Leave it alone..?

[AtHomeMom]

What is a good substitute for saying "Leave that alone"? Even said in the nicest way...I wonder if there is a better way to say it. I feel like dh and I say that all of the time.

Thanks.

[octobermom]

I'm an idiot and read the OP all wrong

Okay let me try again. Give more information. I often say not for __
Honey leave daddys papers alone they are for work
Pot hot not for Cecilia it has hot soup in it
I also say I want her to be safe and I love her
Leave the skillet alone I love you and don't want you to get burned
Leave the sissors in the drawer their sharp and we want you to stay safe..

Deanna

[georgia]

What worked for us was making our house even more child-friendly, and this was a big help when we found we were having a slew of "leave-it-alone" days Stuff that really can't be messed with for safety or monetary sake can be put up out of reach, modified temporarily or packed away. Your post wasn't specific, but could you say what the item is used for and then show her/help your child do it/touch it, etc?

[Soundhunter]

We said "that's a no touch" and said the same thing, for each thing we didn't want touched. We kept it kind by keeping our voices soft and not escalating them no matter how many times we repeated ourselves. We where glad we had this approach, because it was easy to bring her to other homes which wheren't necessarily child proofed, she was pretty good at not touching "no touches" when she was 10 months old. She had a few days in the 15-18 month window where this disintegrated, but she was testing every single limit over and over for a few crazy days in that period of time.

[IamCoupongirl]

My struggle when I had my first dd was that I didn't want to say "no" all the time, so I got creative (in addition to making our house very child-friendly). We say lots of different things, depending on the situation (and which kiddo we're talking to). Here are some of our alternatives to "leave it alone":

Ooh, breakable stuff in this part of the store...eyes only!
That's Daddy's toolbox. Sharp things!
Not for Lauren! (said with a kind smile)
Only grownups touch the stove.
Yucky trash.

Hope this helps.

[ETW]

We have a little acronym -- NFJ -- which stands for "not for Jack." I guess it's not the most positive language if you say all the words out, but DS thought the acronym was hysterical when he was really little and it was sort of fun to say and kept our reminders light-hearted. He's past the intense getting into stuff stage, but he still remembers NFJ and describes things like cleaning supplies as NFJ whenever he sees them.

[Brigianna]

"Please don't," in reference to whatever they may be doing or about to do that I would prefer they didn't. More polite than "no!" So if one of them were picking up something breakable or some such, I would just say "please don't." This only works if you say it at the actual time they're picking it up, though, otherwise they won't know what you're talking about.

[bellona]

"Let's let that be", "Oh, baby! That's _________(hot/sharp/has teeth )". Sometimes I just tell them what the consequence will be if they touch it ("daddy will be very upset if we mess up all his careful piles of bills", "grammy will be so upset if that gets broken) then suggest something similar ("Let's get some paper out that you can arrainge in piles like daddy's" "Let's check out this instead").

I know what you mean about it not sounding good no matter how you say it. Somethings just sound rude. Like "move" when you want to get past someone. It drives me crazy that there are alot of people that say "move, please" to kids. I know they aren't saying it in a mean way, but it just doesn't sound too nice, yk?

[octobermom]

"Please don't," in reference to whatever they may be doing or about to do that I would prefer they didn't.

I won't do this unless I'm okay with them deciding thats rather not listen and do it anyways. Like its nonegoitable weather my DD wans to pull the pot of hot water on her so I don't say please. Please inplies a choice. Its not a choice. I will say thank you. Oh Hot honey no touch not for Cecilia (while gently moving her away) Thankyou for listening thank you for coperating and keeping out of the way...

Deanna

[mamadonna]

I've always used the phrase "Just look." I like it a lot because I think it communicates what he CAN do, not what he can't.

Or, sometimes I refer to the object, not him: "That door doesn't open for us," "Those papers aren't for us to play with."

[nwaddellr]

We use "Not for touching" with a possible "just for looking" tacked onto the end.

[Brigianna]

Originally Posted by octobermom

I won't do this unless I'm okay with them deciding thats rather not listen and do it anyways. Like its nonegoitable weather my DD wans to pull the pot of hot water on her so I don't say please. Please inplies a choice. Its not a choice. I will say thank you. Oh Hot honey no touch not for Cecilia (while gently moving her away) Thankyou for listening thank you for coperating and keeping out of the way...

Deanna

I only say it in the context of a request/choice, although they almost always comply. In an immediate safety case like a pot of hot water I wouldn't say anything, I'd snatch her or it away. Then I would explain why after the danger was removed.

