Originally Posted by blissful_maia
I still feel totally happy, blissed-out and confident that my baby will be perfect (whether perfect in the textbook sense or not, you understand what I mean I hope). The results of the test don't truly, deeply affect me, it's just an added level of comfort I guess, with no real risk. I do totally understand your p.o.v. though...
For me, having had a baby that was born and died of birth defects, I don't take comfort in the idea that my baby is 'perfect' - I take comfort in that whatever happens, happens. And there is a reason for it.
I cannot control or know everything, and so I spend my time loving and living, accepting whatever is there. An ultrasound or tests won't *change* what is there or what isn't. Nothing will. For me, there's no such thing as perfect.
I felt so much better not
knowing ahead of time that my son was going to die, and being able to share that wonderous, perfect time with him. It would have been devastating to find out 5 months in that there was literally a 0%
chance of survival, and then be pressured into getting an abortion.
It's easy to say you wouldn't do it, but I know a mama whose baby had the exact same condition. She talked to me about how hard it was, all the doctors, nurses, family EVERYONE telling her "You don't want your baby to suffer", "he won't live", "don't do this to yourself", "It's the best way", "It's peaceful" etc etc. When you're so vulnerable after having been crushed so hard... it's difficult to stand up to all those people. She ended up terminating (which I completely respect, for the record) but has regrets, feeling that she was bullied into it.
And even though they always add in, "But it's your choice" it's kind of like how the formula commercials add in, "But breast is best". They think they're saving you pain. I literally had nurses say the *night* my son died, "she could have had an abortion and avoided all this pain".
It's a mindset: get an abortion for a defect, and everything's okay!
As if you don't have to go through childloss if you aborted a fetus.
They really do pressure you, and it's hard not to bend when you're that broken.
|and by the way, home doppler use freaks me right out. I haven't even used a doppler in my midwife's appointments. Yikes.
Don't even get me started!
|Also, mama, I just wanted to say... I totally appreciate you being open and sharing your feelings/thoughts with us/me. While not everyone agrees on everything, I think it's wonderful to be able to share, since that's how we learn. Most everything you say (in this and other threads) resonates pretty strongly with me. I'm glad I can feel comfortable sharing too.