Really Want to HB, but Scared

[christmasevetwins]

Hello mamas,

I recently found this forum and I've been spending wayyyy too much time here gathering tons of information about homebirth.

DH and I are planning TTC our third child next month and I really would like to be under the care of a MW this time around. My last two pregnancies were with OBs, and both took place in a hospital - #1 was induced two weeks early for PIH and #2 ended up being a forceps delivery because of anterior position and dropped heart rate. The cord was compressed and wrapped around dd's neck. (She's fine.) Both births were epis. I really wanted to try ncb with dd #2 but I was naive and let myself be talked into the epi because of baby's position. I'm convinced that if I had been better prepared for ncb, the forceps, etc. wouldn't have had to happen. Also, the nurse broke my bow to "speed things along." I think dd may have been able to turn around on her own if she had had that water cushion.

Now, I'm determined to be as informed and educated as much as possible, which is why I'm researching all of this even before we DTD.

My first choice would be a birthing center, but there are no free-standing birthing centers in our area (Ohio). There are CNMs, but they work in a practice with OBs. Therefore, the only way I can have a mw-assisted birth is at home. I would love to be able to do this. But, for some reason, I am scared to death. I keep thinking about all of the negative things that can happen. What if something happens with the cord again? What if baby is in distress and we're 15 minutes from the hospital, etc.

Is it normal to have all of these thoughts? How did you all make the decision to hb?

Thank you so much!

[alegna]

Get a copy of Henci Goer's Obstetric Birth vs. Research reality and look up everything you're worried about. Honestly homebirth is safer. My dd was all wrapped up in her cord, but it was no big deal because we let labor progress at it's own rate and we didn't break her water.

-Angela

[violetbutterfly]

Honestly after reading TONS of birth stories both homebirth and medical, I am SO glad I'm having my baby at home! It actually feels safer to me. I think a lot of people have the misunderstanding that midwives just show up and catch your baby for you but could not deal with other circumstances. If you have a qualified midwife she IS qualified to deal with small complications that could arise at home but not necessarliy mean a transfer to the hospital. Such as cord problems. Having a medical birth actually screws up the natural process you're body is trying to go through and CAUSES the complications that pop up during the birth. I"m not saying there are never complications at a home birth, there obviously are because life isn't perfect. I'm just saying from all my reading on the Due Date Club type boards it's amazing those babies get out of there alive! It seems like something pops up every single time either for the baby or for the mom. I have had one home birth and two hospital birth (all natural) and I don't think you could pay me to go back unless I knew something was seriously wrong with me or baby. It's just not worth it to me. But that's my two cents.....

[MelW]

You might consider contacting a homebirth midwife in your area and having an appointment to discuss your fears. She'll have lots of information about the "what ifs" that you're wondering about, and it's the first step to getting comfortable with her and with the idea of homebirth.

I spent a lot of time thinking about and conquering my fears before my homebirth...I work as a maternity nurse, so have seen most of the "worst case scenarios" at one time or another. And big fears can be a hang-up in labour- I think that women labour best in a place where they feel safe and well-cared for. For me this was certainly at home- by end of my pregnancy my greatest fears were the interventions that could come with a hospital birth .

Good luck and enjoy your journey!

[Emilie]

read birthing from within.... read the birth stories here- do what you feel is right... in the end you will probally find that hb is safer! dd had a cord- a tight cord- she is perfect...
hugs mama on your learning journey!
emilie

[grace's voice]

My best advice is don't do it without an experienced, competent doula! Homebirth is amazing, I'm currently planning my second. Both times I'd originally planned on birth center, but after talking to my mw (who owns the center) she explained that she IS a travelling birth center. We're about the same distance from a hospital as you are, that is really not a bad transfer distance at all. Many women are an hour or more! I highly recommend homebirth, it is much safer than at the hospital. But I also think you would (and would have before) benefit greatly from a doula, I personally would never birth without one. It helped sooo much to ease my anxieties. I, too, think that discussing your fears with a mw would help, I know it did for me. Best of luck!

[girlsmamma2]

I am currently planning our third and I'm in the opposite position as you. I have borderline polyhydramnios, too much amniotic fluid, and have a chance to have to have a hospital birth. I've laid awake at nights after dreams about c-sections etc. I'm scared to death to have to go BACK to the hospital. imo, if you are a low risk mamma, there is absolutely no reason to have a baby at a hospital. it puts you at the risks that you never had in the first place. my first was a hospital birth but i stayed home for 16 hours before i went in and then dd was born 45 minutes later. the pressure in those 45 minutes to have an epi etc, even tho dd was crowning, was more than words can express. i was ready to push and they were so interested in their protocol, she almost came out on their own. i still have a hard time looking at all the pics of my first dd with goop in her eyes, under the warmer etc.

i think hospitals have their place but certainly not at a healthy mamma and baby's birth. i say make an appt with a midwife and if you still don't feel comfortable, talk to another. I trust my midwives implicitly, and this time i'm having to trust their words even more due to the poly. they say they can handle it. sometimes you'll find that because most mw's aren't pushy and let you have the power in your birth, they say things just in passing or matter of factly that are actually full of knowledge, experience and accurateness. sometimes things that ob's don't even know.

good luck mamma! you can do it.

