Cesarean Birth Support Thread April & May 2006 - Page 4

[luvmygio]

What is support

If you are a woman with an impending c section, how is it supportive to read stories about women who can't stand the thought of another c section? Isn't everybody relaying their opinion when they are upset about the CS they had and are striving for a VBAC? Everyone who writes about how disappointed they were with their c section is not lending support to the woman who is scheduled for a section next week. How do we change the cultural perception of CS mothers? I am not saying c sections for all, but they do happen and women shouldn't feel ashamed. Once I learned of my CS, I was upset. My cousin called me for support. Her first was a very difficult vaginal delivery. Her second was a breech and delivered via CS. She said if she were to have a 3rd, she would opt for C section. I asked why? She told me that if she had to choose between the perineal pain and repair, vs the abdominal pain and repair she would chooose the later. For me that was support. I had to hear that someone thought it was better than vaginal delivery, because society, literature and well most everyone tells us we are missing out . It is no wonder CS moms face higher levels of ppd.

[OnTheFence]

This thread is for all sorts of support. Its for the woman who has had an unnecessary csection, its for the woman who didn't want a csection, its for the woman who needs a csection, its for women who want to VBAC, its for women who feel comfortable with their csections, its for women who want to have elective csections. Period.

Hope this clears the purpose of this thread up - cesarean goddess

[AnditheBee]

EastKyGal and Amy, thanks for sharing your stories. Even though our experiences are quite different on the surface, I know I can relate to all the feelings you guys described. I missed something, and it frustrates me to no end when people don't understand that.

EastKyGal, we have the same midwife law in Ohio, but there are direct-entry midwives here. I'll bet there are some down there, too, but it's kind of an "underground" thing given the legal status (or lack thereof). Any direct-entry midwife would be hard to find down there because there just isn't a "natural living culture" in that area at all...but it might pay to ask around if you meet any other folks who share your views of birth and life. For one thing I know there is a midwife in Mason, WV, which is pretty far from East Ky., but who knows? Some midwives will travel if you pay extra. I'll ask around and see if I can find out anything from the midwives here, so you can have that HBAC later on.

And Amy, that numbness may not be permanent. You're only, what, five months from surgery? Things can still change and heal. I felt healing happening for about a year and a half after my first c-sec. Pretty much all my feeling eventually returned. (Don't know about this time, though! Time will tell...)

[egoldber]

Originally Posted by AndiB

And Amy, that numbness may not be permanent. You're only, what, five months from surgery? Things can still change and heal. I felt healing happening for about a year and a half after my first c-sec. Pretty much all my feeling eventually returned. (Don't know about this time, though! Time will tell...)

Just wanted to add my experience here. With my first C section I didn't get full feeling back around my scar area until I was at least 18 months postpartum. With my second C-section (a year ago), I had all feeling back by 6 months post partum. So it all depends. Definitely don't give up yet on getting feeling back!

[Stone Fence]

Numbness

I had it too for a long time (I'm right around 11 months pp). I didn't notice for the first few months. I guess around 5-6 months it was at it's worst and now it's gone.

[wombatclay]

I still have some numbness one year out, but it's sort of shifted around over the months. It's a smaller numb patch now so I'm still hoping that it will eventually shrink to nothing.

Has anyone had lingering pain around the spinal injection site? I had two spinals within a few hours of each other and ever since I've had a very localized pain...right along my backbone, running for maybe a half inch above and below the injection site. My doctor said she'd never heard of somthing like this (she didn't say it was in my head, but close!) but I wonder...anyone else experience this?

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by luvmygio

For me that was support. I had to hear that someone thought it was better than vaginal delivery, because society, literature and well most everyone tells us we are missing out .

I searched the internet a total of six times, for a minimum of half an hour each time, before I found this website and ICAN. Every other time I looked for cesarean support, I got topic after topic about how freaking wonderful they are...how they spare us labour, and the recovery is sooooo easy and on and on and on and on. I don't know where the "society, literature and well most everyone" you were referring to hang out, but I'd like to live there.

Nobody ever told me that I was missing out on anything by having a cesarean. In fact, several people told me I was cheating or taking the "easy way" out. My first cesarean was in 1993. I hated it then, and I hate it now. I hate that I'll never, ever, ever know what it feels like to give birth to my own baby. I hate that I was forced (the first time) and coerced (the 2nd and 3rd times) into surgery I didn't want. Nobody ever had to tell me that I was missing out, or that I'd been burned. The only friend of mine who had had a section before I had mine told me she'd never do it any other way.


There are a wide range of emotions that women feel after having a cesarean.

