Ds is 7+ years old. We homeschool, so ds doesn't have as many friends his own age as most school children.
We have a neighbor down the road (we're out in a very rural area) with 2 boys. The older, Tim, is 9 years old and the younger, Alan, is 4.
Ds likes the Tim (a bit over-active, but a nice kid). He doesn't like the Alan, for several reasons.
On several occasions when we've been over at their house, when Tim left the room for a few minutes (to use the bathroom), Alan child locked ds in the room with him, blocked the door and threatened ds with a stick when ds asked him to unlock the door. Ds didn't tell me this until later (he didn't want the younger boy to get in trouble). The door was unlocked only when the Tim returned. Ds is actually afraid of Alan.
Alan has some behavioral / developmental issues, in my opinion. Though the parents have made no mention of any kinds of problems, other than the passing reference that he is so small for his age, I wonder. ((He is adopted and the birth mother had major problems.)) He IS very small with unusual proportions (his body-build is almost dwarf-like, not that that would be any kind of problem from ds's viewpoint), speaks at a much younger age level, constantly has his fingers in his mouth (sucking on all four fingers of his right hand) and is unbelievably willful with real anger issues.
Alan is a hellion when he is here and has broken a number of ds's belongings. When ds has been at their house (only a few times as we feel their home isn't child-safe enough for our tastes), the younger boy has to play with them, too, which is difficult for ds to understand. He wants to know why Tim and he can't play without Alan ALWAYS being there.
So, how do you go about telling someone that your child wants only one of their children over to play??? I've suggested to the parents that the things ds has planned to do with Tim might be a bit much for Alan, but they don't take the gentle hint. This has included some crafts that got waaaaaay out of hand because of Alan's refusal of the "NO" order (talk about a MESS!) and destruction of some of ds's trains when the Alan got angry about the railroad set-up they were doing wasn't done HIS way.
I am nervous around Alan (when he has been here) as he disregards anything I say, especially when it is in regards to his own safety. As in, "Alan, stop right there! You are NOT allowed to climb on the top of the swingset! Come down lower NOW." This was met with a sullen look and he continued to climb. Dh reached up and grabbed him down. Alan punched dh in the face.
: I can't imagine what the parents would be like if Alan would be injured while at our house.
I don't want to just say, "Hey, Alan has destroyed ds's stuff and ds is afraid of him." ((Well, I DO want to say that, but I can't!
))
Sleepovers with just the one boy are out as ds co-sleeps with us and refuses to sleep elsewhere in the house just because a friend would be over. He also won't sleep-over at the friend's house. He's been invited a couple of times, and I explained he doesn't like to sleep away from home. I know they think this is weird, but whatever.
The oldest boy is the only child that ds really likes and is close to, age-wise. The couple of hs groups we tried to interact with were too different in philosophies and temperments. Ds wants to play with this boy, just NOT his younger brother.
Sigh... Any suggestions??
We have a neighbor down the road (we're out in a very rural area) with 2 boys. The older, Tim, is 9 years old and the younger, Alan, is 4.
Ds likes the Tim (a bit over-active, but a nice kid). He doesn't like the Alan, for several reasons.
On several occasions when we've been over at their house, when Tim left the room for a few minutes (to use the bathroom), Alan child locked ds in the room with him, blocked the door and threatened ds with a stick when ds asked him to unlock the door. Ds didn't tell me this until later (he didn't want the younger boy to get in trouble). The door was unlocked only when the Tim returned. Ds is actually afraid of Alan.
Alan has some behavioral / developmental issues, in my opinion. Though the parents have made no mention of any kinds of problems, other than the passing reference that he is so small for his age, I wonder. ((He is adopted and the birth mother had major problems.)) He IS very small with unusual proportions (his body-build is almost dwarf-like, not that that would be any kind of problem from ds's viewpoint), speaks at a much younger age level, constantly has his fingers in his mouth (sucking on all four fingers of his right hand) and is unbelievably willful with real anger issues.
Alan is a hellion when he is here and has broken a number of ds's belongings. When ds has been at their house (only a few times as we feel their home isn't child-safe enough for our tastes), the younger boy has to play with them, too, which is difficult for ds to understand. He wants to know why Tim and he can't play without Alan ALWAYS being there.
So, how do you go about telling someone that your child wants only one of their children over to play??? I've suggested to the parents that the things ds has planned to do with Tim might be a bit much for Alan, but they don't take the gentle hint. This has included some crafts that got waaaaaay out of hand because of Alan's refusal of the "NO" order (talk about a MESS!) and destruction of some of ds's trains when the Alan got angry about the railroad set-up they were doing wasn't done HIS way.
I am nervous around Alan (when he has been here) as he disregards anything I say, especially when it is in regards to his own safety. As in, "Alan, stop right there! You are NOT allowed to climb on the top of the swingset! Come down lower NOW." This was met with a sullen look and he continued to climb. Dh reached up and grabbed him down. Alan punched dh in the face.
: I can't imagine what the parents would be like if Alan would be injured while at our house.I don't want to just say, "Hey, Alan has destroyed ds's stuff and ds is afraid of him." ((Well, I DO want to say that, but I can't!
))Sleepovers with just the one boy are out as ds co-sleeps with us and refuses to sleep elsewhere in the house just because a friend would be over. He also won't sleep-over at the friend's house. He's been invited a couple of times, and I explained he doesn't like to sleep away from home. I know they think this is weird, but whatever.
The oldest boy is the only child that ds really likes and is close to, age-wise. The couple of hs groups we tried to interact with were too different in philosophies and temperments. Ds wants to play with this boy, just NOT his younger brother.
Sigh... Any suggestions??
