traditional home

[gypsy4360]

I am a traditional wife. When I decided to stay home with my children I gave up my career. I am a homemaker. I feel that because that is my job now that I should do all of the things that come with it. I cook dinner everyday. I keep the house, do the laundry, shop for groceries. I do everything in my power to make sure that when hubby comes home he can just relax, spend time with the kids, whatever he chooses. We are both very happy with this set up. I must tell you though that my husband doesn't demand or expect this. He would help me with anything I needed help with.
Here is my problem. I feel like I have lost the respect of the other women in my life. My sister and sister's in law, as well as close friends all think I am nuts. They don't understand my reason for wanting this as my life. Is there anyone else out there that feels like traditional works best for them and thier family?

[thriftyqueen]

If you believe in your heart that you are to stay home with your kids, do it. You only have one chance to make that decision and if it is right for you and it works financially, you will never regret it. Kids grow up so fast. Don't let other people look down on you or make you feel inferior because of your decision.

Some people make comments like that because they are jealous. Other say those things because they are career oriented (and that's okay, it is just not for you). People are always going to think decisions you make in life are not right because they would do things differently.

As long as you are happy to stay at home with your kids, that is the best decision for you and don't ever let anyone look down on you. But at the same time, we should never look down on people who don't want to stay home or can't for financial reason. We all have to do what works for our own families. I commend you for taking the step to stay at home and to do what you can to make your family the best it can be. It is a joy and a challenge as is everything in life. Best of luck to you.

[rootzdawta]

Originally Posted by gypsy4360

I am a traditional wife. When I decided to stay home with my children I gave up my career. I am a homemaker. I feel that because that is my job now that I should do all of the things that come with it. I cook dinner everyday. I keep the house, do the laundry, shop for groceries. I do everything in my power to make sure that when hubby comes home he can just relax, spend time with the kids, whatever he chooses. We are both very happy with this set up. I must tell you though that my husband doesn't demand or expect this. He would help me with anything I needed help with.
Here is my problem. I feel like I have lost the respect of the other women in my life. My sister and sister's in law, as well as close friends all think I am nuts. They don't understand my reason for wanting this as my life. Is there anyone else out there that feels like traditional works best for them and thier family?

You know, I feel the exact same way even though I am only staying home for one year with my son. I just finished my master's degree and I've heard it said so many times by mother how I'm "wasting" my degree. But trust me, I am so happy being a traditional homemaker. I mean, I never even imagined how well it would suit me. I always saw myself as a "career first" kind of girl but having ds has certainly changed that. I do mostly everything in the house--cleaning, cooking, childcare, etc even though, like yours, my dh will cheerfully pitch in. I couldn't imagine a better set-up and I'm going to work so hard for the next two to three years to put everything in order to make sure I can be a homemaker for good. This is my goal (and I can hardly believe it). I really don't care what anyone has to say about it and I try not to be judgmental of folks who could stay home and care for the families and households but choose not to because of modern ideas/fear of "wasting their education." Well, actually, I do care what people think but I'm trying not to care as much and just to do what makes me happy and what works best for my family. I love that my son has me all the time and that my dh can focus on working and not worry about things at home.

[kay4]

I'm a traditional wife too and love it. I do get comments from people though. I am thin skinned but it's getting thicker lol. Wierd thing is most of the rude comments are from other sahm :

[vamp127]

I'm not a traditional SAHM, but I think that as long as you are happy and your family is happy, you are doing the right thing. It is what works for you and that is all that matters. No one has the right to judge you.

While a SAHM I've earned to Master's degrees and people continually tell me that I am wasting my talents. But I'm happy, my dc are happy, and DH is happy. That is all that matters.

[gypsy4360]

Thank you all for your input. I try to never judge another on what they choose to do. I feel like each person has to find the way that is best for them. I guess that is why I hate being judged, especially by those that I love the most.
The most important thing we can all do as mothers is support other mothers, not judge them. There are so many cases of stay at home vs. work outside the home, breastfeed vs. bottle feed, etc. As mothers we should stand as one. No matter how you do it, it is not an easy job. We need to support one another.

[klondikesky]

Joyfully wasting my education here.

I rarely get derogotory comments from others about being a traditional homemaker, but that may be related to dh being an intellectual (and former debater) and my reputation for not giving a hoot what others think about our choices. We think life through in this family, and if someone asks us 'why?', they're likely to get an earful.

[Stella_luna]

You know, I feel the same way. I have a master's degree and had a wonderful career before SAHMing. But I was never, ever happy and in fact was on Zoloft for 10 years and thought I had clinical depression. But ever since I had DD and became a SAHM, I have been happy, and peaceful, and have realized that this is what I want to do. I love cooking organic, healthful meals that are ready when my DH gets home, and keeping a clean, nontoxic home for our family. I am happy being where I want to be instead of filling some mold my parents carved out for me. My parents raised us to be career women, and my sisters (all childless, and Ivy League, highly successful career-wise) are all horrified at my life now and make fun of me. I just smile. I feel no need even to defend it. I wouldn't have understood it until I was here either. I am happy for the first time in my life and realize that even though I am good at a lot of things, mothering at home/family building is what I'm best at, and most of all, it's the ONLY thing I LOVE to do. I am happy almost all the time now and haven't been depressed in years .

[sapphire_chan]

Maybe your relatives are jealous because even though they work outside the home their dhs don't do much to help? Sort of a "misery loves company" thing?

[`guest`]

I don't know if I would qualify as a traditional wife, but I do stay home and do all that stuff. However, weirdly enough when I say that i am a sahm, I always get "that is the most important job in the world, being a mother" (not to knock those who work outside the home) anyway, I've never had a rude comment made, in fact quite the opposite. Maybe it's where I live or something?

