Addressing the Special Needs of Gifted Children, #8 - Page 5

[allgirls]

Originally Posted by eilonwy

I hear this sort of thing a lot, and I'm not trying to be argumentative or anything, but why? I understand that sometimes people can't or don't want to homeschool, but in certain situations... well, I personally can't understand how keeping some children out of school wouldn't become a major priority. I know it's personal, so if you don't want to explain that's fine, but I'm very curious-- Why do you think you're not cut out for homeschooling?

Because I would get bored. I am fine being home with the kids now, while they are little but it's not stimulating enough for me. Some days it's drudgery for me. I am not so good with older kids as I am with younger ones. Plus I want my DH to be able to be home more and I want to work again. I am on my own most of the time and it's really hard. In order for me to be home with the kids now, he has to be gone a lot. I don't want this life forever.

Eventually, as the children get older I want some of my life back, I want to pursue my own interests, go to University etc.

and we are financially in a situation where we have alternatives. We can afford to pay people who are more suited to the job to teach.

And I am too lazy...I am not good with self-discipline..I just wouldn't get around to it.

and I have to be honest...I am not sure that here there isn't something appropriate in the public school system for my dd. While not ideal I think the public schools here (small town, Ontario) are not so terrible and I am pretty good at advocating when things aren't ideal.

But we have yet to cross that bridge.

and this quote rings true for meas well~except for the westcoast part~I am fron the east coast

"I am honestly kind of lonely and find work to be a bit of a social outlet. I haven't been able to find much of a network of other moms with whom I have much in common. I am really culturally misplaced (liberal vegan from the coast and in the middle of conservative rancher country). When I was homeschooling at the end of last year, we tried doing stuff with the local homeschooling groups. It just didn't click. One is very religious, Christian based (dh is agnostic and I am Buddhist) and the other, although secular, had members who were very different from myself. I just didn't relate to any of them and felt isolated. I need community. I love my girls and plan to be very actively involved in their schooling, but I don't know if I want to take full responsibility for doing it all since I don't do the best job when I am depressed and lonely."

[ChristaN]

Originally Posted by eilonwy

Makes sense, thanks for the answer. Goodness, I don't know how I'd handle parenting without Mike and I being on the same page... it sucks enough coming from entirely different religious perspectives!

I know. I do connect with him on many issues (political, cultural, and some others that aren't coming to mind at the moment ), but the parenting thing is very difficult. We had kids quite early into our relationship -- bc really didn't work for us. I single parented it for the first 2 1/2 years while attending grad school while he stayed on the west coast and worked and sent me $$.

Once he moved out here for good, the major differences of opinion about parenting surfaced. He was 40 when our first dd was born and had been orphaned since the age of 13. He was pretty used to living by himself and no one messing up the house or bothering him. His family is also kind of neurotic and he is no exception. He just has a short fuse with the kids. While I, too, was raised in a punitive parenting environment, I want to do differently for my girls. It is a great disappointment to me that we can't truly co-parent b/c I don't trust him to do right by our kids.

I've thought of leaving honestly, but I don't know if our relationship is that bad (his and mine when we are only talking about us the adults), but us the whole family including the kids just isn't what I would like it to be. I would love to have him totally agree with me on what our girls need, but it doesn't look likely to happen. I guess that I have settled for him letting me run the show and him not interfering. It is a disappointment, though, and I would like the kids to be able to be closer to their father. I am glad that, at least, I have managed to AP myself and keep his anger issues away from them enough that they are not afraid of him the way that I was of my father. I did feel very abandoned by my mother when she simply did nothing when my father was screaming at me and shaking me against walls.

[allgirls]

My DH and I agree for the most part on childcare/raising...he has a gentle nature and is very patient though he does get very overwhelmed with all the questions. BUT I also think he gets more questions because he is gone for a week or so then comes home and she has to make up for lost time.

