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how do you know you're enough

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
I guess I am just feeling a little inadequate(sp?) today I just don't know how I can raise my children without a father. but the thing is I know I AM DOING IT already! I guess I'm just looking for support here..my biggest fear is just screwing up with my kids though. it terrifies me.

how do you deal with these types of feelings?
post #2 of 8
I think every one of us feel that way sometimes, but with me I think about how my kids would feel. I know that my kids didn't want to see all of the fights, and see my and their dad being abusive to each other. You just have to take it one day at a time. Right now I am feeling the same way, and I really dont have anything possitive to say sorry, but I guess one possitive thing, we all feel that way, you're not alone. Good luck
post #3 of 8
well april let me tell you about my parents. they had no help to advice them. they were on their own and made some pretty big mistakes. we as children missed out on a lot. but at the end of teh day i love my parents. as i grow older - esp. after the birth of my dd i so appreciate my parents so much better. one thing i ALWAYS knew was that my parents loved me. there was never any doubt in my mind that they did anything out of anything but love. they never had bad intentions. they truly thought they were doing the right thing. so i cant blame them when they didnt even realise they were doing anything wrong. and because of that both my bro and i were determined not to make the same mistakes they did.

and so i think their mistakes have made me a better parent.

so april all i can say if u truly love your children and u try to find out if u r doing right or wrong thru research like u r doing by being here - you can never go wrong. oh yes! u will make mistakes but u will never, ever leave the connection you made with ur child. and so the mistake might never be major.

to a certain degree i feel april yours and my case is slightly different. and i really cant imagine going thru what you are going thru. hugs!!! it really brings tears to my eyes when i think of u. you dont have the anger of a thwarted spouse to give u confidence that you can do it. it must be terribly, terribly lonely and so so sad to see your children's faces and know you will never see their dad again. and therefore so much more scary.

remember you have already made an impact on ur children by being brave and just doing your duties under your circumstances. you have been the rock they needed.
post #4 of 8
My son's father has been out of his life for the past 6yrs, and i cant count how many times I've thought that. If it wasnt for the support of my family (my parents, my sister and brother) I dont know where I'd be now.

I'm new to this forum, and reading these posts and threads gets me choked up because I can see right in front of me what other mothers are going through that I've gone through.
post #5 of 8
Seriously, I think of all the dysfunctional people that I know who were raised in an "intact" family, and then I think of all of the well-adjusted people that I know who were raised by a single parent.

When I start to feel stressed, I say to myself, "be the best mama that you can be," over and over. Am I? No, not always, but it helps.

You are doing the best you can.
post #6 of 8
You know, when I get feeling like that, I remind myself that I can never be everything or do everything 'right' for my kids. In fact, I joke that no matter how hard I try, my kids will still probably end up on Oprah one day saying how they needed "x" from their mother and never got it!!!!

I use that for a little humor, but it does remind me that I can't be everything. I give them what I think they need and that's all I can do.

I know that when they are little we do the bulk of the parenting alone, but as your kids get older, there will be more people who will help 'raise' them. You won't be alone. You may find that family, friends, other families, neighbors, church leaders, group leaders, teachers, etc. may one day have a connection with your children and will help guide and nurture them too.

I know it can feel overwhelming at times. You are doing a great job with everything you've had to endure. You are more than enough for those two little ones. You will do the best you can and they will love and appreciate that for years.

Just had to add that I love what meemee wrote.
post #7 of 8
Thread Starter 
thanks mamas. knowing I'm not alone in feeling this way helps

meemee- I understand exactly what you are saying! my parents made mistakes too but I don't love them any less.
post #8 of 8
I've been there, too. What works for me is to try and focus less on being the "perfect mom" and more on being a woman that my boys can respect - own up to mistakes when you make them, praise your kids, be true to yourself and your feelings. I make mistakes, my parents made mistakes - nobody gets it exactly right. Dbf and I were talking about our childhoods last night - and you know what I realised? My parents (and I have 3) are not perfect - by a loooong shot - but they all loved me and my bros and sisters and they tried their best and I love them so dearly for that. You know - the only resentment I have is towards my mom because I feel like she has gone through her life being less than honest with herself and I just want her to be happy
When your kids are grown, they will want the same thing - for you to be happy and to have loved them with your whole heart. That's all that matters.
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