Men who changed their minds about cutting-what was the catylist

[Belle]

nak
i'm kind of curious about this. My dh was absolutely for circ when we first found out we were pg with our dd. I hadn't done the research yet so I told him to make the decision. Fortunately we had a dd so we didn't circ. Recently we were talking about circ with my two pg SILs and my MIL. My SILs were due a couple of weeks apart and were discussing circ. One of them wanted to know our opinion. I mentioned that we would be doing some more discussing of this when we get pregnant again.

My MIL(bless her) piped in that she didn't know that she had a choice when my dh was born and the doctors just said "sign this" and did it without consulting her. She said she wouldn't have done it if she knew she had a choice. Not only was it not beneficial to him, he was a preemie and it caused my dh a lot of distress. I could see the wheels in my dh's head turning with this new information. I think that he's really turned in his thinking about this since.

I was curious about how other men may have changed their minds.

[eightyferrettoes]

Finding out that the foreskin is adhered like a nail to its nailbed was huge for him, I think. Shocking.

And that info just isn't out in the culture.. people think it's like a "flap of skin" that "falls off" with the little ring. Like an umbilical stump.

[Tori Gollihugh]

My DH was sort of appalled that I wanted to keep any/all of DSs we might have intact. He was upset at the general thought, but then REALLY disliked it because his sons would be "soooo" different from him. Well, thankfully I received a wonderful book all about circumcision from my Aunt to read and send on to someone else. I read it and felt even more confident in my decision. So, I sort of MADE DH read the book. By the time he was done (mostly looking at pictures and reading SOME) he was horrified that anyone would consider circumcising! He was sorry that he'd been ignorant and is a strong intactivist now. YEAY!!!

[Jade2561]

Even though we will have 2 dds, this was a big issue for us. The main thing that made him change his mind about circ. was watching the procedure, as soon as he saw it he was like, "No way!"

It sparked his interest tremendously and since that time he has done a ton of research and really become an advocate. He will try to convince people not to do it, and if they do he considers them "damn genital mutilators". I think he might restore someday.

[ladybugchild77]

Hello!
Tori - I was wondering what the title of the book was, please? My dh is not coninced we should not circ this baby if it's a boy and my Mom thinks I'm NUTS to not do it - perhaps a little "light reading" would help! Thanks!

[dynamohumm6]

Seeing how utterly and vehemently opposed and sickened at the idea I was did it for him. He basically said "if you feel that strongly about it, we won't do it". We talked about the general myths, and that was kind of it. He was an easy sell.

[Kerrie]

For my DH it was seeing our godson not circed and how normal it is that changed his mind. Of course me being sick at the idea of doing it to our child helped too. He's one of the ones that just followed. If I wanted it done, it would have been done.

[Yoshua]

my turning point was the specialized nerve endings and the damage the scarring/drying out of the glans did for intercourse on both the man and the woman.


I was pro-circ-choice(each parent make their own decision) until I found out it wasn't just a 'piece of useless skin' pretty much. It was when I found the uses that 15 square inches of skin on an adult had is when I decided it was an idiotic thing to do.

[Microsoap]

But I don't get it when one parent says: "I haven't done the research, so you decide." Most often, it's the female that does that and also what sometimes factors in is the fact she doesn't have a penis and the male does, so he'd know what's best.

I think BOTH parents SHOULD do the in-depth research before making such a permanent decision. If I could, I'd make mandatory to educate BOTH parents involved. I know a lot of parents have used the above-mentioned logic, but there's really no excuse for it and not wanting to learn as much as you can. It absolutely scares me to think parents are doing this (the you decide because I haven't done the research or don't care either way) and some boys are remaining intact based on fluke than learning all you can about it and making an informed decision. It also makes me deeply mourn when the boys get circumcised because one parent didn't take the effort to learn. Know what I mean?

[MellyMel]

for my husband it was finding out that we would have to pay for it. We're poor and that was an unnescessary expense. Now however he is against it and realises it is unnescessary and damaging. I wish he would restore though maybe one day

[wendy1221]

I don't know what changed my dh's mind. I guess he always felt it wasn't really necessary, but thought it had to be done as a Jew. He knew I was very against it, but was afraid of his dad's response (not afraid of his dad, afraid of hurting his dad, who is getting on in years and is a child holocaust survivor--poor health b/c of the toll of those years.) Anyway, dh decided that he didn't want to do it either. I wouldn'y call him ANTI-circ, maybe more, it's not necessary, why do it, but he's anti-circ for OUR kids at least. lol

My brother, on teh other hand, changed his mind when I told him about the loss of sensation. We hung out w/ the same crowd growing up and I distinctly remember some of the guys complaining when we were older teens (I was about 19, bro, 16-17) that it wasn't fair that girls enjoyed sex so much more than guys. They were actually discussing this. I brought that up to brother when hiswife waspg (a girl they already knew) and told him it wasn't inherent, it was because a large piece of their errogenous tissue had been removed by circumcision. He looked shocked and horrified, then it was like a lightbulb turning on and he said I'm not doing that if I have sons. And that was it. I doubt it will ever come up again, but I think he got it.

