Anyone not have the urge to push?

[kyartz]

It's been almost 2 1/2 years since DD was born, and I'm still shaking my head in bewilderment over this. Seems like what you totally don't expect always happens, eh?

As a first time Mama, I read a number of birthing books, including Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, Spiritual Midwifery, Birthing from Within, Dr. Sear's Birth Book, etc. And none of them ever mentioned that a woman might not feel the urge to push!

We had (what felt to me) a long labor - started at 5am with serious contractions every 2-3 minutes and that lasted 2-3 minutes, all day long. Things got more intense around 4:30pm and I got in my tub, and around 10:30pm we had bloody show and went down to the birth center. The midwife there thought that we'd have DD in a few hours and that it would be "quick", which was our first experience of putting the mocker on what would (NOT!) happen.

Around 4:30am my water hadn't broken and so after discussing it with the midwife, I decided to allow her to break it. More hours passed with nothing really changing, other than harder labor (no urge to push!) until the midwife suggested that I stat pushing towards her fingers, and put her fingers up inside me. It took about 2 hours (perhaps a bit more) to push DD out, and I never felt the URGE to push. I finally got the hang of when a contraction started, to push as hard as I could. DD was finally born at 8:30am that morning, and I was utterly and completely exhausted from the effort of all of that labor. Happy that there were no complications, no pain medication, and no other fooling around other than breaking my water.

Anyway, has this happend to anyone else? I'm expecting baby #2 in October and am curious as to whether that "urge" will show up this time or not. At least this time around I'll hopefully be a quicker study on what to do.

[CalebsMama05]

oh mama i'm so sorry that happened to you! I did have the urge but i was young and inexperienced and I thought i needed to push when she said to push instead of when I had the urge to (my urge was farther in and for shorter duration then what she wanted me to do) I wasted an hour and 10mins pushing when she said to rather ineffectively before I finally decided to screw it and push when I wanted. 20mins later and one episiotomy later my son was born.

hopefully you will feel the urge this time. were you by chance on your back with your dd? I felt that the urge would have been stronger had i been in a better birthing position. good luck!

[grace's voice]

I was squatting and didn't feel an urge (I was also in a birth pool). Actually, I was shocked when my mw told me I could start pushing, I knew I'd been transitioning, but I just assumed my body would start pushing on its own. My mw had to show me with her fingers where to push, I never even thought I'd have to push from so far back like I was pooping! My labor was very fast and very intense, 3 hours of active labor, an hour of which was pushing. I really didn't like pushing. It was so hard to get into the momentum of it. The only good thing about it was that there was no abdominal pain from the contractions when I pushed through them. That was a welcome change! My body did push on its own the last 2 pushes, rather violently in fact. Those last 2 pushes were, by far, the worst part of the entire labor!

[NowOrNever]

If you wait long enough, you'll feel the urge to push. You can be complete for a while before your body is ready. Once you're ready, you really don't even have to push. Your uterus will do the work for you! Most people try to get it over faster, though. Maybe your body wasn't totally ready the first time?

[aisraeltax]

i never felt the urge to push and was in labor over 30 hours (if i calculate it right, i went into labor around 7am sat. and he was born 4ish sunday evening..so thats about 33 hours). i NEVER felt the urge. my mw had to coach me through when to push. guess its not typical but its certainly something i experienced.

[KittyKat]

I've heard it's actually not uncommon for there to be a "rest and be thankful" period between transition and pushing. This gives the mom some rest between all the work of the dilating contractions, and the hard work of pushing. If your midwife had waited, you would have eventually felt the pushing urge. Our bodies know how to give birth, and once the pushing urge hits it's like a force of nature. You can't stop it, you don't have to "know what you're doing" your body just does it.

I had an epidural with my first, because the evil doctor (yes, he truly is one of the evil ones) gave me pitocin I didn't need and his evil minion nurse lied to me to get me to agree to it. Of course, the epidural meant I needed to be told how and when to push.

With my second my labor was NATURAL, and went much faster and easier. When the pushing urge hit it was like I couldn't NOT push, and she was out quickly. Unfortunately not quickly enough to keep the doctor from cutting me, but still it was a MUCH more positve experience than my first.

I'm actually looking forward to doing it again, any day now

Kathryn

[Brisen]

With #2, I pushed before the urge started, but once my water broke, the urge came and I went with it. Things went better after that.

[pamamidwife]

I agree with the previous poster that perhaps given more time, you would have felt something. Not that we NEED to push - our bodies do it for us. Maternal efforts make up less than half of what gets the baby out.

This idea that because we're ten centimeters that we HAVE to start pushing is often what creates the problem...that midwives / doctors start coaching and women lose that connection with their body in that way, so they never "feel" it and thus feel that they NEVER had it. Ideally, your body will do what's right.

Another way to look at it is perhaps your baby was malpositioned a bit and that's why you didn't feel the pressure. After some time on its own, your body and baby could have remedied that.

