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Do I have a right to feel this way? - Page 3  

post #41 of 59
4/11/06 at 3:13pm
Why are you not invited to the party, too? I thought it was pretty much understood that parents are invited to a child's bday party.
post #42 of 59
4/11/06 at 3:23pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by USAmma
Why are you not invited to the party, too? I thought it was pretty much understood that parents are invited to a child's bday party.
Not really...I've NEVER been invited to any of the party's my children have attended. I've only felt not 100% comfortable once. DS was in Kindergarten and it was a classmate's party at the park. I sat in my car and watched from a distance.
post #43 of 59
4/11/06 at 3:27pm
I would either go to Mc D's regardless of the other Mom's position or tell my kids I don't feel safe, stay home and we'll do something special together...I have often refused B'day invites when I don't feel safe.
post #44 of 59
4/11/06 at 3:30pm
Thread Starter 
Most ppl invite parents to go, I guess because this mother felt we knew her that she thought we would not care if she went alone with 5 kids. And she had to know that I was uncomfortable when I asked if she wanted an extra set of hands in dh, I should have been upfront and damn the consequences. I will be doing that from now on, especially with ppl that know how I am about safety issues, and this woman does know.
post #45 of 59
4/11/06 at 3:34pm
Damn the consequences, indeed. Like you, I am a mama bear when it comes to my kids. I have tagged along to many a party, and care not a fig what ppl think. Also have become adept at substiting family outings for parties I have to say no to.
post #46 of 59
4/11/06 at 3:54pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alkenny
Not really...I've NEVER been invited to any of the party's my children have attended. I've only felt not 100% comfortable once. DS was in Kindergarten and it was a classmate's party at the park. I sat in my car and watched from a distance.
Wow, really?

We accept every invitation to birthday parties that we get and since my DS is 7, we've been to plenty, especially when in public school, and I have always gone to every one, and my husband has come along to almost every one and my younger child as well. Not once were we the only parents there, actually, it was rare that a parent would just drop off their kids.
post #47 of 59
4/11/06 at 4:50pm
Thread Starter 
USA I don't know why we weren't asked to go, especially since she knows how overprotective I am. She really thought nothing of going to a very crowded place alone with 5 kids under 7
post #48 of 59
4/11/06 at 4:51pm
Thread Starter 
I agree River, usually we are not the only parents there, though I will say there are MANY parents that think nothing of dropping and running, not even asking if someone will watch their child. It's like they expect it because they know all the ppl that will be there
post #49 of 59
4/12/06 at 9:10am
Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverSky
Wow, really?

We accept every invitation to birthday parties that we get and since my DS is 7, we've been to plenty, especially when in public school, and I have always gone to every one, and my husband has come along to almost every one and my younger child as well. Not once were we the only parents there, actually, it was rare that a parent would just drop off their kids.
Really...My older two are 10 and almost 13, so we've had our share too. NEVER have we been invited to stay, and I don't recall any other parents staying niether except for the one time I mentioned. I am thinking that it was mostly because it WAS in an open place like a park though, and not at the person's house.
post #50 of 59
4/12/06 at 9:42am
I wouldn't think it necessary to give her any reason at all. In her shoes, I would love to have another hand to help me out with 4 busy kids!
post #51 of 59
4/12/06 at 10:24am
Thread Starter 
Suzette that is what I would think. She used the excuse that her dh never helps so why would she need my dh. I said, "well you only have 2 kids with no help, not 5" Plus I am very overprotective, I could take 5 kids, because if one had to use the restroom we would ALL use the restroom. I would still have taken any offer for help though just to be double safe. But then again I usually offer for everyone to stay. But that is just me, apparently alot of ppl don't do that.

I also want to say that I don't think there is anything wrong if you a) don't think to ask parents to stay, though you should be open to it if they would like to b) if you feel comfortable dropping your child off at a party alone, though this is something I am not yet comfortable doing. I think everyone is different in what they feel comfortable and I think it is just right to make sure that everyone involved with these types of things feels comfortable as long as no one is put out, kwim?
post #52 of 59
4/13/06 at 9:55am
Wow, Lish, I find that interesting that you've not gone to b-day parties with your kids. I don't mean that in a negative way or anything, it's just that where I live it is expected that you will stay with your children at birthday parties, up to about age 5 or 6 at a private home, & later in age (say 6 or 7)in a public place such as a park, McDonald's, etc. But come to think of it, my at my DD's last party (7) was held here at our home, & some parents chose to stay. SOme just stayed for the first 30 minutes or so, others for the whole 2 hours, others just dropped & went.... I like to think parents like to hang around because we serve yummy adult (& kid) food....

But I find the different cultural expectations when it comes to parties fascinating......

:















................
(yes, still not smoking.)
post #53 of 59
4/13/06 at 11:51am
Quote:
Originally Posted by aussiemum
But come to think of it, my at my DD's last party (7) was held here at our home, & some parents chose to stay. Some just stayed for the first 30 minutes or so, others for the whole 2 hours, others just dropped & went.... I like to think parents like to hang around because we serve yummy adult (& kid) food....
My 7 year old's last birthday party was at a gym, where we had the entire gym to ourselves, only one way in and out (safe) and we had about 20 kids including 8, 9 and 10 year olds there and all of the parents stayed (except one, of an 8 year old, she had an errand to run), despite there being no comfy place to sit and the parents had to stay out of the "fun" area. Everyone mingled and snacked (we always offer stuff for adults to munch on, too) the entire two hours. Almost every single dad was there, too.

I do think it's fascinating that there are differences in this around the U.S....I just can't figure out why that would be. Hmmmm.....
post #54 of 59
4/13/06 at 8:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by aussiemum
Wow, Lish, I find that interesting that you've not gone to b-day parties with your kids.....
Like I said, I stuck around that one because I wasn't comfortable leaving him. No biggie. My kids never attended friends parties until they were in school though, 5-6 years old.

As for the differences, I don't know where you all live, but I wonder if people are more comfortable here because it's a small community. The kids are in PS, there's only one school district and only about 80-90 kids in each grade. Total population of the town is only around 4,000. We're in a small, rural, farming community where everyone knows everyone.
post #55 of 59
4/13/06 at 8:57pm
Thread Starter 
We are a very small community as well, one school K-8 then the local high school. It's a50/50 split here, some stay others don't. I think that some ppl feel safer here because it IS a small town, me being from Long Island NY turst NOBODY Which is the reason I stay
post #56 of 59
4/13/06 at 9:16pm
i think that the original poster was completely in the right to insist that sheor dh be with her boys- (and by her own wording sounds like it never had to be insisted on). I am surprized that it would even be an issue- around here- (big city) an invitation for children always is an unspoken invitation for parents. Most people plan parties assuming at least 1/2 of the adults are staying- if not more.
dana
post #57 of 59
4/13/06 at 9:22pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks dana! I agree that an invite unless tickets need to be bought ( and then you should ask) is unspoken that parents can attend if they want to.
post #58 of 59
4/14/06 at 8:18am
I just wanted to clarify that I don't think there's anything wrong with a parent staying, and if one wanted to stay at one of my children's parties, I'd have no problem with it.
post #59 of 59
4/14/06 at 8:37am
Thread Starter 
I don't think anyone got that vibe from you
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