I'm on the verge of losing my patience

[Panthira]

I don't know what we have done as parents, but my 2 yr old DS is acting... well... I'm trying to not be negative but, ewwww, he's acting whiney and spoiled lately. I'm just so tired all the time, I feel like I can't take another minute..
For example, this morning he wanted a banana, so I peel him one and then he starts crying with this annoying type of shrieking sound and he says, "Noooo no banana!" over and over and I say ok, and start to put it away, but then he shrieks again and wants the banana. Everything we do lately is like this.
That's just an example. Every little thing it seems he complains about, but doesn't just complain, it has to be LOUD and painful to the ears..

His favorite expression is, "Go away, mommy" or daddy or whomever when he doesn't get what he wants.

I think what's really bugging me are the sounds that come out of his mouth, which hurt my ears and are not at all pleasant to listen to. Also the fact he makes quite a lot of resistance and it's hard to get ANYTHING accomplished.

I know he's barely just 2, but I don't remember my daughter doing this and I'm really no good when I'm this exhausted (like this post, I'm even having trouble conveying how it is with him or how I feel, or even how to spell simple words). I'm finding my temper rising and I've quelled it thus far, but the fact I feel the heat of it swelling up in my chest... it makes me uncomfortable. I've felt like screaming or just running away, or putting him in his room and locking the damn door, if it had a lock.

Most of the time I'm pretty patient with him and I can eventually get him to quiet down and talk to me without the tantrums or the constant resistance or changing his mind every two seconds (along with wailing and shrieking), but sometimes I'm just too tired to go through the long process. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, but this isn't working for us right now.
I know he's high needs or high spirited (or maybe just plain spoiled?), but jeez!

Is this post too incoherent?

[DreamsInDigital]

That sounds exactly like my two year old. I think it's pretty normal for them to whine about everything.

[xmasbaby7]

I have no experience in this, so I can't say anything from wisdom. But would this be about the time that the new baby has been around long enough to really make them mad?

I can't imagine a new arrival not causing havoc with a toddler who can't express his feelings of jealousy.

I am sure you are doing nothing wrong!

[IncaMama]

is your son named rowan? seriously...that's how my son has been too. he's a late bloomer so his doozies didn't start until about 4mos ago...juuuust in time for the new baby. nice. but yes...it sucks...and i often want to ship him overseas...but then he'll say something like "mommy's sad. mommy needs a kiss. there! all better!" and i'm like "yeah, ok...it is all better now."

just cling for dear life from cute moment to cute moment and you'll get through it.

[birthjunkie27]

Originally Posted by michelemiller

just cling for dear life from cute moment to cute moment and you'll get through it.

Well said!

[amis2girls]

Yup.

[aisraeltax]

ds2 still has that "voice" and i really have to take a few deep breaths when it comes on, but then i tell him that he needs to talk to me in his "big boy" voice. i don't know if this is anti-AP or GD or anything else, but i just cant handle whining. i do that with my friend's kids too..and they are BIGGG whiners (both girls). i love them to death but they get really really shrilly (?) and i just cant handle it. im sure im doing something wrong, but at least i get him to stop using that voice and then i can deal with his problems.
im sure he's having some adjustment to the babe...is there any way to spend some time with just him alone? that is so hard for me to do with ds2 but even at 7 (almost 8), he really needs it (i try to spend time with him alone at night but with bf'ing, there really isnt an opportunity to go out alone).
hope things get better,
rach

[Thursday Girl]

that sounds like Jewely when she was two. now that she is three she just doesn't listen at all! then when she loses a priveledge she crtys and throws herself on the ground screaming (or crys and just looks at me) saying "i'll listen i'll listen"

oh and the whine i thought i was a bad mother for thinking this but it drives me insane, it is actually the most annoying sound in the world. actually she has a couple diffrent whines but this one she only breaks out occasionally actually makes me feel violent (not that i would act on it, it just sort of sends my nerves into this vibration)

but then she does to something cute. very well said michelle.

courtney

[Panthira]

Thanks for all of the support. I really do feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes. Some days just seem way harder than others and lately he's been quite unbearable.

[M&Mmommy]

This is so common, and you are doing nothing wrong so don't worry. You sound like a good mom, and he's lucky to have you thinking of him so highly and trying to figure out what to do. Congratulations for not just going on autopilot and flipping out at the sound. How do kids manage to find JUST the right whine to drive their particular parent insane? It's a gift (LOL).

I see you're in the Bay Area. I think you'd get a lot out of this organization: http://www.parentleaders.org . Their parenting booklets just won the NAPPA Gold award for parenting resources, and they even have an article on whining here: http://www.parentleaders.org/csArtic...000/000032.htm . The examples sound like they came right from you (wants something, you give it to him, he whines he doesn't want it, you take it back, repeat).

