How to work with the office staff/principal

[Drewsmom]

We recently moved to a town and my child will be attending Kindergarten next year. I called ahead of time to see if I needed to make an appt to tour the school and ask questions and was told no just to stop by.

When I got there the office staff treated me VERY rudely and initially told me no that I couldn't take a tour. Then after pressing a little bit they reluctantly took me down to a classroom. The teacher was excellent and introduced herself immediately. Noone else (ie the lady from the office staff) was making herself available to answer questions so I began asking the teacher. The office staffer left me in the classroom and a few min.s later the principal appeared (she's brand new) saying, (I kid you not)

"Excuse me, the office staff just let me know that you were asking too many questions and you need to let the teacher do her job and attend to the children. This is observation only."

I thought that she was going to invite me back to her office to answer my further questions. I could NOT believe that she had said it that way to boot! Hello, could you at least try to be a little saavy?

The message seemed really clear....let's put you in your place. I was so infuriated by it. The principal walked off back to her office.

I then took the "official" tour (a couple of days later). The PTA VP was there to give me the tour (apparently it's new policy that they don't want office staff doing tours but want PTA volunteers.....then TELL me that please.) The Principal walked down at one point to let her know that there was another family. The PTA VP tried to introduce me and the principal said nothing but went on talking about how hard her morning had been to the PTA woman with no acknowledgement that I was there or had met or anything about our previous encounter.

I am really a very nice person and easy to get along with. I tried to be extra polite coming in to start us off on a good foot. I am so sad at the experience that we had and it's left me questioning whether I should send my child to this school.

What would you do?

[Flor]

I'm sorry you had that experience. I worked with a principal just like that. How do you get far in administration with no people skills? Do you have other options or is this the school down the street?

[boongirl]

You need to write what you wrote here in a letter to the superintendent. Don't hesitate because I can tell that, as a teacher for 10 years, this is the appropriate response to the rudeness you experienced. It was completely uncalled for. Write a letter to the superintendent and, a week or so later, call that person's office as a follow up to make sure they read your letter. Then, ask the super what is going to be done to insure that the principal treats others more cordially. A principal's job is a very hard one, particularly if she is new. But, parents should expect, and get, polite and efficient treatment from the school at all times.

[lauren]

Oh that sounds so unsettling! How did they even know in the office that you were asking questions, do they have secret intercoms?!

It's hard to say what to do, if this is the "culture" of the school. I wonder about writing a letter? I think sometimes schools are clueless as to how they come across to the public and if they did have a reflective letter describing how you felt (obviously without attacking), the principal might choose to behave differently and perhaps set up different protocols for visitors.

so sorry to hear this.

[turtlemama77]

Wow. We had a director at our charter school who came across great in interviews, but then we later found out he had NO social skills. That sounds like something he would have done. It was so frustrating for everyone involved, teachers, staff, parents, volunteers...ugh. I would definitely write a letter, and maybe consider sending a copy not only to the superintendent but also to the school board. What a poor first impression!

As far as whether or not to send your child to that school, I think it depends on what other options you have. Are there other schools nearby that you can look into? What did you think of the classroom/teacher that you did get to see? In most cases, (at least in my experience) students have very little contact with principals, but since principals often set the tone in the school it could be an issue, or it may not be. Unless I was absolutely blown away by the teachers/classrooms, I think I'd be looking for a school where everyone who walks in the door is treated warmly and politely.

[ChristaN]

We've have two different principal experiences and I can tell you that a principal who is difficult to work with as a parent tends to set a negative tone for the whole school. In our neighborhood school, the principal is a dictator like that. This is my girls' third year at that school. We will be changing to a charter next year. Every problem that we have had has been addressed either not at all or with a "this is the way we do things and don't question us b/c we are the professionals, not you" approach. In the past 5 years, almost the entire teaching staff has turned over including most of the good teachers (like the one with whom you spoke) partially b/c the principal is hard for the teaching staff to deal with as well.

At one of the other schools we were considering, the principal was the most wonderful man I have ever met in that position. If I'd ask a question of the office staff even if they'd answered it, he'd call me later to follow up and make sure that I got the answer and see if I needed anything else. This principal was kind of forced out by the district last year (long story) and the parents rallied behind him, wrote letters to the local papers, etc. There are still occassionally letters in the paper saying how great he was and what a shame it is that he is no longer there.

My point is, the principal really does matter regardless of how great the teachers are. Great teachers will not stay at the school long if the principal creates a hostile environment. Personally, I'd tour some other local schools and trust your instinct on what is best.

[boongirl]

Originally Posted by ChristaN

In the past 5 years, almost the entire teaching staff has turned over including most of the good teachers (like the one with whom you spoke) partially b/c the principal is hard for the teaching staff to deal with as well.

