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It's going to be a beautiful spring! Please join! (Depression support) - Page 2

post #21 of 217
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone. It's been a tough week, but doing better now.

How is everyone's spring going? It was pretty warm here today, not that that got me off my butt and outside to enjoy it. Tomorrow we close on our house so I am really excited for that!
post #22 of 217
yay closing on your house that's so so exciting!!!
It has been vary nice here in ct. the past couple of days. I've had the girls outside and running there energy out so they've been sleeping a lot easier the past couple of days. I know it's gotta be the fresh air.
I've been doing real good my Dr upped my zoloft and I've been doing good. I suffer from OCD so the intrusive thoughts have been suppressed for the past two weeks so I can breath a little easier. Not to mention I wrote to my senator, governor, state rep, Mayer, consumer reports, attorney general ext. about claims I'm making against my mortgage company Long story... But I got a response double Yay. So that makes me feel a little more confident in making the allegations against them.
WE started our own business just one month in so money is tight but my husband picked up some work today so that can ease our anxiety over money at least for the next month so. So things are looking on the up and up. Just taken one day at a time seems to be working for me lately..
Mightymo I'm so happy your feeling better. I know buying a house can be so so exciting yet nerve racking. But it's the best feeling in the world to call it yours. Is this your first time as a home buyer. I was never the type to work in the yard and garden ever since we bought our house I've taken to it. This is the second spring we've been here so I'm so excited to see all the plants and bulbs I planted last year come up. I'm also going to try a vegi garden first time ever. So it's nice when it's yours and YOU CAN DO WHAT EVER THE HEC YOU WANT TO DO TO IT. If you want to paint the walls pink you can. Tear down a wall and make a room biger hay why not... But anyway blah blah blah.

CRISSY
post #23 of 217
Congratulations, MightyMoo!!

Crissy, I'm excited about your new business. What is it?

I'm doing fine on the depression end...somewhat lethargic and unmotivated, but still engaged in life and exercising most days. I'm feeling a little flaky, though, which comes on when I overcommit. I'm only committed to things that I really want to be doing, though, so I've got to get my act together!! And so far it's not bad enough that anyone has noticed or been let down. Except dh. My house is relatively clean, but I haven't done some of my regular chores lately and I know that bugs him. Which makes me want to do even less...hence the lethargy. Shoot, I really don't have anything to be complaining about. Sometimes it's hard for me to sort out what are normal, appropriate emotions from those that are induced by bipolar. Maybe normal, healthy feel unmotivated and lethargic sometimes and flakey, too. But, I guess the difference is, for those of us with mood disorders, we have to recognize the warning signs...the triggers...for starting to get ill so that we can adjust our lives to hold it off. So, that's what I'm trying to do. I'm not going to take anything else on.
post #24 of 217
. Cherylann You have to take one day at a time or like me sometimes an hour at a time. You have to disappoint people and take care of yourself and your husband and kids. You said you have the support system so use it. I'm curious why are spring and summer your hardest time. To me that's one of my best. The signs of life are in this time of year from the bird/animals coming out to the leaves/flowers blooming. I have to say my hardest time is from the second week of January to the second week of march. No holidays, it's still cold, the kids have lost there patience as well as I, the projects and games are just blah, moneys tight because my husband works out doors and we're still recovering from the holidays, I'm an out door person so bring that time a year on and I'm happy. I have to give you a lot of credit doing it with out meds. I know bipolar is as crippling as OCD and if not treated it can get bad. I myself have tried numerous times to get off the meds at the time I thought it was ppd . Now that I've bee diagnosed with OCD I've decided to except the side effects and stay on the meds for my sake and my children. Cherylann I'm here if you need another support I know I can use one. Mdc has been an awesome support it nice to find moms you can relate to.

crissy
ohh ya my husbands business is seamless gutters...
post #25 of 217
Thanks, Crissy! Sounds like a great business to be in.

I don't know why I get this way in spring. I heard another person describe it recently. She said something along the lines of, "It's like there is all this pressure building in nature. Everything is getting ready to awaken and explode into life and I feel like that pressure builds up in me." I'm not sure if I related to her feelings or just the fact that she gets like me in springtime. I start to feel like I need to crawl out of my skin...literally, like I need to shed my body.
post #26 of 217
I've never noticed any seasonal changes in my depression. I've noticed hormonal, cyclical changes, and I've noticed a connection to the weather- if it's rainy and icky out I feel icky, when it's nice out I'm more likely to feel good.

