Young child wants to be circumcised?

[pdx.mothernurture]

Elsewhere, a mother said that her newly retractible son wanted his penis to look like his circumcised classmates. I came up with this analogy as a suggestion, and wanted to hear what other's think of the analogy...

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-Explain that babies are born with foreskins for a reason; it protects the penis and keeps it clean.

-Reassure him that he was perfect just the way he was born, and you loved him so much, you wouldn’t change a thing.

-Tell him that circumcision hurts babies and sometimes doctors mess up and a baby loses his WHOLE penis, and some babies even die. You loved him too much to take that risk.

-Consider incorporating a message into the discussion about respecting other people’s bodies and personal space, good touch/bad touch, etc.

-Encourage compassion for circumcised classmates and friends. Something valuable was taken from them, before they could say “No!” Doctors don’t always tell parents that it’s going to hurt the baby or that the foreskin is a good and useful part of the body. Many moms and dads who let the doctor cut their son’s foreskin off feel really sad about it later.

-Ask him, “What’s your LEAST favorite food?”. Explain that there are people in the world who think that _________ is delicious! What if someone whose favorite food was _________ decided to make a law that made everyone eat only __________ for the rest of their lives? YUCK! That would be awful, wouldn’t it? Tie it into the conversation by explaining that he is an individual and what he likes and doesn’t like is a personal thing. When parents circumcise their babies, they’re imposing their own preferences on him for the rest of his life…before he can speak or say what he likes/doesn’t like. Maybe he’ll be happy with it, maybe he won’t. If he doesn’t like it, his foreskin is gone forever…and that’s like being made to eat your least favorite food for the rest of your life.

-Not circumcising respects babies as people---as individuals, and lets them make the choice for their OWN bodies.

-If he thinks he wants to be circumcised, you can add this: “When I was a child, I disliked eating __________, but as I got older, my tastes changed and now I love __________. That’s why it’s important to wait until you’re fully grown to make such a permanent decision."

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WDYT?

Jen

[Nathan1097]

The thing is, I don't think kids have the "scope" to see that far into the future. So while I totally agree with your foods analogy, I'm not sure a kid would understand. Maybe something similar tailored to that specific child would be helpful. And anyway, this is a perfect opportunity to talk about individualism vs. being like peers. I know that at 8 1/2, my eldest is REALLY into his peers- and this is how it should be, as his age!- but no way would I let him change his body to match his friends. He can find other ways to "bond" and learn about himself.

[nd_deadhead]

My first thought was "Why are he and his classmates comparing penises?" My sons are in 6th grade, and considering how modest they and their peers are at our house and the pool locker room, I can't imagine they are waving their privates around in school.

Instead of a food analogy, I'd use more visible body parts. Do all his classmates have the same color hair? Eyes? Hair style? Same shape nose and ears? Do any wear glasses or braces? I'm guessing they all look different in places that actually are regularly visible (heck, even my identical twins don't look exactly the same).

Perhaps pointing out that each of his friends is different and unique will help him see that the penis is just another body part that comes in different "styles".

One might also suggest that all he has to do is retract his foreskin for his penis to look like that of his peers.

[wendy1221]

I find it very odd that a young child would want to be circ'd. I don't think a child would be able to put this want into their minds. I would assume an adult said something to him. Or an adult said something to the child who said something to him. KWIM?

My ds is 6 and the only time penises came up in regards to school was that some kids there don't have skin to pull back, so they can't race ds to see who can retract and pee faster. I bet that makes for a clean little boys room!

[pdx.mothernurture]

I know, it is really odd...and my first instinct is, "Is this person for real, or are they a you-know-what?" Because in this situation, the boy is 5 and I can't imagine he's really seeing lots of penises in kindergarden. And even if he were, the mother explained what circumcision was and the boy (supposedly) still wishes he looked like the other kids.

The most common reaction that I've heard of boys happening when they learn the reason their (circumcised) classmates look different is wincing and grabbing their own genitals in protective horror...

So, A.) I wonder if there's actually an adult in his life somewhere that's influencing this, and B.) If that's the case, and an adult is looking at/talking to him about his penis I would question whether that interaction was appropriate. KWIM? Or, of course C.) The entire story/situation is completely fabricated.

Thank you guys for the feedback...

Jen

[Bartock]

That's strange!!! I bet if he was to sit down and watched a circ video he might change his mind, It's sad that he would want to do that to fit in.

[pdx.mothernurture]

Originally Posted by ilovemy2ds

That's strange!!! I bet if he was to sit down and watched a circ video he might change his mind, It's sad that he would want to do that to fit in.

