leashes and harnesses for toddlers-what do you think? - Page 2

[shelbean91]

Originally Posted by mamachandi

I am astonished at the amount of mamas here on this board that use leashes. I really do not think this goes along with ap/nfl philosophies and would really like some feedback from all you mamas.

WOW! What an AP, gentle, NON judgemental statement.

It doesn't sound lke you're really asking for opinions b/c it sounds like you've already made up your mind. AP is about attached parenting, not doing what 'looks best' or fits the 'mold'. I do what is best for each of my children, leashes or not.

[Dechen]

Leashes are like a million other things: tools that can be used well or used poorly. There is nothing inherently AP or non-Ap about a toddler leash.

[mamachandi]

Originally Posted by Danielle283

I think it would be a good idea to get one for my DD because she insists on walking when we are in a store. .

oh dear she insists on walking?? hmm my dd insists on talking maybe I should get her a muzzle??

[mamachandi]

Originally Posted by shelbean91

WOW! What an AP, gentle, NON judgemental statement.

It doesn't sound lke you're really asking for opinions b/c it sounds like you've already made up your mind. AP is about attached parenting, not doing what 'looks best' or fits the 'mold'. I do what is best for each of my children, leashes or not.

I subscribe to attachment parenting and natural family living. Hmmm,I never said I didn't judge. we all do it is a natural human trait. I can't help it, when I see a child in a leash i think of a dog,donkey, horse whatever. or like a criminal having to be controled and chained up. I don't see how that is loving, ...putting them on a level with animals & criminals???what does that do to their psyche? their self esteem? their sense of trust and accomplishment? slings,carriers,hand holding this is all done out of love. human touch and closeness,bonding. it is done the world over. I don't see in other cultures people putting leashes on their children. it just seems lazy. My opinion thats all,it may be judgmental but so what .I just really want to see how many mamas who subscribe to ap/nfl also justify the leash.

[Attached Mama]

Originally Posted by ozzyemm

If you check one of the other threads, a child got snatched from a stroller. Anything can happen in the blink of an eye; we just need to prepare as much as possible.

I agree - that's what I mean - I never take my eyes off her unless I"m still physically touching her. that it has to be like that...

[maigheach]

I had a leash/harness for all three of my kids. My oldest, now 17, was really active, and most times, I couldn't keep up with him. And now, with my youngest, age 3.... well, let's just say I have bad knees, and don't think he should stay home simply because I can't run after him anymore. This arrangement has saved him from being hit by a car more than once.

[brewgirl]

I think slings, carriers, leashes, strollers, etc are all tools. I cringe when I see a child who wants to walk stuffed into a sling b/c he/she is a runner and the parent's want to keep him/her safe. I understand why they're doing it, but it doesn't seem to be a solution that makes anyone happy.

I think sometimes people think AP is a series of check boxes and forget that respecting our children is the basis for AP. Kids come in an infinite variety and not every child will mesh with every "AP" tool or idea.

Although, I don't really no why I'm bothering to write this, as the OP doesn't seem to be interested in actually entertaining the idea that there could ever be a situation where a leash was more respectful to the child than other alternatives.

[littleaugustbaby]

Originally Posted by mamachandi

I subscribe to attachment parenting and natural family living. Hmmm,I never said I didn't judge. we all do it is a natural human trait. I can't help it, when I see a child in a leash i think of a dog,donkey, horse whatever. or like a criminal having to be controled and chained up.

Maybe it's your issue, then. Because if I'm out and I see a child with a harness, I see a little kid who's allowed to walk around and explore safely. I don't usually liken small children to animals or criminals.

I don't see how that is loving, ...putting them on a level with animals & criminals???what does that do to their psyche? their self esteem? their sense of trust and accomplishment? slings,carriers,hand holding this is all done out of love.

I don't really think that wearing a harness adversly affected my daughter's psyche. She never minded it at all -- if she had, we wouldn't have used it. You're making a lot of incorrect assumptions here - that children hate being harnessed, and that all children like being in a sling or carrier. My daughter hated slings and carriers from birth. IMO, it would be less AP for me to force her into a sling than it would to put her on a harness. And when you're 3 feet tall, holding a grown-up's hand means that you've got your arm elevated so that all of the blood flows out of it. That gets uncomfortable after a while, wouldn't you say?