Many women just don't feel a very strong urge to push until the baby is right behind the pubic bone.

[doctorjen]

I never felt the urge to push in my first birth - but I'm sure that's because I progressed quickly and was told I was 10 centimeters so start pushing. I think left to myself, I would have felt the urge eventually - as it was, I pushed for almost 2 hours and was exhausted when my son was born.
With #2 and #3, I experienced the urge to push as a strong sensation sweeping though me - like a freight train roaring through. It wasn't so much an "urge," like "Oh, I guess I feel like pushing now" but more like "Lookout, here comes the baby!" I couldn't have not pushed. My second was an accidental UC, and my third was a lovely in hospital birth center birth that was pretty undisturbed, so there was little to prevent me from just going with the flow of labor.
I was surprised to then have no urge to push with #4. I am sure it was because I was uncomfortable with the OB, who was a friend, who attended me. I arrived at the hospital in a lovely labor groove, 8 cms dilated, and nearly immediately got into a huge fight with her over breaking my water. That threw everything off and it was hard to regain my groove. I finally started pushing because the OB said I was complete and I wanted my dd to be born in May (which she was, by 14 minutes!) I experienced the second stage to be the most painful of any of my births with this one. This birth more than anything drove home to me how easy it is to disturb the natural flow of labor and birth.

[ldsapmom]

I never had the urge to push with any of my three.

The first was the typical, "You're 10! Push!" I purple-pushed for three hours before my doctor lost patience and pulled him out with a vacuum. He was 9 pounds, 8 ounces.

With #2 I got a midwife and actually dilated 10 "9 and a rim" in about 5 hours. After about 2 hours of nothing happening, I decided to start pushing because I was sick of doing nothing (well, dealing with contractions!). I pushed my baby out in 90 minutes, and he was born acynclitic and posterior, so I know he did not put the right pressure on my cervix or pelvic floor to give me the FER. He was 9 pounds, 9 ounces.

Baby #3 I got to 9 in about few hours. We knew he was in a posterior position. After trying to push for a while, off and on, I finally lunged and he rotated and dropped -- was out in 5 minutes. I never had the urge to push, I just wanted him out! He was 8 pounds, 2 ounces.

Someday I would like to feel it!

[BelCanto]

My story sounds similar to yours. When dd was born, I had no urge to push (and no epi) but pushed when I was told and after 1.5 hours baby was born and I was exhausted. The nurses kept yelling telling me I needed to do it harder and more efficiently. UGH...

DS was just born 6 mo ago and I decided to wait until the urge was there. Of course this was a second pregnancy and things seem to happen quicker, but once the urge came, I couldn't hold back. I was worried that I wouldn't have the "urge" but I did, I just had to wait. And, I'm glad I did.

Best of luck!

Oh, and I only had to push 3 times.

[sevenkids]

With my third and 6th I never got the urge to push. My third was well on the way out and crowning without any pushing sensations at all, and no coaching from my midwife either. I ended up giving myself fundal pressure to get him out, 10 1/2 pounds of baby was just too much pressure to have sitting there. Gravity and big babies works wonderfully!
With my sixth, she basically just fell out between the shower to the bed. I never even felt a contraction, much less an urge to push. I remember running (waddling, more like it) from the bathroom to the bed while her head slipped out. I was like, "WTF just happened?" for a few days after that birth!
With the other 5, I got tremendous urges to push, after a little nap at complete. With my fourth, I slept for over an hour at complete and +2.
With my fifth, I had major urges to push and couldn't help it, but I pushed him for 5 1/2 hours.

[mwherbs]

so babies come out even with no urge to push
patience

(sorry bad speller)

[annakiss]

My understanding is that the uterus pushes much more effectively then you ever could so that waiting for an urge is essential for getting a baby out. I think this is why we hear so many stories of such looooong, drawn-out pushing stages.

[gentlebirthmothr]

Originally Posted by annakiss

My understanding is that the uterus pushes much more effectively then you ever could so that waiting for an urge is essential for getting a baby out. I think this is why we hear so many stories of such looooong, drawn-out pushing stages.

annakiss and everyone else as well,

Didn't know that this can happen while in labor and giving birth.

Thank you.

[cottonwood]

With my first I didn't get the urge either. When I reached "full dilation" I was told to push, which I did for two hours as hard as I could. It was awful, I burst blood vessels in my face, and I pulled a muscle. I hobbled around for weeks afterward. I know from later labors though that when you wait, it eventually comes and is very quick and relatively easy. My body wasn't defective, the midwife was simply wrong, and for me to start pushing before my body was ready subverted and suppressed the natural urge.

Originally Posted by pamamidwife

Many women just don't feel a very strong urge to push until the baby is right behind the pubic bone.

I love to tell the story of my third birth, in which the baby was still so high up three minutes previous to the birth that I could not feel her head. Just emptiness. Then the overwhelming urge to push, and she was out two short contractions (pushes) later.