Sometimes there's something nice about curling up into a warm little hole in the winter, and it just feels good. Then spring comes along and there are all these expectations "I should be happy, spring is here" and "it's a nice day, I should go out and enjoy it" and then curling up into a warm little hole doesn't quite feel as satisfying- even if that's still what you want or need to do.
post #27 of 217
Just subbing for now. My goddess has it been rough as of late.

~Kate
post #28 of 217
Cherylann try it shed your skin maybe you'll feel better. Go down get you hair cut and styled while your at it have your nails done aswell. Go to a tanning salon go buy your self some shoes or some cloths you would never buy before. Set some goals to do somthing thats totally not you and go for it. Why not spring is in the air things are changing why not us....
Ruthla I have to also agree with you I love falll and I do like to cuddle in for the winter. I love scrap, sew, movies, draw, and I love the projects in the winter. I just have to say this time of year I'm ready to get out. I know I'll be saying I can't wait to cuddle in doors by oct.
crissy...
post #29 of 217
I have a lot of erotic dreams in the Spring which bums me out since I'm single, 44 and off the sexy radar for men my age.

winter - i have SAD.

Summer is ok if it isn't too humid and I'm on a beach

Fall is ok, but you know losing light, the bittersweetness of it, etc.

I am trying to make lemonade out of lemons. Focus on the now and the goodness of now. Enjoying my dd and friends. Loving the birdy song in the morning.

Cheers
post #30 of 217
If I were you boomingranny spring would be my favorite time of year ohh wee erotic dreams I'm 27 married and I don't get erotic dreams!!! I'm jelous!!!!
post #31 of 217
Hi everyone...
Well, I havent really posted on these threads so i guess I should introduce myself..
I have a long depression history, dating back to about age 9, and have been on and off about every med on the earth. I hate being on meds but I guess I really need them. I weaned myself off meds (Zoloft and BuSpar) before my wedding, against doctor's advice, but felt great until right after my son was born, 2 years later.
I had pretty serious PPD until finally my husband convinced me to go see my internist in January, and she started me on Lexapro. I told her I was bfing and wasn't planning on weaning anytime soon, and she was totally supportive. I am feeling better on the meds, despite my guilt at being on pills again. I worked very hard to get off the meds before, went thru withdrawl really badly, and was so happy to be drug-free. But my doc said that even if I was doing great, that having a baby is such a monumental change in your life both physically and emotionally that it can sometimes knock you off-kilter, and you need something to help get you back on track and it doesnt mean you've failed at being off the meds. That made me feel a little better.
Has anyone felt guilt over needing to take meds?

I am really trying to take every day as it comes - and not worry about the next day, or next week, or next year. My mom is seriously ill (most likely terminal) and its hard to focus on getting thru the day when I am worrying about her so much - she's so dear to me. But my sister pointed out that I am grieving her before she's gone - which is true. And I can't really be doing that. So I am really trying to focus on my son, and on things i enjoy - like baking, reading to my son, and visiting with my mom and sisters.

I seem to always get depressed in the fall, which is strange because autumn is my favorite season. But most of my depressions have begun in October or November. I dont feel like it is SAD, but who knows..
Well, babe woke up. so... take care, everyone.

Lisa
post #32 of 217
Thread Starter 
CherylAnn - I hear you on the feeling flakey. I find I definitely go in cycles, though I haven't really figured out what triggers them. It's definitely not real bipolar - at least I've never done anything that I would describe as truly manic (although I suppose I am known for some of my zany schemes), but I go through periods where I am gungho, joining groups, making friends, etc. But then I'll move to a period where now I don't want to have to do those things, I don't want to leave the house, I make excuses and cancel, etc. and withdraw - usually these cycles are weeks or months long, so its not very good for making friends - people tend to forget about you if you stop coming to things.

I do that with cleaning too - its like I can only maintain cleaning on the level I need to to keep the house clean for a few days, then I rebel and don't clean at all for a few days.

No great advise here, just sympathizing!
post #33 of 217
the transition to motherhood is like death...literally a very primal rite of passage. Even those with brains that are not chemically prone to depression have an intense time of readjustment. Please don't beat yourself up. One of the most important things to do as a mother is be good to yourself and do what you need. Then you can move on and meet the needs of your wee one.

