How do you know if a child is being molested?

[Isadora]

I have never posted here before. I'm hoping to get some help from moms who have kids around 8, preferably moms who have girls of this age.

I'm writing this for my sil, actually -it's for the little girl who lives across the street from her.

This is what happened. My sil took the little neighbor girl(let's call her Jane) and her brother to her ds's baseball game. Sil's dd and Jane are good friends so she often invites these kids to go places with them. During the game, sil and the kids were sitting on the bleachers, sil at some point asked Jane about their families recent vacation. It was a car trip, she asked how the road trip went. Jane replied that it was ok, that they played some games. Games like "what would you rather do..." Sil said she'd never heard of that game before. Jane said, "Oh, you know like my dad would ask, 'would you rather smell my fee or lick your mom's bloody underwear.' You know, stuff like that." Some people sitting in front of them on the bleachers turned around and looked at them.

After the game the kids came back to my sil's house to play, but at some point Jane's brother went home and then reappeared and told Jane that she was in trouble and grounded. Sil found out from Jane's brother that it was because she told her about the "What would you rather do game." She wasn't supposed to say anything I guess.

This isn't the only weird incident. There was another situation a year ago, also involving Jane. Jane was caught playing doctor with 2 other girls. One of the girls was my niece. Jane told them that she wanted them to kiss and lick her private area and wanted them to say that the "white stuff tastes good."

Sil has described her as very curious about sex. She talks about boys and looking good for boys all the time. This may be normal, I just don't know, my dd is only 2.

After sil told me about these things I was really disturbed. I've talked to a couple people about it and one agrees with me that it's really creepy. My sil is not sure, she thinks it's strange that the dad would say the thing about the bloody undies but doesn't know it it means she being abused.

Please help. Any insight?

[Bartock]

You may want to look into it!!!!

[cobluegirl]

I would say that yes it sounds like she is being abused. The fact that she got grounded for telling about the game is a good indicator too. I would suggest that your sil read "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin deBecker. Very good and well informed read.

that poor child.

[Isadora]

I am going to talk to my sil about this tomorow. I just learned about this situation. I feel awful, I've only seen this child once, -perhaps a year ago. My sil lives in a different state and I see her once or twice a year, -she's had the most contact with the child. I feel like she should call cps, the problem is I don't know if she will.

[sapphire_chan]

This child needs a good therapist, but fast and a good therapist will be able to figure out whether there is abuse.

The story about the game could have been a lie. But the fact that she came up with a story like that shows she needs help.

I don't see how an 8-year old can get into that level of sex-game without being exposed to something disturbing, but maybe she just snuck out of bed while her parents were GIO or watching porn. Again, since she's acting out, she needs help.

The simplest explanation is abuse, however. While there could be coincidental and innocent reasons for her saying the stuff she does, that's pretty unlikely.

[AutumnMama]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

This child needs a good therapist, but fast and a good therapist will be able to figure out whether there is abuse.

The story about the game could have been a lie. But the fact that she came up with a story like that shows she needs help.

I don't see how an 8-year old can get into that level of sex-game without being exposed to something disturbing, but maybe she just snuck out of bed while her parents were GIO or watching porn. Again, since she's acting out, she needs help.

The simplest explanation is abuse, however. While there could be coincidental and innocent reasons for her saying the stuff she does, that's pretty unlikely.

I agree.

That sounds pretty scary to me

[Bartock]

Yes PLEASE look in to this ASAP!!!! Unless her parents have a ton of screws loose, there is no way someone would talk to a child like this unless there was some kind of abuse going on. I was molested when I was a kid and I feel she is being molested!! Someone needs to help this girl now, not wait at all.

[Bartock]

Originally Posted by Isadora

I am going to talk to my sil about this tomorow. I just learned about this situation. I feel awful, I've only seen this child once, -perhaps a year ago. My sil lives in a different state and I see her once or twice a year, -she's had the most contact with the child. I feel like she should call cps, the problem is I don't know if she will.

