The "happy husband stich"

[Godiva]

I had a failed uc about 4 1/2 months ago. I got the ob of all ob's at the hospital. This guy was like every horror story of the A$$hole obs I've heard. He treated me like dirt and I'm having serious issues getting past my dd's birth. He stitched me for a few small tears. I was in intense pain in my perinium til just about a week ago. The whole area felt tight. I was finally able to dtd with dh last week. It didn't hurt much but it was TIGHT (dh thought he was um.. in the wrong opening). I am positive now that the ob put in "the happy husband stitch". I was wondering if anyone else had this done and if it ever got better or did having another child help stretch you back out?

[liseux]

I`m so sorry you had that experience. I had 2 4th degree tears and a lot of discomfort with the first one. 4 months is still pretty recent, but the perineum is pretty forgiving & even if there is an extra stitch, it can stretch back out on its own again over time . The one thing I can recommend when you dtd next is to use pure olive oil as a lubricant, it really helps in the beginning, esp. if you are nursing & it is super safe, long lasting & only has one ingredient.

Good luck to you, I hope you feel better soon, if its still bothering you in another month maye you could get a mw or Ob that you trust to look closely and see what the status is.

[Godiva]

I know it's not a lubrication problem as I've always had way more than I need (quite annoying) even with bf. But that's good to hear that it will probably stretch back to normal.

[Kaitnbugsmom]

my ob did that with Kait. It HURT... and there is still a scar there that gets 'rubbed raw' {sorry if TMI} every once in a while, and it even bled a bit when I was finally able to have sex again after being on restriction with my last two pgs... I shudder to think what would have happened had DD#2 been a vaginal birth., as much as I wanted it, I wonder if #3 would have been possible...

[Emilie]

The first time after ds it was VERY painful- due to the epi and tight.
After dd with only a tear it was not. It does get better tho.... don't push yourself if it hurts to bad tho!
I am so sorry that you had a bad birth experience.
My heart goes out to you.
Hugs mama- get the help you need.
Emilie

[CalebsMama05]

i'm sorry you had that happen to you I had a 2nd degree episiotomy i have NO IDEA if i had the extra stitch although when i talked to my dr about it he said that he did NOT put anything extra other than was absolutely neccessary. I told him i was a bit worried because i was extra tight to begin with. the episiotomy pain went away after 5 or 6 wks (including itching) and the sexual pain went away after a month or so of resuming sexual activity.

[laohaire]

Geez, now you ladies have me thinking. I had a HB, and a 2nd degree tear. The OB who stitched me at the ER was a total jerk and tried to throw out my MW. 7 months later, sex still really sucks. I can "stand" it but it's not in the least bit enjoyable, and we have to go really slow for it to not hurt.

I do lubricate but it doesn't help much. In case you're wondering, DH doesn't pressure me at all, in fact only initiates (and tentatively) about, say, once every 4-6 weeks, the poor guy. I never say no because I love him and, like I said, I can "stand" it. I don't go as far as to act like I enjoy it but I stifle my discomfort.

But I feel like the worst wife in the world, and I feel really resentful that my enjoyment has been robbed. I wonder if this was done to me? I'd never heard of this before.

Funny, it doesn't make MY husband very happy at all.

[Brisen]

It boggles my mind that drs do these things. I know there are good ones out there, but.... sigh.

I had my first in a hospital and tore. Sex was very uncomfortable for a long time after. My second was a homebirth with one small stitch that my mw stitched. Sex was much better after that. Coincidence? :

[terrabella]

My MIDWIFE did that to me the first time. And until the birth of our second 15.5 months later it did hurt during sex. I was much better after the second birth, but it still bothers me from time to time even after my third baby too.

(((hugs)))

[Desdamona]

With my first I had a horrible epis and tear beyond. At 4 months I could barely even *THINK* about dtd. At 6 months PP, we were "trying" to resume relations. I don't think it was until 8 months that I truly felt okay having sex. Your body is still healing. Give it time to heal. Lots of lube (even if you think you don't need it!) and lots of foreplay (bf not only reduces lubrication but blood flow). And take baby steps if necessary. ((I'm probably going to get censored over this!! )) We had to work our way up from penetration with a SINGLE finger (to two finger and so on...) for me to be comfortable with "real" sex. It took a while but we got there.

to you Mama. Wishing you a full and gentle recovery.

