or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Women's Health  › Mental Health › It's going to be a beautiful spring! Please join! (Depression support)
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

It's going to be a beautiful spring! Please join! (Depression support) - Page 3

post #41 of 217
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by vamp127
And remember, docs/therapists can only make suggestions, it is up to you to decide your treatment and change it if necessary.
This is so very true - they can't force anything on you and really the desire to help yourself is key to therapy - they guide you, but you make the journey if that makes sense.
post #42 of 217
When did I start on medication? After I'd been in therapy for over a year and I finally realized that therapy alone wasn't doing enough for me. I was literally not functioning.

I need to get back into therapy- it's so hard to just get started, and when I'm depressed, I have even less energy to do anything for myself/take time away from running the household.
post #43 of 217
Hello all,

I haven't been able to read all the posts, but I wanted to introduce myself.

I have had clinical depression since I was 15 and have been on a variety of meds since I was 20 (I'm 34 now). I was depressed during pregancy (even while on Celexa) and had PPD to beat the band. I, like some pps, insisted on Bfing and, with my pysch and OB's support, took Lexapro while BFing. The depression was awful, but worse was the anxiety. I couldn't take anything for that due to BF. When my periods returned, my depression/moods began to cycle with my menstrual cyle (lovely, eh ) I was rediagnosed with BPII but I'm not sure about the diagnosis as I've never experienced "true" hypomania. As a result I'm on a variety of mood stabilizers, an AD, an anti-anxiety and something for sleep apnea that also as AD effects. I see my psych regularly and a therapist once a week. I'm really lucky to have two healthcare professionals I trust and are willing to work WITH me instead of ON me. But I too have been on the pysch/therapist merry-go-round and know how hard it is too find good care.

I'm in a pretty good place right now. The cycling has gotten milder and I feel like I'm much better at living with depression/BPII instead of feeling controlled by it. Like everyone, though, I just crawl in bed some days.

I read in a few pps that some ladies have had difficulty with autumn/winter making their symptoms worse. I used a full spectrum lightbox (10,000 lux) this winter and found that it made a noticable difference.

It's very nice to find a Tribe who understands.

Take care. I look forward to checking in.
post #44 of 217
Well, it's good to see how many new 'faces' we've picked up! Welcome all!



It isn't Spring that depresses me, but the change of seasons knocks me about. (janebug, I keep imaging that little MDC fairy sprinklng me with dust. It really does help. I tried to imagine she sprinkled dust about today and it magicalaly cleaned the house.....it didn't work. *sigh*


So, I have a diaganosis of 'possible MS'. I'm in no rush to have it confirmed, as I want to avoid teh meds for as long as possible. SO far it's been 10 years and I'm doing pretty well physically. (you'd never know, but I do) But I get really tired during the change of seasons. Exhausted. And the fact that I'm feeling UN-energentic during my favorite time of year to DO stuff, just depresses me. Vicious cycle.

Anyway, I'm feeling better now. Concentrating on the good stuff. I so agree with Ruthla's explanation of not being able to enjoy curling up in a warm little hole when it's 60 and sunny.


Meds? If you need 'em, take 'em. THink, are they working for you? Would you feel guilty if taking tylenol made your headache better? OF course not! You need help, it's available, and you do the best you can.

Lousli, I'd try therapy first. I've had incredible results, even with less than great counselors. Sometimes just talking about it outloud, to someone who won't judge, makes all the difference.

MamaHippo, I grieved for my dad a few times. And then he surprised us by puling through. I felt like I wasted a lot of time feeling bad. I should have been challenging him to a cribbage game or something, instead. When he did die (I'm 47, dad would be 94 by now!) my pre-grieving didn't prepare me for any of the real pain.


Boomingranny! Holy cow, girl, why do you think you're off the 'sexy radar' at 44 ? Are you nuts?

In my family you could just be getting started. Mum met dad and married him whenshe was 35, had me at 36, sis at 39, and then adopted 4 more! Oh, uh, dad was 11 years older. He was 59 when my youngest sis was born, though we didn't meet her til she was 5, so he was 64. I know that's child-rearing and not sex, but....