Cheers

PS - my erotic dreams are great except when I wake up.
post #34 of 217
Can I join you mamas? I've been clinically depressed for as long as I remember. Only been on meds (zoloft) for about 3.5 years. I can't believe how "normal" feels. I remember times that DH called my sister just to get help for me and I've gone to therapy on and off since I was 8yo. My doc now thinks it's purely chemical since I respond so well to meds but not at all to therapy.

Like the other mamas on this thread, it seems to be a hard time right now. For me, I guess it is just a "coming down" sort of thing after the past couple of months dealing with taking care of my 3 dc and my mom after she broke her hip 2x. DH is so supportive and has been helping me out a lot. I can't get over that he keeps sticking with me through thick and thin. I've told him time and again that I wouldn't have the patience to deal with someone like me and I don't understand how he does because he seems to be so impatient with other things. I guess that's what love does though.

I'm glad I have MDC as a support group. It has made my life better in so many ways. It helps to have a like-minded group of womyn to share with.

Here's to a beautiful and promising spring-even though it snowed here this AM.
post #35 of 217
I haven't had a chance to read this thread yet, but wanted to subscribe and join in (see my post on "How do you Know...?" below. My older daughter is sick with a fever, so I think I won't have a chance to read much today, but I will try to catch up with everyone soon.
post #36 of 217
Welcome, MamaHippo, vamp126 and Lousli! I'm new here, too.

BoominGranny, that would be ultimately frustrating! Don't count yourself off the radar, though!

By climbing out of my skin, I meant it literally, actually. I try to pamper myself when I need it. I like to take baths and give myself a pedicure. My dh sometimes gets me gc's for pedicures/manicures. But what I experience is much more primal and...hard to talk about in such a public place. I get bloody, Frida Kahlo-ish images of climbing out of my skin. Instead, I climb under things. I'm a very normal-seeming person. I'm clean, take pride in my appearance (which is probably the biggest thing that keeps me from really losing it), and stay involved. Then, at home (or if I'm out, I rush for home), I do these things. I used to hurt myself when I felt this way, but I don't anymore. Anyway...I'm NOT there right now. Maybe I won't get there at all this year! I'm just watching for the warning signs and trying to head them off.
post #37 of 217
Okay, i finally got a chance to read, but I think the reply is going to be short since dh is napping and I don't know what the kids will be up to if i leave them alone too long. I feel really nervous about the whole process of admiting that I am depressed, and of taking that a step further and doing something about it. I think I definitely am affected by the seasons. i hate winter so much. No snow here, just cold and rain. I am taking some baby steps today, seeing what my insurance covers, seeking out recommendations/referrals for a therapist, etc.

Can i ask any of you who have been down this road, how do "they" determine if you need medication? How do you find a good therapist that understands your parenting ideals and won't just tell you to wean your baby or let your kid cry so you can get some sleep?

Sorry this post is so self-absorbed right now. I am interested to hear about everyone else, but I'm just kind of new and scared about admitting I'm depressed. It is a huge step for me.

Hugs to all of you mamas, and enjoy the spring!
post #38 of 217
BOOMINGRANY I agree don't count yourself out. Those dreams gotta stink and that would drive me crazy . I want to thank you for those beautiful words of wisdom and truth. I love the way you wrote it. That is so the truth..

LOUSLI I know taking the first steps are hard but I think your not stepping Your taking a big leap right now admitting to your self you need help and trying to get it. That was real hard for me. I come from a close I mean close family I bought a house next door to my parents and at the time I admitted to my problem I was living at my moms house along with dh, dd, parents and two older brothers. So admitting to my self was kinda out in the open in front of all the people I love the most. I didn't clearly tell everyone what was going on tell much latter but they new something huge was going on when I started going to a therapist, DR., etc..As well as the crying. It's a hard road to get help yet even harder trying to deny it and continue the day to day with the depression.. My first advise talk to your pediatrician if they're advocate for bfing. You would be amazed at what they know about moms in your situation and who they would refer you to. I would call around and start meeting with therapist. I've been through a couple before I found the one. There are so many therapist with different personality's and op ions. You have to find the one that suits YOU!!!! I can't express how important that is..

