Worried about my 12 yo DS

[AbundantLife]

My youngest child, my 12 yo DS, seems not to be maturing in the way that my oldest son did. By this, I mean physically, mentally and emotionally. Now, I know that all kids are different, but in comparing my 12yo to other kids his age, he is smaller, not interested in the same things, and very often mistaken for an elementary schooler. I have tried to help him out by buying him "cool" clothes and shoes in the hopes that he might fit in better (bad Mommy), but he still has virtually no friends. He has never had a best friend and still doesn't have any close friends. He never gets invited to go anywhere or do anything and as far as I can tell, is still the same as he was when he was 9 yrs old in his interests and activities.

I don't know what to do to help him, if there is anything I can do. I got upset with him today because he doesn't ever want to make any friends or do anything.

Any suggestions?

[simple living mama]

Originally Posted by AbundantLife

He never gets invited to go anywhere or do anything and as far as I can tell, is still the same as he was when he was 9 yrs old in his interests and activities.

What are those interests and activities? Why not seek out classes or clubs involving what he likes. He's sure to meet some friends that way. Don't worry if they seem immature. Take small steps. What ever it is he likes, nurture it with anything you can find whether it's books, clubs, websites, classes, etc...

Good luck.

[Alkenny]

I will echo the PP, expand on his interests... he might just not be interested in the "typical" boy things that his peers are into. If he finds others with the same interests, he might be more interested in making friends.

As for emotionally and physically, he'll most likely catch up later. My brother was a "late bloomer", looked 9 years old at 15. Within a year, he was over 6' and 180.

[Strong Mama]

I honestly wouldnt worry. My brother was like that. He looked 6 when he was 11. His friends were all 6 when he was 11. It was weird like that until he hit about 15 years old and starting growing in all areas. His maturity level is still not up to par, but he is a social worker now at 27 years old, is engaged and doing fine. He still does some pretty silly things now and again, but I think that might be a man thing lol.

[Marsupialmom]

I agree find out what his intrest are and go with that.

Also he should learn how to ask other people to do what he wants to do.

[Pariah]

Some people are just more introverted/less social by nature. I am one of those people...very few friends, even less "best" friends in my lifetime, but that's just how I am. I've never been comfortable in big social situations or approaching other people. Most of the activities I'm interested in are "indepedent" ones, like painting, reading, working in the darkroom, etc. I wouldn't worry about him or push him into social situations...I found it to be extremely stressful when that was done to me when I was younger.

[MillingNome]

I was just at my daughter's school and had to chuckle when I looked at her class. She is in the sixth grade in a school that has one class per grade. The girls for the most part seemed to be closer in height. The boys were another story. Some were as tall as me (5'7) but there were some that looked the size of third graders. I have a feeling that most the boys in there will catch up. Now for the maturity level, boys and girls go it their own pace. Maybe some of the difference your seeing as to do with one ds being firstborn. That is often the case. They feel they have to be more responsible because the younger ones look up to them and well, sometimes we just expect more from them.

And following what pps said, find what interest him and sign him up for a team or club. I made a special push to do that with my dd when the girls in her class were all warring with each other. It was a fresh start for her with a bunch of kids she did not know, a chance to "reinvent herself".

[ErikaDP]

Originally Posted by AbundantLife

...I don't know what to do to help him, if there is anything I can do. I got upset with him today because he doesn't ever want to make any friends or do anything.

Any suggestions?

I would just honor who he is and help him if he ask for it.
Is he unhappy about his life? Has he asked for your help? Because if he is comfortable with his level of friendships and/or activities, I wouldn't worry about it.
I am the mother of 4(a DD & 3 DSs) and they were(and are) all very different from one another.
Two of my children have always had a lot of friends around them and have a great comfort around groups of all sizes. Both of them are natural leaders.
One is very shy and introverted, so he likes to do more solitary things. He now as an adult has a great small group of close friends that respect the fact that he is shy and that he just likes to be alone sometimes.
And my youngest son does seem to be a good mix of them all-He is ok with groups, but he functions best with just a few kids. He is also less mature than his older sibs were at his age(13)but I think that a lot of that has to do with what kind of parents we are to him in comparison to his sibs(they are all quite a bit older than him and the three of them are close in age). So I try to keep that in mind when I question myself about him.
For me, the hardest thing I have to do as a mother is to remember that each of my children is going through their life phases for the first time and that their experiences, even if it is similar to the others, is unique for them.
Good luck with your son.

Take Care,
Erika

Hannah-Rest in Peace Sweet Girl