The rest of the family (not me) frequently divorces or leaves their current lover for a new one. Sis, is 44. Her BF is 31. (He is STUPID, an alcoholic, and is always in trouble with the cops, but he IS hot. )

There's a thread in TAO about meeting guys, I think it's called "husband shopping'. I thought there were some great ideas about places to meet like-minded men. Habitat for Humanity volunteer is the one that stands out. I went to a gun club a few times for turkey shoots. (No turkeys ever get shot, you shoot at targets and win frozen turkeys.) TONS of guys, with NO clue how to meet a woman. They fell all over me. They couldnt' ALL have been defective! (I had a bf at the time)

anywya, that's my advice if you're lookin' for love.

Honestly, I can't HAVE an erotic dream! I recently had a dream where I walked up a flight of sstairs, and there wqas a naked man in a room, I could just see a bit of his back, and I walked AWAY! I kept trying to go back to sleep and go IN the bedroom, but alas.
post #45 of 217
I had to Red! I can't have erotic dreams either! I'm so jealous of people who can. The closest I get is dh and I, both turned on and fruitlessly looking for a place to do the deed. Occasionally we've gotten as far as being naked, but then someone always walks by and interupts. It's hilariously frustrating!!!
post #46 of 217
I've had my share of erotic dreams- the first ones were when I was too young to know what "erotic" meant and I thought there was something wrong with me for having such a "disgusting" dream and enjoying it.

I had a kind of freaky/scary dream the other night. In the dream, I was in really bad shape, practically suicidal, completely unable to cope with anything, and my DS was with me (for some reason DDs weren't in the dream.) I kept trying to ask for help and I kept being ignored, meanwhile I was worried that DS wasn't being properly cared for or kept safe because I was in no condition to care for him but nobody else seemed to realize that. I kept considering "attention getting" things like suicide attempts or self-injury but I didn't want to put DS in further danger or frighten him.
post #47 of 217
Hi mama's
You know what's really awesome about all of you? That even in the midst of feeling pretty dang down/low/depressed/anxious whatever,you still have a hilarious sense of humour!
I'm doing good right now,emotionally. Trying really hard to take good care of myself. I have my sweet granddaughters today so I'm busy,busy,busy.
Love to you all,
Kim
post #48 of 217
Ruthla That was one crappy dream. Go to bed tonight thinking wonderful,light thoughts ok? I *hate* bad dreams like that.
post #49 of 217
Today is going to be really hard for me. The whole family is sick, the weather is bad (no outdoor play), dd1 is well enough to go to school(but doesn't want to, wants to watch tv all day like when she was sick) which means getting her ready, driving her there, picking her up, all while she complains. My husband works until 4 today instad of 3, which means an extra hour in the afternoon to try to keep them busy without losing it. I am sick and tired and really down today. I just feel overwhelmed and I want to cry. Tomorrow is going to be more of the same. I just want a day off!!!
post #50 of 217
Ugh, now I'm feeling guilty because my friend's DD is in the hospital and she wanted me to come stay with her DD so she could go home and shower and come back, but I'm not physically up to it. I don't even think it would be safe for me to drive that long, as my vertigo gets worse when I'm tired. But then I'm thinking if I'd skipped the supermarket this morning and driven to the hospital straight from dropping DS off at school, I would have had time to give her a break before picking DS up again.

Then I have to remember that I have fibromyalgia and Meniere's disease and Depression and if I push myself too far I'm going to crash, and I can't support myself or my own kids, much less any of my friends, if I crash. My friend is tired and stressed right now but she's also healthy and understands that I'm not.

Hmmm.. maybe I could make them a care package for Shabbat (some home made baked goods and/or cooked food) and get a mutual friend to drive it over to them.
post #51 of 217
Ugh, now I'm feeling guilty because my friend's DD is in the hospital and she wanted me to come stay with her DD so she could go home and shower and come back, but I'm not physically up to it. I don't even think it would be safe for me to drive that long, as my vertigo gets worse when I'm tired. But then I'm thinking if I'd skipped the supermarket this morning and driven to the hospital straight from dropping DS off at school, I would have had time to give her a break before picking DS up again.