For me:
- Being told this was the "easy way" or having people sell me on the benefits is like telling a new bride who wanted to be a virgin that she's "lucky" she was raped a year or so ago, so she won't have to experience that awkward, painful wedding night sex. Nobody ever drew that analogy for me - that's how I felt when I got pregnant in 1992 - that's how I felt when I was wheeled into OR saying, "no - I don't want a f---ing c-section" in 1993 - that's how I felt when my OB pulled out on me at 41w,4d and I had the option of going unassisted (not in my comfort zone) or being cut a third time.

- Being told how great the recovery is just makes me feel like a wimp. With my first, I couldn't even stand up long enough to change my son's diaper at 3.5 days post-partum...with my second, I had pain that lasted for 7-8 months...with my third (9 months ago), I haven't recovered. I still have a sore spot where the incision got infected, and I'm still numb from my belly button to the incision almost all the way across my abdomen.

- Being told that there are other women who feel this way saved my sanity. I'd have gone mad if I'd kept running into women who think this was "easy", that I was "lucky", or that I "cheated". Before I came here, that was the only attitude I could find anywhere.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by wombatclay

Has anyone had lingering pain around the spinal injection site? I had two spinals within a few hours of each other and ever since I've had a very localized pain...right along my backbone, running for maybe a half inch above and below the injection site. My doctor said she'd never heard of somthing like this (she didn't say it was in my head, but close!) but I wonder...anyone else experience this?

I haven't had that. But, both times I've had a spinal, I've felt a pain in the lower right side of my back when the injection was done. And, since my last section (9 months ago), I've had pain in that area that just won't go away...

[pumpkinsmama]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride

I searched the internet a total of six times, for a minimum of half an hour each time, before I found this website and ICAN. Every other time I looked for cesarean support, I got topic after topic about how freaking wonderful they are...how they spare us labour, and the recovery is sooooo easy and on and on and on and on. I don't know where the "society, literature and well most everyone" you were referring to hang out, but I'd like to live there.

Nobody ever told me that I was missing out on anything by having a cesarean. In fact, several people told me I was cheating or taking the "easy way" out. My first cesarean was in 1993. I hated it then, and I hate it now. I hate that I'll never, ever, ever know what it feels like to give birth to my own baby. I hate that I was forced (the first time) and coerced (the 2nd and 3rd times) into surgery I didn't want. Nobody ever had to tell me that I was missing out, or that I'd been burned. The only friend of mine who had had a section before I had mine told me she'd never do it any other way.


There are a wide range of emotions that women feel after having a cesarean.

For me:
- Being told this was the "easy way" or having people sell me on the benefits is like telling a new bride who wanted to be a virgin that she's "lucky" she was raped a year or so ago, so she won't have to experience that awkward, painful wedding night sex. Nobody ever drew that analogy for me - that's how I felt when I got pregnant in 1992 - that's how I felt when I was wheeled into OR saying, "no - I don't want a f---ing c-section" in 1993 - that's how I felt when my OB pulled out on me at 41w,4d and I had the option of going unassisted (not in my comfort zone) or being cut a third time.

- Being told how great the recovery is just makes me feel like a wimp. With my first, I couldn't even stand up long enough to change my son's diaper at 3.5 days post-partum...with my second, I had pain that lasted for 7-8 months...with my third (9 months ago), I haven't recovered. I still have a sore spot where the incision got infected, and I'm still numb from my belly button to the incision almost all the way across my abdomen.

- Being told that there are other women who feel this way saved my sanity. I'd have gone mad if I'd kept running into women who think this was "easy", that I was "lucky", or that I "cheated". Before I came here, that was the only attitude I could find anywhere.

that:

For me, when I see other women talking about how pain free their recoveries were and how great they feel after a section drives me up the wall. Especially when they are telling mothers who haven't had one that it is a "Great" choice. When i see people talk about their choice to have an "elective" C-section it drives me nuts. Because I know the type of pain that can result, just because they haven't experienced it yet, doesn't mean that they won't with their second or third section. The info on the net about pain after section is miniscule, there is no real support there. And most irritating is when I try to talk to the doctor about the pain I have and he/she says that it is "normal".

luvmygio If you are a woman with an impending c section, how is it supportive to read stories about women who can't stand the thought of another c section? Isn't everybody relaying their opinion when they are upset about the CS they had and are striving for a VBAC? Everyone who writes about how disappointed they were with their c section is not lending support to the woman who is scheduled for a section next week. How do we change the cultural perception of CS mothers? I am not saying c sections for all, but they do happen and women shouldn't feel ashamed. Once I learned of my CS, I was upset. My cousin called me for support. Her first was a very difficult vaginal delivery. Her second was a breech and delivered via CS. She said if she were to have a 3rd, she would opt for C section. I asked why? She told me that if she had to choose between the perineal pain and repair, vs the abdominal pain and repair she would chooose the later. For me that was support. I had to hear that someone thought it was better than vaginal delivery, because society, literature and well most everyone tells us we are missing out . It is no wonder CS moms face higher levels of ppd.
05-02-2006 07:56 PM