Just had to add, if your sil does not call the cops, you should!!! I know it might be considered sticking you nose where it does not belong in some peoples books, but who cares this girl needs help. I wish someone would of helped me when I told them(including my mom) but no one did till I was 15 and got kicked out. I wish myself I could help her.

[ryleeee]

oh my goodness, that is vile.
i would be on the phone with CPS right now.

[oldermamato5]

I don't believe it is common for a little girl of 8 to talk or make up something like this unless there was *something* going on. Now what that something is who knows? I have an 8 yr. old dd and she wouldn't even begin to understand any of the comments this girl made. Please do the right thing and contact CPS for this little girl.

[Isadora]

Originally Posted by oldermamato5

I don't believe it is common for a little girl of 8 to talk or make up something like this unless there was *something* going on. Now what that something is who knows? I have an 8 yr. old dd and she wouldn't even begin to understand any of the comments this girl made. Please do the right thing and contact CPS for this little girl.

CPS has already been involved, they did 2 investigations. One last year and there was a follow-up. They determined there was no abuse. My sil said cps interviewed Jane and her parents as well as their other kids. They even interviewed neighbors, including my sil.

I have a few questions:
Can you remain anonymous if you make a call to cps or will they divulge your name to the family? Also, in order to make a claim against a family do I have to have been a witness to these things? I only say this b/c everything I know is all 2nd hand, I've never actually even talked to the little girl, -let alone her parents. I don't even know the parents names. Will my claim be credible if I'm recalling not my own memory -but someone else's?

[papayapetunia]

You can be anonymous. But call to follow up and make sure they do an investigation. "The white stuff tastes good"? Um, yeah, something has been done to that poor girl. I have a 7yo girl. If she said something like that, I would KNOW something was up.

[oliversmum2000]

this really doesnt sound normal to me

[luckylady]

read this: http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/arti...or/sexdev.html

It does not sound like healthy childhood sexuality to me. She needs some help. Poor little girl.

[L&IsMama]

Ugh,I feel sick.That doesn't sound normal by any means. I hope this gest solved quickly. That poor kid.

[em&namama]

Yes you can definitely make an anonymous call and they are not supposed to divulge any information. Regardless of whether it is first-hand or second-hand I believe it is documented. You can simply say that the person who told you these things is someone very close to you who is very bothered by these things but is afraid to get involved. Ideally they will investigate it properly and if it is happening...take her out of the situation. At worst at least when another person calls there will be evidence that something is going on and concerning multiple people. Lastly I believe that you can't control what they do with your call but at least you did your part to help her and that's all you can do. You may be the voice that saves her from a horrible situation or the only voice.

[Isadora]

CPS has been called.

[ChristaN]

I am taking your last post to mean that you called them. Please do let us know what happens. I would be very worried if my 7.5 y/o dd was doing anything remotely like what you have described here. I hope that CPS takes the issue seriously and finds out what is going on there.

[Isadora]

Update

My MIL was the one that called CPS back in April. My SIL told me CPS did an investigation and determined that there was nothing was wrong in the household. She lives across the street from this little girl and actually saw the case worker arrive at the home. The mother of this little girl (Jane) told my SIL that her kids were pulled from their classes at school and questioned. She told my SIL that the case worker could not find any evidence of abuse. She's expecting another child this winter and they are moving to different state. It's really sad and strange, I still think someone did something to this little girl.

[em&namama]

It is sad All the things in the OP were not normal, imo. Yes kids play doctors but to talk about the white stuff tasting good...that's really creepy.

I don't know how the investigation process works but I mean could it be that the girl lied to protect her parents? Granted social workers are usually trained to recognize this but it probably isn't full-proof. Bravo to you and your in-laws for doing something. Hopefully if something is going on someone else like you will notice it as well and maybe the next time it will have a different ending. Why anyone would want to hurt a child is beyond me...I can't even comprehend it.