It is so sad ...venting....

[Solange]

I just cannot handle being around my extended family.
Is it so awful of me?

My sil treats my nephew like he is such a big pain and tells him things like "c'mon give me a break" and "you are being such a brat" and is so blatenly(sp) open about the fact that she will never have another b/c the one she has has been such a bad experience.(I am not kidding-she says this everytime someone asks if they (she and my brother)will have another).

She pushes him to anyone that will watch him so she can go to work or go get her nails done and once when he was ill with a fever and very sick-she was upset b/c she could not find anyone to care for him so she could go to a wedding dinner party.
All he does is follow her around begging her to pick him up and she is just so cold sometimes it breaks my heart.(he will be 2 in 2 months). She even tryed to pry him off her tonight to give him to a relative to hold and he freaked out so bad she took him back and was just disgusted he would not go to this person you just wanted to walk up and smack her...
Anything and everything he does is such an inconvience to her and she never sees things through his eyes it is always all about her and how he kept her up all night or how embarrassed she was b/c he threw a tantrum in the store..ect..
I am just so sick of it.
I am just tired of seeing so many people pushing their little ones away into *independence*...pleeaassse..will it ever stop?

I wish I could just detach myself but it is just so hard.....
what can you do.......
thanks for listening.....

[Alegria]

poor baby That's horrible! Don't you just feal like taking him away and raising him yourself?

[Alegria]

Could you ever ask her sincerely why she is so bothered by him. Did she have a sh**ty childhood? And he reminds here of that? Maybe she has shoved her own pain deep inside. But maybe if it was brought to her attention that that's how it looks to other people she might think about it. She probably wouldn't like you saying anything though. Even if it was done in a loving way.

It's too bad parenting classes aren't required!!!

[kater07]

I am in tears for her little boy. I can't imagine!

Some people do NOT deserve the blessings they are given. I hope that you are able to love him and show him that there is truly love in the world. I am so sorry that you have to watch that. It must break your heart.

I wonder if she's breaking her mother's heart too! I mean, if my mom saw me treat my son that way, she'd be devestated.

I love my little man sooooo much and it breaks my heart that your nephew doesn't know what it feels like to have his mommy adore him like he hung the moon and stars himself.

Next time you see him, please hug him for me. Hug him long and strong and tell him out loud that you love him very very much!

Brightest Blessings!

[ColoradoMama]

What a sad story. That poor little boy. It's got to be incredibly frustrating for you to watch. Just remember that little boy will really appreciate lots of love and attention for you when you are around. He's probably starved for love. I agree with the suggestion to sit down with her and ask her what's going on. Maybe if you sit down with her, and you are not judgmental with her (THAT one will be tough!), maybe she'll open up to you. Maybe she would be willing to read a book that you recommend such as "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk." Good luck.

[Piglet68]

My heart goes out to that poor little boy. I don't think your SIL is trying to "make him independent", however. I think this is one of those examples of people who simply don't give children enough credit for hearing what is being said about them, and understanding situations. It amazes me how many times I hear parents saying things in front of their children as if those kids couldn't hear or understand. They do, they are like little sponges that soak up everything. So I think your SIL is just "venting" but is so busy being selfish about HER feelings and trying to get sympathy and attention and pity from everyone, that she is ignoring the effect this is having on her son. It is very sad, and it would be nice if you could talk to her about it but geez, what can you say to not make her feel defensive and guilty? I'm betting she would never listen anyway.

Hopefully, you can give your nephew lots of extra love and attention. But of course it will never be the same as mama's love, and that is very sad.

[mamasan]

I'm in tears as i'm typing this.What a sad story!
My boy is same age with your nephew, I can't imagine....

[Solange]

You know you guys are right at all levels -I wish I could talk to her but she would get defensive and my brother would get mad too.
My dh and I do hug and love him so much whenever we get the chance he just gravitates to us if he is not having a bad case of seperation anxiety like he was last night.

