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APRIL for June '04 Toddlers! 22 months and counting! - Page 6

post #101 of 272
A sensitivity to red dye is very common in hyperactive children. And if he is hyperactive, it is nothing you did to make him that way. You may want to try giving him a little caffeine, with hyperactive children caffeine has a reverse effect and makes them calm (of course, it is makes him hyper, at least you know he isn't! Provided you can handle the bouncing off the walls for the sake of an experiment). If he is hyperactive, it means he has A LOT of trouble controlling his impulses so discipline is going to have little effect at this age. (At least 4 of my siblings are hyperactive so I am not just spouting nonsense). Also, I am reading Raising Cain and while Rynna really didn't like it, I find it very informative and much of what they talk about regarding the physicality of boys and their late development of impulse control really rings true for me. I found that it really helps my attitude if I at least understand what the hell is going on with my boys. I don't necessarily have to change anything, just freaking understand. Oh and Setting Limits with Your Strong Willed Child was a really good one too for walking the line between respecting your child and teaching your child to respect you. Raising Your Spirited Child I found to be really aweful, all about bending over backward for your child all the time. It is exhausting and I feel, doesn't really teach your child to work with themselves or to respect you (not authoritarian "respect" but the "you cannot punch my breast" kind of respect).

Also, I have a friend whose son was exactly like that, intense, no impluse control, violent (everyone hates using that word about small children but if a kid often kicks, punches and bites, how is that NOT violent? It doesn't mean they are bad kids) and at 3 he is much more in control of himself. It could just be developmental. Oh, her son is also large for his age and very dense so a lot of stuff that wouldn't hurt if a smaller, less strong child did it REALLY hurts. Tain is like that. He can do the exact same thing Ro does, but when he does it, it really hurts. I feel bad for him, but I also think it serves him well to learn that he is big and strong (as in, pulling his strength back a little so he doesn't hurt his friends while playing, not "big and strong and manly" lol). Most likely in another year (and your thinking "how can I possibly make it another year?!) and a half or so you are going to see a big difference and it is going to be wonderful. Right now just getting through a day is a feat of strength, willpower and patience. Hang in there, mama.

I know this isn't what ap people suggest, but Tain at that age didn't really have any empathy (I remember posting about that when we were pregnant and really worrying about it) so acting sad really had no effect. It feels aweful to admit it, but I had to adopt a VERY stern voice with him when telling him something was not okay. It was like he didn't have the ability to read a person's face/emotions/body language and I had to make it clear in no uncertain terms that what he did was not okay. Using a calm voice that was more solemn than my normal voice didn't give him any sort of signal and he would do the same thing Killy does-make it into a game.

I know you said you couldn't handle criticism right now and please, don't take my post as such. I've been there, I have friends who have been there, I just wanted to add to your toolbag. I didn't have anyone who understood or could suggest something based on a similar experience. I DID get a lot of crap about my parenting from people with "well-behaved" children. My sons certainly aren't that! It's exhausting though, I know, and I wish there was a magically way to make it better.

Is it possible for your dh to change jobs? Mine is working a lot now too but it is imperative that our children have TWO functioning parents and come on, I didn't sign up to be a single parent. Even if we had to drive one car and we had to buy less organic food, if that means their dad is a bigger part of their lives, it is worth it. (He is currently looking for a new job, long story) Obviously we all have to do things we don't want to and if it is not possible, then you work from there and don't feel guilty about it. From your pictures, it is obvious he is a wonderful dad to your children.

That's about all I've got. I don't have a mother's helper. I don't go to church and have no clue where I could find one and even so, I couldn't afford it. So I am not much help on that front.
post #102 of 272
The changing jobs isn't going to happen: we own our own business! Plus, DH is doing something he truly loves and it makes really good money, allowing me to stay home comfortably. This has been a very busy time for him the last 2-3 months, I hope things slow down just a bit (or that he learns to give reasonable estimates of when work can be completed to clients).
post #103 of 272
Sheesh! Could you afford a mother's helper? I think the bottom line is that you can't keep going like this with no break. No one can. I have bottomed out more than once and it is a scary thing to be able to see yourself shutting the front door with your two small children alone inside, getting in your car and driving away. And it was not ppd, it was just being emotionally and physically exhausted. That isn't what being a mother is about.
post #104 of 272
My first post all month. QoC, look on Craigslist. I posted an add there and that's where I found my helper. I love her. I'm still crazy and have no time to even pee most days but I've not been committed or abandoned my family so it must be working.
post #105 of 272
Thread Starter 
Definitely hire someone or trade with a friend. Or just tell Dh you are having breakfast with so-and-so on Monday and that's that (I did this the other day). My dh is quite helpful but it won't occur to him to offer; but if I tell him I'm getting together with this friend on this date he has no problem, and never calls to ask when I'm coming back.