And while we're on the topic, I'm curious about something. Sometimes my 2 year old likes to play "doggie". She crawls on all fours, barks, pants, and asks me to throw things for her so that she can "fetch". Sometimes, she'll also get a piece of string and hold on to one and and hand me the other and tell me that it's her leash and I need to walk her because she's a doggie. If I indulge her in that play, am I somehow demeaning her or damaging her psyche by treating her like a dog?

[shelbean91]

Originally Posted by mamachandi

I just really want to see how many mamas who subscribe to ap/nfl also justify the leash.

IT's nice that you want other people to justify their actions, as I'm relatively sure that you really dislike having to justify YOUR actions to others. We all do what's best for our children. I don't have to justify my actions, b/c nothing I say will get you to say 'hmm, you know, that might not work for me, but it might work for them.' So, if you look at me and my kid is in a leash and you think I'm a piece of @$#) for doing that, I don't care.

Notice I haven't even said whether or not I use a leash/harness.

I could give you what if and you could say 'well, in that instance, it would be ok, but none other'. Then I could give another 'what if' and see if the response is the same. Then another, then another.

What if I have arthritis and can't run after my child when he/she gets away. What if we're at a playground and he/she won't come back when I call their name. What if they have a disability and don't understand 'stranger danger'. What if they're with an elderly relative who's not used to having young children around? What if the child actually *likes* using a leash/harness b/c they can walk without holding their hand up over their head to hold mom/dad's hand? What if I'm 8 mos pg and can't move as quickly as a 2 year old? What if my child has already slipped away and doesn't respond to his/her name and I ran frantically through a store, prompting a 'code adam' and NEVER want that to happen again? What if my back is not strong enough to sling a toddler for more than 10 minutes?

There are a million and one reasons that this particular tool could be used properly and it doesnt' necessarily doesn't make for lazy parents. If it doesn't work for you, fine, DON'T USE ONE. But why start such an inflammatory post bashing those who do?

[shelbean91]

Originally Posted by brewgirl

I think sometimes people think AP is a series of check boxes and forget that respecting our children is the basis for AP. Kids come in an infinite variety and not every child will mesh with every "AP" tool or idea.

Although, I don't really no why I'm bothering to write this, as the OP doesn't seem to be interested in actually entertaining the idea that there could ever be a situation where a leash was more respectful to the child than other alternatives.

:

[Monkeyfeet]

I am really re-evaluating my thoughts on these. I used to be dead set against them and I still do not believe that I would ever feel comfortable with one on MY child. However, I am trying to become less judgmental when others use them in certain situations. Recently dh, dd (17 months) and I were walking down a VERY busy street in Florida on the ocean. We were staying was on this street and we were walking 1.5 miles down the road to get ice cream. Dd did not want to be put in the stroller for the walk and she most definitely did not want the sling; she just wanted to walk. That would have been totally okay with us IF she would have held our hand, but she refused to. So we tried walking, but she would not hold our hands. We tried the stroller, that was worse. So we turned around and went back to where we were staying.
We tried again and she did the same thing. Luckily my mom told us another way to get there taking side streets so dd could walk without holding our hands on the grass. This took twice as long and by the time we got there she was quite tired so she rode back in the stroller. So it was happily solved, BUT I can now understand why someone may walk down a very busy street with their toddler on a leash.
Another instance I can understand is a dc with severe ADHD or something similar. A good friend of mine with older children said that she used one on her youngest. She had 4 children in 6 years and the youngest has Autism, a TBI, torettes and ADHD. He would just run off very easily. So instead of confining him in a stroller and not getting exercise she would use a leash. I really can see the need for it.

Now, I must admit when I saw a child about 5 yo walking down a quite street in the Adirondacks on one, I thought that was a little bothersome for me. But I am REALLY trying to get over making judgments w/out knowing the situation. Just because I am not comfortable with one does not mean that it is wrong.

