How to handle Childcare Discipline

[LinzluvsGJ]

I've been very choosy about who I let watch my kids, for example I have a good friend who I will watch her kids but I prefer to not let her watch mine because she spanks rather liberally.
However, we recently joined the Y so I could get some time to myself to work out (which I desperately need to try and help combat my constant struggle with depression). In the child care they use time outs as a form of discipline. I say that I use "time outs" with Grace, but they are not isolated, and they are as only developmentally appropriate and a short amount of time. While the childcare workers stick to the minute per age rule, the child is just stuck in a playpen by themselves and left to cry during that time w/o understanding why they are being punished. I don't agree w/ that aspect of it, but I know Grace is in general a very easy going girl and not likely to be put in time out.... so I thought. When I picked up Grace the other day, I knew she was getting kinda wound up because I went later in the day than normal, close to her naptime which is my fault, but I was told that she had been put in time out for.... not sharing. I realize Grace looks older than she is because she is so tall (she wears 4T pants for length) and that she speaks pretty well for her age (better than some 3 year olds I know), but she's only 2. It's not developmentally appropriate IMO to expect her to share w/o modeling it for her. It really bothers me that they punished her for something that shouldn't be expected of a 2 year old. I realize these are not people w/ early childhood education to know that (you only need a high school diploma to teach preschool in Ohio which I think is weird), but it still bothers me. Gregg says I would be "wasting my breath" to tell the Y childcare workers how I want Grace to be disciplined in that manner. He doesn't think they would listen and I shouldn't bother... I disagree and think that they should listen because it is MY children.

What's your take on the situation?

[sebandg'smama]

i'm a big fan of asking questions of people..."i was wondering why you felt grace needed a time-out?" and take the conversation from where they at. based on some care-givers lack of education, i feel that it is important to gently pass on information, especially when it is affecting your child. they are getting paid to do a job and if the customer is not satisfied with the service it is important to speak up. and if you are not satisfied that they can't guarantee that it won't happen again, i would ask to speak to their supervisor. change happens when we stand up and speak out.
good luck and i hope it can be resolved peacefully and you get your work-outs without the stress of worrying about your dd!

[cjr]

The way they are dealing with time outs is not allowed in a professional daycare setting of any kind. They are not allowed to segregate a child like that. The purpose of a time out is to take the child out of the situation to calm down. It's not supposed to be a punishment. It's supposed to teach a child how to get themselves in a calm state so they are better able to handle the situation.

I would not let anyone put my child in a playpen to cry. One dayhome lady tried this and I never brought them back. You are the parent and if you don't want her doing this, then discuss it with her. Between the two of you you can find a solution that is appropriate for you, your child and the provider.

I too am really picky. I had a dear friend who watched ds for me. She has had her own baby and I refuse to let her watch ds now. She ignores him and won't change him unless he poops. It's my choice and it's yours too.

[cjr]

I also wanted to add that 2yo children don't share. They think the whole world revolves around them. When someone takes a toy from them they cry and get so upset, then they will turn around and take a toy from someone else and wonder why that child is crying. Developmental stages. It's not right for her to be punished. Finding another toy just as cool is the right approach. It sounds like it's easier for the childcare worker to just stick her in the playpen.

[bellona]

Funny timing with this thread - I was talking to a mom today about this sort of thing. She said that her 2yo was in the Y daycare and one of the kids escaped (the daycare worker's child) and was brought in and just spanked right there. I know it was her child, but :

[LinzluvsGJ]

Yeah.... I watched the preschool discipline her son in front of the preschool class the other day which I just didn't think was cool. First that the teacher had her own child in her class (he was calling her mommy not Mrs so and so, etc, and there was definately a preferential treatment noticeable). He got in trouble though for yelling (on the playground for that matter) and she made him come sit by her the entire rest of the time all the other kids were playing. Other kids were yelling too but she didn't make any of them come sit out the entire recess. It just doesn't jive with me.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

This is a little different than a regular daycare setup. I would definitely follow up with the actual worker about what had happened and why she thought what she did was appropriate. Maybe "not sharing" was really hitting the other child with a toy or something. In that case, than isolating one child for the safety of another might be more understandable, though still not optimal. If it was truly age inapproriate, then you know the worker needs more training.

However, the only way to change the general policy, or to get more education for the workers, is to work with the supervisor of child watch. The individual workers aren't going to be able to make a general change and probably can't or won't handle your child differently than the rest of the group. I've always found the directors at our Y really open to well-presented, factual requests for changes in policies.

