Who else is afraid to get excited yet?

[tttiggerrr]

I know I can't be the only one who is afraid. This is my fourth pregnancy. I have one daughter and have lost 2 babies so far. My 2nd pregnancy was ectopic and I was rushed into emergency surgery when I was 6w1d. My tube was about to rupture. I lived, but my baby (whose perfect, beating heart I saw on an u/s) died. My 3rd pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 4w3d, just a couple of days after I'd found out I was pregnant.

Because of my history with an ectopic, I've been getting my blood drawn to check that the HCG level is rising appropriately (which it has so far!) and am having an ultrasound Monday morning (I'll be 5w2d then) to check for placement.

I want so badly for this baby to join us. I'm hoping that I'll get to actually enjoy being pregnant after the ultrasound, but I don't know if I'll be ready to relax then either! LOL!

Anyway, I was thinking that those of us who have suffered prior losses could maybe help bolster each other for these first few weeks when we're all going crazy worrying.

[LizaBear]

I'm terrified about this pregnancy as well. But without the cause that you have.

I think that most of my trepidation comes from financial worries for our faimly. A family of 5 on $40K CDN, with $30K debt, a small car (I don't even know how we'll fit a 3rd carseat into our car - IF we can at all), and living in an apartment (thankfully it's a 3-bedroom). I just do NOT know how we're going to get by at all.

[Bethkm]

I can so relate to this feeling! THis is my fifth pregnancy, I have one DS and had 3 miscarriages before him, all 6-8 weeks. My HCG levels were great last week, more than doubled in 48 hours, but I'm still not relaxing. I really hope once we see/hear the hearbeat in a few weeks I'll be able to enjoy this. With DS I think I relaxed around 10 weeks or so.

It's hard to imagine things going well when you've experienced otherwise and so you know how easily things can go wrong.

Thanks for this thread. I'll be checking back.

[Lisadeanne]

I am nervous as well. This is my 5th pregnancy. I have three girls and then my last pg last year ended in miscarriage at 7 weeks.

[Fluffhead]

ME! Several months ago I unexpectantly got pregnant but miscarried about a week after AF was due...so it was early but already to a point where I was excited....so once I pass that point this time I will feel much better. The contant nausea and fatigue however, are chillingly reassuring!

[sbm1001]

There are so many of us out there that can relate to this, unfortunately. It's a sad fact, if you ask me.

This is my 9th pg, will be my 4th baby. I was a wreck a week ago, doing the hCG #'s game....it was hell! I've since decided the more I worry about it doesn't help things at all. It only stresses me out & if this pg is a good one, it'll thrive. If not, I'll know soon enough & deal with that when/if it comes. I'm terrible about worrying about the "what if's" in pg so this hasn't been easy for me, but it sure has helped me alot.

Hoping you all can find some peace, too. ((()))

Shannon

[mother_sunshine]

Mamas.

I'm a little afraid because I don't have any nausea yet, and I was so sick with dd the 1st 3 months. Not like I want nausea or anything but after all this talk about HCG levels, and the fact that the pregnancy tests are just now coming out darker (they were super faint up until yesterday), I'm a little worried.

[Unconventional1]

I am. I am only 17 dpo, I am not having many symptoms, but I have sore nipples, and my boobs got huge! I have also been extra emotional (DH loooves that! ) . I also have heartburn at night and I have been dizzy too, when I stand too quickly which happened last time I was pregnant in January. My cervix is in a much different position than last month (when I started to check it's position), I have not had any spotting what-so-ever, and I could feel where the baby implanted, and when (about a week and a half ago on the left side). I don't do hpt's, so I will do a wait and see. I had a miscarriage in January after 16 dpo, so I will be able to get more excited in the coming weeks. That time I did start to get morning sickness, so you never know.

I forgot to add, that my dog has been very clingy to me the last few days!

[muttmom92]

to all you mamas that have had to deal with miscarriages. I haven't had to go through that but I'm still finding it hard to get too attached yet. I know how common miscarriages are, so I'm a little scared. With my daughter I had bleeding around 5 weeks and dealt with a week of worrying that I was going to lose her. I'm constantly checking the tp every time I go to the bathroom.

I'm trying to be calm and positive because negative emotions won't help me or my baby. But I HATE the first trimester.

[Bethkm]

I've since decided the more I worry about it doesn't help things at all. It only stresses me out & if this pg is a good one, it'll thrive. If not, I'll know soon enough & deal with that when/if it comes. I'm terrible about worrying about the "what if's" in pg so this hasn't been easy for me, but it sure has helped me alot.

This is a great outlook Shannon. I sometimes forget that the outcome will be the same whether I am stressed and worried or not. There is no point in getting worked up, I'll find out soon enough if things are going well or not. Thanks for the perspective.

5 weeks today.

