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Sad conversation with a little girl  

post #1 of 25
4/14/06 at 12:21pm
Thread Starter 
I went to visit a good friend yesterday. She is much more mainstream than I, but she is fun and kind and easy to be with, kwim?

I brought my 1.5 year old and my nursing 2 month old.

When the baby nursed, her five and three year old were all over me, "What is that? What are you doing?" And then from the five year old "EW, GROSS! "

Their mother bottle fed both of them, so I couldn't exactly say, 'no, this is MUCH better than formula!", but I was trying to explain nicely. The little girl said, "How does the milk get IN there?"

So I said, "When the babies are born, God puts their milk in their mommies."

I then added, "When you have babies, God will give you milk for them too."

The little girl made a disgusted face and said, "EW! No! I will give my babies bottles...that is what they are for." :

I couldn't really say anything more...I didn't want to hurt my friend's feelings or upset the little girl. What would you have done?
post #2 of 25
4/14/06 at 12:41pm
How sad! The only thing I would add is to say, " I really love feeding my baby this way and she loves it too!" Obviously, this little girl has absorbed her mother's negative feelings about breastfeeding and your positive feelings about it might be something she ponders later.
post #3 of 25
4/14/06 at 12:42pm
Well, I'm very careful to not tell kids "when you're older you'll know better", but I might have said something along the lines of "when you're a mommy you'll be able to think very carefully about it and decide what's best for your baby."

Doesn't diss the other mother's choice (she made a choice, even if you don't agree with it) and it reinforces the idea for the little girl that she too will be able to make choices.

It might, just might, make her a little more inclined to do her research when the time comes, instead of just listening to her mother.
post #4 of 25
4/14/06 at 12:49pm
Ow how horrible

I had to "deprogram" dd, she was bottlefed by dh.
It took a long time and she finally got it after 6 months of me bfeeding ds1
post #5 of 25
4/14/06 at 1:45pm
I’m so grateful that my cousins have been so sweet about BFing. They were all FF because they weren’t raised by their natural parents. Their 5-month-old cousin was only BF for a month or so (nipple confusion + surgery), but they’re always talking about Taylor nursing and how much he loves it. The mom of the 5m/o talks all the time about how much she loved nursing and she wished she could’ve done it more. The whole atmosphere there is very pro-nursing. I think I had a lot to do with that because I was the first nursing mom they knew. I would show them what he was doing and talk about my breasts making milk for him to drink.

I know it’s hard to encounter a negative attitude about BFing, especially in a child. I think it helps if we just behave very casually about it and portray it as something totally normal and expected. If we make a big deal about it, they might get weirded out.
post #6 of 25
4/14/06 at 1:46pm
poor kids.
post #7 of 25
4/14/06 at 2:29pm
Sigh... I daresay there's no way to gently, and separately from the children, discuss with your friend the fact that she should give her children the chance to decide for themselves how they are going to feed their children? If she argued "well, will you expose your kids to bottles?" you could sadly reply "I live in America, exposure to bottles happens all the time."
post #8 of 25
4/14/06 at 3:31pm
That is sad. I just love how my 4 YO DD "nurses" her stuffed animals & babies. I am so glad that she is able to have a younger sibling so that these things can be modled for her!!
post #9 of 25
4/14/06 at 3:44pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by rmzbm
That is sad. I just love how my 4 YO DD "nurses" her stuffed animals & babies. I am so glad that she is able to have a younger sibling so that these things can be modled for her!!
That's so funny! I have a very vivid memory of my grandmother getting very upset about me nursing a baby doll at the same age. My brother was a baby and I'd never seen bottles in my house. This was how to do it, in my experience. I think the whole problem in our society is little girls growing up to think feeding a bottle is the natural way. Fortunately I grew up seeing it in just the opposite way. My mom may get on my last nerve, but I owe her for giving me a good model of how to feed an infant.
post #10 of 25
4/14/06 at 4:32pm
Thread Starter 
When my son was born in 2004, my 90 year old Nana came to visit me.