[lilsishomemade]

Hi Linz!!! We drop the boys off in a childcare type thing they have at the midwife's office (they HATE having to go through my appointment, and would much rather be playing with the other kids). They're very good there, but I understand the setting your Grace is in...

I would definitely talk to the person who did the time-out, to clarify what exactly happened. Then, I'd mention that she is still so young and not really developmentally ready to understand sharing. I'd also mention that it makes you uncomfortable the way they do time-out. I agree that unless someone speaks up, this isn't going to change, and maybe you'll be the start of something good!

I hope your move is going well!!

[Montessorimom8]

Originally Posted by cjr

I also wanted to add that 2yo children don't share.

I don't think a child of 2 needs to be 'punished' for not sharing, but I disagree about a 2 year old not sharing. My ds shared way before 2 years old and I taught him this, gently, from the time he could understand. Just my opinion of course, but I know that much younger children can be taught this and can learn this!

[blessed]

It's funny the dynamic of a professional childcare provider with her own kids.

One of the great, very effective teachers in my kid's preschool has her own daughter at the school. This teacher gently and firmly handles a room full of two year olds without batting an eye. The kids are very attentive to what she expects from them, more out of respect and mutual adoration than anything, I think.

But with her own daughter? Forget it. That girl runs wild, doesn't listen, is defiant and strong willed. The teacher just sighs in frustration but she always seems at a loss about how to do anything different.

I wonder if parenting and teaching are just different skills and sometimes the same person doesn't have both sets.

[PancakeGoddess]

linz, was it the beavercreek Y, by chance? We just joined there, and I took Ryan (2) to go play while we waited for the big boys to finish swimming - I didn't leave - and there was a 3week old infant in a seat screaming... it seemed like an eternity before someone picked him up. wah!

I hope you get it worked out - I think the kind of childcare you're going to get at the Y will be pretty mediocre. Safe, but not thoughtful.

[Slabobbin]

This is a tough one.

I completely understand where you are coming from and I mostly agree.

But on the other hand I don't think that speaking to them would really change anything. I think it would just get you labeled a "weirdo".

It's a tough situation.

Is there anywhere else you can leave her? If not I would be sure to take her only when she was well reseted, fed, etc. in order to make sure she was on her best behavior.

And instead of talking about the situation that *has already happened* I might just address *the future*. When dropping her off I would probably explain that you would prefer that they did XYZ if she misbehaves instead of ABC.

[mamaduck]

Originally Posted by blessed

It's funny the dynamic of a professional childcare provider with her own kids.

One of the great, very effective teachers in my kid's preschool has her own daughter at the school. This teacher gently and firmly handles a room full of two year olds without batting an eye. The kids are very attentive to what she expects from them, more out of respect and mutual adoration than anything, I think.

But with her own daughter? Forget it. That girl runs wild, doesn't listen, is defiant and strong willed. The teacher just sighs in frustration but she always seems at a loss about how to do anything different.

I wonder if parenting and teaching are just different skills and sometimes the same person doesn't have both sets.

No -- I think that kids behave differenly when their mom is caring for other children. It can be a challenging dynamic -- the child may act up more because she is jealous, and because she doubts her mom will be as firm with her in a public setting where her attention is divided. I think its entirely possible that this woman has great parenting skills in every other setting, kwim? Also, kids at preschool often feel a compulsion to be on their best behavior, and no such compulsion when they are "safe" with their own mom. So in this way, other people's kids (for a limited time in a structured setting) can be much more manageable.

[DevaMajka]

I would definitely say something. *I* would be royally pissed if anyone put my ds in a punitive time out. I'd say something, and if it seemed that they understood, and would respect my wishes, that would be that.
If not, then personally, I wouldn't go back.
But I understand your need for excercise/interaction. In that case, I'd still say something, then weigh the pros and cons. Maybe they feel like they "need" to, and are expected to, discipline the kids?

Originally Posted by Montessorimom8

I don't think a child of 2 needs to be 'punished' for not sharing, but I disagree about a 2 year old not sharing. My ds shared way before 2 years old and I taught him this, gently, from the time he could understand. Just my opinion of course, but I know that much younger children can be taught this and can learn this!

My ds (19 mos) shares too. He has a little friend that will stand in front of him yelling for his toy. He usually just hands it over. lol. Sometimes he'll take stuff from kids too. If he doesn't want to share that's fine. If he does, we'll find something else to play with.
I think its *possible* for young kids to share, but I don't think a 2yo should be EXPECTED to share.