Does anyome else feel

[DiaperDiva]

a personal need to go back to work?

My going back to work is for two reasons. The biggest is financial, because Mark is still out of work, and 2 is because I really would like to go back to work, for my own sanity.

It has been asked why I don't take Kailey with me. Well. I don't want to. The past few days that I have been working have been great, and when I get home we run screaming into each others arms and hug and kiss. We play and read and nurse, and are just all huuggley with each other. Lately our days have not been this way. They had been strressful!

I don't think it is unusual for me to go to work to care for others children. To me it is the same as being a preschool teacher, a nurse, doctor, or a teacher, or any other care profession.

My time with Kailey is much more appreciated and special now. And I am beginning to resent the implication that I am less of a mommy because I WANT to go to work.

If you WANT to stay home then you're lazy.
If you WANT to go to work then your a bad mom.

OY VAY!

[Foobar]

I do. I work 3 days a week. This way, I get to be a grown up for those 3 days. I am a high stress person and simply getting away from Goo those 3 days is a lifesaver! Also, she loves daycare. She just missed a week because of a flu and the snow storm and she was SO HAPPY when I dropped her off yesterday morning! I was amazed. She just wanted to play with the other kids.

You are not a bad mother for needing time for you. really really really really.
You need to keep your sanity to be the best mom you can be. If that means taking some time for work, THAT'S OK!!!

[Lucky Charm]

DD...i noticed this as well in your threads. i wanted to jump in, but figured everyone would go ballistic. There was one other thread going.....a mom asked for help in getting her exclusively BF babe to take a bottle (of ebm) while she was gone. well, my oh my, alot of the moms said they were now sahm,. so thank god they didnt have to worry. and so i ask, whats your point? the woman has a valid concern, a real problem, and she gets crap.....alot like you DD!

I think its perfectly ok for you to enjoy your job, and in no way should you feel guilty. alot of moms try to make others feel bad, because they themselves are unhappy in some way shape or form with their own choice and life.

I have heard of nanny's taking their kids to work with them, and i know of a few who keep their kids in childcare as well (i believe your child is home with your husband, right?). if i was a nanny, and my husband was home, i would leave her there with him also. i mean, she is home with a parent!!!!

i have gotten bashed as well. i am an ER nurse who works sat & sun. i am home all week, and the kids are home with my husband on the weekends, and i still have gotten crap for that too.

Blow them off. you are doing what you need to do... dont let anyone, not one single person, make you feel less of a mom. youre doing a good job taking care of your family.

[ekblad9]

You have to do what works for you. I get the other side of the coin, treated like a nothing because I "just stay at home" but whatever. People that treat me like that are just jealous, IMO. If more people were honest like you and just said that they wanted to get away then I would have no problem with it. It's the people that act like I'm so lucky and whoe is them and their life that tick me off. (we live in a pretty affluent community where not many people are low income or "have" to work). Good luck!

[Lucky Charm]

People that treat me like that are just jealous, IMO.

so very true, on both sides!!! DD, alot of women do not have big earning potential, are employed at "jobs", so to them it makes no sense for them to return to work financially.

you cannot put a price on loving and caring for your child, and i am in no way insinuating that. But if i made $7.50 hr, i wouldnt leave either. however, i make $360 a day, thats not chump change, kwim?

as far as wohm/wahm being jealous of sahm, i know that to be true too! i personally am not jealous (i am too busy to care), but i work with a mom who would love nothing more than to be home full time all the time, but she is married to a jerk who makes next to nothing, so she has to work to support them all, and she resents him and the situation. (and is so envious of moms who get to do what she so badly wants too!)

[Marlena]

You're not less of a mama because you want to work, or because you do work. There is no one "right" way to be a mother. Anyone who claims to be following the exalted path is full of crapola. Do what you need to do, and what your family needs! Where there are conflicts, as there inevitably will be, you'll work it out as best as possible.

[Qtopia]

I TOTALLY SUPPORT YOU!

DiaperDiva, i am a stay at home mama to my 6 mo old, and (most of the time) i love it. while pregnant, i thought that i would take maternity leave and then go back to work (teaching). at this point, however, i really cannot imagine going back to work anytime soon.

having said that (you are probably thinking, wtf?? why are you responding to this thread???), i think it is totally awesome when i hear those few, brave mamas who say that they WANT to go back to work.

b/c you know what? i think A LOT of other mamas feel the same way but don't say so publicly b/c they think it makes them a bad mommy or something. and so they stay at home and hate it and end up resenting their babes and partners, or else they say they "have to" go back to work b/c they need the money when it isn't true just so they will have a "valid" reason for going back to work. (NOTE: i am not implying that YOU are not being truthful about your financial need to go back to work!!! just that i know other mamas who use the financial factor as a scapegoat instead of just stating truthfully that they enjoy their careers and want to go back to them.)

