It's going to be a beautiful spring! Please join! (Depression support) - Page 10

[Red]

to all. Why do we expect the weather to make it al better.


We're broke, having serious money troubles. I'm so depressed, but KNOWi have to hang in there. *sigh* I have to stop letting it control me.

[boomingranny]

Hey there,

You know it's kind of normal to be freaked out when finances aren't going your way. Sometimes the judgement of ourselves in stressful situations just compounds the crap.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time and find some solutions soon.

[Ruthla]

Yeah, I get the "when finances aren't going your way" thing. I just got another letter from the Food Stamps office- no, not an approval, a request for MORE documents- I thought I'd sent out everything they needed last time!

And my ex hasn't paid child support in several months, my credit card is maxed out (from only spending what I should have gotten in cs.) He has GOT to get a job!!

Oh, and my parents are being rather negative about my girls' school. Thursday night they sat down and told me that they're very worried about DD2 and that they think she's "floundering" in this school, and would do so much better in special ed in a public school. Any excuse to bash my choice of a religious school. I finally told them "You're not her parents, I'm her parent, and it's my decision to make."

[Arwyn]

Blech, finances. If money isn't the root of all evil, it's still probably the trigger for a majority of depressive episodes!

I want to gripe, and I think here may be an appropriate place. My mom is stressed: my dad was on hospice at the beginning of the year, we were on a death watch for two months, he started to get better, got on a transplant list, is incredibly stupid (encephalopathic) most of the time and not much fun to be around, she's having to take care of him, manage his meds, give him enemas, clean up after him, she's starting back at work (needs the adult interaction!), the disability payments aren't coming through like they're supposed to, is running out of financial and emotional reserves, and to top it all off is having major arthritic episodes.

So she's a little stressed, right?

Every doctor she sees wants to prescribe antidepressants! The woman is not depressed - she's effing stressed! And distressed! And has every right to be!

I know from depression, and she's not depressed! I'm really really glad that depression as a medical condition is becoming more well known and accepted, but geez louise! When along the way did they stop even trying to distinguish between appropriate circumstancial stress reactions and real depression?

ARGH!

/gripe

[boomingranny]

your mom needs a trip to tahiti more than meds!

[vamp127]

I think we could ALL use a trip to Tahiti!

So when do you want to go?

[Ruthla]

yeah, let's send MY mom to Tahiti while we're at it- so she can shut up about my parenting decisions!

[Arwyn]

Originally Posted by boomingranny

your mom needs a trip to tahiti more than meds!

Totally!

What she gets instead is me down here for half a week to help out and provide real company, and sometime in the next month or so, she'll drive my dad down to my aunt's house and leave him with his sister for the weekend while she heads off to the coast (aunt is in Monterey, CA) to pamper herself at a nice B&B or spa or some such.

A month of disability backpay finally came in.

I vote we all take such a cool vacation, if online and in our imaginations if nowhere else! How is Tahiti, anyway? I've never been. (I know Maui is nice, though!)

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by Arwyn

A month of disability backpay finally came in.

Lucky you!!

I'm still waiting on my disability appeal (so I'm getting nada from them right now, but will hopefully get 2-3 years of backpay when they finally pay up.)

Let's see, what else? Ex hasn't paid full child support in 6m because he's unemployed, my credit cards are maxed out, and I have $2.50 in Food Stamps. I usually get more on the 7th of the month, but I was late with paperwork and I haven't gotten them for this month yet.

[Arwyn]

I should have specified a month of my MOM'S disability backpay came in. Which does periferally help me, or she'd be even less able to help us out than she is.

Huge, huge s for having to deal with this money crap right now, Ruth. "Those people who love to tell you / money is the root of all the ills / they have never been poor / they have never known the joys / of a welfare Christmas."

[Ruthla]

This morning I told my Mom to butt out of my financial business (though not in those exact words.) She said "we should sit down with Dad and discuss your budget and expenses" and I told her no. "I'm 33, not 16 and I don't want you interfering with my finances." "You mean you'd rather pay bank fees than ask us for money?" "YUP!!!!!"

I don't think they have any idea how much they set me back emotionally the last time they "bailed me out" financially. It's not worth it.

[mightymoo]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

I don't think they have any idea how much they set me back emotionally the last time they "bailed me out" financially. It's not worth it.

I can relate sort of. Though its not about finances, I feel like its not worth ever asking my mother for anything because I just end up paying for it later in ways that effect me emotionally. What I really need is their time, helping out watching the kids while I try to unpack all our boxes or get something done, but its not worth asking my mom for help. She keeps saying 'Oh once school is done (she's retiring this year), I'll be able to help you out, etc etc'. Of course she said that about 5 other things in the past few months (once X is over, I'll have time... then X passes and now its once Y is over) and I think she helped me out for about an hour. I don't ask her for it, she just tells me this, I have just learned to take it for what its worth.

