How would you handle back talk from a 5yo?

[Moochie Mamma]

My 5yo boy has started to test backtalking to me to see how far he can go. How would you recommend handling it so that he knows it's not OK without being harsh? An example is this morning he was looking through his basket of colored paper for a certain color and all the papers ended up scattered all over the playroom floor. I asked him to make sure they were back in the basket before breakfast (I'm trying to be extra careful of what goes on the floor since baby is now scooting and trying to eat everything on the floor). His response "no, YOU do it". I then gave him the choice of cleaning it up himself or me cleaning it up and putting art supplies away for a day. His response: "then I'll just go to where you put them and get them back". I get snotty backtalk responses (accompanied by the facial expressions) several times a day- Help!

[LoveBeads]

This is where I employ Playful Parenting techniques. When DD speaks rudely to me, I make a spinning motion with my hands and say, "Wait! Rewind! Let's start again!" in a playful way. She then speaks to me in a more polite way. If she is still having trouble, I ask her if she wants to practice with me so that I can really hear what she is saying.

It is definitely a phase at that age and persistence and patience will win out. Just wait until the eye rolling begins - it should be any day!

I don't know if Cohen would actually approve of this technique but it always reminds me of something that he might do in a similar situation - teach a child something by making it fun instead of threatening.

[maya44]

Originally Posted by Moochie Mamma

My 5yo boy has started to test backtalking to me to see how far he can go. How would you recommend handling it so that he knows it's not OK without being harsh? An example is this morning he was looking through his basket of colored paper for a certain color and all the papers ended up scattered all over the playroom floor. I asked him to make sure they were back in the basket before breakfast (I'm trying to be extra careful of what goes on the floor since baby is now scooting and trying to eat everything on the floor). His response "no, YOU do it". I then gave him the choice of cleaning it up himself or me cleaning it up and putting art supplies away for a day. His response: "then I'll just go to where you put them and get them back". I get snotty backtalk responses (accompanied by the facial expressions) several times a day- Help!

First of all, I wouldn't have given him the choice you did. If I needed the art supplies put away right I would have repeated "I need you to put away the art supplies right now so that the baby can't get into them"

Then I would have done so myself when he refused.

After I would have said: "I put away the art supplies. They needed to be put away right away That was your job, not mine. Next time I expect you to do it."

I know this sounds like they are getting away with something, but you would be AMAZED that this is not how real children in the real world react.

Having the unmet expectation hanging over their heads is I have found WAY more powerful than any "consequence" like putting away the art supplies for the day.

Instead of getting to "pay" for their failure, the failure to meet the expecation remains. This is so much more powerful and so much more likely to create a true desire to do right the next time.

As for the rudeness I would ignore it right then. But I'd bring it up later. "You were rude to me today when I asked you to pick up the art supplies. I do not like that. I do not talk rudely to you and I expect the same from you."

[mamaduck]

I asked him to make sure they were back in the basket before breakfast (I'm trying to be extra careful of what goes on the floor since baby is now scooting and trying to eat everything on the floor). His response "no, YOU do it".

My response would have been, "If you want my help, you may ask for it."

I then gave him the choice of cleaning it up himself or me cleaning it up and putting art supplies away for a day. His response: "then I'll just go to where you put them and get them back".

This is a natural response to a threat, and the reason its helpful to find other methods. Not to say that I would not try this approach as a last resort. I have and I would. But not at this point in the conversation. It makes it a power struggle. Sort of a "How are you going to make me?" kind of scenerio. So I guess the trick is to avoid getting to this place by avoiding threats, or at least trying a lot of other approaches before getting to that place.

"You may do it alone or you may ask for my help."
"We can make a game of it. You pick up blues and I'll pick up reds."

Or I might have just picked up the papers, handed them to him, and said "Please try to keep these on the table so the baby doesn't get them."