Could it be PPD????

[mamaofthree]

My baby is alomst 17 months old. But I have been in a general funk FOREVER!!! (at least it feels this way) I am really unmotivated most of the time, I do find pleasure in somethings, but mostr of the time I am just mopeing (sp) around. I have had no real desire for sex, at times I fly off the handle at the kids for the wierdest things, and then let other stuff slide. I have done a crappy job at money management. I have NO IDEA where our Tax stuff is, and now its time for that. I have had a horrible work record, (about showing up, not patient care. ) I have never missed so many days sinse I started working when I was in high school.
I feel on the verge of tears often, like at least 4 times a week.
I hate feeling this way. I am not sure if its PPD or maybe it is one of the other things that has got me down lately... or are those all related top the PPD also??
I am just sad!

HEATHERH

[khrisday]

It sounds like depression.

[mama2girls]

It sounds like it to me, also. There is a link at the top of this forum to a website that has a "check list" of depression. Please talk to someone about these feelings before they overwhelm you. It's not fun to feel this way.

[Jish]

Audrey, my depression came on about a year after my second son was born. After months of misdiagnosis and being written off by my internist as a hypochondriac I had a couple ER visits and was admitted to the hospital for six days. I was REALLY SICK by the time I was finally diagnosed. I, unfortunately, also suffer from anxiety (the focus being on my health) which masks itself in all sorts of bizarre ways.

Talk to a psychiatrist who will help direct you in what will be the best treatment for you, whether that be drugs or talk therapy, or a combination of both. It is a miserable way to live.

[journeymom]

Yup, absolutely sounds like ppd. But whatever it's called, don't put off doing something about it. I made that mistake and waisted a lot of time (years) being miserable and making my loved ones unhappy too.

I kept wondering is this really ppd, is it just the blues, how is this any different from before baby came? I had been depressed prior to having baby #1. Surely I wasn't as bad off as those other moms described in the ppd articles in the magazines. I was just being lazy or a bad mother. Bad for being pissed off all the time, bad for not wanting to have sex ever again, bad for wanting to go to sleep and never wake up. Mind you, I didn't want to kill my self. I just didn't want to wake up in the morning.

Lots of things happened to get me started helping myself. Eventually my doc prescribed an antidepressant that was very helpful for me. That and lots of contemplation, and the simple passage of time were the most helpful things.

Don't sell yourself short. Be your own advocate and get some relief.

[Electra375]

Did you recently stop BF your youngest? I found that the hormones surge when you stop can throw your system out of wack.
Recognizing that there is a problem is the first step to a cure. I had PPD with my first, strickly hormone related (above).
I suggest seeking the help of a caring doc, ask around if you need to -- you maybe surprised by the number of other mothers you know that have suffered or are suffering with PPD themselves.
The things that a mother needs to keep sane and well are hard to come by, but try enlisting the help of a wonderful spouse or a good friend. I get some rest and time to myself is usually the hour in the car with the baby sleeping while I go to pick up my oldest from school. A friend turned me on to books on tape for my drive, it's a nice break (and they are available at the library for free). I also recently joined a gym that has decent childcare provisions, so 1 hour a day is mine to do something good for myself. A healthy diet is a must as well and while it may take a bit more effort the pay off for the mom and family is well worth it. I found that junk food brings my mood down, too much sugar and carbohydrates for myself.
I hope you are feeling like yourself soon. And I hope you find good support here on Motheringdotcommune.

[janhunt]

It does sound like depression. But before you try an antidepressant, try folic acid (800 mcg per day) and selenium (100 mcg per day or one Brazil nut per day).

Each of these supplements has been found in European studies to be as effective, and sometimes more effective, than Prozac, with zero side effects. They also take effect much more quickly - within a few days instead of weeks. I've recommended this approach to many of my clients with very gratifying results.

Both supplements are acceptable for breastfeeding; in fact, folic acid has also been found to improve both quantity and quality of breastmilk.

If anyone wants more information, please write to me at [e-mail].

