my angel is getting devilish...

[sweetirishCT]

my now 10mo old DD has always been a very easy, interactive, and loving baby... recently( past 2 weeks) she has become fussy, demanding, and almost spitefull... she now has regular temper tantrums- throwing her head back, arching her back, trying to bite me on the face (before it was always wide-mouth-open kisses), and slapping at my hand(while feeding her)... she kicks and sometimes bites while nursing... i feel terrible because i am getting frustrated and dredding "ba-ba" time... she has a fit when you take the remote control away from her or try to feed her when she doesn't want ( even though she has just eaten half of her meal very happily)... i was raised by the hand, and i don't want to raise her that way if i can at all help it... DH agrees, but we don't know what to do... the stern "no" that i have been advised doesn't seem to faze her... and she just laughs when i pull her off the breast when she bites...
just don't know what to do now... i know she doesn't understand when i scold her or get upset... i know also that i have been spoiled with the "easy baby" up until now, as EVERYONE i ask for advice points out... duh, i figured that out on my own...
please help!! the "gentle discipline" idea is new for me, but i don't want to raise a child that is going to be a brat or push me around!
thank you!

[The4OfUs]

Didn't want to read and not reply....

I can tell you this much:
- babyproof, babyproof, babyproof.
- redirect, redirect, redirect.
- distract, distract, distract.
- trade, trade, trade (anything they have that you don't want them to have, give them something they can have in exchange, instead of just taking whatever it is they shouldn't have).
- and find a Zen place to go when you're asking them to stop or start doing something for the 100 jillionth time that day.

At this age, impulse control is zilch, and the need to explore and find out cause and effect on their own is intense. She's just starting to realize her independence from you, and you want to help foster that, not squelch it. Reframing the thought process of "bad" behavior to "age appropriate" is tough, but it will help.

If she ate half her meal and doesn't want the rest, I wouldn't push it. She'll likely want more in a little while, or maybe she really is full. Sometimes my DS has 2 bites of food for his dinner and decides he's done, and that's his decision. Sometimes he eats more than I do. I never withhold food, and I never force it on him, either. Food is one thing I never want to be an issue in my household.

As far as the biting, I only had it happen once, so I'm probably not much help there. I would just keep saying in a serious voice, "biting hurts, no biting" or something like that, and pull her off for a little bit. He went through a "swatting" phase at about 20 months old, and I would just stop his hand in midair and tell him that I knew he was angry, frustrated, whatever, but hitting hurts and we don't hit people...if he kept it up, I would move away from him and tell him I would not let him hit me. That phase lasted about 2 months on and off, and he hasn't done it in a long time. Now when he's frustrated I help him identify his emotions, and suggest constructive things he can do to express them.

With DS, if he would laugh or find anything about me redirecting or correcting him funny, I get down to his eye level and say, "this is not a fun game, mommy is serious" and restate whatever it was that I was saying.

You have to be consistent, firm, calm, and gentle....and it will work, I promise. I'm living proof, as it's the way my parents raised me. It's not easy to stay calm, and nobody is perfect, we all lose it sometimes, but that's being human, and you can talk about it with your child. It's worth it in the long run to put in the extra effort up front to not have a fear based, adversarial relationship with your child when they are older.

There have been a few other recent threads about how to start GD, and one with a 15 month old, where I rambled on more and others have given good advice too, so check them out.

Hope this helps.

[cjr]

babies growing out of babyhood into toddlerhood find it very frustrating. She can't communicate with you effectively enough and she's frustrated and angry. She is getting a mind of her own and wants to do what she wants to do. At 10 months children don't understand everything we are saying, it's what we are doing that they are paying attention to. It's a hard time, not my favorite at all. Ds has had many a melt down. I find he gets really angry and tempermental when he's not well, either sick or cutting a tooth. It's amazing how this reflects in his moods.

Hang in there. Try to teach her some sign that she can understand. Try to have her show you what she needs by pointing or holding your hand to take you there. We have an old remote that we gave ds to play with. All kids love remotes. The best thing about this age is that they forget so quickly if redirected.