[alegna]

It depends on your personality. I didn't have a doula and didn't miss her at all. A doula would have been in the way and distracting to me.

-Angela

[mama_at_home]

What helped me get over my initital fear of homebirthing was spending time hear reading all the homebirth stories and talking to other homebirthing mamas. I had my twins at home and I spent most of my pregnancy talking with another mama who had her twins at home and that built my confidence. When you get around other homebirthers you see how natural and normal it is, and how abnormal hospital births are. Also I would try and watch some videos of actual homebirths to give you an idea what they are like.

[LoveChild421]

I had a lot of similar concerns, but what helped me the most was just going ahead and scheduling a consultation/interview with a homebirth midwife. I asked her every possible "what-if" I could think of and I realized that most of the horrible complications you hear of 1) are the result of unnecessary medical intervention and 2) the vast majority can be handled at home just as well as the hospital. Most midwives bring an oxygen tank and are skilled at infant CPR, they bring pitocin injections and herbs in case the mother has excessive bleeding, etc.

For me it came down to one simple thing: women who feel comfortable and at ease have easier, less risky births. I couldn't feel comfortable in a hospital having to "fight" to get a natural, non-intervention centered birth- a woman in labor should feel surrounded by people she trusts and feels are in sync with her philosophy and how she wants things to go.

Keep reading and listening to your intuition- you'll find what's right for you.

[LeosMama]

Your stories of your previous hospital births are why I am TERRIFIED to birth in a hospital. I birthed my first child in a hospital and my doula and husband were able to protect my birthing space and I had educated myself well on ncb. Even so I had to refuse several invasive and unnecessary procedures.

I just want to be left the hell alone to give birth in my own way and time. OB's don't believe in that. OB's are terrified of women's bodies and women's independence during birth. They want to control everything.

You should contact a homebirth midwife and tell her you're scared about homebirth and tell her why and have her explain everything to you.

Midwives carry oxygen, medicines, and basic surgical tools. They typically work with a backup midwife so there is one each to work on mother and child should there be a problem. Remember that cesarean sections take TIME to set up, even "emergency" ones in the hospital take at least 30 minutes to set up. If you are only 15 min from the hospital and you require a c-sec, the MW will call ahead of you and they will have the operating room ready and waiting for you.

But midwives don't let it get that far.

Midwives monitor you constantly in non-invasive, effective ways. In a hospital, they slap a monitor on your belly and tell you not to move. Then they flip out when there are heart decels. The midwife will use a doppler and move WITH you so you are walking and moving and changing position. She will observe your attitude, your face, your body to see if there are problems arising. If there are fetal heart decels, she will get you to move, change position, do lunges, whatever is needed to shift the baby and get the heart rate up. In the hospital, they see the decels and wait. And wait. And wait. And wait, and then flip out and cut you open. Nobody is watching you, they just have that stupid monitor on you and pretend that is healthcare. It's not, it's negligence.

And do you get moral and mental, emotional support from OB nurses? From the OB? Or do they come in and check the monitor and shove their hand up inside you occasionally? Do they help you remember to keep your voice low, help you with your hip swaying, recommend hot water soaks, help you walk or choose better positions? Do they hold your hand and encourage you through transition?

You're imagining being at home alone with an OB. I don't think you really understand what it is to be at home with a midwife. It's a totally different standard of care, and it is a lot more care, practiced much more thoroughly and diligently. You are under FAR better care with a midwife at home than with an OB or CNM at the hospital.

But don't take my word for it, go find the midwife that's right for you and let her teach you about homebirth. You'll never look back.

-Lindsay

[christmasevetwins]

Thanks so much to all of you who took the time to reply to my questions and concerns. After reading all of your suggestions, I think my next step should be to contact a local midwife and set up an interview.

I had no idea that midwives carried oxygen or pitocin to home births. I'm sure there's a list somewhere on here of questions to ask a mw during an interview. I'll look for that and add some of my own.

About infections and germs from a hospital . . . I can share proof that that exists. Two days after I delivered dd#2 I was terribly sick - turns out I had a parasitic intestinal infection - giardia lambia. Nasty little bug. I had been fine before going to hospital and hadn't been anywhere else but home since I had delivered. It had to be from the hospital.

