Men who changed their minds about cutting-what was the catylist - Page 2

[movingon]

Just letting him know it was completely unnecessary, and the fact that my OB was anti-circ. I think the doctor told me to tell him the insurance probably wouldn't cover it - at least not all - and that it was an unnecessary expense. That got through to him faster than anything else.

[Guest*]

My DH changed is mind after watching a video about circ that ended with the circumcision of a baby boy. He's been vehemently pro-intact ever since.

[Leddie]

When the topic came up for the first time, dh indicated he thought it was a good thing to have done and I told him I felt the opposite. He went to the computer, did about 10mins of research, and came back opposed to circ. He said it was easy to see that there were no real reasons to have it done.

I wish every person I've tried to educate on the subject was that easy!

[jessjgh1]

Becky:

I think the biggest convincing factor for my DH was how strongly and emotionally I felt about the issue. I couldn't really convince him to do his own research, so I typed up ......
Other than him being happy about our decision now, I don't know how he really feels about the subject. I'm afraid to open up emotional wounds by discussing the subject with him too extensively right now. (<insert bag over head smiley>) Becky

Becky,
I'm in a similar situation. I didn't write anything up, but dh and I had many conversations that always ended with my crying and saying something like, I just don't want to cause pain, or risk this/that. My dh is Jewish, so it was complicated to figure out all those issues. In the end he did mention something like he didn't want to do something that was painful either and didn't want to do something that was so upsetting to me.

For us, there was never any disagreement as to 'medical' reasons or look like dad- it was purely the religious aspect of it. My dh even quipped at one point that if ds was intact he'd be popular with the ladies because an intact Jew is pretty rare (at least in US). Of course, this was a 'light moment' I do remember several heated arguements after that.

Mostly my dh refused to discuss the issue when I was pregnant.We still had not reached a conclusion when my son was born-- and that was a HORRIBLE time to have to argue the issue.


Jessica

[NowOrNever]

I tried telling my dh all the facts about why it wasn't necessary and all the pain and horrible things circ was all about. He said he didn't care, he wanted him to look like daddy.

I showed him a video online and the screams from the baby was all it took. He said it would be a cold day in hell before he'd let that happen to his baby.

He's now a proud, outspoken intactivist!!

[BathrobeGoddess]

Ditto about the video...that was what it took...

[njeb]

Originally Posted by Jenivere

I don't remember what I read during my pregnancy but I know by the time our son was born that we had decided not to. He was never set on getting it done and never threw things at me like "he should look like me". We were also allready set on a low/no intervention birth, breastfeeding and no vax so this decision fit in with our other plans for parenting. We didn't need to do it to satisfy a religious beleif and we just ended up deciding there was no reason to have it done.

It was in the years since our sons birth that we have become so against RIC. I've read so much and shown/told him so much that he is completly with me.

Jenivere, my dh and I are the same. We'd decided not to do it before our ds was born, but it was years later before we learned the whole truth. Now we're rabid anti-circ'ers.

[MomToKandE]

I told dh that he needed to tell me why we SHOULD do it. If he wasn't going to do the research and at least be able to have a conversation about what he thought the benefits were then I would simply not sign the form to have it done.

Little by little I guess he wore down... he realized his argument about "ds should look like me" was silly when I asked if his dad was circ'ed and he realized he didn't know.

Another big factor was that we could always have it done later. If ds wanted to have it done when he was older he could and at least by then the foreskin would have seperated normally.

After ds was born dh saw another baby having it done and was SOOO glad that we chose not to.

[Paper-Bag-Princess]

My dh changed his mind after viewing a series of black and white photographs of a baby undergoing circ. No sound, noise, or otherwise, these were just photographs of a baby boy, mouth agape and in apparent agony that made my dh change his mind. I'm quite proud of him for respecting our son's choice to do with his body what he wants, especially considering that my dh was circ'd in the hospital as a preemie.

[Tori Gollihugh]

Originally Posted by ladybugchild77

Hello!
Tori - I was wondering what the title of the book was, please? My dh is not coninced we should not circ this baby if it's a boy and my Mom thinks I'm NUTS to not do it - perhaps a little "light reading" would help! Thanks!