IMHO, WANTING to go back to work IS a valid reason for going back to work... mamas shouldn't feel like needing the $$$$ is the ONLY valid reason for them to go back to work. i don't think a mama should feel compelled to stay at home unless she wants to. a happy mama (whether she be at SAHM or WOHM) is a good mama. and you are MORE of a mommy for being truthful about wanting to go back to work rather than staying home and being an unhappy martyr.

and as a side note, it pisses me off that society places this work/sahm guilt trip squarely on women's shoulders... rarely are dads expected to make this choice. but that is another thread...

i applaud your honesty and bravery, DiaperDiva! you are a wonderful mommy.

[sunbaby]

hey, diaper diva-
yep. i'd like to go back to work part time. it wont work for my dd yet, though. i do know our time would be more quality if we got more apart. it's something to which i can look forward. congrats on finding something that works for you.

[teachma]

I am a second grade teacher, and I returned to my classroom when my son was 5 months old. I am a dedicated teacher and a wonderful mom. I am still breastfeeding my now 2.5 year old, we have an excellent relationship, we both love his home child care situation, he has made great friends and is extremely social. When I bring him home at 4:30 each evening, we spend 4 hours of time together, during which I do no cleaning, no cooking, nothing but reading, playing, art projects, trips to the library or taking a walk with my child. Those 4 hours of completely focused together-time amount to more than what some SAHMs do with their kids. (This is not at all to suggest a generalized laziness or negligence of SAHMs.) As a matter of fact, on vacation days and during the summer, I probably give my son less of my attention because I become preoccupied with house chores. What suffers when I work outside the home is not my relationship with my son by my relationship with myself. To make this all work, I cook and clean lots on the weekends, go to the gym at 5 each morning, and stay up too late if I want to enjoy a book or magazine. Yeah, I'm exhausted most of the time, but I love my profession and my son and am not willing to sacrifice either.

[Mommasgirls]

DD you summed it up perfectly. The main reason I went back to work is becasue we need the money to pay the bills. But I also wanted some me time and working is how I get it. I am home with the girls all days and go to work when DH gets home. Granted I don't see DH durning the week for more than an hour-but we get along better that way .
IMHO all moms do the best they can for their children whether they are a SAHM/WAHM/WOHM.

[JuneMama]

DD, I am so right there with you! Even before I got pg, my dh and I both said we wanted me to stay home, or if need be, not work more than 2-3 days a week. Well, lo and behold, I have a colicky, very high need infant screaming in my ear 12 hours a day while I had to walk him around my house millions of times. Needless to say, when I went back to work part-time at night when ds was 3 mos old (dh stayed home with ds), it was SUCH a relief! It felt SO good to hand my screaming ds to dh as I walked out of the house! Fast forward 6 mos and I had to quit my job of 13 years, cause dh wouldnt let me put ds in daycare (with a relative at that!) and his business was getting too busy to have ds 3 nights a week. I was pretty P.O.'d about that and still am, as a matter of fact!

Well, now I am actively looking for a job and ds just started daycare yesterday, thanks to my mom! I am so ready to be working again, and need this time away from my now high need 19 mos old, that I'm willing to take a job just to cover the daycare bill! I had wanted to do 3 or 4 days a week, but the center we liked best only had full time openings. Now I'm hoping to find something 4 days (32 hrs) and have 3 days home with ds. I think that will be a perfect mix for both of us. He absolutely loves daycare and being with other children, and has done excellent both yesterday and today at the new daycare.

I don't have any problem telling anyone that I am going back to work to get away from ds. LOL I know that I will be a better, less stressed/frustrated mommy now that I don't have to spend 24 hours a day with him. Some people don't mind that and love it, but after 19 mos, I've figured out it's not for me. Maybe if ds had been an easy, low need baby and toddler I would have enjoyed it more. Who knows! Just know that no one should be judging you for doing what you feel you have to and what is going to make you happy. A happy mommy= a happy baby!

[DiaperDiva]

Thanks for all your supportive responses ladies.

It just irks me to no end that there are some who are just never satisfied with the parenting others do. I am slowly beginning to realize that *I* am the only one who knows best for my child, and that is NOT having a mommy who can't stand being around her She deserves MUCH more than that!

