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Former MIL's

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
Thank goodness she is my former MIL.

I have over the years since the divorce from her son, tried to be the bigger and better person. I send photo's, have the kids call her on birthday, mother's day, V day. We send care packages of artwork, invite her to soccer games, school functions. She lives about 90 miles away from us.

This all started because I invited her to a "grandparent's day" at the school. She decided she could not make it... (no surprise, but I still invite) So I wrote her a sweet note about how her former neighbor and a good friend of hers went in her place. And that she really did not miss much.

Today I get an email from her stating that she often wonders if I treat my new MIL as horribly as I have treated her. She is one of those that you walk on egg shells around, afraid to say ANYTHING to as she will take it the wrong way.

Once, at the birth of my daughter, my FIL mentioned to the ex that, "You got lucky, see what booby's mom looks like? She will look that good at her age." (I admit my mom is cute, in shape and very natural looking, my former MIL is heavy, not very pretty and has false EVERYTHING, down to the tattooed eyebrows) Anyway, Ex MIL rants from the room, screaming at her husband that he should just sleep with my mom. ..... Okay so you get the point, you can not compliment someone else without her taking it as a criticism.

So I bent over backwards, apologized for insulting her, wrote again and again that I have never had any intention of hurting her feelings, I am sorry my words hurt her. Blah blah blah.... I get back an email saying that all I ever am is a bitch, everything I say is a back handed compliment...ect.

It is because of this toxic woman that I cherish my new mom in law so very much. I have called and told her I love her many times today.

The rational part of me knows to just keep killing her with kindness. There is a part of me that wants to rip this woman a new arse hole. That she should be happy that HER friend stepped in for her, that her granddaughter has a huge supply of loving women behind her at all times.

I love my new MIL almost as much as I love my husband. She looks for the good intent behind every action, is always supportive and even loves me for me, not because I married her son. (her biggest baby boy)

Well, now that I have vented what are your Former MIL stories?
post #2 of 8
Oh, that would be the woman who slapped me whilst I was holding her 20-month old grandson, tried to stop me from collecting my children after their first ever overnight stay with their son (who was living with them at the time) and enjoyed playing her daughters-in-law off against each other. The boys had no contact with her or her husband for 3 years after that point, up until she apologised: and her husband, my former FIL has made a point of fussing over Skye. I still can't stand the woman, although she's on constant best behaviour around me these days.
post #3 of 8
Thread Starter 
I have noticed with my friends and the like, that if their MIL is a good woman, then their husbands are good men.

Seriously, my current MIL can be demanding, but is a good human, always looking for the good intent, even when she has hurt feelings. My husband is the same way. He is always calm, always gentle, notices when I am PMSsing (like now) and does what he can to help. (mostly brings chocolate)

I am raising two boys, and am really trying to learn this lesson. A stable, happy, positive mom raises good men. I think my goal as a parent is to raise the most well adjusted children I can.

My MIL let her boys know when it was not a good time to be "bugging" her. Because of the way she raised her boys, they are wonderful durring that time of the month.
post #4 of 8
I miss my former mil. Not overly fond of the new.
post #5 of 8
My former MIL is the most amazing woman.. I miss her terribly.

Her and I still speak at least twice a week (we live 3000 miles apart), we send photos and packages regularly, and she's constantly sending DD and my DSS gifts. She's not even MY mother, she's my ex-husband's mother, but she still sends my SO's son gifts!! How amazing is that?? lol

We're very close. She;s much more of a mother to me than my own mother ever was, and honestly her and I are closer than her and my ex are..lol

My new MIL, well, she's nice, and generous, but she leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It seems so fake sometimes, and her generousity seems to come with a price tag at times too... I can't quite put my finger on my issues with her yet.... Time will tell.

However, I DO NOT in ANYWAY agree that a good MIL equals a good man. My ex and his mother are prime example, and my current and his mother as well. (not saying she's not a good person, but it's hard to explain)
post #6 of 8
don't reply in the future. Just ignore it.

I love my MIL but I think mostly because she hated her former DIL and she learned just how bad it can be if she and her DIL don't get along so she works hard, very hard to be my friend. And I work hard too, for my dh's sake. I know how hard it was for him to have his wife and mom at war.

Now what I hate is the ex's mom who is always wanting to be my buddy. She was never anything to me. She is my husband's ex wife's mom. Geeze lady get a life and leave me and my kids out of it!
post #7 of 8
How interesting. I never thought about it before, but my MIL is not exactly awful, but she has a mean side. She is always at war with one of her children, most often one of her DILs - she has three. She is a terrible gossip and stirs up trouble if she can. But, she is a Christian woman. Isn't that odd? She raised her sons to often be rude and nosy and kind of mean. But they also have soft hearts too. I mostly avoid her and never ever join her in DIL bashing. This has helped us maintain a cordial relationship, which is pretty much all she has with her grandchildren...except for one's son's children. Oh, did I mention, she often plays favorites with her children and grandchildren. Creepy, isn't it?
post #8 of 8
Thread Starter 
My goodness, i think we have the same woman..

i have decided it is her loss, no more photos sent, no funny grandkid stories, nothing that would help her be part of their lives. i decided that she was not a good role model, and if she were not family, i would not be pushing for a relationship.
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