Here's something relevant from Michel Odent:

Not only are the same hormones involved in the different episodes of sexual life, but the same patters, the same sort of scenarios are reproduced. The final phase is always an "ejection reflex" and terms such as "sperm ejection reflex," "fetus ejection reflex," and "milk ejection reflex" suggest this likeness. I have adopted the term "fetus ejection reflex" (which had previously been used to refer to non-human mammals) to refer to the very last contractions before the birth of humans when the birth process has been undisturbed and unguided. During a typical "fetus ejection reflex," women have a tendency to be upright, have a need to grasp something or someone, and are full of energy. Some women seem to be euphoric, others seem to be angry, while others express a transitory fear. All of these behaviors are compatible with a sudden release of adrenaline. They are associated with two or three strong contractions.6 This reflex is almost unknown in hospital delivery rooms, and it is seldom seen even at home births if another person takes on the role of "coach," "guide," "helper," "support person," or "observer."

[sweetpeasmom]

Nope never got the urge. WIth first i did have epidural and pushed for 3 hrs basically when they told me to push. Second i push twice and she was out, no drugs. I never felt the urge with her either but then i never really felt much for contractions.

[kyartz]

Thanks, ladies! (and keep'em coming)

This has been a very interesting response to read to my initial posting. I had chosen a birthing center as it wasn't a hospital setting and I thought that we'd have a better chance at a birth that was natural and free flowing, without interventions (both physical and mental).

I'm wondering now what would have happened if I had waited for the urge to push. From what I'm reading here, it seems like a good chance that it would have come and I might have had an easier time getting DD out. As it was, I was completely and utterly wiped out, and it took months to get any sense of myself back that wasn't pure, utter exhaustion.

I can't remember if I wrote that my labor with DD was back labor. Does this "positioning" sometimes lead to not feeling the urge to push? My main focus with the birth was to avoid the hospital and a scene where I'd be subjected to mainstream birthing practices, and by the time the midwife was urging me to push I'd been in labor for over a day and was really tiring. I remember being concerned that if my energy got much lower, that I might end up not being able to push the baby out.

We used a birthing tub, had no pain meds or other stuff (like through an IV). The midwife said that I drank more water than she's ever seen a woman drink at a birth - and she's the senior midwife at this center with many years of experience. It was very hard going, but manageable. I wasn't scared, I felt supported and in a good place. I wonder how much the birth was affected by my water being broken. However, I have to give the midwife kudos for NOT cutting me, even though she offered it as an option and said that DD would be born faster if she did (I had read enough about episiotomies to absolutely refuse). And she didn't stitch me up, after assessing the tears I had. I remember being clued in enough after the birth to have the sense that she thought it was a very tough labor and delivery, although she didn't expressly say so.

We'll see what happens with baby #2. I really hope I do feel the need to push! I also hope it's an easier birth and that I bounce back more quickly, although I must say that going into a pregnancy having had no decent sleep for over 3 years and being worn down by the demands of parenting a toddler, I wonder how I'll make it! I know we all do, in our own ways, but gosh, it's hard going at times, isn't it?

Thanks again for all the sharing and openess, and especially comments from the midwives out there!!!

[zak]

That is almost exactly what happened to me. Labor kicked in "for real" around 130AM... went to birth center at 700AM... at around 130PM I was complete and was told I could push when I felt like it... I really didn't have an urge. I just went with the contractions... and it took me almost 2 hours to push out our son (finally standing worked!).

I think about how it will be with number 2 also....

[hunnybumm]

DS#1 was an epi baby and I had 45 hours of labor (12 hours after 4cm, 3 hours pushing). I never felt the need to push, pushing hurt and it sucked. I was told when to push and for how long. I was flat on my back.

DS#2 was born at a birth center no drugs. 33 hours of labor (9 hours after 4cm, 20 min pushing). After 8 hours of hard labor I was exhausted and begging the MW to break my water. LOL I didn't feel the urge to push but bearing down felt better than just trying to relax/groaning through the contractions. The MW checked me, said I was 9cm and I could start some gentle pushes. I was on my back and pushing hurt, like it did with my first son. I then switched to laying on my side until I reached 10 cm and my water broke. Again pushing hurt. I tried a birthing stool but it felt wrong to me. The MW then suggested hands and knees with my upper body on a birthing ball. Cha-ching! Pushing felt good! When I was pushing the contractions didn't hurt. 20 minutes later my DS was born. It was so awesome to FEEL my progression while pushing. To FEEL the ring of fire. To FEEL him being pushed out during a contraction, then sucked back in between contrations. It felt so good to be able to FEEL what was going on.

I agree that had you been given more time you would have felt that strong desire. With DS#2 no one told me how to push or for how long. The only time I was instructed was to stop pushing when his head came out because the cord was around his neck 2 times. I was then told " No, you really need to push!" after his head came out because I thought I was done and I wasn't really pushing anymore... but he wasn't all the way out yet. My mind told me I was done but odviously I wasn't. =)