Help me convince DH and Others

[katzmark04]

: Dh and i met with a MW last week and he seemed all on board, Well it turns out his dad chewed him out and told him he was crazy, now he doesnt want to do it. He says that he thinks it will be safer in a hospital. I have already had one normal hospital birth with no problems- so the chances are low somehting will happen. I want to try to find some information or a spread sheet type thing that will show the diffrence between hospital and home,
( i will also be using this for everyone else who gives me a hard time) I have looked at alot of the links MDC has given but nothings quite what i am looking for. He is not a reader, so i just need the facts, Plan and simple.

PLease help me or i will be having another horrible hospital birth:

[CrunchyKat]

I can't remember where I found all my info, but all I can tell you is that I just researched, researched, researched. By the time I had hired my MW and decided on a HB/WB I knew why. I knew why it was safer, I knew why it was for me, I knew why no one was going to change my mind. I had almost a "script" that I used over and over. But my reasons for wanting a HB may be different than yours. I would suggest researching more and really find what motivates you into having your HB. And there's your answer. You take that and use that as your ammo. Anytime anyone attacks you for what you've chosen to do, you use your "script" and why it's important to you to have a HB. I'm sure you'r DH will come around with time. The SAME THING happened with my DH. He didn't know how to stand up against his family, and he really didn't know why it was a safer choice. Once I went over everything with him and let him research it on his own, he chose that it was best for him as well. The point is, most likely not everyone will agree with you. They will critisize you and try to convince you otherwise. But if you know why you want to do it, and stick to it, then everyone should respect you and your DH and the decisions you make about YOUR birth. Good luck to you!

[ColoradoMama]

I know I've said this on this board before, so if I sound like a broken record - sorry. Also, this is my story which won't work for everyone, so I'm not trying to say you SHOULD do this. Okay, disclaimers over! I told dh flat out, "I am not willing to let you put me and our child in danger just so you'll feel better." That caught him off guard and while he was catching his breath I continued on with, "These are the statistics..., this is the research..., etc." I also pointed out that I had done a lot of research, so if he had research to show me - I would be willing to look at it, but if he didn't - don't insult me by acting like I want to do something stupid. I wasn't mean or angry when we had this discussion - just firm. He took me seriously and from that point on we had very good discussions about it. Now, he is a huge homebirth advocate! I'm sorry that I don't have the hard facts in front of me because this has been a while! I'm sure others here can give you those though. Good luck to you!

[Tofu the Geek]

Why is he talking to his father about it? Seriously the birth of your baby is between you and your DH. You don't have to tell anyone else anything if you don't want to; let everyone else think what they want. If you've met with a midwife, meet with her again and get her to talk about the safety of homebirth with your husband. Then, don't worry about providing info for others. It's not up to you to convince them homebirth is safe; it's YOUR birth, not theirs. If they are so interested in hounding you about it, then they can go do the research on it.

[TurboClaudia]

get yourself a copy of Henci Goer's book The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth. it's full of facts and statistics and very adaptable to the male way of thinking.

wishing you peace on your journey...

~claudia

[Peony]

Originally Posted by TurboClaudia

get yourself a copy of Henci Goer's book The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth. it's full of facts and statistics and very adaptable to the male way of thinking.

wishing you peace on your journey...

~claudia

I read many a quote out of there to DH.

[PancakeGoddess]

Yes, and I want to second Techno - this is not up to anyone but you and your spouse (and I'm not even totally sure I think a spouse has a say, but it helps to have them on board, obviously)

[theelfqueen]

Definitely check Henci Goer -- both her books and her site - hencigoer.com, there's links to several of her articles there.

Also www.childbirthconnection.org has some really good info on choosing homebirth.

