Originally Posted by Mel38
What do some of you BTDT mom think of my theory that it can be scarier to go into labor when you have already done it before - i.e. you know there could come a point when you feel that you *can't* do it any more... My dh says my theory is baloney and I was just as anxious with the other births, but I can't remember that far back.
Your husband is, in my own opinion, the one who is full of baloney. I was absolutely *terrified* when I realized that I was really in labor with Bella. Scared beyond belief. The pain wasn't even all that bad before I wussed out and asked for a repeat section.
: I was just plain afraid of what was coming. I actually burst into tears and told Mike I was scared that it was *going* to hurt later. Can you believe that?
So I've got some guilt right now, because I know that she was really coming, and I probably would have had no trouble pushing her out and then maybe she wouldn't have needed the NICU time (but maybe she would have...
), because the squishing would have gotten some of the fluid from her lungs...
The fear was just overwhelming, though, especially when the contractions started coming regularly every 2 minutes. At first I was just excited, but as things went on I just got more and more scared and felt like I had to get her out right away... Maybe it was my intuition talking, but maybe it was just plain fear based on the fact that my only other actual labor had been nearly a week of pure hell on earth.
I'm feeling super crappy today, if you can believe that-- even worse than I did when I was big and tired. I've got a ripper of a headache that has not remotely faded with sleep, time, or ibuprofen... in fact, it's gotten worse, just pounding away at my brain. I'm also swollen up like the stay-puft marshmallow man, which strikes me as totally strange because I *wasn't* swollen at all until three days after Bella was born.
The swelling has likewise gotten worse, and my post-partum bleeding has also gotten heavier. Yesterday, I dropped Mike and BeanBean and BooBah off at the park and did a bit of shopping. I kept going until Bella squeaked at me (she doesn't cry much, she's still mostly in "energy conservation" mode), and honestly I felt so relieved to have a reason to leave and sit down again, even though I was nowhere near finished... but since I felt so horrible afterwards, Mike made a point to tell me that, in the future, I am to make him lists and send him.
Mike's been really great lately, although he's a bit shorter with the kids than he'd like to be. He's very concerned about me, because I feel crappier than ever, and quite frankly I'm a bit concerned myself. Last time, a week out I felt *fabulous*, back to my old self-- this time, I feel like shit on a stick. I actually slept for six and a half hours today (this headache is totally wiping me out) and Bella woke up before I did.
I felt so freaking guilty, because she's too little to go that long without eating, and when I got up to warm some nursies for her, I found that BooBah had had a party with some tissues and baby wipes in the hallway while I was sleeping (Mike had taken BeanBean to the park and the grocery store). I felt badly about that, too.
Bella is beautiful, BooBah is starting to understand that she's a person, and BeanBean is, as always, a kind and loving and helpful big brother... but I still really feel horrific.
Anyway, tomorrow I'm going to make my first attempt at taking the three kids out-- Bella has her first WCC, BooBah needs to have her blood drawn before she sees the nephrologist on Friday and BeanBean needs his hair cut again (my sister promised him she'd take him). Mike is wondering if he'll be going back to work on Monday as he'd planned, because I'm feeling so crappy...
I hope there's a quick fix for this, that it suddenly and magically ends around 5 this morning when I get up to feed Bella....