16 children - Page 93

[mamamillet]

Ok, I'm obviously not going to read all the posts, but I don't see why there's even a debate about this family. I think it's wonderful they are in a place that they can do this and love it. They are only human and not perfect, but doing the best job they can! What's the big deal?

Ok, I just watched the Christmas video and it was great! The one daughter was so proud and happy to have made her siblings clothes. Grandma was there to help too and it seems each children gets turns hanging out w/mom and dad when it's not feesable to take all of them. They also know they are special.

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The big deal, at least to me is that they continue to bring children into this world that they then turn around and disrespect with abusive parenting.

And there is absolutely no way of knowing that all their children know they are special. The looked good on tv and said the right things, as they were trained to do...

[mimiharshe]

Ok, I've seen links for 2 different families here. Are we talking about the same family?

How are they abused? Do you know them personally? Geez!

I didn't get into their lives that much, but it seems they do things that work for them. Just b/c an older child has a buddy...what's wrong w/that? These children are learning great values in life. I wish someone taught me how to sew or maybe it would have been great to see what it's like to breastfeed or someone to teach me how to cook and clean. I've had to figure it out all on my own, b/c my mother never taught me these things.

What am I missing here? Usually children from large families loved that they always had someone to play with and learn how to be great mothers and fathers to their own children. Every family has their issues, whether you have 1 child or 16! Aren't you glad your life isn't in a newspaper or on t.v. for people to scrutinize, b/c let me tell all you critical mama's out there this...ppl would find something or many things wrong with what you're doing too. We all do things differently, that's the beauty of this world, so we can all learn from one another. How can others learn from us if we are just judgemental and critical? I am against spaking, and feed my family all organic, but you know what, not all families have been educated in these and other things. That is why we need to be a good example, not mean and judgemental. From what I see, I admire this family. That's just me though. Maybe you can enlighten me?!

Can you imagine seeing a thread like this about your family? How sad!

[mimiharshe]

Originally Posted by ValarieR

I've never heard her say that they were under one year, and she specifically mentioned in last nights show that she only does blanket training for 5-10 minutes at a time, and only with verbal cues.

I don't mean to upset people, but I see this very differently- When I see this family on TV, I see a group of people who love each other. I see children who are respectful, well behaved, clean, responsible, who dress modestly, and who are full of love.

Each of these children wants to be something different when they grow up, they aren't all the same. They each display different personalities. I see an amazing family!

I don't feel it is appropriate to bash people for their lifestyle choices. I don't condone gay-bashing, racism, or religion-bashing- why would it be okay to bash this family for their lifestyle?

~Valarie~

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mimiharshe]

Originally Posted by AngelBee

I am anti-Ezzo.

I do not judge people based on one facet of their existence. I take all of it into account.

That is why I still like the Duggars.

AND THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!

[dallaschildren]

Originally Posted by mimiharshe

Can you imagine seeing a thread like this about your family? How sad!

No I wouldn't. Because I wouldn't sell my family out for money and notariety. They have been compensated for their "story" and when one opens up their entire life for the world to see, they need to expect that there will be no more privacy.

DC

[mimiharshe]

Originally Posted by dallaschildren

No I wouldn't. Because I wouldn't sell my family out for money and notariety. They have been compensated for their "story" and when one opens up their entire life for the world to see, they need to expect that there will be no more privacy.

DC

This does not change us needing to be responsible for our actions or reactions.

[mimiharshe]

Originally Posted by TexasSuz

You know I think it all comes down to this - there is a difference between advocating certain parenting practices and thinking that all people who don't use the parenting practices you advocate are evil, abusive, and not worth being friends with.

I try to understand that people can be "good" people (like the Duggars) and still practice some parenting methods I disagree with for a variety of reasons(religious circ, spanking because they were taught that by their parents, parenting how they were parented, just not knowing any better method, or sincerely believing that the method they use is good for their child as many CIO parents believe that they are suppose to teach a child to go to sleep on their own). I try to advocate AP parenting through compassion and love for my friends and by setting an example for them not by calling them abusive and saying I can't be their friends.

Anyway, whose definition of abuse are you using? It is a very gray thing unless you are beating your child (and I do not mean the average spanking). If parenting methods are coming from a sincere loving place then they usually are not abusive, even if they are not the best thing for that child. Who am I to judge anyway? We are all making parenting mistakes with our kids and I am sure they will point them out to us when they get older.

I guess we are talking about being an advocate verses being a radical extremist. I think MDC advocates and educates as it should.

Took more words right out of my mouth. It's good to see someone else gets it! Thank you for speaking up.

[mimiharshe]

Originally Posted by flyingspaghettimama

Hmm. One must wonder at those who would befriend an ezzo-promoter and detest a gay couple. Where does that open-mindedness go, then?

:

huh?

[TexasSuz]

You sure are reading a lot in our posts flyingspaghettimama. We aren't even talking about gay couples and you don't know who our friends are in real life. You STILL don't get what we are trying to say.

Advocates love and educate. Extremists hate and shun. I consider myself to be an advocate on all the positions/practices/beliefs I take in life. I find most people here at MDC to be the same but not all.