Sophia is going through a very clingy phase...wouldn't go to her preschool class Tuesday...we are trying again today...she usually loves it..if she protests again today I am taking her out for a month and trying later.

I am thinking we will be sending Sophia to the local Montessori school...I have talked to them and recieved all of their information and they seem ideal for her temperament. It has a very good reputation and is in high demand..people drive from all over to have their kids go there. I like the set up. DH says..what if we send her and she's not gifted? Could we get her tested. I had to explain that it's not a school for gifted children so there is no harm in sending her..it's just a different set up than regular school. and that she's too young for testing, it wouldn't be accurate anyways...also, he had to trust me on this. He agreed. He knows that putting her in kindergarten in 2 years is crazy....I was talking about letter of the week and he's like...but wouldn't all the kids know all the letters by then? My poor DH, he thinks she's smart but he has no idea what normal is because he has such limited experience with children. Every playgroup we go to brings it home to me. I am looking forward to Sophia's bday party...I think he will see it then.

Oh...and we booked a clown for the big event on June 25! She did not have a party last year because there are birthdays all over the place around hers and every weekend was used up..so this year I have booked and planned it early. Kricket the clown will be performing for 1.5 hours!

We have 11 kids to invite...it will be so much fun! In our backyard. We will be up to our neck in renovations so it may get moved as we get closer to the time.

Martina is a funny baby. She hums...she has a "singing voice" already. She loves to sing and dance...she actually moves to music in her exersaucer.

and speaking her baby...I hear her waking up...gotta run!

great day everyone!

[loraxc]

Why won't I homeschool (if I feel I can help it at all)? My reasons are a lot like Carolyn's...I'm fairly antsy to get back into the workplace, we need the money, I don't think I'd be that good at it, and I'm lazy. Seriously, I just can't see myself doing it well unless I had a lot of other support and other HSers and talented, engaged folk by my side. I also would see it being hard for us to find community in HSing. I'm an atheist, for one, and I could not co-learn in any way with anyone who, for instance, did not believe in evolution.

I also honestly think I would resent it, and I don't think anything good would come out of that. I hope we don't need to HS.

[eilonwy]

I always thought that I would be the kind of person who preferred to work outside of the home and have my husband stay home with the kids, but all of that changed drastically after BeanBean was born. Suddenly, I couldn't care less about getting a decent job and buying a house and being a grownup-- I just wanted to spend time with my kid. That feeling has never worn off for me; every morning I wake up and look at the kids and feel really lucky that I'm going to spend the day with them. Well, for at least a few moments, anyway. Some days I really do want to sell them to a band of roving gypsies... but I really do like them and I like being around them most of the time.

Mike is more naturally into gentle parenting than I am; his temperament is much better suited to it than mine. We talked about the ways that we were raised before we ever had kids, and about what we thought was appropriate, and we really saw eye-to-eye. In fact, when it comes to parenting philosophy, for the most part we understand each other, though these things don't always work out in practice the way that they do in theory.

I'm desperate to get this baby out. I can't believe that I've got nearly 4 weeks to my due date... I have no idea how I'll survive another month of this. I'm losing my mind.

[OTMomma]

I too love being at home with my dd! Who knew motherhood was so cool?
Right now though, the biggest reason my child won't go to public school, is that I've been working 2 days a week at public schools (not the actual one dd would attend). But it has given me so much insight into how dd's needs would not be met there, or in any public school in this area. If we had the money, I would definately consider the montessori school, but it costs as much as my college education did per year, and I don't have that kind of money around. Heck, I'm still paying off my student loans! lol

I sort of thought I needed to work, to get out and feel like I had something else going on. And I've found it really interesting that after working 2 days a week for a couple of months, I am totally ready to return to being home full time. I have a lot more appreciation for home again. I've been lucky that dd has been able to stay with another family with a gifted dd- who she loves.