My point is, the principal really does matter regardless of how great the teachers are.

THe problem with this attitude is that the district will not pay much attention to teacher turnover unless parents complain. The principal can make something up for the district, to cover up for bad leadership. But, parent complaints are worth gold. If you experience a bad principal, call or write to the superintendent. It is the only way things will change. No one should have to put up with a dictator as school principal. It will trickle down and affect your child's school experience.

[ChristaN]

We did complain to the district office last year. The principal has been bad mouthing me to many other parents as well as the staff since then. I heard from a teacher with whom I have a good relationship that she was saying negative things about me (naming me by name) to the entire teaching staff in a staff meeting. I saved one of the nasty messages that she left me on my answering machine last year.

She is now leaving -- I bow down to whatever power made that happen . This will be her last year as a principal from what we hear. Although she is technically "retiring," I am not sure how voluntary it is. I agree with you and I was upset with the other parents in dd's class last year who refused to complain about the teacher problem b/c the year was almost out and their kids wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. That attitude just passes the problem on to the next set of kids. I am hearing the same complaints we had last year regarding the teacher dd had from parents whose kids are in her class this year. It is disappointing.

Even though my kids will not be at this school next year, I am glad for the children who remain that things may improve with a different administration.

[mattemma04]

When we moved I found our local elementry school right away.I asked a lot of what I thought were questions that any parent would ask(schedule,curriculum,teachers,policies), and got very few answers. They did however give the enrollment papers!
I decided they would NOT be getting my kids and the money that they came attached with. We will however use their playground quite often

Best wishes to you!

[lab]

Drewsmom!

Wow, you are close to me. I'm in the next county over in the Weddington School District.

I cannot believe how rudely you were treated. Sounds like the principal at Antioch Elementary! Just kidding!

Anywho, if the principal didn't want you to disrupt the class then why did the office staff allow you to go in the class? That's crazy.....

I can understand why the principal didn't want the class to be interrupted, but the office staff allowed that! They should have accomodated you a lot better than that! How rude.

I can't believe the difference in between your phone call and showing up. Makes me wonder if a volunteer didn't answer the phone the first time and tell you to come on down.....

I wanted to comment that the exchange between the PTO VP and the Principal seemed very cliquish to me. Almost like they (the principal) were making it clear that you didn't belong and weren't part of the 'inner' circle.

If it were me, I would get on the board and show my stuff!

I wouldn't worry about not sending him there. The principal seems a little stuffy and uptight, but she may have been having a bad day. I would definitely give her another chance. The staff member obviously screwed up. Get the number for the PTO Pres or another PTO member and feel them out. I may actually know of the school if it's Elizabeth Lane or Mckee.

Just out of curiousity, what school were you at? Are you in the South Charlotte area? PM me if you are hesitant to respond.....

OH! I almost forgot. I wanted to second ChristaN's post that a negative principal will absolutely set a bad tone for the entire school. See my rude, but accurate, reference to Antioch above!

[medeanj]

I agree with the other PP. You should write to the Superintendent about the incident. As far as I am concerned it is your taxes that is paying the principal's salary. The staff should also be brought to his/her attention as well. Their ineptness of not telling you upfront that they were not permitted to show the classrooms w/o a volunteer was uncalled for. They should have also mentioned this during your initial call.

It seems that there is no real policy regarding tours/'welcome' visitations. Perhaps this should be brought up with the PTA. OK, fine the PTA VP gave you the tour, but that tour should also include a short chat time with who would possibly your child(ren)'s teacher. It need not be long...15 minutes, tops.

It was not like you were being the nosey agressive parent who gets into everything.

Let us know what happens.

[Drewsmom]

Thank you, thank you for all of your responses. Each response has given me a bit to think about and a bit of direction. Being new to the whole experience as this is my first child I didn't even think about writing a letter directly to the Superintendant.

I will definitely do that but since our county (Mecklenburg) is one of the top 5 largest in the country (it's incredibly huge) I wonder if he/she will pay any attention. I will however follow-up with a phone call. Great idea.

lab, you're probably going to die when I tell you b/c this school is supposed to have the best reputation around but it's Davidson Elementary. I think unfortunately that the last principal although people raved about her was the classic dictatory (don't know for sure) but people continually rave about Davidson Elementary I think in part 1/2 b/c they hear others rave about it and 1/2 b/c they think their children are getting an excellent education based solely on test scores.

[GotKids?]

Oh my gosh! That's AWFUL!!! I think you're making a wise choice as to write the SI with a follow up call. I may even go as far as to writing the principal a letter as well. Sorry you had such a bad experience!