[sbm1001]

Each pg is so different with me. I have almost no symptoms this time around. My last pg I had no nausea, either, so it's not impossible to get away without having many symptoms. I try not to focus on symptoms being a sign of success or failure in a pg, for this reason.

Unconventional1, just curious...why don't you take hpt's? I've never heard of a reason not to, so I was wondering what your take on it was. Also, I have the exact same quote in my email siggy. Love that one!

Shannon

[tttiggerrr]

I'm so glad that I'm not alone, but sorry that so many of you have also had experiences that make you afraid to relax.

Shannon, you're completely right about stressing out not helping the situation at all. For me, it's more wanting to know if it's bad as soon as possible (because delaying if it's another ectopic could cost my life if my tube ruptured). I know no amount of stressing (or not stressing!) is going to change where this baby is planted though, so I'm trying very hard to be proactive without stressing over every little thing!

Amy, I am so right there with you about checking the TP every time I go! LOL! I can't say I'm a big fan of the 1st trimester either. It's so much easier to relax after seeing that little heartbeat and getting past 12 weeks!

Michelle, I'll admit that I've been peeing on a stick every day since I got my first +. Today it got a LOT darker, which made me soooooo happy. This is gonna sound gross probably, but I've got them all lined up so I can compare the lines. It just makes me feel good to see them getting a bit darker each day. And I got 25 tests online so I don't feel too bad about it.

Unconvention1, isn't it cool how quick animals can sense a difference? With my DD, our dogs treated me completely differently (much more loving and gentle...not that they're not normally like that) from the time I was only a few weeks pregnant until when DD was born. And they're already being like that again.

[Unconventional1]

I have chemical sensitivity and most of the stores that have the hpt's are full of nasty cleaners and personal products. So I don't go into those stores, and as a result I don't have hpt's. I also can tell that I am pregnant and a hpt will not change it, so I would rather spend the money on some new organic fabric or something!

[earthgirl]

I am 6 weeks and just starting to relax and enjoy it. This is my first pregnancy and it took us 8 months. I was already researching infertility clinics b/c I was really feeling like it wasn't going to happen. When it did, it felt like it was too good to be true. It didn't help that I started spotting right after I got my BFP. There was even one morning where I had bright red blood, which of course sent me into a panic. Even though I have not had a m/c I have had A LOT of loss in my life, so I am already a bit anxious about losing people. I had my first U/S last week b/c of the bleeding. My midwife wanted to rule out ectopic. I have another one next week where we will hopefully see the HB. I think that the nervousness is very normal, but if you have had other negative experiences, then the nervousness is magnified. I try to remember that so far things are going well and with each passing day my odds get better. Hopefully all of us will be able to get over this anxiety and just really enjoy the experience!

[Grayson's Mom]

hCG # ?

Yeah, what ya'll said... I am also a bit scared just because this pregnancy feels so different than my first. I am feeling much sicker. So I got a faint positive yesterday and I am a little worried about hCG #s. I found an old pregers test that I took about a week ago and looking back at it more closely I saw a faint positive on that one too. I guess I didn't look close enough. This is what is worrying me. If the test was faint a week ago and faint yesterday. Does that mean that my hCG #s are low. Someone mentioned their #'s doubling in 48 hours??? How did you all know what your hCG #s were? Do I need to go to the doctor's to find that out? Thanks

[tttiggerrr]

Originally Posted by Grayson's Mom

Yeah, what ya'll said... I am also a bit scared just because this pregnancy feels so different than my first. I am feeling much sicker. So I got a faint positive yesterday and I am a little worried about hCG #s. I found an old pregers test that I took about a week ago and looking back at it more closely I saw a faint positive on that one too. I guess I didn't look close enough. This is what is worrying me. If the test was faint a week ago and faint yesterday. Does that mean that my hCG #s are low. Someone mentioned their #'s doubling in 48 hours??? How did you all know what your hCG #s were? Do I need to go to the doctor's to find that out? Thanks

Don't worry. First of all, you can't really track HCG levels on HPTs by how dark the line is. For example, I've been feeding my POAS addiction since I got my 1st positive. I just want to see the line turn + (but also not taking my own advice and wanting to see if the line is gonna get darker). HCG is released in urine in much lower quantities than it is in blood. On Wednesday, my HCG was 372. The line on the internet test (that says it tests + at 20) was still really really light. Obviously the HCG is doubling since I've been having that checked every 2 days, but you can't use the tests to tell. Second, it could have been an evaporation line, in which case you weren't + then.

To answer your other questions, I know my HCG because I've been going to the OB every 2 days since I got a +HPT and having them do bloodwork to test them (only because of my history of an ectopic pregnancy and we need to be really cautious for future pregnancies). You can have your OB check it if it'll make you feel better. But without a history of prior problems, I wouldn't worry about it...easier said than done, I know.