Or at least hire a cleaning lady once a week, so you don't have to do the house as well as everything else.

I have nothing interesting to say, otherwise. I finished the wallboard in the master bath, so we can begin tiling on Monday. I am obsessed with moving, and getting the house ready, and it's really hard to be realistic. I just feel I am not getting enough done, no matter what. And my poor children are losing. Not really, but I find Rowan's baby-hood is disappearing before my eyes, and going so much faster than dd's.
post #106 of 272
Queenie, you do need regular breaks, and don't you dare feel bad about it! My dh works at least 12 hour days too. Only 5 days a week, though. He only has to put in a few hours/day on weekends. The good thing about his job is that he can go in at 4 or 5am and be home before we start the bedtime routine. That makes it much easier. He is very good about sending me out of the house one evening a week or so. Also, we have a babysitter one evening a week so we can go out. She goes to the university in our town, and she's a child development major. That department keeps a running list of students who'd like to babysit. I don't know if you live in a college town, but if you do, check out the students.
post #107 of 272
Thread Starter 

Does anyone want these?

I have 20 "especially for baby" diaper doublers, those narrow inserts, for cloth dipes, from Babies R Us. They are a rayon pad between layers of birdseye, rectangular. They bunch up a little in the wash but they work well. I just don't want them anymore.

(I'm probably going to use sposies until we move anyway, though I suffer tremendous pangs of guilt and can't bring myself to pack the cloth dipes away.)

Anyway if anyone wants them you can have them. PM me or email me.

On the subject of empathy, small children really don't have it in the same way, and I have never understood why AP people or GD people have an aversion to being firm. A simple, "we don't do that" or "that will NOT do" goes a long way, IME, with my own children and my pupils. And if your toddler hits or kicks you, grab his arm or leg and say "NO!" in a mad way. There is nothing non-AP about being mad. It's like the electric socket. You just don't permit them to do that, not because they will feel bad for hurting you, but because they just are not allowed to.

If getting away is difficult what about getting Killy away for a while? Two mornings a week at preschool, or an at-home daycare with some other children, might work wonders for all of you.
post #108 of 272
Are my kids the only ones who favor nursing to food? Ro was happy to eat as a young toddler but now he would much rather nurse than eat. He eats well for dh but not for me. Tain was the same way. I am seriously considering weaning him since this was a big part of the reason we finally weaned Tain. What am I doing that encourages this?

The kids and I spent a lot of time at the zoo yesterday. It was really good for us to get out in the sunshine and DO something. I need to remember to do things everyday with them. The three of us in the house all day is a formula for disaster.

I need to go eat breakfast. How are all our pregnant mamas feeling?
post #109 of 272
Thread Starter 
I am also not doing enough fun things with my poor children, taking up time instead with vacuum packing clothes and putting silicone caulk between wallboards and mortar beds. I would like to go to the Zoo but it's already getting too hot here. I might try this week - the Miami Zoo does have misters all along the route now, and many of the trees have grown up in the 14 years since Hurricane Andrew. I suppose there's the monorail, too, you can ride about in that and see the animals from overhead. I should go to the beach, too, I know I'll feel stupid once we leave Florida that we never went to the beach even though it's 4 miles away.

But tomorrow we begin tiling this bathroom! I just have this driving desperation to get everything "done" and then go do things while waiting for the house to sell.

My Rowan would rather nurse all day than eat, too, and I have been considering weaning, even. I can't sit down and I can't cuddle him without him wanting to nurse. I almost look forward to the time when he's weaned so that I can hold my baby boy! We have at least one crying spell at night when I won't nurse him, though they are getting shorter and he's going back to sleep faster. He sleeps sidecarred still so I don't feel guilty. It is easy to be firm when someone is scrabbling at your shirt, trying to push your defending hands away with his feet.