Because she was so old, I thought she would be uncomfortable with me nursing, so I tried to nurse under a blanket. Matthew was having all kinds of latch issues and it wasn't working, he was crying and I was biting my lip in frustration when Nana said, "What are you doing with that baby under the blanket? Do you eat under a blanket? Take the darned blanket off his head!"

Nana. Not bad for a 90 year old woman who bottlefed both her adopted children.
post #11 of 25
4/14/06 at 4:54pm
If you think about it though even people who really try today may not be successful lactating for adopted children so odds are the only reason she didn't breastfeed is because her children were adopted. By the sound of it, she'd probably find it nifty that some women are able to produce milk to feed their adopted babies nowadays.
post #12 of 25
4/14/06 at 5:02pm
My only advice would be to continue saying positive things about breastfeeding, and not saying anything at all about bottlefeeding. My mother formula fed me, and all of my aunts formula fed their babies. So it was outside sources (family friends, people from church, teachers, etc) that led me to my decision to breastfeed. Good for you, for exposing these sheltered kiddos to a feeding method they may never have otherwise learned about as a future possibility.
post #13 of 25
4/14/06 at 5:09pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by KC in KS
Well, I'm very careful to not tell kids "when you're older you'll know better", but I might have said something along the lines of "when you're a mommy you'll be able to think very carefully about it and decide what's best for your baby."

Doesn't diss the other mother's choice (she made a choice, even if you don't agree with it) and it reinforces the idea for the little girl that she too will be able to make choices.

It might, just might, make her a little more inclined to do her research when the time comes, instead of just listening to her mother.
kcinks,

2nd that for sure.

Thank you.
post #14 of 25
4/14/06 at 5:14pm
Yes, I second giving it a positive spin without maligning ffing. You can just always say really positive things about bfing and then one day, when she's got a belly full of nine months worth of baby, she might just remember your words and they might change her life. You never know who you're going to touch or how long it will take, but it's always worth thinking about in that light.
post #15 of 25
4/14/06 at 6:26pm
Well, and that mom should really talk to her children about expressing themselves in a less rude way, even if it is how they feel. It was nice of you to worry about hurting your friend's feelings - but what about your feelings? She should be concerned about yours as well. It's unpleasant to have five year olds making disgusted noises just because they're seeing something different. Not kids I'd want to have over for dinner or sheesh, take to the mall.
post #16 of 25
4/14/06 at 6:47pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingspaghettimama
Well, and that mom should really talk to her children about expressing themselves in a less rude way, even if it is how they feel. It was nice of you to worry about hurting your friend's feelings - but what about your feelings? She should be concerned about yours as well. It's unpleasant to have five year olds making disgusted noises just because they're seeing something different. Not kids I'd want to have over for dinner or sheesh, take to the mall.
I decided to be the bigger person and not go there

I love her dearly, and her kids are cute and very gentle and sweet with my son, but by gosh...they are illbehaved
post #17 of 25
4/14/06 at 7:10pm
Actually, there's a good response to any obnoxiously rude anti-breastfeeder--at least the adults.

"Are you always so disrepectful of other people?"
"When you learn to present your opinions in a civilized manner, I'm more than willing to discuss them with you."
"You just said that out loud."
post #18 of 25
4/14/06 at 7:22pm
When my first son was born, my little brother was confused and uncomfortable about it. Now with my third, he doesn't bat an eye, and believes that's how all babies are fed (he was bottle fed but doesn't remember that, so I really think he believes he was also breastfed). In fact, that's what he was telling a friend of his, a little girl with a doll
post #19 of 25
4/14/06 at 7:26pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan
"You just said that out loud."
post #20 of 25
4/14/06 at 7:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joannarachel
"What are you doing with that baby under the blanket? Do you eat under a blanket? Take the darned blanket off his head!"
Joanna, your Nana is awesome!! Love that, LOL!!
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