[Emilie]

Ouch.... I did not let dh tell his dad until a few weeks before.
Get dh more informed. Explain to him that fil's reaction is NORMAL- he knows nothing of homebirth- YOU DO! You researched this- you feel this is right- this is YOU that is the person that matters!
Get him to read some things- and go on with what you want. If FIL approaches you- tell him it is safe- get him some handouts and so be it.
( my fil was mainly worried about the money!LOL!)
INFORMATION is the key here. It is very unknown to most folks- so of course it is SCARY!
Have him read a few birth stories on here etc. And above all- you get comfortable. And by all means- tell dh to keep his darn mouth shut!
Sorry this happened!!!!!!!
Really- what does fil know at all about birth?
Hmmm...
Em

[eirual]

i thought i had already replied to this thread?!...guess not!

Anywhoo, my hubby was dead-set against a home birth at first, he even went so far as to call it 'selfish' of me to put my WANTS before the SAFETY of the baby! So anyways, the one thing that changed his mind was

a) when we met with the midewife for our info session (at 32 wks when i realised i really didn't want a hospital birth) I asked her every possible question I could think of about everything that could possibly go wrong (trying to think of all the Qs/doubts/concerns he had in his head but wouldn't ask). She was a super-star, after that meeting i trusted her completely!

b) The midwife made a single point that eased his mind completely. And that is that even at the hospital, there is still time needed to prepair for an emergency c-section. You generally have 30mins after detecting signs of stress to actually get the baby out. so if something did come up, there would be no dif. between being prepped in an ambulance on the way to the hospital vs. being prpped at the hospital. And to add to that, there aren't always docs who can do c-sections at the hospital 24/7 even if you're at the hospital, they could still have to call in a doc. for an emergency c-sec. and you'd be waiting for however long their travel time is.

needless to say, I got my home birth (and verry glad I had...had I been in the hosp. I guarantee you i would have had a c-sec. - but thanks to being mobile and able to feel my body and what was going on and what had to be done, I was able to get my baby out safely!)

WISHING YOU THE BEST!

[eirual]

Sorry, I have to add one more thing:

After my hubby returned to work he was talking to some of his co-workers about their roles in their wife's birthing experiences, and they all agreed that at the hopital they felt 'in the way' and unappreciated. Whereas in our homebirth he was a very important participant and completely helped me through contactions and was an amazing support, and most importantly he was respected by the midwives who acknowledged the importance of his role.

So even fathers can find homebirths empowering!

[Guest*]

Here is a link to a study published in the British Medical Journal last year. It confirms what midwives and homebirthers have known for ages...homebirth is SAFER and MORE SATISFYING than a hospital birth. It's mostly numbers and brief descriptions, so your DH shouldn't have trouble spending 15 minutes looking this over.

http://bmj.bmjjournals.com/cgi/conte...505/1416?ehom_

[hypatia]

There are two things that I've noticed making people feel better. I think they work on a subconscious level, because it doesn't seem like they should make as much of a difference as they do.

I tell people:

1) My midwife carries oxygen.
This one shocks them because the image they conjure in their minds of a midwife is either someone from a historical fiction novel or a hippie who rejects everything medical. The mention of oxygen demonstrates on a subconscious level that she has medical training and skills. And also, if she has oxygen, which is pretty hard core medical equipment, they will imagine she has a lot of other medical acoutrements as well (which she may or may not have -- portable stirrups?). All in all, mentioning oxygen makes them conjure up an image of your birth that is more medicalized than it actually is.

2) Insurance pays for homebirth. Even if insurance doesn't cover YOUR homebirth, some people feel soothed by hearing that insurance covers some. If insurance will pay for it, it makes it seem more solid and less like voodoo.

[Emilie]

Yes- i use the insurance one too!
That is good info!

Thanks
Emilie

[Lazyhead]

i think i mentioned this somewhere else--ina may gaskin's guide to childbirth. it won my mother over and she was pleading with me and in tears out of fear for my safety to NOT have a homebirth. this book made her feel better. i really feel that everyone should read it! positive birth stories to counteract all the fear that's out there about birth.

[Emilie]

how are things going mama?
Knowlege is power here...