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Priorities in a blended family/marriage - Page 2

post #21 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by rebeccalizzie
But honestly, I wouldn't have married my DH if he told me he expected to be more important than DD, so I guess it's not an issue for me.

I don't know, maybe I'm reacting to this because I have a good friend that I wish would dump her SO. He's got a child, and my friend wants him to basically ignore his child's needs and totally change the way he's been raising his DD for the past 11 years because "I should be more important than his kids, and I think he's raising them wrong". People like that shouldn't marry people with children, IMO.
I totally agree - and I hope that doesn't come off sounding harsh - I would never considering marrying someone who wasn't on the same page as me parenting-wise. When DP and I get married, I will be comfortable co-parenting with him because we went over this very subject over and over (and over) again (before the 3rd date even ) I know that we have the same idea of what our family should be like, so there's no issue of "who comes first"...... I guess I wonder why someone would choose to be in a blended family with someone who wanted to "compete" with the children or cause additional stress on the family.
post #22 of 22
I'm in agreement with the "family first" sentiment as well. In my situation, I have two boys from marriage #1, my DH has no children from previous relationships, and we are expecting boy #3 (our child) in 8 weeks. DH is a terrific stepdad, and he understands that young children need to have their needs met first most of the time. This is not to say that we tolerate disrespect towards the stepparent or poor behavior from either child; rather, we are both committed to being parents to the children all of the time. DH knew what he was getting into when he married me, and we had established our shared parenting philosophy in advance of marriage. Going a bit further... my boys and I had been abused by their father, and the divorce/custody situation has been ugly for a long time now. My boys need to see, on a regular basis, that husband-wife/co-parents treat each other with love and respect. DH and I model that behavior for them by prioritizing each other and meeting each other's needs in visible ways as well as by conscientiously caring for them - does that make any sense?

Hope this helps... good luck in finding a resolution to this situation with your DH.
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