At this point I am really trying to nurse only a few times a day- when we wake up, that's when I don't mind nursing in bed; at naptime if he doesn't fall asleep in the car somewhere; bedtime. Usually he really needs to nurse at around 6pm as well so I will do that. But he would nurse all night if I let him and all morning too. At least this gets me out of bed in the morning, anything to be free of the leech.
post #110 of 272
Yeah, my Ro still nurses on demand and that is A LOT when we are at home. Then at mealtimes I can't get him to eat. I'm gonna have to do something soon, if anything just be aware of when he is nursing.

Anyone else get irritated by forwarded, alarmist emails? The first thing I always do is check on hoaxbusters.com for it. A gf is notorious for sending me these things and never sending a hello. Yesterday I was in a foul mood and so I sent links to the hoax site and then to a reputable site with the correct information and said "Please stop sending me these things. This is the first one that actually has some truth in it." I accidently sent it to everyone on her list (I was in gmail and must have hit "reply to all" instead of "reply"). Anyway, she is really pissed at me. She said she doesn't assume everyone is lying to her when I asked her why she assumed this stuff was true. And she got even more pissed when she discovered I sent it to everyone, assuming I had done so on purpose. I just think you have a duty to make sure you are relaying factual information if you are going to dump this crap on people. Not to mention this one had been going around since 2004 and that is the newest one I have ever seen. I don't know, evidently I am a total b*tch. Sigh. I thought the point of being friends was that it was easy to be together. This whole interpret everything I say to be hurtful thing is really getting old.
post #111 of 272
I just had a blechy time. Bella spent three days in the hospital because she developed a fever and there are some nasty things going around. On the very first day, we got bloodwork back which "suggests that she has a viral infection" (she had an elevated white cell count), but they still ran every test known to man. I couldn't sleep with her, so niether of us slept well... it was a mess.

QoC-- Reading over your post, I had to wonder if Killy might not be trying to get more physical stimulation. It's true that boys are on average more physically oriented than girls, but I was wondering if he might not respond well to something like a weighted vest; something that would provide extra physical pressure for him. I'm not entirely sure why, but something about what you said reminded me of my niece's SID stuff. One of her therapists gave her a vest with little pockets to hold sandbags, and the difference when she was wearing it was amazing; it was instantly calming to her. She also used to strap herself into her carseat when she was upset, she just loved that pressure. If Killy's got a mild case of SID, it would explain his behavior and it would also put an entirely new spin on his love of swimming (which is very popular with SID kids, as it provides even pressure along the entire body).

If that made no sense, just disregard it... I'm still not entirely coherent, and everything looks blurry.

Julie-- at 22 months, BeanBean was nursing like a possessed creature. I remember Mike being very offended at one point when I told someone that he had a latch like a remora. He ate very well when he was with Mike, but with me it was nurse, nurse, nurse... Now it's a distant memory.

I don't get those emails anymore. I suppose that's an advantage of having so few friends...

Liz-- I also feel like I'm not doing enough with my kids. Well, that's not entirely true; I feel like I'm not doing enough *good* things with my kids. : I feel like I have to fight to get some breathing room, though, and that's the biggest problem.

Tonight, Mike and I have to talk about his running away thing. He'll do things like come home from work, engage in solitary activities around the house (mowing the lawn, doing the dishes, laundry, etc) and then say, "I haven't sat down since I got home, I'm getting on the computer." I haven't managed to make it clear to him that what he's doing is the equivalent of leaving me at work. He's making it more impossible for me to get any cleaning done, and he won't do the things that I want done (like, hanging up laundry, or putting it in drawers-- apparently, it's enough when he washes it, but if I wash it and leave it sitting around, I get lectures about how I haven't finished doing what I set out to do... : ).

Last night, he did just that and started to go upstairs to get online. "Mike, how long are you going to be? Do you realize that I haven't been online for most of the week?" "Yeah, I won't be that long." Three hours later, I asked BeanBean to ask daddy if he'd be off of the computer soon. "Yes, I will." Forty five minutes after that, I asked BeanBean to tell daddy to come downstairs, and ten minutes later he did. I briefly reminded him of all the shit he pours on me when I say I'm going to be down shortly and I take more than five minutes, and then I told him that I had to try to sleep because Bella would likely be up half the night (and indeed she was!). I'm very unhappy right now.

