need some advice from other dads for my dh

[mom_2_kaiden]

we have an 8 month old exclusively breastfed little girl...family bed...A/P parenting style (on my end) we pretty much do everything except for cloth diapers. the problem is that kaiden seems to hate her dad. he gets home from work and shes asleep...he rarely plays with her because he is tired on the weekends and i am trying to get him to stay with her in 1 room while i go to another so they can get re-aquainted...she used to adore him.

PLEASE HELP!!! i want him to have a great, healthy relationship with her!

[trini]

I'm not a dad, but wanted to respond. "Hate" seems like an awfully strong term to use for an 8 month old. Is he concerned about the relationship or is it just you? I am just asking because spending time together is the only way she will get to know him. He has to make the effort. I understand being tired. I am a WOHM, but spending time with my ds is my FIRST priority when I am home. If you are trying to give them time together but she won't stay in the room with him, you can leave the house, or close the bathroom door and take a long, deserved bath. Dad will have to interact. Now that your dd is getting older they could find an activity that is "theirs." (Saturday trip to the park, feeding ducks...)

Also, I'm no expert since my ds is just turning 8 months tomorrow, but I do think that separation anxiety and attachment to a primary caregiver is common and simply a developmental stage. She will grow out of it. And sometimes people have a hard time relating to a baby. Their relationship may very well develop as she is able to do more things and her personality really comes out.

You are smart to discuss the issue now, though. Having a child is a huge adjustment. Your dh may need to reevaluate his work schedule and weekend routines in the best interest of your family. IMO a role of a parent is more than just a financial provider. I can only assume that you are also tired, but manage to nurture your dd anyway.

[Mongo]

Dad needs to step up to the plate and take one for the team. Recently I interacted with a Dad who was taking his baby out for the first time. He didn't spend a lot of time alone with his son. I talked with Mom a couple days later and told her what a great job he did. She said she was really excited when he got home. He was estatic that he did so well on his own. She was happy that she could "have a break" now.

I think Dad needs to do what he can to interact and needs to bring to the interaction what Dads do best "play". Peek a Boo is a good ice breaker game for Dads who are away a lot. Playing "where's Daddy" teaches the child that this person is still around even though they can't see them. When Dads play it sends these little babies into overdrive as learning machines. Blowing Rasberries bridges synapes in the brain. Crawling developes positive reading skills and more importantly attention to anything arms length away.

A majority of Dads do not connect with their children until they either make eyecontact & smile for the first time or the first big belly laugh from the baby.

Dad needs to keep at it. As I have said before parenting is not easy.

[rdl2k5]

Tired on the weekends? Well, that's a great thing to say and all but when you have kids you sort of just get past that whole "I'm too tired" thing. My only request is when I get home from work that I have 10 minutes or so to change clothes and "Take care of me" After that, I'm on the team for the rest of the night. On the weekends, there are tons of things to do that don't involve heavy physical exertion. What exactly is physically exerting about laying/sitting in the floor and showing your daughter blocks, or pictures in a book. As was said, peek-a-book always works. One of my favorites was a dish towel or cloth napkin.. Just laying it over their head and pulling it away, BOO! It pretty much never fails at this age. (after the comfort level is there of course)

And the whole thing about her hating him. With my wife in school and me being involved so much, I put myself in "uncomfortable" situations a lot. Even exclusively BF babies can have a mom break. Once a baby has eaten, it's usually 2 hours before they have real desires for it again. Why not say "Here" and take a walk around the block? At some point, dad has to deal with the uncomfortable situation.

My daughter now loves spending time with me. It took some uncomfortable times for her but it's made us such a stronger family. What does mom do that dad could do? Do you show her flash cards? Pictures? While you're doing one of your activities one time, have dad sit down next to you all and join in the process. The moment she continues interest in the activity with him, get up and go do something else. Even if it's only a few feet away. We still do this now as a way to transition between people doing activities with our daughter.

There is nothing inhumane or insensitive about leaving a child in the care of a caring, loving parent. Even if they protest some. I would say that the separation anxiety decreases, but it doesn't. And it normally shifts back and forth between mom and dad. With our daughter being 16 months old, she frequently has to be heavily distracted so I can leave a door without her wanting to follow along.

The attitude of, "I just won't try" doesn't work. If you both want him to be involved and have a great relationship with your daughter, then they have to continually be placed into situations where they can nurture that success.

[papapoochie]

My DS definately prefers his SAHM over me. BUT, I noticed that if I held him while he took a little nap when he was months old, we'd become that much closer. DW was really ill recently w/a stomach virus and unable to snuggle w/DS in our family bed. I took over and Voila! dad and son are closer. There has to be an effort on the father to get closer and more involved.

Being tired is for singles! All of my single, without children friends are "I'm so tired" all of the time. Ha! if they only really knew tired. Anyway, like r2d2 said (sorry, had to do that) being tired doesn't play well w/being a parent. It's the baseline, so let's move forward.

So, in a nutshell, continued effort and interaction is the way to pave a great and loving relationship w/the little ones. Good luck.

[Tata]

I have two daughters of my own, and one is eight months old. Your daughter will get over it. She's at the, mommy is the ONLY thing in the world, phase. Soon, daddy will be a real cool thing, too. Especially as a sensory thing if he grows stuble. She will love rubbing his face. But, yes. He does need to actually interact. Otherwise he is a stranger and each time they see each other is a new time. It'll get better. Hey, I'm tired all the time. I just lay there and hold her on my legs. She digs it. My oldest bounces on me. They adapt. You become one big toy.

[Sea_Guy]

Happy daddy/daughter relationship

There have been times my daughter hasn't seemed as happy with me as with her SAHM Sea Gal, but you know, usually it's just that she's having a rough day.

I pick her up and snuggle with her. The more time I spend with her, the happier she seems with me.

Give them time -- it'll get better. Don't worry!

[thirdeagle]

I am a WOHM and my job takes just as much time and effort as his. Granted I stayed home for maternity leave. But DH kept making the excuse that DD was just a mama baby and wouldn't change. I make the effort to spend what time I can with her, and when I'm with her I'm interacting WITH her, not reading in the same room while she plays.

The more time one takes to spend with her, the more attached she will become. My parents, the nanny ... all of them have no problems gaining DD's affection, even when my parents don't see her for months (they live far away).

Yep, DD will usually come to me first for comfort if she's really upset but again, the more time DH spends with her, the more willing she is to go to him when she's upset if I ask her to. And if he really interacts with her, she might even go to him first rather than default to me.

If its really important, he can make it work. By the way - it did get better over time as DD got older (she's three now) and more interactive - and I'm hoping that it keeps getting better and better the older she gets - I think some people just deal better with older children. I also think he may be better with DD#2 coming soon now that he knows what its like.

[everettdaddy]

Try talking to your DH, there, may be other issues. I know that when I became a dad to my four children the three older ones and I were very stand-offish to each other, and to some extent we still are. It is a slow process, and one that needs to be fixed.

I was away from the youngest (14 months old) for about 6 months, and he and I have a great relationship.

I don't know your DH, but my guess is that he is kind of scared of the situation. Talk to him, I know it helped me.