Your thoughts on time outs?

[redwolf2]

I am currently trying something new with my dd. I am having a hard time with her especially with her and her NB twin brothers. SHe is always waking them up and messing with them. She will wake them up on purpose just to get me annoyed. I am starting to ask her not to do it and if she continues I have her sit on the steps. (it's a landing in my living room) It is not very long b/c she is only 2 and really doesn't understand the concept of time. But I sit her there and explain to her why she is sitting there. She really seems to be responding to it. It also helps me to discipline her in a calm way. I don't know why but it helps me calm down when we sit there on the landing and I talk to her.

Is this a good idea for a 2.5 yo? Has anybody had any experience?

Thanks
namaste

[Ruthla]

I think that "time-out" can be done in a punitive way or it can be done in a GD way. There are plenty of people who are passionate about the subject one way or the other- I hope this thread doesn't turn into another "time out" debate!!

IMO, time-outs work best when they're used sparingly. Try telling your DD what she SHOULD do, rather than what she shouldn't do. Instead of saying "Don't wake the babies" say "Let the babies sleep." Try giving her positive attention "Aww, look at them sleeping, don't they look so sweet?" and gently encourage her to enjoy the sleeping babies while keeping them asleep! I would explain "You have to be gentle with the babies if you want to stay near them." Being removed from them isn't a "punishment" but rather a "consequence" of waking them up.

[afishwithabike]

I am one for offering alternatives. Let's do this. Like Ruthla said

Instead of saying "Don't wake the babies" say "Let the babies sleep." Try giving her positive attention "Aww, look at them sleeping, don't they look so sweet?" and gently encourage her to enjoy the sleeping babies while keeping them asleep.

It addresses it without the what are you doing? type of approach.

[Susan Kunkel]

You may also try to say "Let the babies sleep so that mommy and you can do something together.She maybe wanting some of your attention.
I think that time out can be done in a gentle way.
Susan

[canadiyank]

Have you thought of a comfort corner? It would be a place (not isolated) where you both could go to reconnect/calm down/let out the big feelings. A punitive time-out is done to punish and make a child feel bad, whereas a comfort corner is a soft place to reconnect, which it sounds like you're doing on the steps.

As far as the babies sleeping, I need to relax, yes, and catch up on chores, but I try to do one "special" thing with dd1 that we can't do when baby is around...painting her toenails, cutting things, intricate coloring, a puzzle on the floor. Perhaps you could have something special that you do only when the babies are sleeping?

[flyingspaghettimama]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

I think that "time-out" can be done in a punitive way or it can be done in a GD way. There are plenty of people who are passionate about the subject one way or the other- I hope this thread doesn't turn into another "time out" debate!!

oooh, can I get out a stopwatch for the countdown until it does?
3-2-1...

[ATruck]

There are some good suggestions here, in my opinion. The one thing with your current plan that I would worry about is that she may decide that the best way to get your attention and have you all to herself (sitting on the steps) is by waking the babies. You said she is doing it just to annoy you, but maybe she is doing it simply to gain your attention.

I was 2.5 when my twin brothers were born, and it is pretty dramatic going from being an only child to having TWO new babies to compete with for attention.

It would be great to start a ritual .. when the babies go down for a nap, the 2 of you take a little time to do something with your attention on her alone.

[Sharlla]

I have done timeout in the past, I was spanked with objects as a child so I thought by doing this it was GD and was being a good parent but some people say it's not. Who knows.

[redwolf2]

Thank you for your suggestions. I am going to try all of them. I don't want you all to think I pay attention to my dd only when she is bad. We do alot of things together like ddancing and puzzles.

Sorry if this turns into the debate of timeouts that you seem to dread so much. I just needed some guidance.

Thanks again

namaste

[georgia]

A respectful discussion of time-outs would be more than welcomed There is so much to be learned from different points of view.

Dana, it sounds like you're doing more of a "time-in" which is time together with your dd on the stairs, and y'all are working through it with communication. IMO, as long as it's not done as a punishment, removing yourselves from the situation sounds like a helpful place to start

I know how hard it was with my older children and only a single newborn to care for...are you able to make a chunk of time with just you and Morgan to reconnect? That special time one-on-one time really helped me to remember just how much my former "baby" still needed me very much.

Hope you get lots more helpful suggestions! Hang in there, mama