How do you mamas do it? Really....

[Yin Yang]

My son has always been very good, my little angle, but lately things started to change. I am pregnant, I weaned him, he feels threatned by coming baby and I am at the end. Because I am not used to having demanding child around me it's very very tiring to deal with that all of a sudden.

The hardest thing is to make him do something I am asking of him. He refuses flat out, says "no". I ask him again and again and again and when he does not even look at me then I yell, scare him to death and then he finally does it. I am SO SICK OF
1) yelling
2) him totally ignoring me

HOW DO YOU DO IT without yelling? Sometimes I just wanna kill him. I have been abused a lot and it's just bubling inside me and I just wanna take him and hit him. The urge is so scary strong!! Yelling is just another way out.......
I am tired, I don't wanna be this way, but I honestly don't know any other way.

[cjr]

Try not to put him or you in any situation that will result in a power struggle. I know it's hard. I'm a yeller too and I get so frustrated. I have really been paying strong attention to how I start a situation. Don't ask him a yes or no question because his answer will always be no. Give him a choice. "Do you want to put your hat on first or your mitten", if he says no tell him if he won't choose then you will choose. Sometimes I have to get ds dressed to go out with him yelling and screaming. I just dress him, pick him up and put him in the car...after all else has failed. Get down to his level when you talk to him, it's less intimidating and less likely to get him struggling for control. Also, watch to see how he handles switches. Having to end one situation to start another. For example if he has to stop playing because you need him to get dressed to go out. Can he do that with little notice, or does he need a bigger transition? He may need a 10min warning that you will be asking him to do something. I know it's a pain, but some kids need this graduation from one task to another. I also ask for ds's help. He's very independant and we get into power struggles all the time. If I ask for his "help" to put his coat on, or clean up the toys then he's more than happy to do it.

Lastly. Make sure you are meeting all your nutritional needs and are not deficent in any vitamins or minerals. This really affects my moods and tollerant levels. Especially if I'm low in the Bvitamins. You will be better able to handle stress if your body isn't lacking in anything.

[The4OfUs]

agreeing with cjr on many things above.

I realized quickly that asking DS to do something was only a good idea if I was OK with him saying "No" I've found that reframing requests more like statements worked wonders for him. So, instead of,
"Are you ready to brush your teeth and take a bath?"
I say, enthusiastically,
"OK, Time for teeth and bath!"
And I'd say 8 times out of 10, he follows me happily right away...when I was "asking", I'd say 8 out of 10 times it was "no", and then there had to be a negotiation.

When I do give choices, I started to do what someone else mentioned on another thread recently...there are usually A, B, or let mommy pick. Like,
"Time to go downstairs! Do you want to walk down the stairs or slide? If you can't pick, I'll help you."
That avoids the "I choose neither" scenario that some mamas talk about here.

The other thing that I've found to be immensely helpful is requesting something once or twice, then facilitating it. So, for instance...
"That paper needs to be thrown out, into the garbage please."....
"That's dirty used paper, it needs to be pitched."....
Then walk him over to the garbage hand in hand and pitch the garbage while saying it again.
When I facilitate sooner rather than later, I'm not frustrated and he's usually not resistant. Actually, using this technique, I have quite the little garbage man and recycler on my hands!!! Acting after the first (or second) request by happily and gently helping them do/stop doing whatever it is means that you're not at your boiling point, and it's much easier to get things done...AND, they see the consistency between words and actions.

All of the above can be done with a pleasant, calm tone without seeming "fake", and by framing them that way it seems like less of an "order" to your kid, and more like cooperation...at least that's what I've found and experienced...

I also totally agree with getting down on their eye level as much as possible, it makes reactions more intimate and harder to be loud and upset than from "towering" above them...

I also found a few months ago that transitions became inportant to DS...prior to that, I would be able to switch gears with him with no issue - outside? Just say "time to go in!" and we'd go in.....but then something changed, so I had to start giving him countdowns and updates about what was going to be happening next...it is har dot remember to do at first, but now it's like second nature, so it does get easier once you start. I think of it as doing a running commentary on our day, like I'm a sportscaster.

But most of all, KNOW that nobody is perfect, and we all lose it sometimes. BUT, we can apologize for shouting, explain what was going on, and move on towards better times.

Oh yeah - FWIW, I'm due in late June, so I totally feel you with teh double whammy of pregnancy with all this.....big hugs to you!!

[Yin Yang]

My DS does all these things only when in house. I think he is just bored. If we are out he is happy and always follows my requests.

I Don't usually do the questions like you said "Are you ready to....."
I usually just say "let's brush your teeth"; "it's time to brish your teeth".
He's been just pushing limits latelly - I think he is missing some structure in his day to day living. I need to think about that.

Also cjr ~ I noticed that rather then lack of vitamins or such what really affects my parenting is my diet!! Sugar makes me an evil. And I mean it literally. I have been very good with my diet latelly until 2 days ago my DH was craving brownies so he bought the "mainstream" brand - which is yummy, but VERY sweet and next 1-2 days for me a HELL! Well, not as much for me as for my poor little guy who has to put up with his withrawing mother! I am serious! Sugar makes me dangerous! I feel like shit I parent like shit. I hope that was my last mistake and I will learn lesson for good!

[Shiloh]

yell at them they yell at you.