I am feeling very proud of myself at the moment. Yesterday was a very trying day for me as a parent. We had a very busy day running errands, in and out of the car several times, lots to do, etc, most of it during naptime.
The Dc did very well at lunch, played beautifully while I paid for and loaded our co-op order, and entertained themselves nicely while driving. The problems started when we walked into the grocery store. Ds (7) and Dd1 (4) wanted a gumball. I said, ok, and they each got one. Dd2 (23months) also wanted one, but of course, she isn't big enough, so I told her no. I would have given her an alternative, but one wasn't available, unfortunately. She, predictably, had a meltdown. She cried for maybe 3 min., during which time I held her. I used the invisible technique (pretend that no one in the store can see you and your child having this meltdown); I empathized with her, described her behavior, hugged her, etc., and very soon she calmed herself.
We successfully got the items we needed, and checked out. Everyone wanted to ride the mechanical pony (costs one penny, so it's really hard to say no!). Ds rode first, and Dd1 put the penny in to start it. Dd1 takes her turn, but has a meltdown when Dd2 puts the penny in to start Dd1's ride (she wanted to do it herself). Dd1 begins to scream and kick, is generally out of control. I tell her that we will have to leave the store if she is unable to stop, but then felt badly that Dd2 will miss her ride. So, instead of leaving, I held Dd1 while Ds helped Dd2 get on and off the pony.
We left the store with Dd1 screaming (thankfully she had stopped kicking by this time!). All the while, I reflected back to her what I was seeing, how her body was moving, what I was hearing her say, etc. By the time we reached the car, I could tell that she was calming down, and had lost much of the intensity.
We got everything loaded, Dds buckled, and then Dd2 grabbed Ds's snack and dumped it out. Ds, by this time, had used up all of his patience and tolerance of the girls behavior, so he, too, had a meltdown. He was not so responsive to my attempt at reflecting what I could see happening, so we left. I made a point, however, to let him know that I still loved him very much, and that I really appreciated his positive attitude all day, and his efforts to be helpful (this is something we've really been working with him on). I told him that I understand his strong response to a seemingly small incident, and that it's ok to feel those emotions.
Needless to say, I was really feeling tired after all the emotion of the day. However, I am very proud of myself for not losing my temper, for remaining in control of my emotions, for not having my own meltdown and contributing to the chaos of the day. This is a really big accomplishment for me. I am proud of myself for making the small choices in each situation to not take the childrens' tantrums personally, but to just help them regain their own personal control; not to try to "make" them get back in control, if that makes any sense.
I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but I just wanted to share my personal success. I have made so many mistakes, that it feels good to have done something right for once!
The Dc did very well at lunch, played beautifully while I paid for and loaded our co-op order, and entertained themselves nicely while driving. The problems started when we walked into the grocery store. Ds (7) and Dd1 (4) wanted a gumball. I said, ok, and they each got one. Dd2 (23months) also wanted one, but of course, she isn't big enough, so I told her no. I would have given her an alternative, but one wasn't available, unfortunately. She, predictably, had a meltdown. She cried for maybe 3 min., during which time I held her. I used the invisible technique (pretend that no one in the store can see you and your child having this meltdown); I empathized with her, described her behavior, hugged her, etc., and very soon she calmed herself.
We successfully got the items we needed, and checked out. Everyone wanted to ride the mechanical pony (costs one penny, so it's really hard to say no!). Ds rode first, and Dd1 put the penny in to start it. Dd1 takes her turn, but has a meltdown when Dd2 puts the penny in to start Dd1's ride (she wanted to do it herself). Dd1 begins to scream and kick, is generally out of control. I tell her that we will have to leave the store if she is unable to stop, but then felt badly that Dd2 will miss her ride. So, instead of leaving, I held Dd1 while Ds helped Dd2 get on and off the pony.
We left the store with Dd1 screaming (thankfully she had stopped kicking by this time!). All the while, I reflected back to her what I was seeing, how her body was moving, what I was hearing her say, etc. By the time we reached the car, I could tell that she was calming down, and had lost much of the intensity.
We got everything loaded, Dds buckled, and then Dd2 grabbed Ds's snack and dumped it out. Ds, by this time, had used up all of his patience and tolerance of the girls behavior, so he, too, had a meltdown. He was not so responsive to my attempt at reflecting what I could see happening, so we left. I made a point, however, to let him know that I still loved him very much, and that I really appreciated his positive attitude all day, and his efforts to be helpful (this is something we've really been working with him on). I told him that I understand his strong response to a seemingly small incident, and that it's ok to feel those emotions.
Needless to say, I was really feeling tired after all the emotion of the day. However, I am very proud of myself for not losing my temper, for remaining in control of my emotions, for not having my own meltdown and contributing to the chaos of the day. This is a really big accomplishment for me. I am proud of myself for making the small choices in each situation to not take the childrens' tantrums personally, but to just help them regain their own personal control; not to try to "make" them get back in control, if that makes any sense.
I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but I just wanted to share my personal success. I have made so many mistakes, that it feels good to have done something right for once!
!!! You can consider yourself hugged 
It sounds like you really handled that great. I love those kinds of days. So often we get bogged down in the negative; it's wonderful to celebrate the times when things went right. Thanks for sharing 
