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It's going to be a beautiful spring! Please join! (Depression support) - Page 6

post #101 of 217
Thanks ladies. I have an rx for Wellbutrin. I actually am glad I did the research because the doc basically said that the safety of these meds when nursing was all listed in his book as "unknown." He did know that Zoloft was considered safest, but that was about it. I'm trying this for 2 weeks and we will see how it goes.
post #102 of 217
Ruthla!!!! Woo-Hoo!

I never take ANY thing. Hoever, I also try to avoid surgery. So when I was offered hormonal treatment for my Endometriosis, or surgery, I took teh hormones. They caused incredible, outrageous hot flashes, for which Prozac was proscribed. (!) I I was freaked thinking I'd be all buzzed, but I honestly never felt any different. And it didn't help with those flashes either.

If you think they might help try them. You can always stop.
post #103 of 217
Yeah, one of the things about this particular med is that it is supposed to be easier to stop taking it if you don't like it. Some of the others need to be weaned from more carefully. So far, I'm on day 3, and I don't feel weird or anything. I don't know if I'm any better at all yet, I sort of feel the same. But I haven't really "lost it" recently, so maybe it is a little better. I know it takes a while to work...
post #104 of 217
I'm just really flipping out here, and not doing well at all.

I don't know what the hell is happening between me and Ben, he's not big on phone conversations and he's not here to talk to. The sex was mediocre, and that was a HUGE factor in our original break-up. While I enjoyed the sex, I'm not sure it's "good enough" to really keep me satisfied in a long-term relationship, and I'm having a hard time talking to him about this- how do you tell a guy "I think I love you but you're lousy in bed?" Plus there's the fact that we both forgot about using the condoms I'd bought and this little even just happened to be on day 14 of my cycle, and, well, I've got 3 kids and know what this could mean. I CANNOT handle another baby right now, maybe not ever. I don't see how I can physically handle another pregnancy- I'm enough of a mess all by myself. I'm so looking forward to having DS in kindergarten next year and no longer having "little ones" to deal with. I want to finally get my K cup boobs reduced, since I'm done nursing. I'm so scared of all of this falling apart, and Ben isn't here to talk to about it, or hold me, or even clean the kitchen when I'm feeling like shit and don't want to move!

I need to cry but I can't. I need to sleep but I can't. I keep getting the urge to hurt myself in some way but I won't- my kids see me naked way too often to have anyplace I could "hide" scars, and my liver is messed up enough already so I don't want to poison myself.

I know I need to get back into therapy and I'll do that as soon as Passover is over and the kids are back in school. I'll be going to a friend's house for the last few days of Passover- I can talk to her, Ben is supposed to come there as well (but not sleep over) and I think it will just be good to get out of my house for a while.
post #105 of 217
Thread Starter 
post #106 of 217
Ruth I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. Another thought, you can probably find out about pregnancy a little sooner through a blood test. Do you have a midwife or doc that can write up a lab slip for you? You could then find out a few days sooner, that might ease the stress a little.

Also, if you love this guy, Ben, but he sucks in bed, I think you should tell him! Gently though, and not all at once. If you're in the midst of forepaly or whatever and he is doing something that you don't like or too roughly or whatever, you could give him some guidance, like, "You know what I really like...?" or "I like what you're doing, but could you just do it a little more gently?" I have had boyfriends that needed some teaching in the way to please me. I think all women are different, and it isn't so clear cut sometimes as pleasing a guy. So speak up for yourself!

And please, if you need us, post or pm or email or anything you need before you try to hurt yourself. I'm pretty sure I'm speaking for most of us here that say we would gladly offer you some support in any way we can. I'm glad you're going to spend time with your friend.
post #107 of 217
Sending hugs your way Ruthla BTW,I think it is really awesome that you and your ex still love each other and are trying to work on a relationship. Definitely talk with him about the sex issues. The great part is you KNOW him and can probably do this without tearing him down.
post #108 of 217
Thanks for the hugs guys.

It's not about Ben being too rough- it's more about him being TOO gentle IFKWIM. I'm trying really hard not to stress about the fertility stuff- there's nothing I can do about it right now, it's in G-d's hands, and I just need to let go of that worry for now. I'll know for sure one way or the other in about 10-14 days and I can deal with it then (if there's anything that needs to be dealt with.)