IMO a simple rundown of the possible problems and sayiing "I am here for you" is much better than possibly setting you up for a huge let down when your pain level is much larger than hers was. My idea of support would just be to say that they will be there for me, and ready to talk about how great I thought it was, if that were my reaction or how terrible if it went the other way. No offense but you could have been totally blindsided.

wombatclay I still have some numbness one year out, but it's sort of shifted around over the months. It's a smaller numb patch now so I'm still hoping that it will eventually shrink to nothing.

Has anyone had lingering pain around the spinal injection site? I had two spinals within a few hours of each other and ever since I've had a very localized pain...right along my backbone, running for maybe a half inch above and below the injection site. My doctor said she'd never heard of somthing like this (she didn't say it was in my head, but close!) but I wonder...anyone else experience this?

I have a large numb patch two years out. I did have some pain at the injection site, but it went away after a couple of months. I think maybe it bruised or pinched something that healed itself eventually.

[mamabeth]

with my first c/s I had some weirdness at the injection site...can't say it was pain, but more like itching or something. But it went away after probably 6 months. I still have some numbness (at 6.5 mo pp) but only in the center of the scar, and it doesn't bug me like it did.

I have a question...I have a severe diastasis (will probably require surgery) after I'm done having kids. Anybody else have one of these? How do they repair them? do they go in through your c/s scar or what? I'm not sure if we're done having kids but I'm just wondering about this operation and if it's similar in recovery to a c/s.

As for the post about how great c/s are....has anybody considered this may be a troll? I'm just not responding bc even if it's not it's WAY off the course of this thread and I don't want to dignify her/him with a response, KWIM?

[luvmygio]

Misery loves company

Yes, I could have been blindsided. My c section could have been worse. I will never know what it is like or will be like to experience vaginal delivery. Who knows-- that could have been a horrible experience-- could have been great. I don't know and will never know. I don't let it get me down. I am sorry to have offended anyone my intent was to try to help, but I guess I am far off the mark here. I can't believe that someone would compare feelings of being raped to that of a CS? There are people who can't conceive-- I was so lucky, no matter how my baby came out. I am done here, clearly I am in the wrong place.

[pumpkinsmama]

I think things may be getting misread. I was just stating my opinion. Everyone percieves their experiences differently than it can look from the outside. To some women it may feel like being raped, emotionally. And there are more women who know what that feels like than don't so I wouldn't call it an exaggeration on their behalf, without giving the benefit of the doubt. Other people see a c-section as a lifesaver and it can be for some. Then there was a post somewhere about a woman who had the personal tragedy of a rupture, for her a c-section will be her only choice. I can respect everyone elses opinions. I was just voicing my frustration over people being misled. Some women with "impending" sections have a choice some don't. For those that do, it really bothers me to see them given infomation that isn't always true. But in no way do I judge their decisions.

[eloquence]

Originally Posted by luvmygio

I can't believe that someone would compare feelings of being raped to that of a CS? .

Totally jumping in and do not belong here but...That is not uncommon at all. I've heard that so many times in support groups.

[wombatclay]

Thanks all!

The pain around the injection site that I'm describing didn't become noticable until maybe 5-6 months after the c/s. I often have back pain and wasn't really paying attention until my dh pointed it out...he noticed that when he rubbed my back I'd always yelp when he touched that spot, and that it seemed a bit "swollen".

I'm thinking it might be a bulging disk (perhaps a combination of weakness due to the injections, chronic back problems, and lifting gi-normous baby?). I'll have a chiropractor look at it when we have the budget for that sort of treatment...I just wondered if anyone else had a similar experience since my doctor sort of said point blank that spinal injections don't cause long term pain/problems, but the location of the "ouch lump" seems a bit to coincidental, kwim?

I have a question...I have a severe diastasis (will probably require surgery)

There's actually a section on diastasis surgery and repair in the book "Lose the Mummy Tummy". You might be able to find it at your library or read through the section at the book store if you don't want to buy the book (it's an exercise book designed to help women close the diastasis, so it might be a good one for you to have anyway). I don't know if they'd go through your existing scar (there could be adhesions or heavier tissue that could cause problems) but I'm sure they'd work the closure so that you'd have only a single scar after the procedure if at all possible!