[Pariah]

Originally Posted by klondikesky

Joyfully wasting my education here.

Me too!

[umami_mommy]

actually my partner and i decided it would be his job to work outside the house and my job would be to care for my son. we are partners in everything else.

we share the household chores and do some things together. i do the meal planning, shopping and cooking and he keeps the bathroom and does the dishes. i do the budgeting and bill paying and he takes the garbage to the dump once a week. i cut the lawn and he does the heavy work in the yard. he washes his clothes and i wash mine. we share washing my son's clothes and towels and sheets, etc. we split who puts my son to bed at night. half the time he does it and the other half i do it and on sunday my son gets to choose who does it. we alternate who gives him a bath.

or sometimes we just look at what needs to be done and we say "who wants to do what?" it's very joyful and sometimes just plain fun. i would feel really lonely if i had to do all the household chores alone. plus my whole day would be full of chores and i wouldn't have much time for my son, while he does enjoy helping me, he wouldn't want to do it for the whole day and neither would i.

i'm not sure why people would comment about what works in yur home, except maybe they see you working like a dog?

i guess if you are happy it's okay, but i do like to show my son that i can do whatever daddy does and daddy can do whatever mommy does. that's why i like to have daddy cook wth him once in a while and why he helps me with the garbage sometimes. i do think that not only are the adult needs important in what happens in a home, but balanced modeling also, so kids don't feel trapped in certain roles when they grow up. nothing worse than a collage student who can't cook or do laundry or change her oil or sew on his button or put up a window curtain in her apt. i saw it all when i was in college and it was sad. kids need varied gender roles to help them feel confident in caring for themselves when they get older.

[Mybabymommy]

You have my respect!!

What your are doing, is not "giving up" anything. Traditional wif is a honourable profession and it requires alot of hard work and talent.

Be very proud of yourself, and don't deminish yourself by worrying that other people don't respect your choice, try instead to educate them as to the benefits of your Chosen profession.

Most negativity, comes from ignorance rather than dislike kwim?

[srain]

Originally Posted by honeybeedreams

i'm not sure why people would comment about what works in yur home, except maybe they see you working like a dog?

That's my only thought- maybe I'm just plain not good at it, but since my first child was born, there's been no way I'd be able to do all the cooking and cleaning and home maintenance while my husband was at work. I'd be completely wiped out. But really respect a mother of three who can pull it off without going insane!

[Kellie_MO4]

I'm a mostly traitional wife I gt to stay home, play with the kids, make dinner, try to keep the house straight, whild DH goes out and earns the $$. I only say mostly because there are times when the house falls behind, or I just need a mental break from the kids and the house (it's hard getting out much with the kids, except to the park around the corner and story time at the library) so sometimes I'll let DH do dinner (usually sandwiches or something frozen) and I get to go out somewhere alone (usually grocery shopping..lol). So while I love my job and position, and I love taking care of my family how I do, it's nice to get that break every now and then (esp being preggo again, some down time is great). my kids are great, but VERY lively and some quiet time is nice

[It's me!]

Well, my goal it to be more like you....

I have been a SAHM since my eight yr. old was born (I also have a 4.5 yr. old and am pg. due in 8 weeks). I have run a home day care the whole time. I'm getting ready to give up the day care and be a TOTAL SAHM (you know what I mean LOL) but I'm so afraid that I can't do it. My house is a mess, I don't like to cook and I have no homemaking skills. I'm hoping I'll do better with my time but am scared that I won't. I also homeschool, so next year I'll be homeschooling 2 (my DD will just start and I'm afraid she is going to be a challenge,,,my son has always been awesome to homeschool) and a newborn. BUT my goal it to get my house under control, start cooking more/better and be a great homeschooler....we'll see. I will feel terrible if I can't pull off at least keeping the house up better though....I really want to do that for DH. (I know I can do the homeschool stuff, just worried about working out the kinks...didn't want y'all to think the keeping up the house was MORE important to me than that! LOL)

ANyway, keep your chin up, you are doing great!

[Warda_Rose]

http://homeliving.blogspot.com/
Here's a blog that may encourage and inspire traditional wives. It is Christian and even though I'm not I like it very much.
I suppose I am a traditional wife too. Maybe the problem is your friends and sisters don't know how fufilling life at home can be. The popular American culture has been pushing "career" as the best thing for women since at least the 70's.
Have you tried responded to critisms by saying "It works best for us" like you stated in your post? It seems like a good answer because its simple and true.

[kay4]

thanks for that link, looks really neat

[OnTheFence]

Thats a really nice blog.

I don't know if I am the traditional wife/mother or not. While I do all the things the OP said, I get a lot of help from my husband. He helps do laundry and helps cook and keep the kitchen in order. He has always been a very hands on dad too. Bathing the children, dressing them, changing diapers, etc. even though he has two jobs working outside the home.

But I have been at home, wasting my education as well, for ten years. I love being a wife and mother, AT HOME. (even though sometimes I do have a housecleaner come in twice a month!)

[rabbithorns]

gypsy4360 - good for you!

I think being a traditional housewife is as much a career choice as any other choice. Having lived through the militant feminist days of the 70's, (and I'm not trying to make any enemies here - just reporting my experiences) I found that motherhood and the role of full-time wife was terribly devalued. We were supposed to be moving toward choice, but that choice was poo-pooed completely. Unless you were a hippie homebirth mom/wife and already outside the norm, you were really looked at as some throwback to Victorian times to CHOOSE to stay home and be supported by a - horrors - MAN and serve him while he went out and had the exciting life you were supposed to be having.

We gained much due to feminism, but I think we lost the respect of that one choice.