who can you trust to get help for your kids?

[aisraeltax]

i really am at this point right now. reading all the cps stuff, etc.
my teen is a hand full. nothing major but major anger issues. i want to enroll him in a class later this month called Take Control, which allows teens to take control of their emotions.
now im worried about waht he may say and where that may lead.
who can we trust to help us with our kids if everyone jumps at the opportunity to report to cps/dss???
i know im being paranoid, but just need some reassurance right now i guess.
my teen has a horrible mouth (says f**k you to me, etc. - and NO, i don't accept this and am doing my best to end it).
any thoughts on this issue? the words of my wise mom are haunting me right now...she always said to keep our problems AT HOME. i don't think she was worried about anything other than area moms thinking less than great about her parenting techniques (have no idea what she would have worried about), but still...it resonates with me right now.

[Mirzam]

The bad language seems to be part of being a mother to a teenager. I get called some awful things too. I don't really want to be of the "system" -- we had no choice with her alcohol ticket, but we pay for a private therapist for DD. She specialized in teens so she has probably heard it all. I doubt DD says too much bad about us though, hopefully. Every so often I will go with her to a session, but she prefers it when I don't. I do call the therapist if I feel there is something they need to discuss in their sessions.

[Brigianna]

I'm probably not even qualified to comment on this since my kids are still little, but for what it's worth I agree with your mom--keep the problems at home. I doubt anyone would make an issue of bad language, but they could still create many problems not only for you but also for your child years into the future.

Also, although I don't know your situation, I wouldn't force him to go to anger management. That doesn't seem fair or respectful to him.

I'm not meaning to be alarmist but many of the powers that be in the mental health industry do have overt agendas and entrap people in vulnerable states. I would just be very suspicious of them in general.

[Ravin]

Work through an institution you do trust, if you can. And anything you expect him to do, volunteer to do, too. Like if he's taking an anger management class, enroll yourself into a parenting class.

I don't think it's wrong to seek help when you need it, and it sounds like you're looking in a good place. Most people who want to help teens and parents get back on track are not CPS happy, and CPS is not in any way eager to take teenagers from their homes.

Things it's not good to do are to let things spiral out of control until the cops get involved. That's when things really get out of your hands.

One thing to keep in mind is that many parents of problem teens are going through their own problems, and the kids pick up on that and pick on it and it feeds their problems. So part of helping your son should absolutely include looking at your own issues and trying to improve things for yourself as well as for him.

Some kind of counseling for the two of you together to improve your relationship should be important, esp. if his behavior is mostly acting out towards you. If he flies off the handle with everyone, friends, etc., then anger management might also be called for--but probably for both of you.