Of course as soon as I post things are going well, I have a crappy day. It is only 9:30, but I'm having a hard time shaking it already. I didn't get near enough sleep last night, dd#1 woke up me and her sister early, so both of us are tired. I have a small milk blister or something that is now a small but extremely painful open wound on the one side my daughter will nurse on. I think it might be getting an infection. Last night, my older daughter toold me, before bed, that she wishes I would go back to work and my dh would stay home, because he doesn't kiss her as much, he hugs her, and kisses aren't her favorite thing. And also, dh plays with her more, and I only want to do grown up things all the time, like knit.
And what truly breaks my heart is that she's right. I burn out so hard just getting her and the baby up and ready for preschool every day and doing the long ass commute across town to take her there. Then watching the baby all morning, even though she is pretty mellow, she wants constant interaction unless she is nursing or sleeping (in my arms). By the time I drive across town to pick up my older daughter, I'm wiped out. I don't feel like playing. Sometimes it is okay if we go to the park or something, but often we just come home and watch tv.
I know I need to change this oattern of interaction, but I don't know how.
And I've been wondering lately how to know if I'm on the right dose of meds. I'm on the lowest dose. I do feel a lot better, especially most days, but there are days like today when I feel absolutely awful, and they still happen pretty frequently. I feel like things could definitely be better still.