True, but I think the risk of traumatizing a 5 year old by subjecting him to a graphic circumcision video would outweigh any benefit. If he were a teenager, I'd probably feel differently. It doesn't sound like the boy is horribly distraught over the not matching issue, he just wishes he looked like the other boys. With some gentle discussion and support, he'll probably be over it soon enough.

Jen

[willowsmama]

I'd be asking how on earth he knows his classmates are circ'ed! He's 5 and knows other boys are circ'ed ? Something's not right there......

And my answer really depends on the age of the child. At 5, I say no. Point blank - no you are not having surgery. Surgery is something that's done when you are very, very sick- not when you want to look like someone else. Some kids have blue eyes, some have brown- some have blond hair others brown. Some kids havea foreskin others don't. Having a foreskin is part of what makes Johnny - johnny.

[wendy1221]

Originally Posted by willowsmama

I'd be asking how on earth he knows his classmates are circ'ed! He's 5 and knows other boys are circ'ed ? Something's not right there......

And my answer really depends on the age of the child. At 5, I say no. Point blank - no you are not having surgery. Surgery is something that's done when you are very, very sick- not when you want to look like someone else. Some kids have blue eyes, some have brown- some have blond hair others brown. Some kids havea foreskin others don't. Having a foreskin is part of what makes Johnny - johnny.

Exactly. My son (6) still doesn't know why some kids have "skin" and some don't. He didn't ask, so I didn't elaborate. My kids and my next door neighbor's kids run around naked all the time. Her kids are circ'd (she says now that she knows better, she'd never allow it again, btw. She let her dh decide, docs here are all for it.) Anyway, they're naked together all the time and no one's ever mentioned anything about their penises and the differences. They are black, we're white, our boys are 7, 6, 4, 2, and 7 mos, so there'a big range in size. Not a single one of the boys has ever said anything about why they look different. I think they notice the color and size more than the skin or lack thereof.

[Baby Makes 4]

My 10 year old wants a dragon tattoo but I wouldn't let him do that either.

Not to make light of the situation but I find it highly doubtful that a young boy would decide this without some outside influence. Some things are just not up for discussion.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Whenever I hear story's like this (rarely thank goodness) my first thought is that someone is abusing the child some way. Either mentally by saying something about his penis or physically. It just is not normal for a child that age to be worrying about there genitals. My dd is 5yo and she pays absolutely no attention to hers and I don't see a 5yo boy being so aware of theres either without a outside influence.

[nd_deadhead]

My intact sons were 8 when they learned about circumcision. They were both horrified that anyone would want to do such a thing (see my siggie). They certainly have no desire to have their foreskins cut off. One of my sons, when he learned that his Dad is circ'ed, exclaimed "Poor Dad! He's missing the best part!" It's hard to believe they would have reacted much differently at age 5.

I would think a child would be more interested in having clothes that match than penises.

[Minky]

Didn't anyone here play "doctor" when they were little? Or run around naked in the locker room? I would except the story as legit and try to advise the person the best I could. Maybe now is the time to explain the dangers of circ, as has already been said, or at least explain what circ is, non graphicly.

[Marsupialmom]

I can see a boy knowing. I know my son was seen peeing and the other boy was curious about my son's different penis at 5............

But I was honest. I told my son why he wasn't circ'ed. I wouldn't do pictures but be verbally honest. Some people still think it is healthy or they are doing it because dad was but because our parents did something with us doesn't me we have to do it to our children. I used nursing example with my son. He wasn't asking for circ but curious about noticing the difference.

[TiredX2]

DS noticed that his penis is different than his cousin's penis around 4 (when they were peeing at the same time ).

That said, a good friend of DD's desperately wanted glasses when she was 6 so she could look like her daddy. Did she get them? No. I would probably address it the same way. You don't just have surgery/glasses/braces/whatever to fit in.

[Frankly Speaking]

I can believe the story. I wasn't much older, maybe 6 or 7 when I found out there was a difference and I've been against circumcision since. If I had been intact, I might have been against that. Greener pastures on the other side of the fence kinda thing, ya know!

I would give a simple explanation of why what he has is better and follow it with a stern warning that he is to never tease the other boys about their less than whole penises. Use a little psychology on him! Make him understand that he has something they probably wish they had.




Frank

[NowOrNever]

I love your last point, Frank! I'll have to remember that when my boys are old enough.

My older two girls know exactly what circumcision is and they are 8 & 9. Two of my neighbors here had little boys a few months before my youngest son was born. They saw them getting their diapers changed not too long after their circs and asked me about it. I told them what happened and made it into a little homeschooling science anatomy lesson. They saw a short clip of the procedure and were appaulled that people would do that to their babies. I think it depends on your child as to how they would react to seeing something like that. They are really into science and anatomy, so this wasn't anything that I worried about them seeing.

I would just tell my young son no. We don't alter our bodies until we are 18, acting as a consenting adult.