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AARGH...family stuff (very long rant) - Page 11

post #201 of 208
Originally Posted by Victorian
personally, if someone insulted me so vastly (and to compare your breasts to playboy is insulting IMO), I would respond "see you when she weans".

OH. MY. GOD! if someone compared my lump, saggy, uneven, chewed on breasts to perfect playboy breasts i would stand up and kiss them while cheering "GOOOOOOOOOO BOOBIES!!!!"

seriously, if anyone could compare nursing my son to anything remotely sexual or erotic i would fall over in a faint. my boobs are so much more bovine then sexy, that would be the ultimate compliment.

i didn't read all the responses, but i would have to say, i wouldn't be visiting them until my kid was weaned! my brother, in all his ignorant and mean-spirited glory gave me shit exactly twice about nurisng my son... once in public and once in my own home... and i didn't speak to him again until my son was weaned. (i did invite him to dinner and to my son's first birthday party but he never showed) my life is too precious and my child's childhood is too short for me to waste my time with people who can't bother to give me the benefit of the doubt about what is best for my child. my MIL's boyfriend is as sheltered a middle aged man as you ever want to meet, he grew up in a tiny town in NY, went in the marines when he was 17, stayed there until he was in his 50's and then moved back to hs tiny town and now works for a car dealership. when my son was 4 weeks old we went out to dinner with them and i nursed my son thourgh the whole meal. he never looked at me once while i nursed my son, but he never said a word either... WHY? BECAUSE IT'S SOMETIMES POLITE TO NOT OPEN YOUR MOUTH!!!!!! i will never get past the fact that people will complain about NIP but allow someone to abuse their child in public... it just amazes me.

anyway, enough ranting... i didn't look ahead to see how easter went, but i hope you did what was right for your child and ignored your ignorant ILs.
post #202 of 208
Originally Posted by kidspiration
)Blessing in disguise? My optimistic side thinks so.
I think so, too! It turned out that way for me - we are much MUCH better without a poisonous relationship with my mother.

I'm going to cut and paste something I wrote on Gabysmom617's thread:

Please be aware that you (or more likely, your dh) may experience grief regarding the relationship with your family. I know I did. I grieved deeply for my mother. Then, through reading and counselling, I realized that the grief was for the mother I should have had, not the mother I DID have. I was grieving the loss of the relationship I wanted and needed, not the one I had with her. Am I making myself clear? Anyway, grief is part of the healing process. This, too, shall pass.

Michelle, I hope that you and your dh find peace in your lives once again. I know how hard this situation has been on you.
post #203 of 208
Originally Posted by kidspiration
He then goes on to criticize 'our generation' for throwing etiquette, traditional values and culture out the window. Say WHAT?
I haven't read everyone's response to your post, but this line always gets me. I think by our generation bringing AP, cd, organic farming, etc. that would make the older generations happy. I wonder, sometimes, if THEY are the ones who watch too much MTV.
post #204 of 208
Just wondering how things are going for your family lately, Kidspiration. DP and I are dealing with his family re: boundaries at the moment as well. Different specifics, but following your story and admiring your example has been such a great help to me.

Curious, and hoping things are looking up.
post #205 of 208
Thread Starter 
hey, secretresistance and everyone, thanks for checking in, i've been meaning to update this for a while, thanks for the reminder .

secretresistance...i am sorry that you're going through something similar, it is so hard to establish healthy boundaries with family. hugs to you, and thanks for the kind words.

the thing that keeps me going is that both dh and i are absolutely committed to setting a good example for our dd. recently, some of our family members have been making flippant comments to us along the lines of "what's the big deal, just go into the other room", "you're making a mountain out of a molehill" etc., especially since dd is "only" 6 months old. as if she's some amorphous blob that has no awareness. she is incredibly sensitive, as most babes are, to her environment and especially to the emotional states of dh and i.

fil and dh have been talking here and there, by phone and by email, although this is completely behind the back of smil, who has put herself in the role of martyr. surprise, surprise, huh? it's so manipulative, i don't exactly know how it is that she pulled it off but now she's the one that's SO hurt, SO angry and SO disappointed in US. it's almost comical. i've been reading this book called "emotional blackmail" by susan forward, and our eyes have been opened.

we have extended several olive branches, we even sent a kind but generic mother's day card to smil. no response, no acknowledgement. and dh is quite miffed that they didn't have the decency to send me a card for my first mother's day. i really don't care, as their true colors are coming to light and if they're going to think that they're punishing me by not sending a card then that's all right with me. it just continues to make them look petty and immature. all i really expect from others, family or otherwise, is the same respect that i afford everyone else. they haven't been respecting dh and i for some time now, and the breastfeeding issue was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. so except for the secret correspondence between dh and fil, we are presently incommunicado with them, and there is no resolution presently in sight.

we have also heard through the grapevine that i am being painted as a royal b!tch. fine by me, i really have gotten beyond caring what these cruel people think of me.

it just is so incredible to think about how rude people can be. how many of us here can say that they were questioned or asked to compromise their beliefs and philosophies in order to conform to other's notions of what is right or proper? becoming a mother has certainly toughened my skin for sure, and for that i am grateful. this experience has been an impetus for personal growth and reflection for both dh and i.

i believe it is the dalai lama that spoke of how we should love and be grateful for our enemies, as they are the ones that will help to light our paths to enlightenment and compassion. truer words were never spoken.
post #206 of 208
Originally Posted by kidspiration
i believe it is the dalai lama that spoke of how we should love and be grateful for our enemies, as they are the ones that will help to light our paths to enlightenment and compassion. truer words were never spoken.
wow. I have been following this from the beginning, and haven't fel t I had anything original to add, so hadn't posted anything, but this is the most beautiful way of thinking I think I have ever heard. And so relevant to my life regarding my own relationship with my ILs. I seriously teared up when I read it. Thank you.
post #207 of 208
Good for you, for keeping a positive spin on all of this.

The situation really sucks, but I'm so glad to see that you're not letting it get you down.

Stay strong!
post #208 of 208
I very much relate and am sending out good, peaceful vibes to you and your family.

Other's shameless tantrums never have anything to do with the people they direct them at. It's projection, and it can (and in your case, has) gotten pretty ugly.

Though I'm sure you already knew that, insightful and wise as you are.
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