[allgirls]

Well that's part of my problem...I LOVE playing with the children but anything remotely work related(diapers, messes, cleaning up toys etc. etc.) I detest. I do it because I detest clutter more.

and I miss adult people...I think I would be just fine if I had some friends on the same page...I bet if I had a neighbor who was homeschooling and was pretty much on the same page as me with regards to religion, politics and baby raising then I could probably be a good homeschooling mother...I don't have self discipline and I am afraid we would be jumping in puddles all the time and never doing actual academics.

Also..I love academics myself...I would much rather go to University than work. In fact I think I will be taking some courses online starting in September. Since baby is pretty laid back I think I can squeeze it in.

Of course if there wasn't any choice I would do homeschool for my children...but I do have choices so I will pick the best alternate one.

In the meantime I spend my days painting and jumping in puddles

[loraxc]

Hmm. Now I feel like I may have sounded like I think being at home with DD is a drag...I don't (actually, I found babyhood hard, but I love toddlerhood!!) but it's hard to see myself doing it for the next 16 years, I guess.

I read that thread too and saw that no one believed a kid could sight read at 20 months. Well, I suppose I might not have believed that either before I had one of those kids. The mom in question did sound annoying, though. I do agree that it's hard not to be able to talk about what your kid is doing....believe me, I agree. That's what this thread is for.

[allgirls]

Loraxc...I feel the same way..I love it for now..but as they get older I want to spread my wings as they spread theirs...after all they are eventually going to grow up and go away and I don't want to put off my own interests indefinitely...it's a balance..I am trying to stretch as they stretch but maintain enough flexibility to be there when they really need me.

Bragging mamas do not bother me...either it's true...yay for them or it's not...boo for them...either way it has absolutely nothing to do with me or my life..and there is nothing sweeter than a mama being proud of her child no matter what their accomplishments. I see so many mamas who couldn't care less what their children are doing..that bugs me more.

sight reading at 20 mos..not my kids but I know it happens and is possible..but it's so rare I can understand why some people wouldn't believe it. and then those who do, often the parents are like us and kind of feel like we will be accused of bragging if we say anything.

I was at a playgroup today...Martina is very bright, getting mobile and is playing patty cake..she is also very exhuberant and happy..the kind of baby that attracts attention...another mom whose baby is about a week younger was amazed at what she could do. Her son is not rolling yet or anything. She wasn't the least bit disturbed and I wasnt' the least bit braggy...they are who they are

Sophia is easy though...I don't talk about what she can do and she's a bit on the quiet side so she slips under the radar a lot. We see a lot that others don't see. But when they do see it and I do get a secret kick out of their reactions

anyway...we all brag here. I read the stories of other kids here and I feel better. I feel like I am not imagining it, not being judged as being "braggy"(is that really a word?) and your children are so darn entertaining to me...I have laughed so much at some of the things they come up with...some are very similar to my dd, others very different. I like them all

[eilonwy]

Well, both of my kids were able to recognize the word "diet" in any format before they were 15 months old... :

I've started a few threads here just for bragging... but they're always closely followed by "should I be worried that my kid's not doing that stuff?" threads, and those depress me. I do feel guilty sometimes, but not often anymore. I think my kids are cool, and I don't feel any need to apologize for that. They are who they are.

One of the things that I like best about homeschooling is that I finally have "official permission" to do the things I like to do-- that is, to learn new things and do research and work on hobbies and new skills. It's one of the things that I've learned reading about home education-- the way for kids to learn about learning is to see it happening around them. It just so happens that one of my favorite personal activities is doing research, so my kids are going to see a lot of that as they grow up. BeanBean's already learned that if he's really interested in something, he can go to the library and find a book about it and learn more, and maybe there will be videos or CDs about it, too. In fact, he's even asked me to look things up on the internet for him! It's wonderful. I feel like through homeschooling, I get to do all of the fun things that I wanted to do. Yay!

I really do wish that I had a more active homeschool group around that wasn't hyperChristian... but I'm going to fix that. Just as soon as I have, you know, energy. And the baby is out. Because being nine months pregnant is exhausting. :yawn:

I'm still pregnant and still tired of it.

