How should kids address adults?

[Meli65]

I guess I am an old fuddy-duddy (37) but I grew up calling adults by their last names (Mr. and Mrs.), or with very close family friends being called "Aunt" and "Uncle." This still feels right for me, but I think I am in the distinct minority. Ds is only fifteen months old but when I speak "for him" I tend to say things like, "Thank you, Miss Laura" because often I don't even know people's last names. I just can't imagine ds's friends referring to me as "Melissa" especially when they get to be teenagers -- it just seems disrespectful somehow. What do you think?

[Dar]

I grew up calling all adults Mrs. ___ or Mr. ___, but now that I'm the adult that seems so weird. I feel like it creates an artificial barrier between people of different ages, and I don't want to do that. I hate being called Mrs. or Ms.

Rain calls all the adults in her life by their firsr names, and all the kids in my life call me by mine. The only exception was her 78 year old voice teacher, who just sort of referred to herself that way, so we decided it would be kinder not to go there - but it felt odd.

Dar, just Dar

[ekblad9]

We grew up using Mr/Mrs. (or I did, dh didn't, he even called his mom by her first name but that's another thread, LOL). Anyway, we have some friends that don't mind first names and others that prefer Mr/Mrs. I like Mr/Mrs but don't care if kids call me by my first name. I'm flexible.

[DiaperDiva]

We will teach our children to say Mr and Mrs to strangers. If weare on a first name basis with people, they will be to.

I don't agree it shows respect. Respect is shown through actions, not words, IMHO

The father of one of my best friends I call by his first name(her mom to)

BUT, I STILL call another best friends mom "Mrs" and I have known each of my friends since I was 6 and I am now 32

[sleepies]

we only do first names....unless

UNLESS someone specifically says to call them something else.

so if we are introduced to someone as "mr" "mrs" etc ; then that is what we'd call them.

otherwise, everyone goes by first name here

ps, i would feel insulted if my son was a teenager and his friends called me "mrs" or "mam". god id feel like an old lady!!!!!! i HATE being called mam or mrs really. i like to feel young

[3boysmom]

I was raised to refer to adults as "Mr./Mrs" except for a few very close family friends. All of my friends parents were addressed only as "Mr. or Mrs." I have taught my kids to do the same - only a very few (3 couples) are called by first names. My kids friends all call me "Mrs._____" - except for the kids of the previously mentioned extremely close friends. I never really thought about it in terms of showing respect - what you call someone does not instill respect. I guess it's just a custom that I am comfortable with. I think of it more as good manners than "showing respect".

[DiaperDiva]

What about it is good manners?

[heartmama]

I'm with sleepies.

Ds calls people by their first name, unless the person introduces themselves as something else. Ds' acting teacher refers to herself as "Miss First Name" and in sports, it is usually "Coach First Name".

Other than that, if I call someone by their first name ds probably will too. It just seems really eccentric to go around giving everyone a title....

Heartmama

[heartmama]

DD I just saw your question. Manners change. If we visited a senior center I might expect the residents to ask ds to call them "Mr. or Mrs. so and so" or "autie so and so".

If we visit playgroup, ds would totally stand out calling the other moms "Miss". Nobody my age does that. And by "my age" I mean other moms in general. Personally, I am 27 and I can honestly say NO ONE in their twenties that I have met has EVER asked ds to call them anything but their first name.

[singermom]

I'm a Quaker, and as a general rule, we eschew titles, because we believe that we are all equal in the sight of God, and do not want to set people apart from each other. So I always introduce myself to children with my first name and encourage them to call me by that.

BUT, I remember vividly the embarrassment I felt when I was 10 or 12 and found out through a round-about way that my best friend's mother was VERY uncomfortable with my calling her by her first name--it had never occurred to me that this might be a problem for someone. So in order to spare my daughters that embarrassment, I try to err on the side of formality when I introduce an adult to them. If the adult is amenable, we all go with first names.

[Alegria]

I was raised in a religious community, Christian, and we had to call all adults by aunt or uncle except teachers mr, mrs. last name. But we were also afraid of adults. They all were aloud to smack and spank us.. Is it really respect when it is forced?


The idea of respect SHOULD be mutual. Why don't we respect children in this culture?

Although when I was a teacher I enjoyed being called "Teacher" or Mrs. Torres. It just seamed like I had finally arrived. But I don't like authority!

[DiaperDiva]

¡Abajo con autoridad!

[Alegria]

Abajo! Abajo! A bin bon ba!:LOL :LOL :LOL

[Lady of Z Lake]

I prefer first name myself, and that's what I prefer my children to call my friends/people I know. If I don't know them, I play it by ear and let them take the lead.

I agree wholeheartedly with those who say we all deserve respect, and that respect is something you do and show, not something earned through a "title."

It absolutely drives me BATTY around my neighborhood that my friends ask to be called Miss Andrea or Miss Amy... or whatever. I don't call them that!? Although, I will tell dd to call them whatever they wish to be called, out of respect for them

[DiaperDiva]

Mamatorres usted es demasiado divertido!

O debo decir a profesor Torres?

[Alegria]

prefiero "maestra, maestra...." "Me esta mirando, dile que no me mira"

[carmen veranda]

Mrs. -my last name here- is my ex-husbands mom. When kids call me that, I always look around for a second, before I realize they are talking to me!!! Just Deirdre, please.

[Britt]

My kids call people what they prefer to be called. Among our friends, that's first names.

Nothing offends me more than when a parent trys to insist that their child call me Mrs. x, especially as I would never chose the prefix *Mrs.*! I prefer to be called Brittany.

Respect, in our family, is about treating people in a way that takes their preferences into account. Personally I find Mr., Ms. and Mrs. both authoritarian and artificial. We're raising our children to be respectful of people, the environment, and their part in the world. Mandating social hierarchy through the general use of titles doesn't seem essential or even particularly useful, in fact I think titles artificially increase the distance between people. Of course, some people prefer the greater distance and generalized title, and I am always happy to accommodate them.

(Here in Sweden the doctors introduce themselves by their first names, and that's what we call them. It's stunning how much this lessens the gap between doctor and patient, and increases the say patients have in their own care.)

[pcjen]

new choice please

I would vote for "whatever the person wants to be called." I always ask the person what they wish to be called when I am introducing my kids to a new adult. But then again, that does not always work! Sometimes the mom will say, "Have them call me whatever you want them to call me." Then its really hard to decide. I try to remember to let kids know they should address me by my first name. But some kids (even kids of my close friends!) still call me Ms. First Name. Guess they are so used to it. That seems to be the going thing around here for library ladies, gym teachers, other authority figures.

I did not change my last name when I got married so I'm not a MRS. Anybody anyway. And as for MS. First Name...ick. I feel like I'm supervising the help on the plantation.

[lucina3]

I would also vote for "whatever they want to be called" I ask the person, and so far, aside from teachers at school everyone wants the girls to address them by their first name.

It's funny because I always called my friend's parents Mr & Mrs ____ and now we're all adults and they keep saying "Call me by my first name" and I just can't seem to do it! :LOL