BeanBean has at least three cavities. I made an appointment for him to see a dentist on Wednesday (that should be fun). I see the endodontist tomorrow; he's going to finish one of my root canals. Gas prices are up to, on average, $2.99 a gallon here; between that and the necessity for dental work for me and now BeanBean, I have a lovely excuse for not wanting to visit Mike's parents every week. I'll miss the breaks, but not the indoctrination of my kids.
post #112 of 272
Sorry to hear about Bella - that stinks!

Rynna, that's an interesting theory about Killy. He definitely needs more physical stimulation that most kids I know - we generally go somewhere every morning and every afternoon, with time playing in the backyard thrown in most days, too. We haven't been getting that as much the last few days because I've been sick: I had a TERRIBLE head cold that then dropped into my chest. I haven't been sleeping well because of the coughing and I've just generally felt awful, so we've only been getting out once a day or less. Today I'm feeling a little better, but it stormed last night and its supposed to storm again today, so outside activities are pretty out. (I don't mind rain too much, but here in Kansas storms are usually acompanied by hail - and I don't think that's the stimulation Killy needs!) Its also helped that I've been watching Killy's sugar intake very closely again - I swear, when I let him have a cadbury egg the other day he was unbearable for 8 hours! It helps that I've had to go totally dairy-free. Not many baked goods or ice cream in the house now. (Ellie has excema on her arms, but cutting out all dairy has almost totally cleared it up in only 3 days.) Killy's never gotten much sugar, but even just a few bites make a huge difference in him.

Maybe we'll make play-doh today. That's a fun indoor activity.
post #113 of 272
I bought my boys squirt bottles yesterday and they spent 2 hours playing by themselves. They were soaking wet when I saw them again. On mist it doesn't make as much of a mess and I luckily got ones with the square nozzle, not the round one you turn (so they can't change it to stream). Whenever they are acting crazy or irritating each other, I tell them to go jump on my bed. That really seems to help.

Queenie, let us know how it goes, I'd like to think my kids are high energy, and they are, but not as much as Killy so the most I can offer is some sympathy and hugs. I know he is wonderful but he is also a lot of work and you are doing a great job. You are responsive and aware of his needs and you love him more than anything. You are a great mother.

The finger paint made with cornstarch, food coloring and liquid soap is great too, it cleans itself up! My boys are fond of the small bowl of flour on the kitchen floor deal. But I have a tiny galley kitchen so clean up isn't a nightmare. Oh and you should see them with a bottle of baby powder! I left them alone for about 7 minutes once and it was insane! I am sure breathing that stuff wasn't good for them, and it made a hell of a mess, but it was so funny and they had such a great time. They also take a gazillion baths on stormy days. Oh, I was just remembering, we had a hitting problem with Tain at this age and nothing seemed to work to get him to stop. Finally, we gave him a squishy bowling pin and he could only hit with that. No matter how hard he did it (and he was strong!) it didn't hurt and it was a compromise of sorts. And he couldn't hit our faces or electronic equipment (we didn't have any pets but making that boundary would obviously be necessary). But looking for a yes with behavior like that really helped us keep our sanity. He was over that stuff by the time Ro was born and he was never aggressive toward the baby but maybe refocusing on you instead of Ellie might help? (you can't hit Ellie but you can hit mommy's legs. I know, it sounds counterintuitive, like you are teaching him it is okay to hit, but Tain lost interest once it didn't garner the huge reaction anymore, once it wasn't forbidden it wasn't exciting anymore) Get him some gigantic squishy slippers and if he wants to kick, he has to wear his kickin' slippers. He'd probably think it was great fun and it is likely to hurt a lot less and it inadvertantly creates specific circumstances for aggression-he's less likely to kick you with his shoes on, for instance, or when you are in public. I say, matter of factly, "do you have your special slippers on? Then you cannot kick me. When we get home you can go find them and then you can kick things" They are pretty obedient when they can see the option to do what they want in the future. Maybe it is case specific to my boys, I don't think of them as very obedient, but they are most of the time. They listen, as much as children that age are capable. I've never had the experience of a child running away from me and laughing in a parking lot or store. So maybe I am the smug person who thinks she gets it and has no clue. Damn, I hate those people.
post #114 of 272
ugh! I just wrote a reply that got lost. So to cut it short

Nursing Gavin is driving me bananas! He is nursing constantly and it is often painful and I just want to wean him b/c of this, but have not even begun trying...not sure if I should.