Meanwhile, my 11yo doesn't want to go to my friend's house and is being difficult.
post #109 of 217
Oh, Ruthla!

And get a book. Any book. Most guys would be thrilled to change things up a bit. You don't have to say things aren't great teh way they are, you can just suggest doing something new, or different.
post #110 of 217
Well, I just spent a lot of time on this site looking up info on encouraging menstruation/aborting anything that might be growing in there. Any herbs used for this purpose will take a few days to work. I tried it for a few hours today and I just couldn't go through with it emotionally. I couldn't sleep, especially with my kids' baby pictures up in my bedroom.
post #111 of 217
sending peace your way Ruthla
post #112 of 217
Ruthla, I'm sorry you have to have this added stress. I'm sending caring thoughts.
post #113 of 217
When is AF supposed to be here? Hopefully she will show soon and put your mind at ease. I thought I was pregnant last month and it absolutely freaked me out, so I understand how hard it is to think that it is a possibility when you're really not ready for it. Hope things are looking up for you soon.
post #114 of 217
AF is supposed to show up anytime between April 28th and May 1st.

I usually get cramps starting a few hours before flowing, but I had cramps all day yesterday and today. I'm quite certain it was from the herbs I took. I could kick myself for starting on the herbs before even taking a pg test- now I've definitely interfered with my normal fertility cycle and I can't follow any of the usual signs for AF/PG. I've been crampy since yesterday but that's probably from the herbs. If I'm not pg, then the herbs might bring AF a little bit sooner than she otherwise would have visited, and I made myself sick "for nothing." If I am, then I'm afraid I might have caused some damage to the baby- but I don't think I did. I was using Vitamin C (to interfere with implantation) and parsley (tea, and vaginal suppository) to encourage blood flow/menstruation. Neither of those should have caused any damage to an embryo.

What I DID discover is that I don't think abortion is right for me- I just couldn't lie there, feeling those cramps, and pray for the baby's spirit to look for different parents or come back later, and for my body to expell an embryo. I don't think that having a 4th child would majorly screw up my life, and I certainly wouldn't be doing it alone.
post #115 of 217
Thread Starter 
Ruthla - how are you doing?

I'm having a rough day - just one of those days when you are crappy and depressed for what seems like no good reason. I had a drink last night I probably should have done that it probably was the trigger. We had my grandparents 65th wedding anniversary and because of a mixup between DH & I, we ended up recording drunken karaoke over half of the tape of people wishing them well. We got into a argument about it and fighting with him always gets me depressed (luckily it doesn't happen very often) and then DS woke me up at 6am to play with my nose and DH had to go to work all day and then I was doing nothing, just fixing DD some hot dogs and I pulled my neck and am now in constant pain - it was just the final straw I just feel like crawling back into bed. Ugh.
post #116 of 217
I can't beleive I forgot to update this thread on Friday!

I went to the GYN on Friday and had an U/S. I definitely have a cyst on my left ovary, and my uterus looks empty. I'm not sure if that's 100% proof that I'm not pg, or if it's too soon to be certain (would the embryo and sac still be microscopic 10dpo?) I'm just taking things easy and praying for the best.
post #117 of 217
MightyMoo, hang in there!
post #118 of 217
Ruthla, I guess this is a time when a cyst is a good thing?! Hope it stays that way.

Mightymoo, sorry you're having a rough day.:

Depression-wise, I'm actually feeling pretty good. I'm trying to stay positive even though I have a stressful couple of weeks coming up. I'm just making up a ton of lists so I stay focused and feel like I accomplish something.

Hope you all have some sunshine!
post #119 of 217
I'm feeling pretty down right now. I haven't showered, or been outside, since Friday. Walking down the stairs hurts right now, and I live on the 2nd floor.
post #120 of 217
Thread Starter 
Yeah, me too - not as bad as yesterday, but my neck/shoulders/back hurt all night and just as bad this morning and when DD makes DS cry it hurts like a you know what to pick up a 25+ pound infant. Since I know I didn't cause it by physical activity its probably caused by the way I've been sitting at the computer or the way I've been sleeping, so its hard to tell what to change and I could be making it worse at night or right now :P

I'm not sure about the U/S 10 dpo thing, does seem like it might be too early to tell on u/s tho. Did they do a blood test?

Trying to think of something positive - the lilacs outside our house are starting to bloom. They should be beautiful in a few days.
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