traditional home - Page 3

[fuller2]

Quote:
"All working people are at the mercy of their companies' solvency and no one asks them to consider the impermanence of their position. It just seems odd."


This just isn't true. We hear about the instability of the work world all the time! People losing health insurance b/c of losing a job, jobs moving overseas (even white collar jobs), etc. The fact that no one can count on a job lasting forever is constantly in the news, which is another reason why being a SAHM seems so appealing.

As somone who's trying to balance both work I really enjoy (working toward a PhD) and being as SAH a parent as possible to my son, I do want to say that there are people who take both seriously. In my case, as a single mom I do HAVE to work (even on welfare they make you work now, by the way) and becuse of this I am even more grateful to have work that is really meaningful to me. I also am lucky to have an ex who spends a ton of time with our son--and again, the unstated question in this thread is:

Where are the fathers? Why aren't they spending more home time with their kids? Why do women still do almost all the daily parenting? If both parents worked part time and stayed home part time, the kids could have 100% of the time with parents at home, and both parents could also pursue other meaningful work (or just make some money).

[fuller2]

& incidentally, a long time ago, fathers stayed home traditonally as well! Farmers and small craftspeople almost always worked at home or very close by, and kids would help from a young age. With 18th & esp 19th century industrialization, fathers left home in droves to work in urban factories. The teddy bear (named after Teddy Roosevelt, who was president at the turn of the 20th century) was marketed to replace the fathers who were no longer at home.

[`guest`]

fuller2, good point about dad's involvement, don't much agree with you on the rest.
Dont you mean 19th and 20th century industrialization? As I remember the IR didnt start in earnest til the 19th century?

[mama_b]

I also am "wasting my education". I do admit though that I have a ways to go before I can say that I'm a traditional wife. I am still learning many homemaking skills and dh and I share many of the domestic duties.

And about this post......

Originally Posted by fuller2

I think it is great that you are staying home with your kids. If it works well for you, and you don't resent your husband even one teeny bit in the current arrangement, then it seems to be a very good thing for everybody.

The only thing I would say is, and sorry for any yukky feelings this might bring out: Are you set up in case something happens to your husband? Do you have enough life insurance to keep you at home until your kids are older? Do you have any skills you could fall back on if he left you (or you left him), or if he became disabled? Plenty of people are shocked when their partners ask them for a divorce, and obviously nobody sees an unexpected death or serious disabling accident coming. (If you want to hear some bitter stories, go to the single mamas forum.)

Also--what will you do when your kids grow up? You will probably have 20-30 more years of life then--what will you do when your kids move out? Is there really nothing else you are interested in besides your home and family?

What happens if you get divorced when the kids are grown up? (It's not unheard of for provider dads to wait for this and then ask for a divorce. Being a single women in your 50s or 60s without marketable skills is not something you want to do, and wives in this position have been left in poverty while their ex-husbands fly off to Cancun with their secretaries.)

I think it can be a big mistake to let yourself go decades without either a pretty serious cushion/insurance policy or without any marketable skills at all. When you are dependent on someone else for an income and a roof over your head, well, you're dependent on them. Again, I see no problems with being a SAHM if it makes you happy--I think in most cases it's definitely best for the kids--but I think it's a mistake to assume the way your life is now is the way it's always going to be. Sorry if this is not such a pleasant posting--but these things do happen.

Why the lecture? Why would you assume that homemakers haven't thought of these things?

[rabbithorns]

I still maintain that when folks find out a new friend works at a hospital or a bank or a retail shop, they DON'T ask "What are you going to do when this job poops out? You could be fired. Your boss could die or run away with the accounts and leave you with nothing. Do you have a back-up plan?"

That's what I mean about the devaluation of motherhood and being a wife as a "career" choice. We don't ask those questions of working people (for the most part) because we figure they know the deal. Asking those questions of a wife and mother presumes she has no understanding of the impermanence of life. I think a mother and wife is aware of this even MORE so than most people. Childbirth itself is a walk though the deep forest of life-and-death. Mothers know better than anyone about loss as well as nurturing.

According to the American Heritage dictionary a career is defined as:
a chosen pursuit; life work.

There are other definitions but not one mentions compensation or money. Being a wife and mother can be a career. And a career has nothing to do with insurance and stability; it has to do with the heart.

If you want to question the financial value of the "job", that may be a different story, but I AM compansated for my job as wife and mother, and if that job compensation changes, I will roll with the punches as with any other change in job compensation.

[natrowmum]

no learning is every wasted

i was thinking some of the anti-alzheimer advice given to our family (mother's mother has it) was to keep learning, trying new things, and reading--i know plenty of moms w/"real world jobs" who spend less time reading (i do it in the tub) learning new things (to keep up w/my kids).

i still haven't finished my degree, but i still pick up my latin and translate it when i fell like it--my dh's family goes rabid on the subject that i don't have my degree yet. i hate having to tell them--that dh would have to change his job and be a SAHD before i am willing to go back to school full time, when we keep moving. ooh--i don't think dh wants to give up the $ and neither do i. i went to school for 3 years or so, but what's the rush? you only live once, and being carpool mom for scouts and sports gives me joy and a chance to eavesdrop on my kids' conversations w/their friends w/o getting in trouble for it!