Good luck, and I feel for you. My girls whine could open a garage door it's so high-pitched.

Shelly

[spiralmg]

Oh, the whiney voice routine just sends me through the roof. DS has been just pushing all of my buttons lately and I've been about to lose it too more than a few times. The throwing himself on the floor in a crying rage routine isn't much better. And, the routine where he just starts grabbing random objects and throwing them everywhere is pretty bad too. Especially when something comes perilously close to the baby.

I've been trying to deal with it in a couple of ways. One is to pick him up, remove him from the scene of the crime and have a little real-person-to-real-person talk with him about what he is doing (i.e. "you can NOT rip leaves off the jade plant. The jade plant is a living being just like Kitty and baby. We have to respect the plant and help it to live, and the plant is very sad when you hurt it. etc.). This allows me to harmlessly blow off a little steam while retaining (regaining?) my calm mother spirit.

The other way is to TRY MY DARNDEST to find something funny about the situation. I keep rediscovering that if I can SOMEHOW make myself laugh, I feel a lot less stressed. And I'm more likely to react in a better way to him. Notice that I said "try". Sometimes I am incapable of seeing any humor in my temporarily miserable situation.

But those cute moments sure do help.

[Thursday Girl]

i find when we are both losing it laughter is best to. i will do something silly to get us laughing, totally diffuses the situation.

[spiralmg]

Okay, we are having the worst morning ever. Daniel HIT his sister while I was taking a pee. She was peacefully sleeping and then I heard this wail from here. He told me what he did thank goodness. I've actually trusted him with her untuil now.

Then he was just doing one bad thing after another. And nothing in the least bit cute. Nothing I did worked. I feel like a terrible mother.

[mariposita]

ah, linda... sounds like he's having a hard day and needs that extra attention. is there anything you can do that would b a treat for him or at least get him involved (like make it a day focused on him)?

panthira - this is so normal. you're a great mama. i feel like this often and just keep reminding myself that i'm a good mama and my children are good kids. everyone has bad days/weeks/months.

i think we all need a big

[spiralmg]

Andrea, I think you are right...Well, help showed up (a special friend/babysitter) and we took him to the chinese dr (which he actually enjoys). But even there he kept asking to nurse, which was part of our whole horrid morning dynamic today - so that would be a treat too. But if he had his way he would nurse all day....arggg.

[wawoof]

I *so* feel for you. My almost 3yo can be incredibly difficult too. My favorite is when he asks us to do something that can't be undone, like say, buttering toast. Then he decides he doesn't want it buttered (or want us to eat the thing we just ate because he asked us to, or whatever). So we offer to rectify the thing - say by giving him a new piece of toast without butter. And then he wails that he wants "that one without butter". Love those impossible requests... Anyway, my biggest challenge is to not totally lose my temper, because I get very tempted to either yell at or lecture him. I just try to talk to him calmly and explain what the options are and why. However, someone pointed out to me recently that giving a child attention in response to tantrum is in fact rewarding the tantrum. So, now we're trying to just explain the situation, say that we understand that he's feeling a, b, c, but explain why we can't do x,y,z, and then leave it. If he keeps wailing really awfully or doing another unaccepable behavior (such as throwing things, etc) that negatively impacts someone else, I may explain that it hurts my ears (or other negative impact on me or others). We'll ask him if he would want another person to do whatever it is to him. If he persists, we explain that he will have to sit in his chair and think about being nicer to mommy (or others) if he chooses to continue that behavior. I really don't like too many external rewards/punishments for behavior because I want him to be self-motivated, but I also think it's important for him to understand that there are consequences for some negative behavior and he needs to think about others' needs/feelings. This stage is really hard!

[perditafoster]

Dr. Sears says toddlers are nothing but walking contradictions...they want their shoes on and they want them off. At the same time. And they'll throw a fit to get it! They also want 110% of mom's attention, 110% of the time,and it's still not enough attention and not enough time! My plan for getting through this is as soon as my three year old is a teenager and sleeping regularly, I"m going to go in every night at 3 AM and wake her up and demand that she get up and make me a sandwich! That'll get her back for all these sleepless nights Just kidding...

Seriously, there's no magic secret for surviving. Just enjoy the fun parts, remember that kids are cute for a reason (so we won't eat them ) and just hang in there!

[Panthira]

My plan for getting through this is as soon as my three year old is a teenager and sleeping regularly, I"m going to go in every night at 3 AM and wake her up and demand that she get up and make me a sandwich! That'll get her back for all these sleepless nights Just kidding...

Haha! My teenager is as bad (worse than) as my 2 yr old!! I was honestly ready to kick her a$$ out of my house yesterday. My sweet little girl who was such a good baby has turned into a hormonal monster! And by regular sleep, do mean sleeping all day??