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by luvmygio

Yes, I could have been blindsided. My c section could have been worse. I will never know what it is like or will be like to experience vaginal delivery. Who knows-- that could have been a horrible experience-- could have been great. I don't know and will never know. I don't let it get me down. I am sorry to have offended anyone my intent was to try to help, but I guess I am far off the mark here. I can't believe that someone would compare feelings of being raped to that of a CS? There are people who can't conceive-- I was so lucky, no matter how my baby came out. I am done here, clearly I am in the wrong place.

For what it's worth, if you're still around...

There used to be a poster here who had been raped, and she said, more than once, that her c-section was worse.

I haven't been raped, but I have been attacked at knifepoint for oral sex, and I have been sexually abused (as a small child by a relative, and by a janitor when I was 12). I'd go back to either of those experiences in a heartbeat if they could wash away my cesareans. The guy with the knife didn't actually stick in me, and pull out my internal organs, then turn around and label me "high risk" for the rest of my reproductive life. And, the janitor never actually physically hurt me at all. Neither of them wheeled me into a terrifying room while I cried and said, "I don't want this. Don't do this" over and over again. Only my caring medical professionals have ever treated me like that.

I'm happy for you that it wasn't like that for you. But, it's like that for a lot of women. And, saying "misery loves company" is just being insulting. I went through over 10 years of having everybody and their dog tell me that I wasn't in as much pain as I was in, that my pain wasn't important, that I at least had a healthy baby, etc., etc., etc., So...yeah...now that I have people to talk to who actually understand, there's a fair bit of crap piled up that needs an outlet.

Yes - there are people who can't conceive. My grandmother had to adopt my dad and my aunt. (Interestingly enough, she felt terrible for me that I had to have a section.) For four years after my first c-section, I was one of them...then I conceived three times, and lost my babies. It took me 10 years to carry a second baby to term. I'll never know if my first section had anything to do with those difficulties. My OB tried for three months to talk me into a tubal ligation with my last baby....for no reason, other than the fact that my babies have all been "born" by cesarean section. Not being able to conceive because the OB says, "we've done enough damage" isn't so great, either. (I didn't go along with it, though.)

[Storm Bride]

Okay - that's twice I've come to this thread to post something, and been distracted. *sigh*

I finally gave my doctor (my FP, not my OB...I'm still working on that one) the letter I wrote her about how I felt after being railroaded into a third c-section. Her office called me back after she read it, and said she'd like me to come in and talk. So...I'm going in next Friday to talk about it. I'm not sure it's going to really accomplish anything, but at least I gave it to her. I was really nervous.

[mamabeth]

good for you storm bride. please let us know how it goes.

[eastkygal]

luvmygio - I think you have it wrong when you state that our culture downs c-sections. It is quite the contrary when we have needless c-sections happening everyday, and people electing to have a c-section just to avoid a vaginal birth. I've been told I was lucky many times. Also, I don't think any of us are saying we aren't thankful for our babies. I thank God everyday for mine, and that she made it through her birth safe and healthy no matter how it happened. I just felt we were cheated because ours wasn't neccessary. I'm just trying not to blame myself for that. Perineal tear doesn't have to happen in a vaginal birth either if the midwife does perineal massage. I know because I have personally seen it work. I have seen my sister heal from two natural births in a matter of hours, with minimal soreness, and be able to enjoy her babies without intense pain in her abdomen. She also loves sex, and it is great for her.

If luvmygio is not around anymore, I'm sorry for this, but I had to respond.

Thanks for the replies about our story. I have found a direct-entry midwife here in the city. I'm not living in east ky anymore. If I had been, I'd probably been better off. Midwives are very supported there. I'm going for a HBAC. I'm going to research and prepare myself.

Also, dd is 9 months, and I still have burning and pain in my scar. Is anyone experiencing similar things? When will it go away?

[amm0406]

I had a C/S in April 04 after amnioinfusion for meconium, Pitocin augmentation, epidural, uterine catheter monitoring, AROM, and eventually because they thought my dd was too big to come out. They found out during the C/S that she was direct occiput posterior (face up) and that's the only reason they did the c.

I am pregnant with #2, due 11/17 and really on the fence on delivery options. I don't know if I'll do repeat C (my OB is pushing this of course), VBAC, or HBAC... I labored fast and hard and got to 7 cm without drugs but am so afraid I wouldn't be able to do it naturally. I don't have that sort of faith in myself I guess. Home birth is kind of hard for us too being in an apartment but I still haven't ruled it out if I can get the guts built up. : Hospital VBACs are a rarity here in Philadelphia after a hospital got sued for 28 million dollars over a botched VBAC. :

[pumpkinsmama]

How did they botch it? I am just curious because without knowing that they (the hospital) were neglectful beyond belief, I am really kind of ticked off at the family for suing and lowering all of our chances for vbac's. $28 million is a huge amount of money, especially when the government only allows payoffs in the hundred thousand range if they kill your child with vaccines.