ds LOVES guns - Page 2

[MamaMonica]

Before ds knew what a gun was, he made a "shooter" out of legos (that shoots bad people). I swear it is hard-wired. I was horrified and still am by some of the stuff he comes up.

He saw a gun in the case at the MUSEUM. I moved quickly past, but he picked up on them. That's how he learned about guns.

He's more into axes and chopping things (making axes out of his toys and even his toast) than guns but seems to need to make some sort of weapon.

[mamaverdi]

I don't think there are any tricks really, lunar forest. But I do think that you have to decide what is ok for you. And how to keep them safe: even in their heads. I think the idea that it is good v. evil is a very important step in development. Some grown ups still don't have that straightened out.

For me, I don't play guns but I will play swords or light sabers sometimes. My dh will play. And so will my boys' grandparents. But mommy doesn't. I just tell him it makes me sad. Too many people are dying everywhere, and I don't want to fake dying. But my son is 6.

Good luck.

mv

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by ToniaStarr

My oldest has had teh talk about if he ever finds one to not touch and ruin to tell a adult about it. That they are NOT safe to play with, that they can hurt people, etc...

I know you probably know this, but I have to respond to my own experience and ask you and everyone else to have this talk with your children early and very, very, very, often.

About 3 months ago, ds was at the house of an older friend whose parents are, shall we say, less than vigilant (against my wishes - he was visiting at his dad's house... but that's another story). He came home and told me that the boy has a "real gun" that his dad helps him shoot targets with in the back yard and that the boy pointed the gun at him and pulled the trigger "but it was okay because the safety was on."

I could have died on the spot.

We talk about guns frequently now - almost every day. We replay that experience over and over and over so he knows exactly what to do if he's ever in the presence of guns again. I thought he knew before, but kids are impressionable, especially when with a slighty older child.

Sorry for the OT.

boatbaby - I know that ds saw gun play on the playground, on some cartoons (even though I never allowed violent cartoons, it happens before you can catch it sometimes). Even before the guns, though, he was intrigued by weapons. He was crashing his toy cars together for ages before it occurred to him to use sticks as weapons. I don't think weapon play is, by itself, unhealthy. I think it's normal and a natural part of development for many (if not most) boys. It's just difficult for those of us who try like anything to exclude violence from our lives.

[Damien]

Ever since DS was about a year, pretty much when he could walk, he started picking up things and holding it like a gun, like they do on the Stargate show his mom used to watch during the day. There were times when you could see he was pretending to hide, then run around holding his gun, like he was pretending to hide from the Wraith (bad guys in Stargate). He's 2.5 y/o now and has progressed to making guns out of lego, very often larger guns that he holds against his shoulder.

We try not to get too upset about it - I've had to relax a good deal more than DW. We tend to only get involved in it if he starts pointing his "gun" at either us or our pets, which luckily isn't too much.

I'd prefer if he didn't but I do have to admit that it seems to be a very common thing for kids; heck I remember doing something similar as a kid, despite the fact that I didn't like guns (my dad once had me fire a low-calibre rifle, doing so scared the **** out of me) I would pretend to hold one on my belt, along with my tricorder, boomarang and other gadgets. I think part of it is the mimicry of role models - there tend to be a lot of strong male characters on TV that.. run around with guns..

[Fiercemama]

I see that a PP referred to Lawrence Cohen's book Playful Parenting. I agree with the author that there's a difference between a toy gun and a stick or Lego that becomes a gun. A toy gun is only ever a toy gun. The stick can be turned around to be a digging tool, a magic wand, whatever. The Lego too (unless its part of a Lego set that is some death station command post - Lego has disappointed me with some of its violent sets).

Kids learn through play. There are opportunities for your child to learn how and what to do with his aggressive feelings through play. This book can give you some good ideas for how to help your child through this, as well as how to handle things when your child wants to play at things that drive you nuts, be it guns, Barbie or playing "lion" for the 5 zillionth time.

[boatbaby]

I hope I don't start a firestorm by asking this --

For the mamas who have gun loving boys -- do your DS's watch TV? Are any of you TV-free households who have the gun issue?

I wonder how much of a connection there is? My DS is just about 2 years old, and does not know what a gun is so far... and we're completely TV free. Have I been just lucky so far or do you think the TV issue is linked?

[phathui5]

We do let the kids watch videos, but not regular TV.

[MamaMonica]

We're TV free and he still made the "shooter" out of legos when he had no clue that guns existed. He basically invented a gun.