[mamapeanut]

Heather - I have been feeling the same way ever since my dd was born and so I finally spoke to a doctor about it. She asked me a long series of questions and finally we came to the decision that I was not a ppd case, but I was sleep-deprived, breastfeeding, not getting enough time to myself, not eating healthily, and not getting exercise. On top of that, I have a very high needs baby. Basically, I was stressed beyond my capability to cope. She said that I could take an anti-depressant and it may help, but it would cause some undesireable side-effects and it wouldn't change my unhealthy lifestyle. Plus you are working and parenting a very busy kid! I can't imagine trying to juggle both without feeling bad. Definitely go see a doctor, she or he may be able to pinpoint some true signs of ppd (entire lack of joy, suicidal thoughts, persistent insomnia, etc.), or give you some creative ideas to cope with your current stress load.

Best wishes and peace to you!

[mamaofthree]

I took that little test thing on the site someone posted... AAAHHH!!!! I need help!

Like I said before, I am not sure it is PPD because I have other stuff that has been getting me down, but is it the other stuff of is PPD making it worse? Would the stuff be bothering me as much if I wasn't already depressed?

Every freaking week we are short of money, every week! It is making me nuts! I have no real support system, when it comes to family, I feel really lonely often. My dh started school again, and I am so jelous! I wanted to go so bad! And it takes up so much of this time. So everything is up to me. I feel overwhelmed. I am trying to cut back on work, so I will have more time at home, but the money thing comes up. I do jack for myself, but I don't feel worth it. (I "know" I am... but I feel guilty spend more time away from the kids and spending money on something else.. ie yoga or a class on herbology) I had all these great plans to be a midwife.. but they fell thru, and I can't go apperentice with my midwife, cuz I have no way to deal with the kids, and dh school is, like I said, taking up a lot of his time. I buy really great food to eat, yet I am not hungry for it. I am eating like crap most of the time. I am desperately sad some days, that I am doing a crappy job at homeschooling, because I am so "out of it". I know he means well, but dh will ask everyday what the kids did, HS wise, it drives me nuts. Plus he is always talking about "his problems" I don't feel like I get a turn. By the time it is my turn he is tired, or it's time to put the kids to bed. I don't know... I feel CRAPPY!

Like I said am I feeling bad... because of this, or am I feeling bad because of ppd and this just looks worse????

I will try the vits. That is something I can do! Is St. John's wort something I can take... I am still BF the baby. Or will it not help PPD????

Also... I am so b*tchy! I am driving myself nuts! I am like a crazy crab.. snapping at everyone!


HEATHERH

PS soory so long!

[Electra375]

Wow, you have a lot on your plate, homeschooling and working has got to be near impossible. And the money thing can really mess up a relationship. I would suggest counceling for you and your husband, larger churches usually have a "Family Life Pastor" or such that can get you in for counceling free of charge. I've seen a lot of marriages dissolve over money and the little things, catch it before it boils over.
As for money management, I think we all know what we should do, it is just so hard to do, at least that is the case with me. I have a cash allottment for the month, when it is gone, it's gone. To avoid over spending, I put the credit cards away and plan my trips to the store carefully, if it isn't on the list I don't buy it (unless it is something we NEED and I forgot it on the list). If I'm just going out to pick my son up or drop the drycleaning off, I leave my cash at home; can't spend it, if I don't have it.
Parents magazine had a wonder article about how the little stuff adds up, the March issue. Although most of the stuff in the article I've never bought, after putting into my life, I can see the points made. I'm thinking on trying it first week in March.
I really hope you start feeling better. I was there three years ago and I hated myself. I would spend money to feel better, the thrill of a purchase, but then be even more depressed b/c I spent more than I should have. It took a lot of things to bring me around, mostly my Grandma dying lifted me out of my depression (she led a full and happy life and I wasn't doing that, I didn't want to die not having been happy with my life and I was missing out on the joy of my toddler).
Only true peace comes from God

[journeymom]

Grandma dying lifted me out of my depression (she led a full and happy life and I wasn't doing that, I didn't want to die not having been happy with my life and I was missing out on the joy of my toddler).

That's beautiful! Not that your grandmother died, but that you recognized that she had a full and happy life and that you want to have that, too.

Like I said before, I am not sure it is PPD because I have other stuff that has been getting me down, but is it the other stuff of is PPD making it worse? Would the stuff be bothering me as much if I wasn't already depressed?

Does it matter which came first? I agree, you have way too much responsibility. You need to cut back somewhere. Obviously you need money, so can you stop homeschooling? I can guarantee that will alieviate a lot of stress right there (once you stop feeling guilty about putting your child in school).

