How should kids address adults? - Page 2

[levar]

I had trouble voting. Drives me NUTS when my friend's kids are told to call me "Miss Sandie" since #1 I am married and #2 my LAST name is LeVar not Sandie?!? Sandie or Mrs LeVar or Ma'am are fine.

I think first names for friends/family is aok. I think if introduced as "first name" that is aok too for anyone. I think if you are using Mr, Ms, Mrs you should use it correctly. And if you dont feel comfortable with the informal first name, or even formal last name, that Sir, Miss, or Ma'am is just fine. It also drives me NUTS when the neighbor teens call me "Hey Lady" ... as IF that is repectful?!?

I guess what ever is comfortable is best. My FIL is called "Dad" by his children, "Grandpa" by his grandchildren, and "Dick" by his ex-wife. I am the only non-blood relative and I called him "Mr LeVar" or "Sir" for the first 10 years of our aquaintance and only in the last few months have I occasionally called him "Richard" in conversation with family friends. After hearing my MIL call him "Dick" with inflection, there is NO way I can. This is a perfect example to me of "polite" but what ever makes everyone comfortable. I also only call my friend's parents Mr or Mrs or Sir or Ma'am too. Again, just doesnt seem right. When I was 13 or 30 regardless.

[YiddisheMama]

b'h

i think it depends who. certain people need to be given respect, not because they necessarily need it, but because of their position, for instance a rabbi. if he wasn't a rabbi, perhaps not, but the position of rabbi is a position that should be respected, so he should not be called by his first name, but rabbi so-and-so (whether it's his first or last doesn't matter...as long as it's prefaced with rabbi)...and teachers too should not be referred to by first name, etc...

but friends etc, we always called my parents friends by their first name.

[Christi]

When I was very little I can remember calling people by mr./ mrs. When We moved from Cleveland Oh to a amall town in Iowa I speciffically remember the adults asking us to use their first names. Maybe it just depends on where you live. My cousins still usr Mr/Mrs. Though our family isstrict about calling all of our aunts and uncles using aunt and uncle. A lot of my friends just use first names for their aunts and uncles. I am undecided about what I want ds to call our " Iowa Family" My mom's best friend always refers to her self as grandma patty. Or her grandchildren call my mom grandma Rosie. I just don't want to confuse ds with so many grandma's and grandpa's KWIM?

[meister31]

A couple months ago this came up amoung our group of friends with children---they insisted that their ds address EVERYONE by their formal title Mr and Mrs etc-----Dh and I dont believe that just b/c a title is used respect is given--not only do our friends insist that ds call us Mr and Mrs but they insist the poor kid kiss and hug everyone in the house goodbye when they leave--even people he just meet its insane.

[Irishmommy]

I voted the first option, but my kids do call my close friends by their first name. However, I have some older neighbours that I call by their first name that my kids use Mr. and Mrs. to. It all depends on the relationships, etc.

[Tani]

I usually err on the side of formality and then let the adult in question decide. 9 times out of 10 they say to my (older) DD, "Oh, please just call me [first name]".

I don't think the use of titles is inherently authoritarian; I think it's just a mark of respect. Not that using first names is disrespectful, tho; it's not.

When I was a kid, very close family friends were "aunt" and "uncle". For me, that was a way to show our affection for them -- that they were like family to us.

[lilyka]

I always introduce my children to people by saying Mr. and Mrs. i know people will say "Just call me Jane" if that is thier preference but If I introduced them as jane they wouldn't be as likely to say "oh please call me Mrs. Smith" This way we err on the side of formality and let them choose. We live in the midwest and i don't think there is s ingle person who goes by mr. or Mrs. but when we go home to Texas everyone is mr. and Mrs. And I just like little formality in my life

we have a few honoraryAunties and Uncles and grandmas and grandpas but noone who I don't consider as close as a sister or parent.

And i hate Miss jane. Drives me crazy./ when my first one was a year or two it seemed like a good idea but now it just seems lame. I should just teach them right from the begining. Except fpr MissDiana.. She always gets to be MissDiana.

[journeymom]

Well hmm. When I started volunteering in my dd's 1st grade class, the teacher referred to me and all the other volunteer moms as Miss "firstname", and it stuck. A core group of us parents from that class developed into friends and all the kids refer to the adults as Miss firstname and Mr. firstname. I like it, it's kinda cute. And I admit, it bothers me when little kids call me by my first name.

Here's what it comes down to for me. Yes children are deserving of as much respect as adults are, but they are not

the same as adults.

I have my kids refer to their aunts and uncles as Aunt or Uncle. For the same reason as above, and also because I love being an aunt! I was 12 years old when my first nephew was born and just got a huge kick from thinking of myself as Aunt "Iris". It's an honor for me to be an aunt so I really like it when my nieces and nephews call me that.

Adult family friends...my kids refer to them by their first names. I suppose that's an inconsistancy, but whatever!! :

[whateverdidiwants]

I grew up calling all adults by their first names(except teachers, who were called Mr or mrs Lastname). I HATE being called Miss Firstname, it's like nails on the blackboard for me. I had never even heard of that custom until I dated a guy from Indiana, who would call me that as a term of endearment. shudder

Even now as an adult I find it very very difficult to refer to people using titles. At my job NOBODY uses titles, not even the CEO. IMO, it makes people seem much more approachable to call them by their first name, which is a *good* thing. Maybe it's just me, but I was always intimidated by people who were called by titles, which is not something I want to instill in my dd.

[Mallory]

We just use first names.

I even used to teach at a private school that everyone went by thier first names, even the principal and owner.

I also use what ever my doctor uses. Since it seems to be the only place I regularly run into someone who uses a title (and I think the last time we were at the doctor was in 2001?!?). I had a great doctor in Kansas who we called Ron, and he called me Mallory, but otherwise if they want to be called Dr.___ I insist on Mrs. Prue too.

[grumo]

I am surprised by how many people err on the side of formality. I see Titles as reducing the status of children. I think they deserve as much respect as adults, and if someone wants dd to call them by a title, then I'd expect them to confer the same on her.

I absolutely do NOT like to be called Mrs Kline. That is NOT my name.

Though, we do call aunts and uncles as aunt so and so and uncles whose his name, but I don't see those as titles, rather identifying terms. We also use dr, and at the preschool I work closely with we call the teacher Teacher Amy (the kids came up with that).

[LavenderMae]

We use first names. I don't agree that an adult deserves a special title from a child just because they are older, that doesn't sit right with me at all.

[mom at home]

I always introduce people to my kids using their first name. That is what I am comfortable with. What really bugs me is that so many parents don't bother to tell their child the name of a teacher and the kids call them "teacher". I always ask my kids to use their name. I guess if someone introduced themself to my child as Mr/Mrs/Dr. that would be fine, but it's only ever happened at the doctor and at my dd's public school. No one else has ever introduced themselves otherwise and if they don't specify, I use the first name.

I wish docs did that here, Britt. It would help all concerned to not put them on such a pedestal.

Alison

[Britt]

Alison, it really does make such a difference! When my son had just had emergency surgery on his testicle, his surgeon came in, smiled at us and shook hands with my son. "Hi, I'm Bengt," he said, then sat at eye level with ds and answered all his questions. Ds felt so safe and respected. We've had this sort of experience with almost every doctor we've met here. I think the first-name thing is part of a larger model that rejects the idea that a doctor's knowledge makes them deserving of greater respect than their patients. Their knowledge means we take them seriously, but the fact that they take *us* seriously increases our trust in them.

Mallory, sounds like a cool school. First names is one of the reasons we chose Montessori for our kids.