I have a personal pet peeve about people who give begrudgingly. Whatever it be, time, money, etc I don't want it if they don't really want to freely give it to me because it fulfills some need of their own to do so. I hate it when people do things for others with the expectation that they'll get something back in return (unless of course this is stated up front) and this includes some sort of appreciation. I DO appreciate what they do for me, but I apparently don't show it in whatever way my mom wants it shown. I never give or do anything for anyone expecting anything in return. It's a gift I give. My mother always expects something in return. Bah.

At least I'm in my own house again. Yay

[mightymoo]

Hey Ruthla - I like your DDDDC.

[Red]

DH GOT A JOB!!!!




Jeez, I've been too freaked out to even post. Used a redit card to pay a bunch of our bills this month and still couldn't make it. Tomorrow is my birthday and today his bosses secretary called ME to tell ME to send him back. Struck me funny they didn't even ask for him.

Mortgage is late but I should be able to pull it off now. I'll have to borrow against the Credit Card but wil be able to put it back with in a month.



And NO FAAIR sending irritating moms to Tahiti! We go, they stay home. I'd settle for any beach, anywhere! Jsut us moms. *sigh*


Anyone want to sing, We're in the money with me?


Ruthla, hoppe it gets better soon. My x hasn't paid on his arrears isince october. His dd is 27! And he only pays $25 a month, which I could have used!

[Ruthla]

Tell ya what Red, you sing "we're in the money" and I'll sing with you, but I'll be singing "where is the money'

[boomingranny]

my birthday tomorrow too, yay for gemini's and bloom's day!

[vamp127]

Happy Belated Birthday, boomingranny!

So how is everyone doing?

Don't know if you've read my thread in personal growth, but I've recently found out that I may (being the operative word here) have been sexually abused as a child. The therapist feels that it isn't really important if I know for sure, just that I deal with the effects.

I've also started Wellbutrin in addition to the Zoloft. Doesn't seem to have any effect, though. I'm still not sleeping and not really motivated to do anything.

Now at the end of the week, we're heading to the outlaws for the weekend. Ugh.

[Ruthla]

Ugh Ugh Ugh!!

I was SOOO looking forward to my girls going to camp for a month so I could focus on myself and do some healing. Instead I get to deal with a crabby, whiney preteen with head lice while all her stuff is already at camp so she has almost no clean clothes at home! I checked her head yesterday, it looked clean to me (after lice treatment) but then she spent 2 hours having somebody else pull "most" of the nits from her hair when she went to get checked (hopefully to be able to get to camp.)

I can't deal with this. I have no money to hire somebody to delouse her. Heck, I don't even have money for groceries right now! I still haven't gotten June's food stamps yet, I can't understand what exactly the lady at food stamps wants from the girls' school to process my recertification, my bank is threatening to send my overdrawn account into collections, I'm still not getting SSI, my ex is still unemployed and unable to pay me very much, and I'm starting to feel like my kids would be better off without me. I think they'd be eligable for Social Security payments if I was dead. SS office surely doesn't want to help me while I'm alive.

[vamp127]

Oh, ruthla, please don't think that way. Your children would not be better off without you! You are having a really rough time right now and I can't imagine what all the financial stress is doing to your health.

I wish there was something I could do to help. Is there? Care package of food? PM me.

[mightymoo]

Ruthla - I'm sorry things are going so badly. Your kids would definitely not be better off with out you. It might be true that they might get more money at the moment, but they need and love their mom and I guarantee no matter how bad it is none of them would want a little more money over having you with them. Please let us know what we can do to help. Seriously.

I've had a rough couple of days myself. Tuesday afternoon I was rocking my son and he wasn't interested in sleep, so I put him down, he crawled around the other side of the couch (where the stairs are) and was playing down there. So I thought. I heard him scream and I rushed over to see my 1 year old son bounce down the stairs and land at the bottom. It was horrible. He landed on the piece of carpet there rather htan the ceramic tile and amazingly is completely fine - not even a bruise (he rolled down sideways as opposed to head over heels).

I am just traumatized by this though - that we've put off babyproofing the bottom of the stairs, that I let him out of my sight when I knew he could climb up the stairs. I feel like a horrible horrible mother. He could have been killed, I just can't get the vision of him bouncing down those stairs out of my head. : My husband doesn't understand, he just says 'but he's fine' he doesn't get why I'm so upset.