VAMP127 Your husband sounds like a very honorable man.. I don't use that word lightly. It sounds like he really loves you. It so easy for guys to bail these days over little things. I have to also give my husband a lot of credit he has stood by my side through all this and hugs me a little tighter lately. How's your mom I hope she's ok I know how traumatic that can be and the recuperation is hard. I can't imagine what a toll that can be on you with three children on top of it.

CHERYLANN Thank goodness you stopped hurting yourself. I've considered it in the past but never actually acted on it. I'm so happy to here your doing good right now and I hope you stay that way. So how's the support system going it sounds like your dh is taking care of you and giving you some pamper time which I believe we all need depression or not. So how's the committing doing your not over doing it. Are you!. Take care of your self..

Spring is almost here mommas my garden bulbs are poking through yay.. I also want to say nice to meet you mommas and thanks for all the support.
Sorry so long.. Mightymoo how'd the closing go.. I also want to say thanks for the thread.. I needed this..
post #39 of 217
Thread Starter 
The closing went great - It feels so good to have our own place again, even if we aren't actually moved in yet - we started peeling wallpaper down and plan to paint a few rooms and make it our own before moving in.

Cherylann - I sort of get how you feel I often have this incredible desire to just be surrounded, I wrap myself in comforters and crawl into a corner or under a huge stuffed dog DH gave me our first christmas together. I have never really hurt myself but I have been tempted by it - its amazing how physical pain can be preferable to the mental emotional anguish of depression or anxiety.

Louisli - for me getting help was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I don't know why but making that call was extremely hard to bear - admitting that I was 'depressed' was difficult. I remember how other people would say 'Oh I'm so depressed! I lost my favorite earings' (or similar) and it would bother me because I would never use the word that lightly or say something like that - it would be admitting too much if that makes sense. I was the type that always put on a happy front so very few people had any inkling I was depressed. In terms of how 'they' determine the course of treatment, in my experience its been much more organic than a typical doctor experience - you choose a therapist (go talk to one or a few and see who clicks) and they'll spend some time getting to know you - asking questions, letting you talk about what's bothering you, how you feel, etc. Once they feel they have an idea of what's going on, they will suggest a course of treatment, but its not like 'okay, take two of these and call me sunday', its more like 'okay, I'd like you to try this and we'll see if it helps', etc. - If you feel uncomfortable with the course they suggest, tell them and ask them for alternatives. It's not black and white, and a good therapist will work with you, not against you. My last therapist was great at helping me with my anxieties about a VBAC without discouraging me from trying it. I'm thankful that I have done well on the combination of drugs & therapy (years ago) and have had ups and downs since then, but never so low and I'm quick to realize I'm heading that way and see the things I do, thought and action patterns that lead me there - therapy was what gave me the ability to see that and prevent myself from returning to a seroius depressive phase.
post #40 of 217
mightymoo, congrats on the house! I remember what a fun experience making a house your own was-of course, we're moving onto year 4 of our renovations and it's gotten a little stale. I always found wallpaper removal and painting to be so soothing because you got immediate results.

Louisli, I agree that getting help is very hard. But realizing that you need to do something is a great first step. I fought the depression for so many years and just figured that it was my "normal" ykwim? Then after DC#2 was born, I hit a total rockbottom. I knew that I wouldn't hurt my children, but I would get overwhelming urges to just drive my car through a redlight into oncoming traffic because I couldn't take it anymore. Initially, I figured that I needed to do something so that I could continue taking care of the DC and talked to their ped, who suggested I call the nurse hotline through my insurance. The woman on the other end saved my life. She talked to me for a long time, asked about the DC, offered to call for an ambulance and to call the hospital to arrange for someone to watch the DC. I ended up calling DH away from a business meeting about 3 hours away in order to go to the ER. THen the doc & nurse in the ER were just great. The nurse told me of things I needed to do to help myself-simple things like taking a shower and eating; finding joyful things to do with my DC. It wasn't a rush to meds-but now that I'm on them, I can't get over how different my "normal" has become. That's not to say that I don't still have low periods, but they are shorter and more managable.

Perhaps too long a post-just wanted to share to let you know you're on the right path. And remember, docs/therapists can only make suggestions, it is up to you to decide your treatment and change it if necessary.
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