Had a good weekend with the kids we went to a Earth day celebration and had lots of fun. We have been outdoors quite a bit. Except today. I am being a recluse today.
post #115 of 272
Originally Posted by mattjule
Whenever they are acting crazy or irritating each other, I tell them to go jump on my bed. That really seems to help.
Julie, my kids are bed-jumpers too! They'll jump for an hour straight sometimes. Our bed is not on a frame, so it's low and a little safer for jumping. Dds friends who visit think it's great to be allowed to jump on the bed. I remember my sister and I jnumping on my parents' bed while listening to Pink Floyd! the other ideas you have sound great too.

Rynna, I'm so sorry to hear about little Bella.
post #116 of 272
Mine aren't against jumping on the bed, but they prefer jumping off of the chair and onto the bed, landing in a sommersault.

Julie, I love the slippers idea! I think I'll make BooBah some pinching mittens.
post #117 of 272
Just saying a quick hello (all I have the energy for)....

38.5 weeks. Still having lots of BH contrax but nothing else yet. Fanatically cleaning my house...then crashing on the couch...spending lots of time snuggling and nursing my cutie-girl...can't believe these are our last few weeks (days??) that will be just the two of us. :

Taught my last prenatal yoga class on Saturday. That's it for a while. I have no plans to return after this babe is born. SO happy to not have to think about taking care of other people (outside of my family) for a while....I just don't have the energy to give these days.

That's about it on my end.

Must go pay bills before I get too tired. And then it's time for 24!!! Anyone else addicted to that show? DH got me hooked. Monday nights are the only nights I can manage to stay awake past 8 o'clock. I LOVE it!!!
post #118 of 272
My mom loves 24, and my best friend does, too; in fact, Mike has watched several episodes and he's all about it. I've seen a few, but I can't reliably do *anything* every week and I'm not up for violent, scary things these days. I've heard really good things about it, though, and in a few years I'll probably get my hands on the DVDs and watch them all in a row. I'm anal that way.
post #119 of 272
Thread Starter 
I was supposed to pick up boxes from a freecycler, and buy tile today, and we stopped at home after seeing ICE AGE II, which went well with Rowan because we were literally the only people in the theatre. And then he tripped and fell somehow and had a HUGE bump come right up on his forehead, horrible purple with a slit all white and dreadful, so we all went to the hospital instead, where they kept telling me not to let him fall asleep and he couldn't stay awake and then when he did wake up spent the waiting time trying to kill himself again, climbing and jumping and throwing himself all over. And he still had a black eye from the other day.

The people were very nice; our doctor is well-known and soon to be on the board at this hospital or already on the board or something...so there's never any issue about not vaccinating or anything. My friend whose six kids are on Medicaid says they give her a terrible time when she's in there, for all kinds of things (she does vaccinate), but I'm not sure if I believe it's really discrimination. Then again my dd was on medicaid (florida kidcare) when she had a concussion at 3y and they asked me repeatedly how she fell and outright told me they couldn't understand how she got a concussion the way I described. Better to have no insurance and a well-respected doctor, I guess.

Rowan was fine, but he has a nasty egg on his forehead. Then we finally went to the lady with the boxes and Home Despot, where it took forever for the men with the forklift to bring the right vanity, and everything is still in the car because we were all too exhausted to do much other than make burritos and watch "Futurama." Rowan fell asleep on the way home and is in his crib looking awful. I was so wiped out I dropped all the boxes down the lady's stairs and was probably lucky not just to plunge down them myself. What a day!

Smithie I PMd you and emailed you.

How's by everyone else?

The only broadcast TV show I watch is "The Simpsons." Now we are going to watch a movie, maybe, or a "Blackadder" we haven't seen.

My hairdresser is assured of an income for life, I think, with this child of mine turning my hairs grey.
post #120 of 272
Liz, I often think we would have made better sisters than my actual sisters! I love your taste. I finally had to stop letting Tain watch Futurama, it's pretty sad since we all love it. But the shooting stuff and Leela karate kicks were getting a bit much. At least he hasn't said "Bite my shiny metal ass!".

I watch the Office, Scrubs, Simpsons tend to fall at bedtime so I don't see it much as much as I'd like to. I really like Numb3rs and the one or two episodes of Lost were pretty cool. Never been interested in 24, don't know why.
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