at 9 months. I also didn't take my pump - it was easier to have someone meet me with the baby. We did have my parents meet us there. Their main contribution besides ooing and ahhing over their grandson was that they drove to the meeting so they brought diapers along. They also paid for an adjoining room.

I was not able to concentrate as much on the meeting as I normally do, but we had a lot of fun. DS took his first steps in the hotel room. I did more playing around than I usually allow myself at a conference. Because we had two rooms, we could put DS to bed in one room and I could hang out with friends and colleagues (and DH and my parents - it was quite a crowd!) in the other room. If you can afford it, some kind of suite or connection room arrangement lets you and DH have a bit of a life while the little one sleeps.

Sarah

[athansor]

Hi folks..
Hey, can everyone keep me in their thoughts on Friday? I'm going to take my P&P exam for my professional engineering license.
Thanks!

[rock_dr]

athansor: I will send you all my extra smart-vibes tomorrow (which is not that many at the moment, but anyway) GOOD LUCK! I'm sure you'll do great.

ok. I would totally leave the carseat at home, that would be much easier. but in the back of my mind I'm thinking 'what if we needed a taxi at some point for some reason.' That said, do cab drivers actually sit there and wait while you install a carseat? I think it is legally required in SF...but I don't think I've ever actually seen anyone do it.

I think I'm still in 'pre-baby conference mode,' which involved lot's of beer and late nights out.

thanks for all the advice!

[Geofizz]

Originally Posted by rock_dr

at home, that would be much easier. but in the back of my mind I'm thinking 'what if we needed a taxi at some point for some reason.' That said, do cab drivers actually sit there and wait while you install a carseat? I think it is legally required in SF...but I don't think I've ever actually seen anyone do it.

Hmmm. Maybe the laws have changed? We took a cab with DD when she was ~10 weeks old in fall 02 without a seat. I was freaked out, but it was a situation without much choice.

Post-baby conferencing is a little different, but you talk to different people! I've met a broader variety of people when toting DD or DS. All it all, it's been positive for me.


GO ATHANSOR!

[kerc]

Originally Posted by rock_dr

but besides asking for general meeting-survival tips, I also wanted to ask:

does anyone have experience with childcare at meetings, or this one specifically (kiddiecorp)? would you leave your 6 month old with them for a few hours at a time (they've only got 1 room so I can't imagine it will be very quiet)? in your experience do you have to pre-register or is it reasonable to think we'd be able to drop in for a few hours at a time? I called but they really didn't know much at this point...

Yes, yes, yes. Get your dd in on the list NOW. I missed it for Leah 2 yrs ago (she was 7 weeks at the meeting) and they didn't have space for her when I wanted to sign her up. So...being that she was 7 wks old I just stuck her in the sling during my poster session. She slept on the floor during part of the time (under my poster). It was my experience that there is a horde of women nursing/playing with kids just right off the upstairs poster hall, right by the child care.

Yes the child care isn't particularly quiet, but it doesn't matter really. The kids are generally ok there.

Do it! You won't be the only one there.

I took dd1 when she was 2 and she was pretty bad about napping in general and the kiddie corp folks had no issues whatsoever with it. They actually got her down. She loved it.

I took dd2 when she was itty bitty and didn't use childcare because i didn't get her in the list. It was ok.



Traveling: if dd likes a sling or backpack I would go that route. You don't need a carseat in a taxi, but i took one with Erin (and took a direct shuttle to hotel) and I didn't take one with Leah (and took a sling and BART from the hotel). I recommend the second route if at all possible. It was so easy to do and made it one less thing to bring. I have a nicer version of the umbrella stroller (not the 200 dollar version, but not the 10 dollar version either). It has come in so handy for traveling it was worth the 50 bucks I spent on it at target.





MDC meet up there: I'm kind of sad I decided not to go. But life has been really overwhelming this semester and I'm glad to not be going.

[kerc]

Originally Posted by Geofizz

Post-baby conferencing is a little different, but you talk to different people! I've met a broader variety of people when toting DD or DS. All it all, it's been positive for me.

And at AGU you will meet all kinds of really senior women in the line at the bathroom and men walking around the conference who oogle over your baby and that makes for a fabulous conversation starter.

[Geofizz]

Originally Posted by kerc

And at AGU you will meet all kinds of really senior women in the line at the bathroom and men walking around the conference who oogle over your baby and that makes for a fabulous conversation starter.