If anything, I think it will be hiswifewho will be the hard one to convince. She's pretty mainstream. She didn't even want to bf until bro convinced her to try. She only did it for about 6 weeks. I guess better than nothing. :

[gethane]

For my dh, the turning point was when he found out that bad things can happen, mistakes can happen. Two days before I ended up having an emergency c-section I read aloud a post on a forum written by a woman who's baby ended up getting gangrene and had to have most of his penis amputated. They didn't think he'd ever be able to have sex/children normally.

My dh was aghast. He had no idea there were very real risks associated with circumcision. Having an intact son, different from himself, was WAY better than having a son with most of his penis missing. Imagine the locker room THEN. (Though my dh says the locker room thing is so bogus anyway. Anyone "caught" looking at someone else's penis, let alone commenting on it, would have been the object of derision. Not the person to whom the penis belonged).

[Leiahs]

I think the biggest convincing factor for my DH was how strongly and emotionally I felt about the issue. I couldn't really convince him to do his own research, so I typed up about 3.5 pages worth of reasons why I didn't want to (or in fact, would not) circumcise our son. Left him alone to read it and left the issue alone for a couple days. When we talked about it again he agreed that we wouldn't do it, but you could definitely tell he was reluctant about it. Other than him being happy about our decision now, I don't know how he really feels about the subject. I'm afraid to open up emotional wounds by discussing the subject with him too extensively right now. (<insert bag over head smiley>) But I do know he's changed his mind at least about our own children!

[darkpear]

With my partner, it was the 'infant care' class we took while I was pregnant with dd1. They covered circumcision care (in fact they didn't cover intact care at all : not that that surprises me from a hospital-sponsored course) and showed big giant pictures of freshly mutilated baby penises on an overhead projector We both had the same thought - how could anyone circ after seeing that?

[Jenivere]

I don't remember what I read during my pregnancy but I know by the time our son was born that we had decided not to. He was never set on getting it done and never threw things at me like "he should look like me". We were also allready set on a low/no intervention birth, breastfeeding and no vax so this decision fit in with our other plans for parenting. We didn't need to do it to satisfy a religious beleif and we just ended up deciding there was no reason to have it done.

It was in the years since our sons birth that we have become so against RIC. I've read so much and shown/told him so much that he is completly with me.

[jrose_lee]

I told my dh that if he wanted to do it he would have to watch this video I found online of a poor little babe getting circumcized and then decide. He immediately said, "then I guess we're not doing it". He knew he wouldn't be able to stand watching someone else's little boy having it done so there was no way we would do it!

[Kathryn]

With dh it was when a good friends brother talked to him. His brother was an army doctor and was forced to do hundreds if not thousands of cirumcisions. He said that he would tear up at every single one (he's intact) and he would never put his son through that sort of inhumane torture. He said some babies would scream like they were dying and some would slip into a semi-coma. He said their eyes never looked the same afterwards. :sniffle: THAT convinced my dh. Before that, he knew all the facts from me, but he was just like "you're going to get your way anyway so whatever"

[Jillie]

With dd1 I don't know if we did any research at all. By dd 2 I decided if wouldn't be done, although dh wasn't convinced, and I wasn't die hard commited either. Before ds was concieved, dh saw a news clip about a women sueing for lack of informed concent and they showed a clip about how it was done. That did it for him. The circumstraint was a big part of it too. I didn't see the news clip but after finding this board my commitment to leaving ds intact was solidified. Dh now is against circ even more after I have shared all that I have learned here. Thank God we didn't have ds first, or he probably would have been circ'ed just because we didn't know any better.

[~Megan~]

It wasn't just one thing. I think it was when I changed my mind. He really respects my opinion and figured if I were against it then there must be good reason for it.

One night when dd was about 6 months old I watched a documentary on these African tribes who did circumcision on older boys (basically when they had a good enough year to afford the huge celebration) so these kids were between 3 and 10. I was bawling. He came in the room and I told him we would never, ever circumcise any of our children. He agreed.

[Galatea]

Seeing a video of a circumcision, and when I said, "And just how often do you and your brothers and father sit around naked comparing penises?"