[allgirls]

Originally Posted by eilonwy

Well, both of my kids were able to recognize the word "diet" in any format before they were 15 months old... :

: : :

I don't feel a need to brag..never have however I do feel kind of left out..I mean someone will say..my daughter knows her colours and she's 3 and Sophia recognised hers so early..it's crazy.

People are shocked that she knows her birthday is July 2nd..they think that's brilliant...um, that's just cause she asked and I told her and she remembered. If they think that's smart what would they think if they heard her saying "I am keeping this blanket as a souvenir for my babies when I am older" out of the blue. I have no idea where she gets her vocabulary but she sure has a memory for words and can use them quite appropriately..I love talking to her.

Of course at the rate she's going maybe I will be able to have my fix of adult conversation with her in a year or so...I enjoy her more now than many adults I know

I read the thread..that mama did sound annoying. But if the child was doing all those things...she's brilliant and mama probably isn't doing the 'trained monkey" thing everybody suspects.

By the way...my dd knows the left side of her body from the right...I don't know when she learned it but has been putting her shoes on the right feet for well over a year. I have never asked her to show people though except her dad because I was so amazed by it. My 11 year old figured it out a few years ago...she still has to think about it but I think that's due to her learning disability.

Baby will come out soon Rynna..you will not be pregnant for ever...soon soon soon

[eilonwy]

Oh, the birthday thing blows people away... in the ER BeanBean told the intake nurse his birthday and she nearly passed out. Granted, they were concerned that he might have a concussion (it was when I took him in for stitches because he'd cracked his head open) but apparently they don't expect three year olds to have a clue. BeanBean said, "My birthday is Blah Blah Blah and my sister's birthday is Blah Blah and guess what? My mommy and daddy and soandso all have birthdays in October..." It was kind of funny. Of course, people are still really surprised that BeanBean knows his address and phone number, or that he recognizes the makes and models of cars... I keep thinking it's got to become typical at some point, but apparently not yet. When will it be normal? At what age does the average child know his birthday, his address, his phone number, etc?

[allgirls]

Originally Posted by eilonwy

I keep thinking it's got to become typical at some point, but apparently not yet. When will it be normal? At what age does the average child know his birthday, his address, his phone number, etc?

I often think the same thing...when do children usually start making letters, knowing the left foot from the right, knowing their address and phone number(sophia knows her address but our phone # is confusing..it's a series of numbers like 6784 and she would go 6789 because 6784 makes no sense to her ) she knows the first 3 digits though. When do children normally do these things that she's been doing for a long long time.

I know the preschool at the children's centre teaches a letter each week..the kids have to be 3 to go...I almost went when the leader told me this. Then today the teacher told me that for kids to go to kindergarten they like for them to recognise the letters of their names..the first as a capital and the rest lower case...that's for 5 year olds...that seems so simple to me. My older girls could recognise all their letters and numbers upper and lower case before kindergarten.

I mean...I really can't send her to regular school can I? They have junior kindergarten and senior kindergarten. I may send her to junior for fun...not learning.

So what is normal? anyone?

[Treasuremapper]

I'm pretty sure now that she is not really reading. I think she is pretending to sound out words as if she is reading, believe it or not. For example, we looked at a book with a triangle and the word "triangle" under it. She knows shapes, and that's not unusual for someone her age to know basic shapes. But she sounded it out slowly "tri-an-gle" but I think she just had the visual cue and pretended to read.

Originally Posted by inezyv

I have lurked on this thread from time to time, but now I feel confused. I *think* my daughter is reading, really reading, sounding out the words. She is 30 months old, just turned two and a half. So that really doesn't seem possible. But my husband and my four year old dd think she is reading, too. In fact, my four year old is trying to withhold books from my two year old because she doesn't want her little sister to figure it out before she does.

