Sex Sos

[xmasbaby7]

Anyone here had painless sex? Anyone here want to have sex but it is too excrutiating? Does it go away?

We have tried twice, and I don't know if it is par for the course or if it has to do with my tears and how the MW stiched me up or what.

Then a friend of mine who had a c-sec dais it took until about month 10 for sex to feel good again, and she didn't even deliver vaginally.

This is really bumming me out and I am worried. Fear of episiotomies was what led me to look into natural childbirth several years ago because I had read that some women suffer severe sexual side effects.

What a horrble irony that my 29-hour home birth may have caused the same thing.

[Taedareth]

Thank you for starting this thread - I've been wondering the same thing!

We weren't able to have sex until 10 weeks postpartum because my (small) tear was healing. Now it's healed, but at 14 weeks pp sex is still really painful and I'm wondering if it will hurt permanently? My midwife said that my bladder is now kind of poking into my vaginal barrel (I forget the name for this condition) and it's a really common thing that happens as a result of childbirth. Kegels are supposed to help a little but won't actually fix the condition. I guess it's permanent. So.... is sex never fun again after baby #1?

[darkpear]

It was painful for me for months after dd1 was born. Things did eventually return to normal though.

This time I am already back to normal except for the usual BF-caused dryness.

[IncaMama]

well...i have a slightly different issue...i can't feel a damn thing. as one of my dear friends put it, it's like throwing a wrench in a closet. LMAO!!!
oh god that's depressing.
sooooo um...it's equally non-enjoyable for me, but not painful. i must be the size of a damn football stadium in there!! *WAAH*

[Jeanne_L]

it's been pretty painful for me, too. i had a small tear and only 2 stitches, and i do feel like maybe its the way she stitched me...i actually came across a thread in life w/a babe recently... i'll try to find it... but basically a lot of people said the pain is due to scar tissue and stretching it helps get things back to normal. ie have a lot of sex and eventually it won't hurt something like that. any of you experienced mamas have a gentler solution?

[Jeanne_L]

here's that other thread

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=422334

[allnaturalmama]

I'm certainly no expert on this, but I can share my experience.

With DS1, I had a HUGE 4th degree sideline episiotomy that took 10 weeks to heal. Sex after that was scary and hurt for a long time, about 6 months, maybe longer. Our sex life was pretty pitiful that whole first year. After DD2 and DS3, it was totally different. We went slow the first time, and after that, our sex life was back to normal.

My personal theory is that after my first child, my biggest hurdle was not the physical healing (even though that was a definite part of it), but the emotions I had every time we got up the nerve for sex. My fear of pain was self-fulfilling, because I couldn't relax enough to trust the experience and go with it; I wasn't allowing the hormones to take over, and therefore wasn't nearly as aroused as I needed to be for lubrication and enjoyment of the experience.

(I'm not saying this is the case for all the mamas on the thread, just what I learned about myself in retrospect.)

With my next two children, I had a much more relaxed attitude about sex. "We'll try it gently with me on top, in complete control, and if it's not comfortable, we'll stop and try it again in a few more days." is what I told myself. Because I took the pressure off myself that it had to be a perfect encounter the first time, and I knew we would stop if I wasn't comfortable, I took away my fear and allowed myself to relax enough to let the hormones take over.

I actually find sex even more fulfilling now after my third child than ever. Hang in there mamas - this too shall pass!

[Spark]

Everyone's using lubricant, right? Nursing dramatically cuts down on vaginal secretions for the first few months.

[aisraeltax]

i was ok after about 4 weeks; well, enough to have sex. but, its never been teh same as it was. i have just been going with the flow and suckign up the pain, but im glad you posted b/c i thought i was the only one. it doesnt hurt as much as it did, but it still hurts and it does feel like its at an area where i tore, if that makes sense. with my first 2, i had c/s;s and never had any problems. dh and i went for about 2 weeks until last weekend and he was about to climb the walls and gets in a pretty pissy mood, so i just do it "for the team". my dh is not nearly as sweet as Michelles!!!
rach

[IncaMama]

LOL yeah i'm not sure if it's him being sweet or just totally not turned on by my pathetic ass anymore. LMAO!!!

ok so am i the ONLY one with a friggin windsock for a hooha now??