I'm sorry I don't have the title... my aunt lent it to me, I thought I wrote the title down, but when I was looking for it after I sent it back (or on to someone else, I can't remember which) I couldn't find it anywhere!!! However, I was just purchasing some books yesterday and came across a few good looking titles about circumcision:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/search/ref=...s=circumcision
Doctors Re-examine Circumcision is the one that looked most promising in general

Circumcision, The Hidden Trauma : How an American Cultural Practice Affects Infants and Ultimately Us All this one looked like it might be most convincing to those who are staunchly decided TO circ

I've seen a link or links to different videos that show an actual circumcision... I, personally, think that a many who WANTS his son to be cut should actually HAVE to watch a movie about it before AND be present while his son is mutilated. I told DH, before he was convinced, that those were my expectations (and that he would have to take care of the penis until it was healed). I also told him that when our son could understand I would make NO BONES about informing our child that his Daddy had done it to him, AGAINST my wishes and welcome him to inform himself about what was ACTUALLY done. Now, this was all in hopes that DH would change his mind, but I was totally committed to follow through as well (and he knows I don't say things like that without intention behind the words!). He seemed pretty close to caving before he read and looked at the pics in the book my aunt lent... but the book definitely tipped the scale.

I hope you're able to convince your DH that his desires are not in the best interest of your child! good luck!!!!

[zak]

We both just thought "it's what you do" long before we became pregnant... luckily one of his older sisters didn't circ her son and that sent us researching... I think probably 2 years before we got pregnant we decided on NCB, No circ, Bf, etc.

The "thing" that made us realize it was not something we would ever do was the article "The Case Against Circumcision". My hubby STILL quotes parts of that article to people when he's discussing circ.

[Nathan1097]

About a month before our first child was born (10/13/97), my (now-ex, circ'd) husband was 99% sure he agreed with me not to circ. About 4 months earlier, we'd both decided TO do it, basically because "he is, and he has no problems with it". What changed *my* mind was seeing pictures of intact penises and hearing the screams at the very beginning of "Whose Body? Whose Rights?"

So what changed *his* mind? We went to interview our (Vienamese) pediatrician. Near the end, I asked her what her position on circumcision is. She simply stated, "It isn't needed medically". *THAT* was all he needed to hear to feel 100% comfortable not doing it.

[LadyMarmalade]

This is caloli's DH.

Caloli told me what circ involved and how harmful it is. I couldn't think of any reason to put a boy through this. I saw my baby cousin nearly die from a botched circumcision and it cemented it in my mind. I originally thought it was the norm to have it done, but my wife comes from a different culture where it's frowned on.

I am happy our kids are not circumcised.

[cornflower_3]

*

[drnmd1216]

I am so proud of my dh bc he has come a LONG way in such a short time. Last year this time, we were newly pg and talking about circ'ing and he was very much for it....I mean, to the point where every argument ended in the fact where I always got my way, it wasn't fair, he was circ'ed and it was so important a boy be like him, etc. The fights we had were brutal at times-lots of yelling and emotions. To the point where I hoped we were having another girl so I wouldn't even have to worry about it. We found out in June we were having a boy, and that is when I told him that he could make the decision, only if he read everything I gave him to read and listened to me with an open ear.

He started reading things, and I could see he was wavering a bit, especially when he found out that there was no medical reason to do so at all. He begrudgingly said I could do what I pleased, but he also said that a small, stupid part of him still wanted it done (his words!!).

I think he really came around when our ob/gyn came in after Caden was born and said "so happy to hear we won't be doing any ritualistic barbaric mutilization here" with a HUGE smile. as more and more people found out our choice, some people questioned Doug in private (especially his mom and brother, who DO NOT agree with us at all!!) and he actually started defending why we kept our son intact, and he brought up all the points I had given him.

I think the final straw that turned him 100% anti-circ though was finding out that the foreskin is basically peeled away and seeing IRL what the foreskin is really like, on our son at diaper changes. He saw that its not some "snip and put a bandaid on it" procedure, once you see how fused on it is. He is utterly disgusted by it now and brings it up when he can also to others. and he has come to terms that his mom made a choice for him that a parent shouldn't have the right to do. I am SOOOOO very proud of him, and now I hope we can make a difference to others with our info and experience in the matter!