[shelbean91]

Originally Posted by Monkeyfeet

I am really re-evaluating my thoughts on these. I used to be dead set against them and I still do not believe that I would ever feel comfortable with one on MY child. However, I am trying to become less judgmental when others use them in certain situations. Recently dh, dd (17 months) and I were walking down a VERY busy street in Florida on the ocean. We were staying was on this street and we were walking 1.5 miles down the road to get ice cream. Dd did not want to be put in the stroller for the walk and she most definitely did not want the sling; she just wanted to walk. That would have been totally okay with us IF she would have held our hand, but she refused to. So we tried walking, but she would not hold our hands. We tried the stroller, that was worse. So we turned around and went back to where we were staying.
We tried again and she did the same thing. Luckily my mom told us another way to get there taking side streets so dd could walk without holding our hands on the grass. This took twice as long and by the time we got there she was quite tired so she rode back in the stroller. So it was happily solved, BUT I can now understand why someone may walk down a very busy street with their toddler on a leash.
Another instance I can understand is a dc with severe ADHD or something similar. A good friend of mine with older children said that she used one on her youngest. She had 4 children in 6 years and the youngest has Autism, a TBI, torettes and ADHD. He would just run off very easily. So instead of confining him in a stroller and not getting exercise she would use a leash. I really can see the need for it.

Now, I must admit when I saw a child about 5 yo walking down a quite street in the Adirondacks on one, I thought that was a little bothersome for me. But I am REALLY trying to get over making judgments w/out knowing the situation. Just because I am not comfortable with one does not mean that it is wrong.

Thank you for posting this.

[Danielle283]

Originally Posted by mamachandi

oh dear she insists on walking?? hmm my dd insists on talking maybe I should get her a muzzle??

She is only 15 months old and when we are in a busy grocery store, I would rather her stay in the cart instead of trying to chase after her down the isles. Talking and running around a store are two different things.

[rainbowmoon]

you can read this 28 page thread I started about using leashes.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...sh+rainbowmoon

I did get one but we have used it once so far (at Disneyland). DS (2) loved it. I didn't I have decided to rethink putting him in situations I would need it in and so far haven't. but I do keep it in the diaper bag just "in case". my DS does not like to hold hands and is a runner.

[~member~]

Originally Posted by mamachandi

oh dear she insists on walking?? hmm my dd insists on talking maybe I should get her a muzzle??

ITA. It's a lazy way to parent, the use of a leash on a human being, especially a child.

As for the use of leashes on dogs, they are for protecting humans from being chased and bitten by dogs who were never properly trained.

Why use one on a child unless you think you cannot control your child?

Attachment Parenting is about letting your child develop security and know that their parents love them and care about them. Using a leash negates all of that.

Using a leash is not lving, not caring, and it is dehumanizing.

If a toddler hates the grocery store, why force them along? You wouldn't force your best friend to go shopping with you, why force your child?

[~member~]

Originally Posted by brewgirl

Kids come in an infinite variety and not every child will mesh with every "AP" tool or idea.

Although, I don't really no why I'm bothering to write this, as the OP doesn't seem to be interested in actually entertaining the idea that there could ever be a situation where a leash was more respectful to the child than other alternatives.

Why is a leash even in the "toolbox"? What happened to using other responsible human beings to help you with your child? That is way more respectful than putting them on a leash.

[royaloakmi]

I'm telling myself . . . "breathe deep, breathe deep":

I have twins and we used leashes when they were about 14-16 months old. They would NOT hold my hand, nor would they ride in a stroller (who wants to ride when you've discovered you can walk?). My old stand-by option was to put one in a back pack and carrry the other - they didn't want any part of that either.

So, since staying home and going crazy was not an option, I used harnesses to get them safely from the car and through parking lots to the library, rec center, etc. I could also make sure one didn't wander into traffic while I got the other into his/her carseat.

They LIKED the leashes because they were able to do what they wanted to do: walk and explore. After a couple of months, we had developed new safe walking/waiting routines and didn't need them anymore.

IMO, I was being as respectful of their needs as possible while maintaining their safety. There is nothing inherently non-AP about leashes.

[shannonc]

Originally Posted by MamaInTheBoonies

If a toddler hates the grocery store, why force them along? You wouldn't force your best friend to go shopping with you, why force your child?

um..ok. and what do people who can't leave a two year old at home alone supposed to do? pay someone to watch a kid that doesn't like the store?

[Amylcd]

We use them. I think they are great.

They fit into my idea of AP. I would much rather have a kid on a "leash" close by than a kid who has run away. I'm using it out of love and concern - I'm doing the best thing for my child.

[Amylcd]

If a toddler hates the grocery store, why force them along? You wouldn't force your best friend to go shopping with you, why force your child?

So, do you suggest I leave them home alone? Or not go to the grocery store and then have nothing to eat? Leave them with the crackhead down the block?? It's great that you have so many people to help you with your children. MANY of us don't have that option.