Am I crazy? Am I delusional? She takes books and makes the sounds the letters make and says them aloud together until she figures out the word. Even books she has not seen before. If she were six, I would be sure she is reading. I'm not talking chapter books, I'm talking little picture books that have visual clues. Maybe she's just figuring out the words with the pictures? Is it possible she is just remembering things?

My husband said that since we are not teaching her, and she's picking it up on her own, we should just stay cool and not make her feel self conscious about it.

[eilonwy]

Gosh, I have to admit that I'm still impressed that BeanBean knows his left from his right, even though he's known for over a year now. I don't *talk* about it much, but it does come up sometimes in public; someone will tell him to turn at a "landmark" ("go toward the picture") and he'll get confused, so I'll say, "Honey, turn right at the corner," and he'll say, "Okay!" and go. But of course this is impressive to me, as I didn't reliably know my right from my left until I started playing piano at damn near 14. I know that I was very late, and I still think it's cool that my little guy knows... but then, I won't be surprised if BooBah is more like me and doesn't figure that out until she's much older.

[eilonwy]

Hehe. New signature. Sorry, I couldn't resist.

[ChristaN]

Re knowing bds, address, phone number, etc., I believe that kids are expected to know/learn this in kindergarten. Those are all items on dd's K report card and they are supposed to have them all checked off as known by the end of the year -- so about 6 for most kids.

[allgirls]

: : : Great siggy!

Britishmom...I agree..while that mom sounds annoying I can't disbelieve her...and imagine you have your only and first child, you are an exhuberant, happy person and this child is profoundly gifted. You are so amazed and you tell everybody the wonderful things your child can do...and everyone doubts you and thinks your are lying or training her like a monkey.

Imagine the same scenario with a child who is normal...mom brags about her being able to make a 2 word sentence, sing twinkle twinkle etc. etc.

Apparantly we can only brag about our children if they are not really so brag worthy, so other parents can go "ah, first time mom, all kids do that but we will humour her"...but if they are doing something amazingly incredible for their age we should shut up already because it's not true or we have trained them to do tricks...now anyone who knows squat about kids is that they will never perform...my cousin's wife is always "what does a doggy say?" etc to her son...he has never once barked I know she's proud and it's all amazing to her...no one will ever mind...but if I came back with "Sophia, where is your left hand, right hand?" etc...I would be bragging and have trained her...well if telling her when sh asks is training...then I guess I am guilty.

My child is very joyful...I spend way more time ensuring that than teaching her stuff because she can be so anxious and intense. Yet she is still learning things..I have a self-taught monkey

[ChristaN]

Are we allowed to discuss other threads here? I'll edit if not. I just checked that one out and the mom's questions about why the other kids are not "working" on certain things is a bit much.

I agree that it is normal to be proud and amazed by your child and that it is less socially acceptable if that child truly is doing something out of the norm, though. I try very hard not to sound like I am bragging about dds -- except to grandparents! I have to admit that it is great to see others as excited about dds abilities as I am. The other people from whom I am likely to get that truly excited response, though, and with whom I can share my joy at their wonderfulness are close family members, though. I do let dd read Narnia to grandpa when he is here b/c is truly excited just like I am, but I don't sit her down at the park and have her read to the other moms!

[TEAK's Mom]

I read the thread in question and am pretty much in agreement with what all of you have said. I have no doubt that the kid in question could do what he mama said she could. My almost 19 month old does most of them and my 3.95 year old did them earlier. Still the mama sounded annoying. Can you imagine any of us putting our kids through their paces for the advantage of being admired? I know that my girls would see through it and refuse to perform. Anyway, I also wish it were possible to discuss their development with anyone who asks without being accused of training my monkies.

On to other topics, I absolutely want to homeschool my dds. The problem is that dh, despite having been bored in school until college and having to learn how to study and all that, he still believes in "socialization." I have a year and a half to try to persuade him. Have any of you convinced a reluctant partner?