For all the mommies who have the guts to say they want to go to work because they can- CHEERS!

[Irishmommy]

Re: Does anyome else feel

Originally posted by DiaperDiva
And I am beginning to resent the implication that I am less of a mommy because I WANT to go to work.

I hope you're not referring to me here? I certainly never meant to imply that, and if I did, then please accept my apologies.

[JuneMama]

Originally posted by DiaperDiva
and that is NOT having a mommy who can't stand being around her She deserves MUCH more than that!

DD, that sentence is sooooooo me!!!! I can't even tell ya how much you just described me!

[DiaperDiva]

I hope you're not referring to me here? I certainly never meant to imply that, and if I did, then please accept my apologies.

:LOL What??!!!


Why would you think that I think you said something to imply that mama?

OH! I should point out that I am referring to my RL acquintances and not MDC. Oh that may have been a neccessary tidbit

[beanzer]

I would love to go back to work, at least part time, but my 13 mo old dd is simply not ready. She can not handle being left even with dh for more than 1 - 2 hours at a time, and even then, she will cry and cling when I come back. We have never left her with anyone else, as she is intensely separation anxious right now. So sure, I would really love to be at the front of a class lecturing again, enjoying some coffee in the faculty lounge, reading something other than Brown Bear Brown Bear what do you see?, but I believe in respecting my dd's feelings on the subject. Of course, I have the financial luxury to do so ....

I don't think it matters WHY someone goes back to work (how is it my business anyway?), but I have to confess that it does bother me when the baby is clearly upset or bothered by the separation. My friend's dd became extremely weepy and clingy and then went on a nursing strike when Lucy went back to work, and my friend just decided to wean the baby and be done with it. That to me is a really questionable decision. It seemed obvious to our whole group of friends that the baby was not ready, but Lucy didn't care. She just needed to be away. I feel bad for both of them, because chances are that in a few more months, baby might have been a bit more prepared. As it stands, they have really damaged their relationship, from my admittedly outside perspective.

Isn't that what AP is about? It doesn't matter if you work or don't work, but it DOES matter how your baby feels about the situation. So I guess my two cents would be that I hope you would reconsider working if it seemed like your baby just wasn't adjusting very well. And you're the only person who can really tell that, as long as you're willing to be honest and not just ignore signs.

[Lucky Charm]

but I believe in respecting my dd's feelings on the subject. Of course, I have the financial luxury to do so ....

#1 so do I
#2 i dont

a girls gotta do, what a girls gotta do.

[Curious]

I am trained in several different areas. The work I love most, makes a moderate amount of money. I do that 2 mornings a week. I think even though this takes me away from Dd, in time she will benefit from seeing me doing work I love. It would be good for her to see that work doesn't have to be the drudgery that so many people make it out to be...and that is is for many people.l

The work I hate most pays nothing, but saves us lots - it's administrative work for 4 family owned companies, one is a nonprofit organization for which I am the perpetual president or else nothing gets done.

Dh just told me of an opportunity where I could do supervisory work in an area I love also but is very high stress - and very high pay. The situation he discovered would be one day a week or every other week, and I could take Dd with me.

I was starting to feel very empowered at the prospect of bringing significant money into the household. It would really help with some of the financial stresses around here right now. I know what I do is the most important, but that doesn't mean I feel right leaving the entire financial burden to Dh. I'd like to take some of that off his shoulders. He would be less stressed, and as a variant on what someone above said, a happy dad makes a happy baby.

People may disagree, but as much as I understand the value of my other work, there is something different about work that makes money in terms of how I, at least, feel. When he first told me about it though, I was really not happy, feeling like it would steal time from Dd. Then I decided I could set it up so that she could have a lot of fun. Then Dh told me the opportunity might not work out, I'm suprised how disappointed I was.

I know we should get the same sense of esteem from being at home with our kids as we can from using our professional skills for pay, but for me that isn't the case. I don't need to work a lot to get the emotional benefits, but benefits they are, and in my love hate relationship with my for-pay work, I think all in all it's better for us all that I do some.

[DiaperDiva]

So I guess my two cents would be that I hope you would reconsider working if it seemed like your baby just wasn't adjusting very well. And you're the only person who can really tell that, as long as you're willing to be honest and not just ignore signs.

This is a typical response. Why would one even bother with this? Of course I would pay attention to her feelings regarding preschool or my working. Ignore the signs? Oh brother! It doesn't make sense for me to work if Kailey is upset while at preschool, now does it?

[Lucky Charm]

DiaperDiva