[mimiharshe]

[holyhelianthus]

Originally Posted by TexasSuz

Advocates love and educate. Extremists hate and shun. I consider myself to be an advocate on all the positions/practices/beliefs I take in life. I find most people here at MDC to be the same but not all.

i agree with this but i also feel that if i see abuse i simply can not tolerate it. you don't have to beat your kid bloody to be abusive, IMO. screaming at your children, telling them in a mock loving voice they are no good, ignoring them (CIO), feeding them heap loads of junk and watching their health decay, etc etc. it's all abuse/neglect to me. i understand that it's not grounds to take the child away but does that make it right somehow? i don't think so. you don't have to agree with what i'm saying but i simply can't watch anyone do that to their children. i really don't think i'm being judgmental. i guess i just have diffrent standards.
i've seen the show. i know they have this family unit that is all smiles and love eachother. great!! but i just don't think the end justifies the means.

[Pynki]

Originally Posted by mimiharshe

How are they abused? Do you know them personally? Geez!

No, I don't, but if you READ THE THREAD some one on here HAS met them.

Originally Posted by mimiharshe

I didn't get into their lives that much, but it seems they do things that work for them. Just b/c an older child has a buddy...what's wrong w/that?

Nothing's wrong with that. The problem is in the fact that the parents can't be bothered to night time parent the youngest siblings, and so their older siblings do and must. THAT is a problem for me. That isn't being a buddy, that's night time PARENTING!

Originally Posted by mimiharshe

These children are learning great values in life. I wish someone taught me how to sew or maybe it would have been great to see what it's like to breastfeed or someone to teach me how to cook and clean. I've had to figure it out all on my own, b/c my mother never taught me these things.

I don't know that teaching your female children subservience and breastfeeding, but only for a couple of months so you can get pregnant again because that's God's plan is really a great thing to be teaching, but I suppose that's just MY ethics getting in the way.

[mimiharshe]

this is hopeless!!!!

[holyhelianthus]

Originally Posted by mimiharshe

this is hopeless!!!!

i just think we all have diffrent opinions and standards on abuse/neglect. no biggie! i'm not going to go burn their house down, i promise . i just won't watch the show.

[mimiharshe]

i actually agree w/most about neglect and abuse. i just haven't seen any evidence and all this bashing bothers me, that's all. i dont' spank, hit, CIO and am very AP by the way. i just can't get over the harshness and craziness of this thread based off of some shows on tv and speculations. i have actually e-mailed the family myself and asked them about their ezzo/spanking philosophy. i think going to them is more mature than speculating behind their back. we'll see if they respond.

[holyhelianthus]

i actually first learned about 'blanket training' or 'blanket time' when i read their website. then i did a search because i had no idea what it was and was curious.

http://www.duggarfamily.com/articles...ional-tips.php

Child Training Tip

With 6 little boys age 5 and under we’ve enjoyed much more peace, harmony, & order in our home since a friend shared with us about ‘blanket time’. We began this training four years ago, when our second set of twins were 17 months old. They started learning self-control & obedience by sitting quietly on a blanket playing with a few toys. The key words are ‘sit’ & ‘quiet’! At first, we practiced 5 minutes, 2-3 times a day, & worked up to 10-20 minutes at a time. This one tip has changed the atmosphere of our home tremendously. We don’t have little ones tearing up the house as often & getting into things while we are busy.

Occasionally, we still have those moments, but over all the little ones are content. This frees us to be able to accomplish more in our day! We have since, transferred this training to other areas, such as sitting during worship services, shopping trips & when visiting with company…etc. It’s teaching them responsibility (knowing & doing what both God & others are expecting of them) at an early age.

so i don't really feel like i'm going on heresay. this is their official site with their official answers.

[TexasSuz]

ANd how is that "abusive?" My dd liked to crawl into the dishwasher when I would wash dishes. She cut herself once so after that I used a playpen when ever I needed to load the washer. She loved it and played quietly while worked. With 16 kids in one house some order has to be established or it could be chaos. These kids are happily playing with toys on a blanket, not being locked in a closet or something. My ds would sit and play with a toy for about 30 minutes at a time from an early age while I cleaned. I just don't see "blanket time" as abusive.

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by TexasSuz

ANd how is that "abusive?" My dd liked to crawl into the dishwasher when I would wash dishes. She cut herself once so after that I used a playpen when ever I needed to load the washer. She loved it and played quietly while worked. With 16 kids in one house some order has to be established or it could be chaos. These kids are happily playing with toys on a blanket, not being locked in a closet or something. My ds would sit and play with a toy for about 30 minutes at a time from an early age while I cleaned. I just don't see "blanket time" as abusive.

I totally agree.

[mimiharshe]

Once in a while, when my dd or ds wake up for a nap and I have heard them just talking and leave them in there for 5-10 minutes b/c I'm trying to finish something, is that abuse? I mean not only are they on a blanket, but in a "cage" I'm sure some of you would want to call it!

No where on their website in what you quoted does it say they spank when "blanket training". Holy Heck people! This is nuts.

Maybe instead of taking out frustrations on this family, there needs to be a sepereate ezzo/blanket training, whatever else thread. That way it can be talked about there (the actual topic) instead of bashing this family. I'm sure we could find something some of you do that some of us might not agree with...we could start discussing those things?

It seems though that some may feel better about themselves by putting others down.

[holyhelianthus]

found a link to a thread on blanket training her on MDC! i found it very interesting on all sides.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=438203

i also want to clarify that i don't agree with the Duggars parenting style hense why i don't watch them. i wasn't saying anything like they should be hung or their children should be taken away.