Then I have to remember that I have fibromyalgia and Meniere's disease and Depression and if I push myself too far I'm going to crash, and I can't support myself or my own kids, much less any of my friends, if I crash. My friend is tired and stressed right now but she's also healthy and understands that I'm not.

Hmmm.. maybe I could make them a care package for Shabbat (some home made baked goods and/or cooked food) and get a mutual friend to drive it over to them.
post #52 of 217
s to Lousli and Ruthla!
post #53 of 217
I'm feeling on the down side just in one small area of my life. It's a big area, really. I am careful about this because I don't know if I feel this way because it's a reality or if I'm making it up because my thinking is distorted by this mood disorder. I'm working so hard to stay healthy. I'm exercising regularly, working on my marriage, focusing on my kids and the things that are most important to me. But, I'm really frustrated with my group of friends. We have an incredible group of friends. One woman joked that we're like a church. We decide to have a book club and we all clammor like lemmings to book club. Then we decide we're going to exercise and we all go like lemmings to exercise, etc. At least part of the group gets together for breakfast every weekend. But, lately, I'm feeling really disconnected from them. I think they don't care about me, aren't interested in me, are even annoyed by me. This may be true! But, it also could mean that I'm not being a good friend. Maybe I'm pulling away (I'm sure I'm pulling away) and not showing interest in their lives. 6 of them are doing an Ironman this June and 2 others are doing a half-iron. I'm a slowpoke with my own set of goals, exercising on the peripheral, but not really accepted into their group. It feels really weird and I don't know what to make of it. A couple of them have made really insensitive comments and I know they weren't trying to hurt me. I was talking to a friend this morning (she's doing the half-iron) and she said, "Well, you can't really expect to improve if you're only running twice a week." I'm thinking WTH?!?! Where is this assumption coming from?!?! I've been getting in a minimum of 5 workouts in each week, usually running 3 or 4 times. It's like exercise snobbery and I'm just not cool. My dh doesn't mind all this. He's happy on the periphery.

This really is not a huge issue. I'm not dealing with any crippling depression right now or wacked out behaviors. I'm just trying to figure out how to relate to my friends when I'm feeling relatively well, and I just can't figure it out. I'm trying to focus on loving them and treating them kindly...like I want to be treated. But, I probably fall into the same trap of making hurtful comments when I don't mean to. I'm sure it must happen. Why do these people even want to hang out with me? No one wants to have to answer that question or be put in the position of having to maintain someone else's self-esteem. It comes down to...I have no support system. I have no one...well, I have one person...that I can call when I'm falling into the abyss. Dh can't possibly be expected to meet all of my emotional needs.

How do you guys deal with this stuff when you are healthy? Especially when you've put your friends through seeing you when you aren't healthy? Fact is, I never leaned on them then, either. Maybe they are just fair-weather friends who get together with me out of habit or because they like dh. I don't know what to make of this but it's been dragging on me for a few months. It's sucking out my self-esteem. So...I need to find my own self-esteem. Hard to do in a small town where everyone is already fully of expecations and assumptions based on history. I don't really know what I'm getting at. Just wanted to get that out somewhere, I guess.
post #54 of 217
CherylAnn, why not ask just one of thes women, the one you feel closest to, out, just the two of you. Then ask, straight out, if you've done something to offend the group, or an individual.


If she assures you there's nothing wrong, try to believe her.



Ruthla! That nightmare is terrifying! Remember to take care of yourself first. IF anyone 'needs' you, claim you have the flu. People understand the flu! Are you seeing someone about your depression still?

Lousli, ugh! Sick kids and NO break in sight! Wanna know a secret? I begged my kids to stay home and homeschool, and they all beg to be 'allowed' to go to school! (*sigh*, ok, I'll let them!) I'd start in the summer, point out the lack of need for school vacations, try it!

Got anything they'll be fascinated by while you nap? A video? Playdoh and a big plastic tablecloth? I hope they're all better soon.