Thanks again. I've learned so much information in just the last few days. I hope to stick around throughout my pregnancy and learn even more.

Olivia

[CrunchyKat]

You should check out what your city offers for birthing classes. Many offer classes that are geared toward homebirths, natural childbirth, water birth, and no-meds birth. Basically its a Bradley Method class, but they give you lots of info about homebirths and teach you everything you'd want to know. Most women in the classes that I attended had midwives and were planning on a home or water birth and not using any meds.

I highly highly recommend having a home birth vs. a hospital birth. Like someone else said, the chance of catching a virus in a hospital is much higher than catching one in your own home, because your body has built up natural defenses to the bacteria that you live in. Also, for me it was much less stressful and nerve wracking to have my daughter at home. The only family I had there was my husband and my mother and it made for a very relaxed and joyful labor! To me, lying in my own bed in my own room, listening to music, having the lights dimmed, and having candles and inscense buringing was ideal. Obviosuly that's not the kind of thing you can do at a typical hospital.

I recommed you pick up Natural Childbirth: The Bradley Way if you already haven't. Gentle Birth Choices: A Guide to Making Informed Decisions About: Birthing Centers, Birth Attendants, Water Birth, Home Birth, and Hospital Birth was great. Active Birth: The New Approach to Giving Birth Naturally was a good one. Also, I practiced Hypnosis. It may or may not work for you, but I swear by it. Try Hypnosis for a Joyful Pregnancy and Pain-Free Labor and Delivery. I printed off my affirmations and hypnotic suggestions and taped them on the wall next to my water birth tub. While I was in labor I would look up and read them over and over again, and I was able to block out the pain, REALLY!

Anyways, good luck to you, hope I was of some help.

[cathicog]

Read everything you can get your hands on(except What to Expect while you're expecting, and the Girlfriends guide to pregnancy (they should both be burnt!))
about homebirth(Sheila Kitzinger and Ina May Gaskin are wonderful) and there are tons of others. I had my first homebirth 24 years ago, and then a UC...I will never birth in a hospital again if I can help it...too dangerous!

[my4magpies]

I have 4 kids...my last 2 were HB's/my 1st baby was high risk, hospital, epidural, etc. She was 6 wks early. 2nd baby was birthing center with a little amount of pain meds, with an MD/midwife team/ 3rd & 4th were both unplanned pregnancies, but had them at home with midwife. I loved it and wouldn't do it any other way. Read as much as you can about HB's, midwives, doulas, etc. I was so scared to give birth to my 3rd, but I read everything that I can to inform myself!!
Also...don't let outside influences sway you one way or another. There are a lot of people out there who will not support your decision for a HB or who will look at you like you are nuts!! But there are people out there who think it's great!!

Rhonda

[Sea_Gal]

Originally Posted by LeosMama

But midwives don't let it get that far.

Midwives monitor you constantly in non-invasive, effective ways. In a hospital, they slap a monitor on your belly and tell you not to move. Then they flip out when there are heart decels. The midwife will use a doppler and move WITH you so you are walking and moving and changing position. She will observe your attitude, your face, your body to see if there are problems arising. If there are fetal heart decels, she will get you to move, change position, do lunges, whatever is needed to shift the baby and get the heart rate up. In the hospital, they see the decels and wait. And wait. And wait. And wait, and then flip out and cut you open. Nobody is watching you, they just have that stupid monitor on you and pretend that is healthcare. It's not, it's negligence.

And do you get moral and mental, emotional support from OB nurses? From the OB? Or do they come in and check the monitor and shove their hand up inside you occasionally? Do they help you remember to keep your voice low, help you with your hip swaying, recommend hot water soaks, help you walk or choose better positions? Do they hold your hand and encourage you through transition?

-Lindsay

That was a great post

And Oliva this was a great thread to start.
Some days I feel sure and other days I feel like, how did I get here?

Anyway here are some articles that helped me.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_birth
parenting.ivillage.com/pregnancy/plabor/0,,6rl1,00.html
http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/

Good luck, may you have the birth of your dreams.

[LeosMama]

Here's a great page on midwife interview questions:
http://www.midwifemama.com/interview_midwife.html

[Sea_Gal]

Originally Posted by LeosMama

Here's a great page on midwife interview questions:
http://www.midwifemama.com/interview_midwife.html

That is the best list of midwife questions I've come a across!
I'll use them tommorow at my midwife visit.
LeosMama you rock!

[LeosMama]

oh gee whiz....

[PancakeGoddess]

Olivia - Where in OH are you? PM me if you want to talk specific about Ohio birthing options, at least in the southern half of the state :-)