[mamaofthree]

Although money is part of the "big picture", it really is always going on. It isn't the main thing. It is just sort of NOT there! We don't even fight about it.

Not homeschooling isn't an option. I will not send dd to public school. Not going to happen.

I am thinking that the main thing is I don't know me... I lost me long ago... or maybe never had "me". I don't know...

I am just BLUE!!!! I know I have a lot on my plate, what I really want to give up is work.... I am not happy with it at all, but it pays well, and I know it. SO BLAAAA!!!!!


But honestly money isn't the main thing, it is just part. Not even a big part.

HEATHERH

[janhunt]

It's good to hear that you're so committed to homeschooling. I am a counselor specializing in attachment parenting and homeschooling. If you'd like a free counseling session, write to me at [e-mail].

Jan Hunt
Natural Chidl Project
www.naturalchild.org

[rpcykp]

I think you do need to talk to someone because you do sound depressed or PPD. It is important you talk to someone you feel comfortable with (possibly your family doctor or OB/GYN or midwife) At least you can then be directed to steps you can take. You do sound like you have a lot of concerns and they need to be worked on because you do matter!

Even just talking might help you to feel better and not to let things build up, but it is important that you find someone to talk to about this either medically or spiritually (minister, counselor)

I hope this helps and you call someone today!
Hang in there!

[UUMom]

Sleep deprivation can be a factor in depression

And so can stress. Let's see, we are mothers in a warring world. We are trying to take care of our kids, and the powers that be are talking bombing... Little babies get blown up in their strollers... There are reasons, dear Mama, good ones, to be depressed. Still, it helps nobody, and harms your protective abilities.

No matter what causes depression, it's debilitating and needs to be taken care of. Even if you decide to do conventional meds, understand that it might just be a temporary measure- to get you up and out. When you're ready, wean slowly off them. Some are compatible even with bf. Zoloft and Paxil come to mind. The short temper is classic and bad for you and your kids. It's so wonderful you have spoken up.

Eating well, sleeping etc will help- but there are lots of non bfing, non-hsing folks who are depressed. Getting out of the cycle is most important, before you spiral downwards. I am a little concerned about a doctor who says a woman is depressed because they are breastfeeding at night. YK, that great advice they give to mothers of newborns, "What you need is to get away from that baby". Sure, you might sleep that night, or weekend, but you are still back to sqaure one when you get back, yk? I don't like this sort of advice, and esp not to us AP folks. And it's not that you should do everything alone. Getting help with the kids, from a relative or teenager etc is really important. If one has the luxury of hiring someone to clean a little, wow, do it.

You hang in there, and know there *are* things out there, natural and otherwise, that can make you feel healthier. You deserve it, and so do your kids. Peace to you, mama.

[mamaofthree]

THANK YOU!!!

Thank you so much for the advice and shoulders to boo hoo on. Dh and I went on a date and really talked. I do feel a little better, because he knows and understands more. I am "planning" to get more time for me, I am so over worked, and then I am not. It just feels that way I think.
We have started on the garden which will really help me. I need to GET OUTSIDE!!! and smell dirt and mess with stuff.
I am also trying to eat better. When I am depressed I eat terriblily! Which then makes me feel worse. Also our HS group has a "mom's night out" So I am going to make sure I go to it each month.
All these things seem so little, but it is a start.


THANK YOU AGAIN

HEATHERH

[Jamiemama]

From what you have said it does seem that you and your dh should also be sharing responsibilities more. If he is in school he has more control over his schedule and I hope you both plan your week so that you get some complete time off from looking after everyone else. He could be taking some specific responsibilities for homeschooling, especially as he seems to be so concerned about it. He may be extremely busy but so are you - in fact isn't everyone, and therefore everyone in the family has to plan and make sacrifices so the stress is not always falling on the same person.

You have definitely got an awful lot of your plate and you need to have strategies to cope as a family otherwise you need to make bigger changes i.e. dh goes back to work and you stay home full-time for a year or so until things improve emotionally.

Please make sure you get the help you need so that you can get your energy and desire for a full life back.

BTW make sure you are taking your B vitamins (B complex) as B12 has definitely been proven to help with anxiety and depression.

[jdl]

You may want to try natural progesterone cream. www.blisscream.com
Progesterone levels decrease significantly after pregnancy.