Some guy keeps coming to my dreams. I have the hots for him(funny, he's not good looking!), but he's elusive and wants to 'show ' me something. I don't know what, cause he dissappears. He's making me nuts, I wake up wanting! A REAL man would stick around.
post #55 of 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by Red
So, I have a diaganosis of 'possible MS'. I'm in no rush to have it confirmed, as I want to avoid teh meds for as long as possible. SO far it's been 10 years and I'm doing pretty well physically. (you'd never know, but I do) But I get really tired during the change of seasons. Exhausted. And the fact that I'm feeling UN-energentic during my favorite time of year to DO stuff, just depresses me. Vicious cycle.

Wow, I've gotten the same diagnosis. Also "possible lupus" & "possible fibromyalgia." No one can seem to make up their mind as to what I have. I had all the tests any everything only to find that no one could definitively say what it was. Refused the treatments because I wanted to have more babes--had 2 more & felt my absolute best while pregnant.
post #56 of 217
In the end my friend was able to go home and shower while her DD slept at the hospital. They're probably going to go home today, though they may have to return on Monday. They're still not sure if she'll need to have surgury again or not. They live in an area where they can easily get kosher take-out food, so it isn't "needed" for me to bake stuff for them.

I'm in another fibro-flare right now, and need to focus my energy on my own family and household. Passover starts in less than two weeks,: so I'm in "use up what's in the pantry" mode right now. I didn't have enough flour to make cookies, so I put some oatmeal in the blender to make oat flour, and used a mixture of oatmeal and oat flour in the cookies (plus the all-important chocolate chips!!) Ack, my egg-free experiment didn't work, now I added an egg and I'm trying again.
post #57 of 217
CherylAnn,

I also have a very difficult time knowing where I stand with others, especially those friends that know I have an illness.

I think that when we're not feeling well, that's really all we can think about. All of our thoughts go to getting us through the day...when will this end...should I change meds....etc. (All that lovely self-talk ) Once we are feeling better, we begin to focus outside of ourselves again, albeit with a damaged self-esteem. Suddenly, things we haven't thought about in a while ("Do these people really enjoy being friends with me?") come bubbling to the surface. And b/c our self-esteem isn't at max level, every thing that a friend says to us is put under scrutiny. I don't think your friend making the comment about running was at all meant to hurt you. That's just what SHE is really into right now. You commented that the Iron-Man thing doesn't interest you terribly, but its made you feel separate from the group...and that can suck. I think you might be projecting your own feelings ("they don't want to be around me"...."I drag everything down") onto your friends.

I like Red's suggestion of asking one or two how they view the situation. Whenever I find myself tearing my hair out over the friend's issue, I call one of them and just chat. If I still feel unsure, I point blank ask "Have I been acting strange to you lately?"

It sounds like you've got a great group of friends that enjoy your company.
post #58 of 217
Not much time, just wanted to say I'm feeling a bit better today. Still looking for a provider. I'm trying to get rec's rather than just starting to randomly call strangers...
post #59 of 217
vamp127, not to derail the thread but.....

Try searching for aluminum and multiple sclerosis, both Google and here. Seems that aluminum pans, mercury fillings and the mercury in vaccinations can all cause demylination of teh white matter, which would appear to be MS. (I actually had an MRI report that read "Multiple sclerosis' scattered thoughout the white matter" and NO diagnosis!)

Evening Primose oil, and lots of it helped when I was having attacks. You might want to try it, I think I did 1500mg a day.

And 30% of us have probelms initially and NEVER get worse!
post #60 of 217
Ruthla, WTG, taking care of yourself!

Lousli, I'm so glad you are feeling better!!

Red and Vamp, what a scary diagnosis!

FamilyLove, Man, did you nail it!!! Thank you so much for your wise words. I have taken them to heart. It makes so much sense that during "healthy" times there is still confusion. And you are right. I only sense these things with the people who know about my illness. Everyone else seems fine with me. My dh told me yesterday that some lady he doesn't know came up to him and said, "I just love your wife!" ??? What a great thing to hear, especially when I'm racked with insecurity. Again, thank you.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Mental Health
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Women's Health  › Mental Health › It's going to be a beautiful spring! Please join! (Depression support)