[PennyRoo]

Hugs, mama . . . 4 months is not that long, however, and I second the advice of other mamas who said give your body time to heal!

I had a v. painful 3rd degree tear, and stiches, and I think it was over 6 months before things felt OK in that department. I still was uncomfortable a full 15 months later when I rode a bike. (Yuck, DH and I are getting ready to try for #2 and thinking of that sore aftermath sure does put a damper on the libido.)

Anyhow, I am so sorry you had such an awful birth experience and are now dealing with this pain. I do think it will solve itself and get better with time. Please do take good care.

[caligirl]

Funny, I didn't know there was such thing but now you have me thinking.

With my first I had an episiotomy and a male OBGYN. He stiched me up so thight I felt like I was losing my virginity all over again when DH and I finally had sex PP (At about 8 wks). And I remained uncomfortable for the next 10 or so times. I even bled once.

With baby #2 I had a midwife and she didn't cut and episiotomy, but I tore where my first one was (and had a 2 lb bigger baby than with #1)

She stiched me up and I don't have any pain with sex. In fact DH says it's really loose. I know that's not really a good thing either, but I don't have any discomfort. AT ALL. and the looseness is getting better with time too. I start to feel more "back to normal" each time. I am 7 months pp.

[cchrissyy]

with my first, I had a necesary episiotomy (just 3 stitches, no big deal, no complaints whatsoever) and the sweet Doc who sitiched it actually said as he did it "I'm not doing an extra stitch or any cr@p like that"

[JesiLynne]

I have never heard of the "Happy husband Stitch"

all can say is : and

[Moon Faerie]

Yup, I had that happen to me with my first too. Like a pp, things were a bit snug prior, so this was horrible. From the time my ds was born until 15.5 months later when my dd was born, I had pain or discomfort every time we had sex. I was so afraid that it was going to make crowning that much more painful with my dd. It wasn't, but I did have a second degree tear. (I'm not sure if the extra stiching or my dd's hurried arrival caused it though. I suppose a bit of both.) Anyway my midwife stitched me up, but no extra stitches. I was still afraid of the pain the first time we had sex, after all it hadn't been pain free in well over a year. I'm very happy to say the pain is completely gone, and things actually feel even better than they did pre-babies.

[Journey]

When my first was born, my FEMALE doctor gave me the "happy husband stitch". I half wonder if she did it because I was a teenager. It wasn't comfortable again until after our second child was born 2 ½ years later.

[Lizzardbits]

I had never heard of it given a name until now, so now i know what it was that a friend of mine had (thankfully the worst that i had was some skid marks with my first, and *EEK* tried starting relations 2 weeks after having my son *Doh*)

My friend had a lot of difficulty having sex after a traumatic birth and what i know now as a 4th degree tear. Her fiance' was in the room at the time and told the doc to put an extra stitch in "for him" and the doc did. She was unable to ever have sex with him again and that relationship ended (IMHO it was for the better that it did)

this is just another reason why i want a homebirth if i am blessed with #3. I doubt i'll tear, and if i do, i will just let it heal on it's own

much love and comfort for you ladies that had to endure this awful procedure

[Peppamint]

I don't know if the female OB did a hubby stitch, just didn't sew me up well or if it's just a part of healing from an episiotomy, but sex hurt for a good 9 months afterwards. No probs AT ALL after the birth of our second baby, we resumed intercourse 4 weeks pp because I felt healed and was no longer bleeding.

No stitches makes for a much better recovery... and not having fresh scar tissue is so much better. I would highly recommend spontaneous pushing and no hands near your perineum next time... and of course pushing in whatever position you naturally choose.

[mezzaluna]

i had 2nd degree tearing... female OB stitched me up. things have felt tight and uncomfortable, but stretching is happening... slowly...

just want to share an X-rated tip that's made a big difference for me - first of all lube&foreplay are good... ok, then once he is inside you, stop, don't either of you move, and just relax and breathe and let your tissues relax and settle into position until you don't feel the stinging tight feeling. then whenever you're ready, you're off to the races!

and a huge yes yes yes to busybusymomma about how not to tear!