[Montessorimom8]

If it makes you feel any better, we have this too - only with cigarettes. Trying to be a good mom, when ds, now 4 but then 2, I explained how horrible cigarettes were for you, they can make you sick, and on and on and on. Well, ds decided that he Wanted to like something I preached against to him, and he became fixated with cigarettes! He points one out whether someone is smoking one, one is on the ground, he points to ashtrays, and YES even rolled up bits of white paper and pretended he was smoking!!! Imagine my horror. So with all respect, maybe it is more of something you impressed upon him (guns) that he is more hepped up with trying to get a rise out of you that way? I since just ignore ds now when he talks about cigarettes, and it has helped tons. Maybe it is your reaction that he is going for in other words. Good luck!!!

[Montessorimom8]

Ihave to agree. Our ds is 4 and has never used a toy as a gun, nor anything
else as a weapon. Ever. He watches very limited tv, mosty video - and I'm talking videos like, "Coral Reef". He loves documentaries and he's 4! I don't know if he knows what a gun is. We do not allow him to have a squirt gun either, but I do give him a spray bottle for the pool to squirt water from. My question is that if the boys aren't exposed to this, how on earth do they know about them? Something is just amiss with this, please don't flame me, but for example if a child has never ever seen a tv set, would they pick up a box and try to turn it on like a tv set? No. Then why would they make guns out of toys if they had never seen them somewhere?

Originally Posted by boatbaby

I hope I don't start a firestorm by asking this --

For the mamas who have gun loving boys -- do your DS's watch TV? Are any of you TV-free households who have the gun issue?

I wonder how much of a connection there is? My DS is just about 2 years old, and does not know what a gun is so far... and we're completely TV free. Have I been just lucky so far or do you think the TV issue is linked?

[Brigianna]

[MamaMonica]

Good question. One thing my ds has seen is older boys running around at the park with sticks going "bang, bang." Maybe he picked up on that.

[lunar forest]

unfortunately, there is no good way to completely shelter children from the things we don't like, and the things that are bad. I'm sure that tv watching helps the gun-love along, but it is certainly not the only source from which guns are discovered. Like many a mama has said, it's an innate desire they have to explore violence, and the general "undesirable." I am not above believing that my exciting reaction to ds's guns (and what-not) has encouraged his fascination with them, along with the older boys down the street with the amazing nerf rocket launcher. I guess this is something that I (and everyone here) have to except, and ignore, and direct, and move on. Right?

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by Montessorimom8

My question is that if the boys aren't exposed to this, how on earth do they know about them? Something is just amiss with this, please don't flame me, but for example if a child has never ever seen a tv set, would they pick up a box and try to turn it on like a tv set? No. Then why would they make guns out of toys if they had never seen them somewhere?

Ds never watched violent TV early on - not until the gun play was well established and I lost control of his exposure because his dad and I separated. He did associate with other kids, though, and weapon/gun play is very prevalent on playgrounds. Unless you're keeping your child completely isolated or only exposing him to people who do exactly the same things you do, he's going to pick up on things you don't actively expose him to. Also, even if you don't, he may not make guns but he'll likely make weapons at some point (sticks to hit with, etc.). Weapons are tools and man by nature uses tools.

We have always hung out primarily with people who raise their children much the same way that I do. Still, weapon play happened, mostly amongst the boys but even with the girls a bit. The kids played beautifully together. There was no real fighting and more often than not they were all on the same team fighting imaginary bad guys.

I choose to see it as something natural, not as a negative. It seems to be something that ds and the other children need to work through. Eventually they come out the other side (which he appears to be doing now).

[mamapajama]

my ds (3 1/2) loves guns, swords, anything that shoots etc. He just creates them himself. drives me nuts. I don't know where he got it either. He asked me the other day why he isn't allowed to kill someone. Agh!!! I try not to make a big deal out of it, but it definitely bothers me.

[mum19]

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[*LoveBugMama*]

I have to agree with Dragonfly.

My son had no idea what a gun was until he was close to 3 years old. He had seen them plenty of times in toystores, but since he hadn`t ever seen anyone PLAY with them, he didn`t know what it was.

But, that changed as soon as we started to be aroudn other kids more often. Now, at almost 5 years old he definitively knows what a gun/weapon is. He is very fascinated with fighting and good guy/bad guy.

About a month ago he was allowed to buy a toygun for the very first time. I will not allow a gun that looks like the real thing, but he was allowed to buy one that looked like something from Star wars. Complete with cool sounds and a red light. Funny thing is, he doesn`t play with it at all. MAYBE once every week. It was fun for a day or two.


He is however completely hooked on playing good guy/bad guy. He wants me to pay with him all day long. If we are playing with his cars, one of them will be a thief. If we play with his dinosaurs, one wants to eat the other. If we are playing with Legos, he will build robots that can fight eachother.

It`s just play. He is a sweet, kind and loving little man. Extremely sensitive, and not at all violent. Very, very physical, but not in a violent way.