[perl]

I usually say "careful!" and, depending on how potentially dangerous the situation is, make a face like I'm very worried or scared. When he hears me say that word he totally stops and looks at me. Then I will explain why the item can't be touched (eg, a hot cup of coffee, an uncovered outlet). When it's something he's not allowed to do, I always try to think of an alternative that he *can* do. Like, "We don't bang on the computer. Here, you can touch it gently with one finger, like this." Or "Ouch! That hurts the kitty when you pull her fur. You may pet her gently, with an open hand." He responds pretty well.

[bellona]

In our family please doesn't mean that they can say no. I say "please sit down so we can get your seatbelt on". Technically I guess they can say no, but I'm not going to say "ok, nevermind then".

There's a difference between saying "please do this" and "could/would you please do this?" IMO. I think that telling them to please do something is just polite and teaches manners, doesn't really open it up for refusal.

[VikingKvinna]

We use "Only for Mommy and Daddy" a lot -- "only Mommy and Daddy use the stove." We explain why DS can't do/touch it, whenever possible, using the construction of "I get ________ when you _________ because ________ " i.e., "I get worried when you pick up those bricks because I don't want you to get hurt."

We also try to redirect/distract as appropriate, and the "one-finger touch" has been pretty successful, too.

In lieu of "please move," we say "Watch out, buddy" (said very nicely) or "coming through" or "excuse me."

We also use "please" when telling DS not to do something. "Put that down, please" or "Please put stickers on the paper, not on the cat." Politeness isn't just for negotiable issues.

[octobermom]

We also use "please" when telling DS not to do something. "Put that down, please" or "Please put stickers on the paper, not on the cat." Politeness isn't just for negotiable issues.

Here its not about politness I certaintly promote politness. Please by defination implies a choice. Putting stickers on the cat in this house is not a choice, I wont say please don't because I'm not saying if you don't mind I'd appreciate it. I'm saying No stickers on the cat (non negioatible)

Deanna

[captain crunchy]

At this stage (10 months) redirection is our best friend. We try to live as consensually as possible, however there are a few things we can't allow like pulling the television over on herself -- babyproofing is wonderful, and we are in the process -- but she loves to crawl over to the tv and try to pull herself up on it (even though we don't watch tv weird lol)....

I usually say "people don't pull themselves up on tv's" then redirect her to something else. I know it might seem long-winded etc, but I feel it is an honest statement and I know she totally gets it. She will look back at me smiling as she is crawling towards it...she knows...even though her impulse control is still limited It's cute though...

Anyway, we use statements like that. Statements true to the moment and object and give a short reason.

"These are mama's glasses, I need them to see" (as I direct her hand away from glasses and hand her something else or distract her)

Mama does NOT like to be pinched, I like to be touched gently" (demonstrate gentle touch with her hand... "yes, like that honey, that is a gentle touch" (when she strokes my cheek)

"This is mama's hot coffee, it can burn you" (then I will let her *carefully* feel the side of the cup if it is still warm but not hot enough to burn her) She is so great about not touching my cup now, and she has never gotten burned once...then again, by the time I get to my coffee it isn't hot anymore anyway

"People don't eat leaves. We can play with leaves and touch leaves but they are not food". (We have lots of leaves outside that sometimes get tracked in and hang out by the entry)

"Ouch! I don't like to be bitten".

I say these phrases in a serious, but non punitive tone -- in other words, I have a serious face and say it somewhat firmly, but in a gentle tone without raising my voice or taking any punitive action....

Unless it is an issue of dire safely, I pretty much do let her explore most things as long as I am there to make sure she doesn't get hurt. She wanted to see my cutting knife the other week I did let her, but I held the sharp side with a dish towel over it and told her that side was very sharp but this side was smoooth and all that jazz... she was cool with that...

We rarely if ever use the word *no* and we are honest with her...we don't say things like "the kitchen is closed" or "the doors don't open for us" and stuff like that...

Anyway, works for us....good luck!

[DevaMajka]

I say "That's not to play with" and tell him why. Or "That's unsafe." Then I tell him what he can do instead.
If he's playing with my recipe box (which involves dumping it lol) I tell him I'd rather he play with his box (I made him a "recipe box" and cut up junk mail to put in it). If he has scissors, or something unsafe, for whatever reason, I tell him its unsafe, and we ought to go put them where they belong. I carry him, and he carries them, and puts them where they belong. If I try to take them, he gets really upset.

[polka hop]

*

[bellona]

I wanted to say that I also like teaching them the word "delicate". Anything that can't be touched because it's breakable I tell them "be careful! it's delicate" I've said it so many times that the 'just look' is implied. My 19mo may not know what the definition of the word is, but when I tell him that he puts his hands behind his back and leans over looking very impressed and says "oooohhhhhhhhh"