....and you know her mother and her were watching vidoes of my nephew when he was born and her mother said "see-don't you just miss those baby days..."and my brother and sil told her the same story-"are you kidding !?!-not at all and there will never be another one and if you keep saying things like that you can leave....." They also proudly told this story last night to a table full of family.

You just hope and pray that maybe something will change....

[Alegria]

I wish that boy could be adopted.

I am not suggesting this but I would be so tempted to say "Since you hate it so much why don't you give him to someone who could give him the love and affection he deserves. and than you wouldn't have to be bothered anymore?"

I feel so mean writing that but, this womans attitude makes me so mad and sad for that inoccent baby. I have a neighbor who does nothing but scold and shame her two year old. It really gets to me. I always want to say something but she's totally anapproachable. Almost scares me she is so mean. Must be full of anger that has nothing to do with the child.

[Kat20]

The way that the SIL and the neighbor are behaving with their children does not surprise me. Why? A few years ago, I read about a survey that Ann Landers conducted about parenting. About 70% said that if they could do it over, they would not do parenting again.

[mirlee]

This is so sad to hear. Some people don't realize that being a parent is an all the time job and not a "when it is convinient for me" job.

I have a little guy who would really love to have a younger brother. He told me yesterday that he would even share his Hot Wheels and his room.

I guess the best thing you can do is spend as much time with him as you can. He needs to know that there are people who love him and want to hold him. I get the feeling that he may be lonely. Maybe see if he wants to spend the weekend at your house. Your sil I am sure doesn't realize the harm she is doing to this little guy by pushing him away all the time. What does your brother do? Why isn't he cuddling the boy?

[Solange]

Miralee
You know this is the whole issue....When it is just my brother and my nephew...my nephew is a differnt child. My brother does hug and love him and play with him and make him feel important. It is just when my sil is around that he(my brother and nephew) is soo out of sorts b/c he is just trying everything to get some positive, or negative for that matter, attention from her.
I wish you guys could just witness it ....it is just heartbreaking and I am not blowing things out of porportion here.

My brother cannot say anything to her b/c she *rules* the house b/c it is and always has been her way or the highway b/c it is all about her 24/7.

I haved tried to approach my brother on this issue and he got really p.o.'ed and so I have kept my mouth shut since.

We used to watch our nephew once a week but since they moved away from our area, sil won't make the drive to bring him to our home while she works...

[momatheart23]

My heart goes out to that little boy. All I can say is at least your brother is a good father and he has you. Because even though he is going to have a lot of "issues" because of his mother, the influence of people who give him unconditional love and let him know he is a special important person will make a difference. My nephew is 7 now, and his mother is a seriously messed up person. His dad my brother in law, is not that great either. A few times we almost had enough evidence on her to get him taken away from her it was that bad. But as the years have gone by I have wathced him grow into a wonderful kid. I know it is because of the love he gets from his extended family. He spends every weekend with his grandma or us, so even though I know that kid goes through s%$t at home, he is emerging wonderfully. Now he acts horribly if his mother is watching him, but with us he is great. I am sure the reason your sister in law is the way she is, is because of severe emotional issues. A quote I read said "The presence of children-the joy and energy- is threatening to those who hate life. ...the love of children is threatening to those who do not love themselves," Becker, Protecting the Gift.
So I know it is disheartening, but with the love of others, your nephew will still know what love is.

[Solange]

A quote I read said "The presence of children-the joy and energy- is threatening to those who hate life. ...the love of children is threatening to those who do not love themselves," Becker, Protecting the Gift.
So I know it is disheartening, but with the love of others, your nephew will still know what love is.
Thank you Brianna
That was beautiful....

[HotMama]

Originally posted by mamitorres
I wish that boy could be adopted.

My thoughts exactly. WTF?? That is abuse and I am crying for that little boy. At least they won't have more...what possessed them to have this one??