[beachcomber]

I'm nowhere near ready either emotionally or physically. My perenium is still not completely healed and I get spotting whenever I strain. Probably TMI but there ya go. Given that my babe will be 12 weeks on Thursday, I'm a bit concerned about this.

[DesireeH]

With DS1, I had a HUGE 4th degree sideline episiotomy that took 10 weeks to heal. Sex after that was scary and hurt for a long time,

That was me the first time around. I think it has to do with tearing/stitches, etc?

Cause this time I havent had any pain (with one exception cause dh took stinking forever, LOL) and we've been dtd since 3 weeks pp. But no stitches this time, only a tiny tear

[Panthira]

It took about 7 weeks postpartum for my coochie to stop hurting and burning, but after that was up I've had no pain and yeah... this is weird, I'm not usually so uncomfortable talking about this stuff IRL, but writing it down seems to make me a bit shy on the subject of sex. Interesting.
Anyway, maybe because I'm a tense person and I'm clenching down there a lot just in everyday life, I'm pretty... uh, tight? hehe
So I'm guessing that kegels will help you there, Michele.
And I have no problem with lubricating naturally, even though I'm nursing my babe.
My gall bladder's out, my feet want to die with every step I take, yet my sexual function is just fine. My body is doing it's job as far as procreation goes, bastard body.
Honestly though, I don't have too much drive. A little, but not much, and I think that's related to nursing.

Are there any exercises or salves you can use to help heal the pain?

P.S. I tore in several places, I think it was 2nd degree tears? I tore along an old episiotomy scar, and had to have stitches but they hurt soooo much less than the cut the damn doctor gave me (without asking) two years ago.

[IncaMama]

yeah that's the weird thing...at my 6wk pp, my mw told me that i had some of the strongest muscles she'd ever seen pp. i do kegels daily, have since i got pregnant. so it *should* be fine!!

last night was much better, i gotta say...LOL so maybe it was a fluke?

[spiralmg]

After DS I had some sharp small pains where the midwife-in-training gave me 1 tiny stitch for my 1 tiny tear. My feeling is that she somehow manage to do it poorly. I still can feel that sometimes. BUT after DD's birth (#2), it feels MUCH better and so do I. Maybe the scar tissue stretched? So, there is hope!

[xmasbaby7]

I told my MW about the sex pain today during the pap and she did a careful inspection of the stitches and sore places. What is causing the pain is the scar tissue at the stitch site that isn't as elastic as the rest of the area.

She gave me estrogen cream to rub on it for a week to see if it will soften, and she said unfortunately to have sex through it and it will get much better.

A glass of wine and different positions also suggested. Thought I would pass along.

A TMI report may come your way soon...

[Thursday Girl]

i haven't had pain, a little dryness yes. After DD 1 it was almost like a virgin(touched for the very first time) or what a first time should be like all slow and careful and a little sore. after josephine i wasn't sore and probably could have done it sooner but ws just to distracted. the only thing that sucks is the condoms. he says he can't feel anything. can someone tell me how you are suposed to use NFP without a period???

Courtney

[hottmama]

Here's what I posted in that other thread: "After my first was born, I had pain at the site of my episiotomy until my second was born in December (unassisted, no tearing) and the birth of my second seemed to fix me somehow- I haven't had pain since and have been having sex again since Luka was a little under 3 weeks old. If I could go back in time I would try to heal it myself by stretching the scar tissue manually (as I'm assuming that's what happened with the birth)."

I can't believe I spent the 3 years in between births dealing with pain from that stupid f-ing episiotomy. It wasn't constant, and I did have painless sex much of the time, but it would hurt for a few days here and there.
I waited 4 weeks after my first birth to have sex and it hurt the first few times but was fine by 3 or so mos.