LOL

I discovered at another conference that when a 60 year old man says "I'll hold your baby if you want" in a non-chalant manner, that's a translation for "I miss my grandkids, can I please, please, please hold the baby?" LOL I got to eat a few decent meals that way.

[namaste_mom]

athansor - GOOD LUCK!!

CJ - one reason you would need a taxi is if you were out drinking late and the BART stopped but my experience is that does not happen with a baby and a husband around. I did go out with my friends once or twice after I got my baby to sleep but only within walking distance.

Sounds like Geofizz and kerc have much more experience with kids at AGU than I do. I only did it once, although I have had to pump and be at GSA before.

I'm not going to either AGU or GSA because of a Thanksgiving-ish day baby...I'll either be too big and uncomfortable (like right now) or will have just had a baby and don't want to take he/she to AGU with all of the colds that gets passed around there. I swear I always come back from a conference sick.

[Geofizz]

Originally Posted by namaste_mom

Sounds like Geofizz and kerc have much more experience with kids at AGU than I do. I only did it once, although I have had to pump and be at GSA before.

I'm not going to either AGU or GSA because of a Thanksgiving-ish day baby...I'll either be too big and uncomfortable (like right now) or will have just had a baby and don't want to take he/she to AGU with all of the colds that gets passed around there. I swear I always come back from a conference sick.

I skipped AGU with my Thanksgiving Turkey. (b 11/21). Besides that, I've been every year since 97. I've never been to GSA.

[WillyMom]

Hello.
Not a prof but a part-time post-doc. I just wanted to respond to Rock Drs. post.
DH, DS and I all went to a meeting in DC this past May. DS was 10mo. They also had childcare but a different group from what you mentioned. The childcare was fine. May not be what you would want full time but just fine for a meeting. Do preregister!
Our conference was not in the same building as the childcare which was a pain. I brought my pump and ended up pumping in the bathroom:
do bring a small umbrella stroller. Also, bring your carrier if you use one. We brought the ERGO, which I used in the airport and checked the stroller. We didnt bring a car seat and did the subway and walked a lot.
It is challenging but worth it.
Good luck!
Hope you all didnt mind me popping in. I am a regular lurker here and admire you all very much!

[Geofizz]

Originally Posted by WillyMom

Our conference was not in the same building as the childcare which was a pain. I brought my pump and ended up pumping in the bathroom:

Hi WillyMom! I'm glad it went well. FWIW, just about every conference center I've been to is used to women pumping. Every place I've gone, the place to pump is at the nurse's station. It can be hard information to find! Indeed, when I advocate for things like making life/work things easier, one of the first things on my list is to publicize pumping space.

[kaybee]

Meetings and pumping...

I checked the "I require special needs." box on my conference registration and indicated I needed pumping space. They (GSA) wrote back telling me who to contact and where to find her. Hopefully all goes well.

I'm bringing my whole family out to GSA this time, but they'll be out with relatives while I'm at the meeting, so I still need to pump. My dh is taking a few days off to watch the kids while I'm meeting (yay!). I think he's looking forward to it (and they are planning on going to see the dinosaurs...).

Ok, back to finish my talk before the upload deadline!

[Geofizz]

Ahhhh, it's been 5 years since I did it.... But that's how I found out about the pumping space at Moscone.

Have a great conference next week, kaybee!

[rock_dr]

athansor - how did it go?

Wendy - UGH for a friday pm poster. I'm afraid I'm going to miss it - my talk is thurs 11:20 then we're out of there.

[flydale]

interview worries

on the meeting front: I did one in Chicago in Sept (not a science one but...). Ds was 6 months and dp just got to tool around with him and met me for nursing sessions. A lot more focused business and less professional play time, but some great family down town too... seem more balanced and less intense but I didn't get to see everyone I normally would... it was just... well different, but good.

so my question: I just got invited to an on campus interview across the country (where I *think* we would like to live... but that's another story). I'm thinking its best to try and pump like crazy and go out for as little time as possible without the little guy. And then I'd still have to ask the mostly-male department for time-out to pump during the day or I'd end up with more than sweat marks during my job talk. Or I guess I could try and bring dp and ds with me, but I feel like, even if the department was okay with it, it sill seems to cut down on the informal interview time which could be really important (things as little as the car ride from the airport, etc).I don't know what is best... things seem to move so quickly with the job search process in general... I barely would be able to think about if I want to move jobs anyway, but throw in the nursing logistic and :